Help with copy for newbie

by julesbrad

Posted: 18 years ago 10 replies

COPY WRITING

I am new around here and looking to learn. I posted in another section on this forum asking why my site had not received a single sale and I was recommended to post in this section to ask for some help with the copy on my site.

The product is an eBook for people to learn how to design their own kitchen and I have copied the text below which I hope you will be able to give me some pointers as to where I have gone wrong.

Thanks

---------------------------------------------------------
Design Your Own Kitchen

Before you spend any money on a new kitchen
Before you look at any kitchen units
Before you even think about buying a new kitchen
You should buy this manual as it could save you a fortune

<<<BUY NOW BUTTON>>>

Do you want to save £££'s ?
Do you want to tell the salesperson how you want your kitchen to be designed ?

Why pay other people to design your kitchen when you could easily do it ?
Even when it says free design service you will still be paying for that service through increased kitchen unit and installation costs.

- -Save money on the kitchen design
- -Save money when buying the units
- -Save money by telling the contractor what you want
- -Save time by knowing exactly what you want
- -Design the kitchen YOU want
- -(not what the salesperson wants to sell)
- -You can earn money designing kitchens for others

<<<BUY NOW BUTTON>>>

Design Your Own Kitchen is an easy to understand manual which I have produced after gaining experience from designing nearly 8,000 kitchens and includes many tips gained from mistakes made along the way so that you do not make the same mistakes.

Changing layouts is very simple at the design stage but very difficult (and expensive) if changes are required after installation so this manual allows you to save time and expense in the future by making sure you have designed exactly how you want your kitchen to work before you make any purchases.

You may want this manual simply to understand kitchen design before you visit a kitchen design company, just so that you know what they are designing for you and to be able to put some suggestions forward yourself.

Another reason for buying this manual would be to design your own kitchen from scratch, cutting out the middlemen who each add their own percentage to the costs of the project. It is very satisfying to be able to tell people that you have designed your own kitchen.

You may want to fit the new units yourself, and knowing a little about them will make it easier and also create a much better and professional finished product.

Earning money is another reason to buy this manual. You could start designing kitchens for other people and charging for your services. Setting up a business to offer kitchen design can be a low cost route to a new career and your market potential could be huge. People are always wanting to install a new kitchen. New home owners want a new kitchen. Many people wanting to sell their home want a new kitchen to increase the chances of a sale. Developers want new kitchens. The opportunity is vast.
------------------------------------------------------
BONUS
Order today and we will send you a FREE copy of Kitchen Planning software so you can plan and print our your kitchen design in plan and 3D visuals. The software is incredibly easy to use as it is drag and drop.
Order now to reserve your FREE BONUS kitchen planning software.
------------------------------------------------------
<<<BUY NOW BUTTON>>>

#copy #newbie

dorothydot 18 years ago

Here are a few thoughts:

Where is your main Headline? I like that you have the 4 "Before You" lines, but the 5th line needs to be toned down... more like, " Check out the valuable info provided here" type of thing. Hitting them with the command to buy this right off the bat is wayy too early in your copy. Same with your "Buy Now" button.

You need to use sub-headlines to draw your readers into the text.

I like that you have lists; that breaks up the blocks of text. However, for online selling, you really should use short-short paragraphs with short sentences in each paragraph.

And although your product seems like quite a good one, your text doesn't seem compelling enough. You certainly focus on the "you" factor well; maybe a couple of testimonials would help? You could put them inside text boxes and break up the chunks of text that way.

One last thought: your bonus is quite powerful. Push that a bit harder - maybe tease it in your first paragraph or header? And what about a guarantee?

Hope this helps,
Dot
- Thanks
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julesbrad 18 years ago

Thank you DorothyDot - much appreciated.

I will now be sitting down and spending quite some time making the most of your valuable help - thanks
- Thanks
- 2 replies
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- KenJ 18 years ago
  
  Hi Jules Brad
  
  I am no expert in this field but what I do to start with is write at least 30 headlines. This helps me focus on what the buyer is going to get out of the product I am selling .
  Then I start writing the sales letter using all the headlines in different ways as I go through
  
  Thanks
  
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- Collette 18 years ago
  
  Here's the biggest problem with your existing copy: You're asking the pretty girl to take you home for the night - before you've introduced yourself or even bought her a drink.
  
