Project dropped.

Hey there...

Ok, I'll take a shot at this. This is great because I'm a copywriter as well as a former guitar player for about 8 years, a long time ago.

1. The header: The sentence is not easy to read because of the people images and the black building image. Can't read that one word at all. Not sure how to address this. But it doesn't look very good in my opinion.

2. This really kinda reminds me more of a short sales page than a pre-sell. I mean, it has sales type copy in it. Perhaps edit out the sales copy and just talk to someone, in your head, like you're bs'ing with them about a cool learn guitar product. But you're excited about it and just want to tell them how cool it is, etc.

3. Ok, here's my biggest problem with this... it's totally unbelievable because no one masters anything in 30 days, unless it's something incredibly simple and easy. Playing guitar does not fall into that category.

It's not that playing is hard. Not sure how to put this. But, believe me... mastering it? 30 days? No way, bro. lol. Maybe it doesn't matter, and all you want is the sale. But you're bs'ing people, man. I don't care, really... it's your gig.

I'd honestly say it takes years to master playing just about any instrument. You mention becoming a professional guitarist in 30 days? No.

4. There's a curious vertical line just right of center. I think maybe it has something to do with a right column. (?) Need to fix that.

5. Instead of all the copy about 4 weeks, 30 days, etc... try to presell by talking about guitar playing and playing great music to the guy, or girl, reading it. It's like you're a guitar player who just LOVES playing guitar... can't wait to get home after school, or work, and just playing your ass off the whole evening.

Talk about some of the great guitar players, learning incredible licks... kick ass power chords... no more air guitar for you, pal... you'll be doing it FOR REAL. F&&% air guitar, man. Play it for real. Impress your girlfriend and friends, dude.

Here's how...

The bit about Jamorama seems ok.

Something like that. It's just an idea and there are others.

Oh... maybe some royalty-safe pics of great guitar players and guitars to break it up a little. Wouldn't hurt...

Hope all that helps and good luck!

It looks good... one thing I have to say is that the text in the header is hard to read because of graphics... perhaps if you could move it around that would be more effective otherwise my eyes hurt when I try to read it

Thanks Ken, for your detailed review!

1. The header: How do I fix this? I got no idea at all.

2. I wrote this while referring other sales pages, is it ok to do so?

3. Actually, I'm a guitar player too. The 30 days could be fake, but if that particular student practice every single day, it's possible. I "literally" mastered it in less than 3 months. I mean, I could play whatever song I wanted as long as there are tabs.

4. I need to fix this, my PC didn't show it. But my other computer did. How to fix this line?

5. Your point about this part is good, but I've actually written one like that before. Here's the link if you're interested: The Guitar Soup. I'm switching to this one, which I think is far better written and designed if compared to the old one.

6. I'm going to insert some pics later, thanks for this tip!

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Hello activetrader,

I really don't know how to fix the header, and the verticle line.

Maybe you could help?

The whole angle of lying guitar teachers holding back techniques to prevent you from learning is silly and complete bull****.

Lose the conspiracy angle.

Focus on the REAL pain that all newbie guitar players experience:

Dejection and feelings of inadequacy.

Project them into the experience of quickly learning to play their favorite songs. Demonstrate that it will work by revealing a "secret" aspect to that song (like the use of drop D tuning in Unchained by Van Halen, the octave E bar chord in Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin, the palm muting "chug" of Metallica's Enter Sandman...)

Explain how the newb will discover the "gear and effect secrets for nailing the perfect tone of their favorite players".

I realize this is a just a pre-sell but all the more reason for building trust and empathy by demonstrating your understanding of both their feelings and the subject matter at hand.

Good luck,

Brian

Hello everyone, I really do appreciate all the brutal comments! It's what that kept me alive and constantly improving!

Alright, I've made some modifications.

Is it better now?

It looks like a sales page. @.@

Sorry but I don't see any changes at all... And you certainly didn't pay any attention to what I already posted.

Oh well.

Best,

Brian

All right, Warriors!

After 90 minutes of writing, I have produced a pre-sell with more convincing points, all contributed from fellow Warriors!

THANKS WARRIORS!

However, I know it still needs to be fine-tuned. So keep the reviews and comments coming, ALL FEEDBACK IS DEEPLY APPRECIATED!

Regards,
Shaun

Dude, this page doesn't need fine-tuning.

It needs a COMPLETE re-write.

As in, total.

