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Critic My SalesPage Please - Help Wanted...

by MarketingAce
26 replies
Hi Warrior family,

So just recently I've re-built my salespage for an SEO software tool. The old salespage that I had converted pretty well, but I thought that I could revamp by re-building it into a bigger & fuller layout (bigger fonts, graphics, width & height, etc.) to look better on mobile as well.

I would appreciate it if an experienced copywriter could share some input with honest criticism.

Again, I built the salespage myself and I'm fairly new at it, but would appreciate any tips or....
#critic #salespage #wanted
  • Profile picture of the author MarketingAce
    Oh, and what do you think about my Exit popup as well? I thought that it may help to capture the leads.
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  • Profile picture of the author YourGoToWriter
    I believe it won't take a copywriter's head to suggest you minimize with the colors. It won't take seconds for your visitors to quit checking it out since the texts hurt. Honestly, I can't even read the content straight. It's better you improve on that area first.

    Leah
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Hire a designer, get rid of that awful text as YGTW recommends. I thought YGTW must be exaggerating until I visited the page myself.

    Page is unreadable as is...all I saw was "POWERFUL SOFTWARE."
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    • Profile picture of the author MarketingAce
      Yeah, I'm thinking that you may have cataracts or severe reading comprehension issues. I just put this new sales page up and it has already generated 4-5 sales within the last couple of days. I guess the customers didn't have the same eye problems that you have. I could be wrong, maybe somehow they still managed to read it, then buy it.

      P.S.
      Oh, but then again, I just finished checking out 1 of your sales pages (if that's even a 'salespage') and to me it looks more like a boring blog page. So I guess you and I just have a major difference in taste & style. I couldn't even tell if your 'salespage' was a horrible looking blog page or a 'salespage' until I realized that you actually had PayPal checkout buttons at the bottom - that's when I realized you tried to design a 'salespage'. Just my honest criticism. Oh, and why is Peter Griffin in the TOP-LEFT corner of your salespage? I think it's a MAJOR DISTRACTION & is irrelevant to the sales copy.
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      • Profile picture of the author SARubin
        OK, let me see if I understand this...

        You asked for honest criticism on your sales page.

        Two separate people offered you their honest opinion, on how your page can be improved (both of them offering similar opinions)


        Obviously, you didn't like their replies.

        And you could have come back here (like a mature adult) and said something like...

        "Thanks for your feedback. But I disagree with your opinion. And I've already made a few sales with this page. So I guess you're not in my target market, and my actual target market seems to like the page as it is. "


        (or, you could have simply chosen not to respond to them at all)


        But instead, you chose to come back here full of self righteous indignation, and start insulting them for doing exactly what you asked them to do in the first place?


        I gotta tell ya Aaron, you're making it awfully difficult for anyone else to "want" to offer any advice that might help you improve your conversion rates.

        Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear. I guess I'll just sit back now, and wait for you to start calling me names too?

        Go ahead... I've got thick enough skin to take it.


        Originally Posted by MarketingAce View Post

        Maybe you need to get your eyes examined if it really 'hurts' that bad for you to read it. You could have glaucoma and not even know it.
        Originally Posted by MarketingAce View Post

        Yeah, I'm thinking that you may have cataracts or severe reading comprehension issues. I just put this new sales page up and it has already generated 4-5 sales within the last couple of days. I guess the customers didn't have the same eye problems that you have.

        P.S.
        Oh, but then again, I just finished checking out 1 of your sales pages (if that's even a 'salespage') and to me it looks more like a boring blog page. So I guess you and I just have a major difference in taste & style. I couldn't even tell if your 'salespage' was a horrible looking blog page or a 'salespage' until I realized that you actually had PayPal checkout buttons at the bottom - that's when I realized you tried to design a 'salespage'. Just my honest criticism. Oh, and why is Peter Griffin in the TOP-LEFT corner of your salespage? I think it's a MAJOR DISTRACTION & is irrelevant to the sales copy.
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        • Profile picture of the author MarketingAce
          No SARubin, you DON'T understand this apparently.

          Yes, I asked for honest criticism, but a lot of 'HATERS' will come along just to try to nitpick and tear apart your work, simply because they can't do the same thing that is great & productive. If they were giving honest criticsm, they would have also pointed out the good things (NOT just the cons) & NOT exaggerate about the font or colors to say that 'it hurts the eyes' or "all I could see was POWERFUL SOFTWARE". That isn't "honest criticism" my friend & if you think it is, then it's most likely because you aren't very bright yourself.

