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Improve on the headline?

by Joseph Then
14 replies
I thought I might want to seek some help from the copywriters here.

This salesletter: Master Resell Rights & Private Label Rights Products

I think the salesletter is pretty well written, but I think that headline isn't that good.

Any suggestions?
#headline #improve
  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    Joseph-

    It's not a great headline, I won't lie
    to you, but it has potential.

    Think specifics. If you can put a dollar
    and cent amount in the headline, or
    some other specifics, it will be a lot
    more effective.

    Just think along those lines and you'll
    be able to come up with something
    much better I'm sure.

    Hope that helps

    -David Raybould
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    Killer Emails. Cash-spewing VSLs. Turbocharged Landing Pages.

    Whatever you need, my high converting copy puts more money in your pocket. PM for details. 10 years experience and 9 figure revenues.
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  • Profile picture of the author Joseph Then
    Yeah, I was thinking of some numbers here.

    This website is more than 3 years old, over 2,000 products, with 30+ new products every month, for less than $20 per month.

    Maybe these stats can be used in the headline?
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  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    No.

    Think about results.

    Results the customers can get from
    those products.

    That's what their interested in...

    What it will do for them.

    -David Raybould
    Signature
    Killer Emails. Cash-spewing VSLs. Turbocharged Landing Pages.

    Whatever you need, my high converting copy puts more money in your pocket. PM for details. 10 years experience and 9 figure revenues.
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    • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
      Hi Joseph,

      Yes, you can definitely improve on your headline.

      A headline should always include a benefit to your prospect a little curiosity, because that will help get them to read to the next process which is your opening paragraph.

      And you should use some numbers because that will help with building proof and credibility.

      Remember to use exact numbers "I made $8234.56 in 4 weeks", sounds better than "I made $8000.00 in 4 weeks".

      Take care,

      Bill Jeffels
      Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    Jeez, David, hand him the silver platter, will ya? These are home-run advice.

    Playing the numbers and results in the headline is really great strategy for a powerful headline. But like David said, don't mention price at the top. When someone comes to your page, they're looking for VALUE, BENEFITS and GAIN (whether it's money or other means that make them feel better), so pricing should not be the determining factor.
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  • Profile picture of the author Joseph Then
    How about these headlines? I kind of modified from my swipe file:

    "Discover the strategies of the Gurus that put over $1000 in my pocket in net profits and this wasn't even my main source of income!?"

    "Learn The Insider Secrets Of Gurus Who Makes $1000s With Just Master Resell Rights Products"
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
      Originally Posted by Joseph Then View Post

      How about these headlines? I kind of modified from my swipe file:

      "Discover the strategies of the Goobers that put over $1000 in my pocket in net profits and this wasn't even my main source of income!?"

      "Learn The Insider Secrets Of Goobers Who Makes $1000s With Just Master Resell Rights Products"
      Joseph,

      Your missing something that's very crucial.

      "Stategies of the Goobers that...", Secrets of the Goobers that...". Why should they buy your product if they can buy from the professionals that are already proven?.

      You may think price, but that's not it. Alot of people are fed up with the "Goobers" lately and you should be the guy that was down and out... just like your prospect and then you discovered a way to make money.

      Talk to them, from me to you.

      Like this...

      "Discover The Insider Secret Strategies
      Of How I Made $4263.64 In
      Only 4 Weeks"

      Here's how Master Resale Rights
      Products gave me the lifestyle
      I've always wanted... and
      how you can too!



      Joseph, your heading in the right direction, just needs a little story and USP.

      Take care,

      Bill Jeffels
      Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author MaxReferrals
    Try keeping it short and sweet:

    Problem: You Don't Have Enough Time, Content or Money.
    Solution: Leverage 'MRR'
    (Read Below for 'MRR')
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  • Profile picture of the author Joseph Then
    Hey thanks. Let me test out the headlines. Must modify my website a little also...
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  • Profile picture of the author Richard Kent
    Hi Joseph:

    I think that "Discover the strategies of the Goobers that put over $1000 in my pocket in net profits and this wasn't even my main source of income!" has a very high potential.
    Yes, split test the headlines. But I wouldn´t discard this. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author Shana_Adam
    I found this free neat tool that may help you its amazing. Ive seen the same type be sold for like $30 +

    its a headline generator. I will pm you the link it wont allow me to post here not enough posts
    Signature

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    • Profile picture of the author Joseph Then
      Originally Posted by Shana_Adam View Post

      I found this free neat tool that may help you its amazing. Ive seen the same type be sold for like $30 +

      its a headline generator. I will pm you the link it wont allow me to post here not enough posts
      Woah, that's a nice tool you have suggested. Thanks!

      And, I've actually added 2 more stuff:
      1) Proof of income below the headlines
      2) Listing out the product's pictures

      I'll see how it works out.
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  • Profile picture of the author Richard Kent
    Hi Joseph,

    Maybe to test your headlines in Key sentences will give you a better idea.
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  • Profile picture of the author Igor Kheifets
    In the headline you focus on how you made xxxx.
    How about changing the approach and instead focusing on
    what the prospect can make using your strategies?
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    NEW For 2018! How I Built a 4,331,656 Email List Without Losing Money Out Of Pocket Using a Brand New Traffic Source That's 20X More Profitable Than Facebook Ads and Social Media
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