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I Need Your Help In Creating A Heading...

by bertuseng
10 replies
Hi there. I have been busy creating my first sales page and it's all a bit new for me, so I could need all the help I can get. I have been playing around with the heading and subheading and was wondering what all of you think.

I know that 20 heads are better than 1, so I hope together you guys can help me create a headline that will jump from the screen and pull the customers' cash out of their pockets.

My product is a comprehensive course on how to implement different free traffic generation techniques.

Here is my heading and subheading:

"Discover The Secret FREE Strategies And Techniques To Generating More Website Traffic And Finally Making Massive Profits"

And NO, these doesn't involve getting junk traffic! How Can You Unlock The Closely Guarded Secrets To Become A Free Traffic Master And Summon Hordes Of Super Targeted Visitors To Your Sites And Accelerate Your Profits, Without Paying A Cent For It?


What can I change? I guess I should get a shorter subheading. Thanks for all the help.
#creating #heading
  • Profile picture of the author kfk2003
    I think it's too generic, that could be the header for a dozen different products. Provide the link to the rest of your letter so we can at least get a better idea of exactly what you're offering.
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    Andrew Gould

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    • Profile picture of the author wordwizard
      I agree wtih Andrew. Also seems a bit long! Well, I couldnt' resist to at least try and make it a bit snappier:

      OLD:

      "Discover The Secret FREE Strategies And Techniques To Generating More Website Traffic And Finally Making Massive Profits"

      And NO, these doesn't involve getting junk traffic! How Can You Unlock The Closely Guarded Secrets To Become A Free Traffic Master And Summon Hordes Of Super Targeted Visitors To Your Sites And Accelerate Your Profits, Without Paying A Cent For It?

      MINE:

      Want More Traffic Without Paying For It?

      Discover the Gurus' Closely Guarded Secrets to Massive FREE Traffic... and Attract Hordes of Super Targeted Visitors with Cash in Hand.

      Elisabeth

      P.S.: Hmmm, I think I might use that one myself...
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      FREE Report: 5 Ways To Grow Your Affiliate Income
      Let Me Help You Sell: Sales Letters, Email Series, Pre-Sell Reports... PM me & we'll talk!
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      • Profile picture of the author Sam Mlambo
        Originally Posted by wordwizard View Post


        MINE:

        Want More Traffic Without Paying For It?

        Discover the Gurus' Closely Guarded Secrets to Massive FREE Traffic... and Attract Hordes of Super Targeted Visitors with Cash in Hand.

        Elisabeth

        P.S.: Hmmm, I think I might use that one myself...
        Good stuff.

        I'd mix that up with... "Who Else Wants More Traffic Without Paying For It?" or "Discover The Hidden Secrets To Getting More Targeted Traffic Without Paying a Single Cent!"

        "How To Get More Traffic Without Paying For It"
        "Give Me Just___ (however much time it takes) and I'll Show You How To Get More Traffic Without Paying For It"

        Hope that gets your creative juices flowing

        - Sam
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  • Profile picture of the author bertuseng
    Thanks a lot for the great advice so far. I updated my headings. I don't know if I am allowed to, but I am going to post the link to my page so far. (order button not working yet, so no harm done)

    Free Traffic Volcano - Get Free Website Traffic FreeTrafficVolcano.com - Get Super Targeted Free Website Traffic

    Please tell me what you think of the headings and I would appreciate any suggestions that you could have. Thanks a lot. This forum is really a great place for informative help. Thanks again!
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    My Elite Email Marketing Academy coaching (accepting new students)

    [FREE] Grab 7 of Bertus' products with PLR.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    You're in a hyper-competitive market.

    You need a hook... and you don't have one.

    Something that makes your product different from all the other crap in IM.

    If you don't know what that is yet... or you don't have one... you need to get it happening.

    -Dan
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    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author Steve Faber
    The Secrets to Flooding Your Website With Highly Targeted Traffic Are at Your Fingertips - You Only Have to Reach Out and Take Them!
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    For Killer Marketing Tips that Will Grow Your Business Follow Me on Twitter Now
    After all, you're probably following a few hundred people already that aren't doing squat for you.....
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Get specific...

    How MUCH free traffic will they get?

    How quickly?

    What will they have to DO to get it?

    What will it MEAN for them when they do?

    Project the reader into the experience of having the end result of what you're selling.

    Best,

    Brian
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    Brian McLeod
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  • Profile picture of the author bertuseng
    Hi, thanks everyone for the help. I have made some changes. Here are my pre, main, and sub heading.

    Attention Internet Marketer: Are you tired of struggling to get quality website traffic and not seeing the results you crave for?
    "Who Else Wants To Generate More Website Traffic And Finally Increase Profits?"
    Discover the gurus' closely guarded secrets to massive FREE traffic and attract hordes of super targeted visitors with cash in hand!


    Will this work better?
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    My Elite Email Marketing Academy coaching (accepting new students)

    [FREE] Grab 7 of Bertus' products with PLR.
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    • Profile picture of the author Buckwheat.corn
      You are on the right track with your headline but you have a serious problem.

      As another post mentioned, you need a distinctive hook or USP in your headline to break through all the noise in the super competitive world of internet marketing. Everybody says you can get 10,000 unique visitors every second to your web site at absolutely no cost...no one believes this stuff.

      Create a unique hook using the type of headlines that John Carlton uses...eg. One Legged Golfer headline. Check out his stuff and his sales letters.

      Work on that hook to get the prospect to read the headline and the sub head, the first sentence etc. like a greased slide that Sugarman discusses in his books.
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  • Profile picture of the author Moolah_Copywriting
    Hey B,
    I agree with Buckwheat - you need a Unique Selling Proposition. In the IM market it ain't about claims anymore. All of the "Discover the insider blah blah blah to racking up blah blah pay days" have been beat into the ground.

    This market is mature and cynical so they want to hear about your "Method".

    Your Method is similar to 'The Atkins Diet" or the "Belly Fat Diet". The very name delivers the promise that you have something different that is worth taking a look at. This is your USP.

    I think Robert Plank does an awesome job with this angle with products like Wordpress Crusher or Fast Food Copywriting. Remember, people really do want to believe you - but they want "a reason" to give you a look.

    Stan
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