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Need help with this copy!

by Jays80
6 replies
Hi Copywriting Warriors,


Here is my site Dominate a Niche Every Week

Looks like something is missing, not sure what? Can you through light to start with? why a buyer will move away?


(BTW,Testimonials, I have them coming)


Thanks,
Jay
#copy
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    It reads like you don't think in English very well. I'm not saying
    that because I'm with the Grammar Police, I'm telling you because
    it does not flow.

    I recommend you hire somebody with stronger writing skills to
    help you.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jays80
      Loren,

      Thanks for inputs.




      Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

      It reads like you don't think in English very well. I'm not saying that because I'm with the Grammar Police, I'm telling you because it does not flow.

      I recommend you hire somebody with stronger writing skills to
      help you.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1349584].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author sanjid112
    Add more about who you are, how long you have been in niche research marketing, and what gives you insight until you find this is can be valuable and important.

    Why you lose link between it, it because you just give bullet-points without any more explanation or some sort of story to make it flow naturally. Add some sentences on it. Give them some examples from reality why this is very important and more beneficial than other offers.

    -Malik
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    • Profile picture of the author Jays80
      Malik,

      Thanks. Will work on your points suggested by you.



      Originally Posted by sanjid112 View Post

      Add more about who you are, how long you have been in niche research marketing, and what gives you insight until you find this is can be valuable and important.

      Why you lose link between it, it because you just give bullet-points without any more explanation or some sort of story to make it flow naturally. Add some sentences on it. Give them some examples from reality why this is very important and more beneficial than other offers.

      -Malik
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      • Profile picture of the author Jays80
        Anyone else who can provide inputs?
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