You've still got the bull**** conspiracy angle there. Any musician knows that's crap.

What musicians hate are hitting brick walls in their practice... never being able to get faster and cleaner... Practicing and getting nowhere... etc.

Read the testimonials... they will give you an insight to your market.

And you don't have to put in the "idol" angle every two lines... it gets really old really fast.

On top of all this... you have ZERO credibility. No guitarist I know can play EVERY SONG, except maybe Steve Vai, or Slash, or whoever...

We "mere mortals" can't compete with that.

But we CAN imagine learning a song in record time... impressing our friends at a party... ENJOYING playing the guitar... making women drool over you... etc.

Scrap the page and start again... and perhaps lose the sales page format.

-Dan

How is this a pre-sell? I'm with Alexa on this. This looks more like a sales page to me. You're better off having a video tutorial or sharing some valuable content which delivers a tangible result. Then pitch the link or offer more with an email optin.

I suggest you just read the comments again and re-write it.

Shaun,

"... I know it's a Sales Page format, but I don't know how a great pre-sell page look like. Maybe you could point me to some great ones?"

Perhaps try not to get hung up on format, formulas, things like that. Presell copy is
an approach. It's a way of "talking" with writing that is non-pressure and relaxed. It's
like I said way above, pretend you're talking to someone you know and like about
something you know and they don't know. This something is really great and cool, and
you want to share it with them.

You've done that before. Right? I'm guessing you have because we all have.

Don't worry about getting it right the first time you write it. That's why editing is so
great.

Maybe try making an outline of some points about Jamorama.

Then take some of the suggestions from the comments in this thread. Things that
are important to guitar players, or people who want to learn how to play guitar.

Then, pretend you're telling your best friend about Jamorama. Pretend your friend has
been really dying to play guitar. But maybe doesn't have the cash for lessons, or
whatever. Well! Ok, that's no problem because you can learn how to play fairly decently
in a fairly short period of time with this really cool site that will teach you how to play.

It's relaxed. Try to relax and just write it. Get down what you want to say or do
and then don't think about it too much.

Hi guys, new copy uploaded!

I removed the sales page format, I think it looks "OK". Maybe I need to add sub-headers?

I already tried my best to understand and implement all the valuable suggestions. Hope it's better this time.

Again, please do not hold back on the feedback.

Sincerely,
Shaun

Shaun,

Mr. Scott's advice about structuring as a review may be a better way for you
to get going with this. You seem to have some difficulty with the presell concept. Of
course that's understandable considering your overall limited experience.

There's no lack of good review sites to emulate.

He also recommends something few marketers do not do, in my opinion. That is
to buy the product and give it an honest review. If you think about it, you'll actually
be ahead of the others who promote Jamorama with nary a clue about it because
they did NOT buy it.

If you get it, then you'll be writing without BS'ing people in your copy. And that will
come through on a more intuitive level with your readers. That will help you make
a better 'connection' with them and thus more likely to produce a sale.

Give it some serious thought.

PS-- Your post was not there when I wrote this post. Ok, it's all ok and good.

Shaun,

Here's a couple of ideas:

1. Buy the product through your own affiliate link.

2. Buy it, review it and return it.

3. Ask the merchant for a free copy so you can create an affiliate page.

I don't recommend this stuff as USUAL behavior, but if you honestly and truly can't afford it, it may be the best way to go.

At least that way you're honestly reviewing the product.

Better to ask the owner's permission though. If they're smart, they'll let you do it.

-Dan

Please provide some feedback!

More feedbacks, please!

-Shaun

Hey there...

Still working on this? I read it and it looks much better than your first effort. It really
does. It flows better, is more conversational, and you actually got me for a second
there when you said 'master the guitar in 5 minutes.' lol.

I started thinking, 'you gotta be kidding me.' lol

But it was good.

You need a space between these two lines:

With the achievements I've had, I can jump and avoid these "brick walls" eyes closed.
You can't, though. You'd probably run into more walls if you dare close your eyes!

Either a space or fix the spacing between them.

You may want to consider link cloaking to hide the affiliate url. Up to you. You also
may want to eventually use a script for tracking clicks. That way you can see how
well this copy is converting. It's a good idea.

So... I say cut this baby loose. You've been working on it long enough. No need to
waste any more time trying for perfection. Although you did have some things to
work on with your copy.

I think you've done a good job, here. So start promoting it. Like... today. You can
always make tweeks to it later.

Good luck and good job, dude.