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Quick Q re: phone script - need synonym for "no risk"

by Steve Foulds
7 replies
I'm writing some sales copy for a fitness company, their demographic target on the opt-in page may be nervous, intimidated by face to face meetings, I need some words that basically "relax, its just a phone call, we're here to help".

Here's what I have so far:

"For a FREE informal phone consultation to plan the transformation of your body in the next 12 weeks, GUARANTEED, fill out your details below and one of our freindly body transformation experts will call you back in the next 24 hours" (Too wordy?)
#no risk #phone #quick #script #synonym
  • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
    Originally Posted by Steve Foulds View Post

    I'm writing some sales copy for a fitness company, their demographic target on the opt-in page may be nervous, intimidated by face to face meetings, I need some words that basically "relax, its just a phone call, we're here to help".

    Here's what I have so far:

    "For a FREE informal phone consultation to plan the transformation of your body in the next 12 weeks, GUARANTEED, fill out your details below and one of our freindly body transformation experts will call you back in the next 24 hours" (Too wordy?)
    i have to be honest with you

    "relax, its just a phone call, we're here to help".

    sounds appealing to me. cant you just say that, or do you have to be 100% professional sounding?
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    • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
      So it is more of a 'relax about us calling you' statement you want rather than a synonym for 'risk'

      I often use the phrase 'I don't bite'

      I would also allay fear by asking them to state a time for the call to happen AND indicate it's length, because they would feel in control which lowers anxiety.

      So this is just an example: (I'm sure Copywriting sub forum would be of use )

      For a free, no pressure, informal chat on how we can help you transform your body just fill in the box below with your name and number and a good time for us to call you.

      Call will last approx 10 minutes. Don't worry, we don't bite. Promise.

      Dan

      PS: Like I said Copywriting section may have something more snazzy for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author EnzoBlaque
    Your on the money with what you already have. Doesn't seem intimidating at all.

    Here's what I'd use

    "For a friendly one to one phone consultation to plan the transformation of your body within 12 weeks, GURANTEED, fill out your details below and we'll have a member of our team call you back within the next 24 hours."

    Same lines, just a few adjustments to make it sound more personal.


    Originally Posted by Steve Foulds View Post

    I'm writing some sales copy for a fitness company, their demographic target on the opt-in page may be nervous, intimidated by face to face meetings, I need some words that basically "relax, its just a phone call, we're here to help".

    Here's what I have so far:


    "For a FREE informal phone consultation to plan the transformation of your body in the next 12 weeks, GUARANTEED, fill out your details below and one of our freindly body transformation experts will call you back in the next 24 hours" (Too wordy?)
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve Foulds
    Thanks Warriors, I really appreciate it!

    Jimbo - I wasnt sure where to put it... it IS copy, but its for an offline outcome *shrugs
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    Click here to learn the #1 secret to making money in the fitness industry:
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    • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
      Originally Posted by Steve Foulds View Post

      Thanks Warriors, I really appreciate it!

      Jimbo - I wasnt sure where to put it... it IS copy, but its for an offline outcome *shrugs
      I don't think that matters too much Steve.

      If they are all as good as they claim they shouldn't have a problem giving you a 1 or 2 liner.

      I would just post there if I was you and see what happens. Some of them are helpful, it is when people ask for full sales page critiques they sometimes get on their high horse.

      Dan

      PS: One of them whose name is shawnlebrun (?) seems to write detailed things for people and he worked in the fitness industry I think I read in one of his posts.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve Foulds
    I shall hunt him down, cheers!
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    Click here to learn the #1 secret to making money in the fitness industry:
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  • Profile picture of the author John Durham
    When writing a pitch be sure you read it out loud to some one here and there. Its not just about making the point, its about the words rolling off of your tongue in a relaxed way as ken states, be careful to check how it rings when you SAY it here and there, or else you can go crazy writing on paper and come out with a bunch of bunched up consonants that dont roll of the tongue easily.
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