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Can this copy convert?? Help please

by apollion
13 replies
Hi warriors,

Í´m focussing on selling some of my .com domains to likely customers these days.

I google for businessowner who match my domain catagories and send themthis email:

Subject: Your Domain xxxxxxx.com (Guess they´ll open this more likely than if it was my domain in the subject ??)

Body:

Dear Sir or Mme,

my name is Mike Engelmann and today I would like to offer you the Domain yyyyyyy.com, which we own as a perfect addition to your great Domain xxxxxxx.com.

This is a two-term generic domainname which gives you a couple of advantages:

-Increase your visibility on the web by giving customers more ways to find you.

-Try new advertising channels by using a second domain.

-A domain that is custom-tailored to your local business and easy to remember makes you stay ahead of competition.

We are looking to sell this domain in order to concentrate on other ventures.

For a domain like yyyyyyy.com we could easily ask 1,000 $ or more, but in times of the crisis we made it very affordable.

If you are interested in purchasing this domain, it can be purchased at Godaddy.com (price includes Godaddy´s Domain Transfer Service to protect both parties) by clicking on the link below:

https://auctions.godaddy.com/trpItem...aspx?yyyyyyyyy

The domain remains available on a non-exclusive first-come, first-purchased basis. We reserve the right to adjust pricing and availability.

How would 10, 20, or more NEW customers a month transform your business?

Best regards,






What do you say? What can be approved?

Thank you in advance!!

Mike
#convert #copy
  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    I'd say it completely deals with the domain in question...

    Without that info I can't help. IF it's a domain that's rare/keyword rich/already has traffic or is otherwise valuable, then you need to mention all of that stuff in your pitch.

    -Scott
    Signature

    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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    • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
      Blah. It'll go in the trash.

      You need to make an offer that grabs 'em right in the first sentence.

      This is a solicitation letter. Most business owners totally
      ignore them.

      Start more with something like "What if I could show you
      a way to easily double search engine visibility for your business?"

      That's not particularly good - it just came to mind.

      Is this direct mail?

      One letter won't do it. You need to plan multiple points of
      contact - 3 letters is the minimum. You can make a lot
      of money with direct mail if you get the details right.

      You can contact me if you want a whole campaign to get these
      prospects's attention.
      Signature
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      • Profile picture of the author apollion
        Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

        Blah. It'll go in the trash.

        You need to make an offer that grabs 'em right in the first sentence.

        This is a solicitation letter. Most business owners totally
        ignore them.

        Start more with something like "What if I could show you
        a way to easily double search engine visibility for your business?"

        That's not particularly good - it just came to mind.

        Is this direct mail?

        One letter won't do it. You need to plan multiple points of
        contact - 3 letters is the minimum. You can make a lot
        of money with direct mail if you get the details right.

        You can contact me if you want a whole campaign to get these
        prospects's attention.
        Loren, guess what...the domain expert I learn from uses a far easier text, no urging, not telling advantages...just a plain info and a link...and makes 1 deal out of ten emails.

        Thanks for your thoughts anyway...but the problem is that I cannot send them multiple mails I guess, I just extract adresses from their websites and go ahead...I am lucky enough noone accused me of spamming so far...:-(
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    • Profile picture of the author apollion
      Originally Posted by scottspfd82 View Post

      I'd say it completely deals with the domain in question...

      Without that info I can't help. IF it's a domain that's rare/keyword rich/already has traffic or is otherwise valuable, then you need to mention all of that stuff in your pitch.

      -Scott
      Hey Scott, it´s a LLLLLLL .com pretty generic and location and business targeted. It had been registered long time ago, but some fool forgot to renew it..guess, thats not the problem.

      Thanx for sharing your thoughts!

      Mike
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  • Profile picture of the author activetrader
    It is likely that you will be flagged as spam if you send something like this. You better off posting your ad on a special board dedicated to this kind of thing. I'd be infuriated if someone I've never heard about sent me unsolicited e-mail offering me to buy something.
    Signature

    Me

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    • Profile picture of the author redfc
      Originally Posted by activetrader View Post

      It is likely that you will be flagged as spam if you send something like this. You better off posting your ad on a special board dedicated to this kind of thing. I'd be infuriated if someone I've never heard about sent me unsolicited e-mail offering me to buy something.
      I agree with activetrader, if I receive mail like this, I would trash it. I consider this as spam. :rolleyes:

      If you really want to go ahead with this approach, I suggest include a photos of yourself in the mail and changing word from "we" to "i" to give a more personal feel.

      Try add in more compelling reasons why should they consider your offers.

      nice day.

      cheers
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    • Profile picture of the author apollion
      Originally Posted by activetrader View Post

      It is likely that you will be flagged as spam if you send something like this. You better off posting your ad on a special board dedicated to this kind of thing. I'd be infuriated if someone I've never heard about sent me unsolicited e-mail offering me to buy something.
      Hi activetrader,

      I know and I feel bad about emailing them...but that´s the advice I got from M.K.

      He´s doing it that way since ever and sells good.

      I tried to post on "businesses for sale" boards aswell, thats really a good place as I´m only selling targeted business and location domainnames.

      Thanx for your thoughts!
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    You can put a dollar clipped to the top of the letter -
    it's called a "grabber" and it will get your letter looked at.

    You can get higher open rates by stamping things like
    "Do not bend" or "do not bend - photo inside".
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
      Banned
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author apollion
        Originally Posted by alexa_s View Post

        I do get emails like this, surprisingly often.

        I'm afraid I never read them - I just "report" them as spam.

        I'd imagine few people will read them (without at least something like Loren's suggestions above, anyway).

        Hi Alexa..that can be the point. I´m only just confused how other domain-pros make it thru with even less "active" salesletters :-(

        Mike
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    • Profile picture of the author apollion
      Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

      You can put a dollar clipped to the top of the letter -
      it's called a "grabber" and it will get your letter looked at.

      You can get higher open rates by stamping things like
      "Do not bend" or "do not bend - photo inside".

      Sorry, how do I clip a dollar to an email?? I´d like to keep it in plain text format.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    You can't. You are out of luck. Email is the weakest
    form of soliciting. The easiest to ignore.

    Use your favorite domain goober's method. There's nothing wrong
    with plucking the low-hanging fruit.

    If you want to sell more domains and get higher prices for them...
    well, I've explained what will work to get those results.
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author Jon Steel
    I would immediately trash that unsolicited email. If i do happen to read it the biggest question would be what makes your domain more special than other domains I can go out and buy for less? You just aren't saying it and i'm too lazy to guess...

    js
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