7 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
7 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Please help/critique my landing page

by wilig123
5 replies
Hi everyone,
I've written a book for Mouth Ulcer/Canker Sore sufferers and am about to start promoting/marketing. I've set up a small promotional website -

www.curemouthulcers.com

As well as selling it on amazon and a few other book retailers.

I'm a complete noob to copywriting (read and tried to apply a couple of books to it) but I'd really appreciate some critique on my landing page/website in general!
#help or critique #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author wilig123
    Great, thanks for your tips, Mara!!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9734049].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author chaksmiths
    too many distractions. add a VSL( Video Sales Letter) .
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9734083].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author mrmouse
      Hey wilig123

      I don't think you need a VSL to increase your conversion. There are some simple changes you can make in your copy and design to get this page converting.

      I put some ideas together for you here.



      I have some more ideas for you. I'll send you a PM in a minute. But the easiest way to reach me is to message me on skype at dan.raborn
      Signature
      {COPYWRITING + DESIGN} Click Here to Get The Most $$$ Out of Your Traffic and possibly Get The Highest Converting Sales Page or VSL in Your Niche
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9796341].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Originally Posted by wilig123 View Post

    Hi everyone,
    I've written a book for Mouth Ulcer/Canker Sore sufferers and am about to start promoting/marketing. I've set up a small promotional website -

    www.curemouthulcers.com

    As well as selling it on amazon and a few other book retailers.

    I'm a complete noob to copywriting (read and tried to apply a couple of books to it) but I'd really appreciate some critique on my landing page/website in general!
    You're not hitting a tender enough pain point.

    "Can't eat, can't talk, can't live..."

    ...I see what you're trying to do with that, but it's not specific enough. Sounds overly sold and melodramatic -- like the washed up, three times divorced woman with thinning hair and skin like a leather coach singing Barry Manilow songs in front of 4 people at smokey Karaoke bar on a Friday night where they serve .99 drafts and bottomless peanut baskets.

    You need to focus this by finding the one thing that they:

    1. Either can't do, are too embarrassed to do or are too really uncomfortable doing because of their mouth ulcers (I can imagine a few things, but we'll keep it clean).
    2. Desperately want to start doing again as soon as possible and with as little hassle as possible.

    ...and drilling down on that, then offering the "cure."

    If you know your audience, you should be able to find this pain point pretty easily.

    On top of that, your design is horrendous. Awful looking and not strategic at all. You should at least hire someone to draw you a wireframe for your page layout before having another go at this.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9796984].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author italk
    Two key elements are missing:

    -> Pain
    -> Personality

    Your copy "flow" is also missing.

    Design is bad.

    No eye-catching CTA.

    Want more? I am sure I can go on.

    Let me know if you need some help with this. I can fix this page for you.

    Just PM me and we can talk. :-)
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9797188].message }}

Trending Topics