          Also, when did I ever use any "insulting" words? I thought that maybe they both have some kind of eye troubles because the 1 girl claims the font "hurt her eyes" & the other guy claimed that "all he could see was the 'POWERFUL SOFTWARE'". I myself, along with family & friends, DIDN'T have any trouble the way that these two did. Again, I believe that they either have severe eye troubles or are intentionally exaggerating with negative comments (you know, like naysayers would?)

          No, there was no "indignation". I was never angered by their comments. I was just trying to criticize the one guys salespage to help him in return, but then you were exasperated by my response to them that you felt you needed to come & put your two cents in.

          I never cried about their 'honest criticism', so you shouldn't either when I respond back to help them as well.....right?

          Also, when did I ever do any name-calling here? I think that you may be a bit on the delusional side buddy.

          "I guess I'll just sit back now, and wait for you to start calling me names too? Go ahead... I've got thick enough skin to take it."

          LOL You must be very paranoid, insecure, & delusional to think that I'm mad & here to call people names in response to FAKE "honest criticism". You crack me up. :-D
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          • Profile picture of the author SARubin
            Well, I guess you put me in my place.

            After reading your reply, I see that clearly you are the only mature, and rational member of this forum.

            And with just a few words, you have solidified my entire psyche (mind, body, and spirit)

            Thank you for shining the light on the darkness that was (up until a few minutes ago) the epitome of my unenlightened existence. And the true nature of my suppressed social issues.

            You are truly a legend in your own mind, and I stand before you in humbled admiration of your mere presence.

            Originally Posted by MarketingAce View Post

            No SARubin, you DON'T understand this apparently.

            Yes, I asked for honest criticism, but a lot of 'HATERS' will come along just to try to nitpick and tear apart your work, simply because they can't do the same thing that is great & productive. If they were giving honest criticsm, they would have also pointed out the good things (NOT just the cons) & NOT exaggerate about the font or colors to say that 'it hurts the eyes' or "all I could see was POWERFUL SOFTWARE". That isn't "honest criticism" my friend & if you think it is, then it's most likely because you aren't very bright yourself.

            Also, when did I ever use any "insulting" words? I thought that maybe they both have some kind of eye troubles because the 1 girl claims the font "hurt her eyes" & the other guy claimed that "all he could see was the 'POWERFUL SOFTWARE'". I myself, along with family & friends, DIDN'T have any trouble the way that these two did. Again, I believe that they either have severe eye troubles or are intentionally exaggerating with negative comments (you know, like naysayers would?)

            No, there was no "indignation". I was never angered by their comments. I was just trying to criticize the one guys salespage to help him in return, but then you were exasperated by my response to them that you felt you needed to come & put your two cents in.

            I never cried about their 'honest criticism', so you shouldn't either when I respond back to help them as well.....right?

            Also, when did I ever do any name-calling here? I think that you may be a bit on the delusional side buddy.

            "I guess I'll just sit back now, and wait for you to start calling me names too? Go ahead... I've got thick enough skin to take it."

            LOL You must be very paranoid, insecure, & delusional to think that I'm mad & here to call people names in response to FAKE "honest criticism". You crack me up. :-D
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            • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
              Banned
              Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

              Well, I guess you put me in my place.
              I think he's either a troll or just a misinformed Newbie.

              Kind of sad to be honest.
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              • Profile picture of the author MarketingAce
                I'mma "troll" & "misinformed Newbie" that's getting paid while the haters hate. LOL Where's your salespage at since you know what is best in marketing?
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                • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
                  Banned
                  Originally Posted by MarketingAce View Post

                  I'mma "troll" & "misinformed Newbie" that's getting paid while the haters hate. LOL Where's your salespage at since you know what is best in marketing?
                  Sometimes when you're making a good income/successful at "IM" ... You have a responsibility with everything you post. Not to be mean ... However one of your previous posts didn't demonstrate that.
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                  • Profile picture of the author MarketingAce
                    And yet, you've only FAILED this far to prove that you can do any better. LOL Where's your salespage at Johnny? Let's share "honest criticism" to help each other out here.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
                      Banned
                      Originally Posted by MarketingAce View Post

                      And yet, you've only FAILED this far to prove that you can do any better. LOL Where's your salespage at Johnny? Let's share "honest criticism" to help each other out here.
                      I would share my most important Venture with you ... However you seen like a shady character. (No offence.)
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                      "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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                      • Profile picture of the author MarketingAce
                        I'm a "shady character" because you may not like my "honest criticism" or what I have to say about your salespage, this is what I'm thinking. Am I right? LOL Where's it at Johnny?

                        Don't get mad, I'm just asking so that I can give you my honest criticism. Don't be scared, I'm here to help you, just like you & the other guys came to do for me (riiiight...sure). After all, you guys were only trying to give constructive criticism you say, right? Now let me see if you have a Peter Griffin on your salespage like Jason has. I just want to help you. ;-)
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                        • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
                          Banned
                          Lol. Thanks for the entertainment.