  Where, I ask you, is the romance? Where is the schmooze?
  
  Figure out where your prospect is coming from. And then talk to them.
  
  For example, most people don't lie awake at night thinking, "Gee, I really MUST learn how to design my own kitchen!"
  
  Instead, they think things like, "How can I afford a new kitchen?", "Boy, I wish I could afford one of those designer kitchens like I see on TV", "How do I figure out how many cabinets I need?", "I hate the layout of my kitchen, but if I rip it out and do it myself, what if I make a terrible, expensive mistake?", and so on.
  
  Your headline addresses NONE of those concerns. And it should.
  
  Aditionally, your body copy has no proof that you're someone I should listen to. You tell me you're an experienced kitchen designer, but you give me absolutely no proof of that. Heck, you don't even tell me who you are. Give me some articles that show me you know what you're taking about. Tell me your name. Show me some before-and-after pictures of your work. Prove to me that you are, in fact, the expert I need to turn to for advice.
  
  The software offer is a nice bonus, but how easy is it, really, to use? Give me specifics. After all, you're supposed to be an expert. So what may seem "easy" for you may, in fact, seem quite complicated for me. And what, specifically, does it do? And how will that make MY life easier and more trouble-free? You don't tell me any of these things.
  
  Address the issues your prospect is facing.
  
  Give me credible evidence that what you say is, is so.
  
  Remove as much risk from my buying decision as possible.
  
  Make me an offer I would be an idiot to refuse.
  
  You brush past most of this in your copy. You need to go deeper.
  
  Hope this helps.
  
  Thanks
  
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Norma Holt 17 years ago

I would redo the sales pitch completely. Take out the 'before you' etc. and make a presentation of who you are and where your knowledge comes from. Why are you telling others what to do. What is your expertise. Where are you located? Are you designer? etc. I think you get the drift
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- JeanneAlexander 17 years ago
  
  A technique that might work very well in this scenario is to ask the question that's in the mind of the reader
  "Sick of your kitchen - but have no idea how to get started?"
  "Just how much do those "Dream Kitchens" cost?"
  
  You might want to give the reader a Freebie - and then do the selling later in the relationship.
  There's not enough trust in place to make someone part with their money.
  
  When you come up with your new copy..post it back here and let us take another look for you.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  The Best of Success!
  
  Jeanne Alexander
  SellYourWritingOnline.com
  
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julesbrad 17 years ago

Thanks for your suggestions - the copy has now been completely re-written (thanks to a Warrior for that) and so as Jeanne Alexander suggested, I am re-posting.
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- Collette 17 years ago
  
  Jules - a quick comment.
  
  Sorry, you're still missing the point.
  
  I don't want to learn to design my own kitchen (unless I want a career in kitchen design) -
  
  I want to HAVE a kitchen I love.
  
  Without the hassle of horror-story contractors, botched installation, expensive mistakes, confusion about materials, general feeling of overwhelm and cluelessness...
  
  Your key words here are PAIN, SUFFERING, and FEAR OF EMBARRASSMENT.
  
  P.S. This page/layout is much, much nicer looking than your original. You're almost there. Add a headshot of you near your intro, and if those pics of kitchens in the body of the copy are your work, tell me so. I'd even make those thumbnails a tad larger, and pop them in vertically, with a little case history on each one. If you have before-and-after pics, even better.
  
  Also, why are you only pricing in pounds? It's an e-book. You can sell it anywhere in the world!
  
  Thanks
  
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julesbrad 17 years ago

"Sorry, you're still missing the point.
I don't want to learn to design my own kitchen (unless I want a career in kitchen design) -
I want to HAVE a kitchen I love. "

Do you know what it's like when someone says something and a light goes on in your head ?

Hopefully, Collette, your comment has finally helped me understand what it is I should be saying.
Is this the type of headline/sub-head I should be using ?

WHAT DO YOU HATE ABOUT YOUR KITCHEN ?

Let me show you how to remove your
pain and shame in 3 easy steps.
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- Collette 17 years ago
  
  Glad I could help, Jules. Have sent you a PM.
  
  Thanks
  
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Help with copy for newbie

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