                          Arguably my most important Website is all the things I have learned from dealing with Schizophrenia. I'm thinking of having a poster (or something) made and sharing it with the Half Way House I used to be in. Then, if it goes well, every Half Way House in Salisbury, then ... Maybe every Half Way House in the UK. Wel'll see what happens ...

                          Thanks for the interest. : )
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            • Profile picture of the author MarketingAce
              I'm glad that you've finally come to terms that swallowing the RED PILL is much better than swallowing the BLUE PILL. Bow before your KING before I cast you to the lions den. LOL ;-P

              BTW, where's your salespage at? I want to see what's so spectacular about your opinions here. Let me take a quick look at your work since you seem to know what's right & wrong here. Let's share ideas since you're so open for "criticism". Where's your salespage at?
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Banned
    You're trying too much to get "attention." And when you do that ― it puts People off. Like Jason said: Hire someone to redo your Page. In this instance "Less" = "More." If you have a great product ...Then you don't need all the "fancy" graphics (etc.)
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by MarketingAce View Post

    Yeah, I'm thinking that you may have cataracts or severe reading comprehension issues. I just put this new sales page up and it has already generated 4-5 sales within the last couple of days. I guess the customers didn't have the same eye problems that you have. I could be wrong, maybe somehow they still managed to read it, then buy it.

    P.S.
    Oh, but then again, I just finished checking out 1 of your sales pages (if that's even a 'salespage') and to me it looks more like a boring blog page. So I guess you and I just have a major difference in taste & style. I couldn't even tell if your 'salespage' was a horrible looking blog page or a 'salespage' until I realized that you actually had PayPal checkout buttons at the bottom - that's when I realized you tried to design a 'salespage'. Just my honest criticism. Oh, and why is Peter Griffin in the TOP-LEFT corner of your salespage? I think it's a MAJOR DISTRACTION & is irrelevant to the sales copy.
    Originally Posted by MarketingAce View Post

    So where's it at then? You seem to know everything great about a salespage, so where's yours at? ;-)
    Phew a few feathers flying about here, ok.

    For starters since we need to provide proof that we know what we are talking about, here is a WSO, l did some time ago, and l sold over $1000 dollars worth at $25 each, more or less.

    WP Underconstruction app, (do a search, too risky to post it here, with other links, etc).

    Not being sold here, now of course.

    And the software, (not being sold, here).

    http://coolest-freebies.com

    And an example of the product packaging I did.



    Not being sold anywhere here.


    So now that we have that out of the way what do l think?

    True, the text is bright, but l honestly cannot say whether that converts better or not.

    But the product, pretty good for your first try, and l believe that the main product does the job, but the popup, nope.

    I would rework that a little more, and try to get it closer to the first, since the first does the job, but l am not sure the second one does.

    Good luck.

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  • Profile picture of the author Oziboomer
    As we are talking about comparing one sales page to another and the results of using keyword tools to help rank videos and other things I thought I'd post two comparisons below.

    UKDP against LongtailPro.

    You can checkout the LTP website for their sales page if you want but look at the video views and upload times in these two screenshots and you might see which is possibly getting better results for the owner.



    VS.



    OR

    If you want to compare dashboards or the user interface this what they look like.



    VS



    Both examples of sales pages and dashboards are congruent.

    If someone likes the bright garish colours of the sale page of UKDP then when they get to the dashboard of the product that what they are going to get.

    If someone else likes the professionalism that LTP shows on their sales page then they will also like LTP's professional looking dashboard.

    Much like the appearance of a greasy food van compared to a fine dining restaurant.

    Each has a group of people who will hand over money for what they sell.

    Best regards,

    Ozi
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    • Profile picture of the author MarketingAce
      Actually you're wrong about a couple of things here:

      1. I haven't even tried to plug any TRAFFIC or VIEWS into this product yet for UKDP and this isn't even the original salespage that I was referring to as I've removed the link to the product for private reasons. Also, LTP has been around for MANY years vs UKDP which means that it's had FAR MORE time for exposure to "views" that you're talking about. So of course the rates are going to be higher, but you're apparently NOT using common sense here.

      2. The salespage that I've had "criticized" already made several sales since this thread started, so talk is cheap & as I said before, HATERS are going to hate, meanwhile, I'm getting PAID. LOL ;-)

      ARe you serious? So your salespage look just like that "greasy food van" that you're talking about:


      Is this what you meant by "greasy food van"? That guy on your salespage looks like he runs that "greasy van" that you're talking about. But for all we know, he may have had about 2-3 sales with that "greasy" look.

      Kind Regards,
      Aaron E.
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