Need a really good hook!

The only thing in there that stands out to me is your newbie story, more could be made of that, especially if he went on to greater successes.

To create a killer hook more information is needed such as:

Why did you get into IM?
How did you become successful?
Why did you create the product?
Why have you moved on?

Ideally you'd be interviewed to allow someone to dig deep into your story to try to find any unusual little detail to help make your product stand out.

Hello Sara,

It's quite hard to come up with a good sales hook... and especially hard for you to know which information to supply that's relevant to a hook.

I think you may be getting "sales hook" confused with "USP", which is where your look-over-my-shoulder style, superb customer service, bite-size action steps, etc would come into play.

Let me put it this way (this may not be the most accurate definition, but it's the way I see the difference):

A USP is the thing that sets your product apart... all those things you've mentioned above are examples (albeit maybe not the most spectacular examples in the world).

A sales hook also sets you apart, but it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the product. It's a bit of compelling story that's unique to you.

Take, for instance, a really famous example within the direct marketing world:

Amazing Secret Discovered By
One-Legged Golfer Adds 50 Yards
To Your Drives, Eliminates Hooks
and Slices... And Can Slash Up To 10 Strokes From Your Game
Almost Overnight!

John Carlton's one-legged golfer isn't the product's USP... it's the hook. And here's why:

The one-legged golfer has nothing to do with the actual product. The benefits of the golf video instruction would be the same whether there was that element there or not. (See what I'm saying? Of course it's related, but it doesn't affect the benefits.)

The sales hook is all about human interest. Think "newspaper story". If you had to write a newspaper article about your business, what would the headline be?

To uncover the sales hook you need to take a step back and look at the compelling human interest elements in the story of your business.

Some ideas to give you a general direction:

1. Perceived disability: Alcoholic, convicted criminal, dyslexic, computer-illiterate... elements that basically say "this method works despite X".

Normally as effective as any other category of hook, but you get so many 22-year-old punks and 58-year-old single mothers around online that I would be careful.

2. Juxtaposition: The one-legged-golfer is an example. Similar to the Perceived Disability, here you don't say "the method works despite X"... you say: "who'd have thunk it? The method works even better because of X"

3. Credibility element: Journalist, novelist, public speaker, haiku enthusiast... all lend credibility to your article marketing course and set you apart, if they apply.

Best part: Even if your supposed credibility is so far removed from article marketing that it makes no sense, it can be effective if you tie it into the product.

For example:

The Article-Writing Secret of an Ohio State Pie-Eating Champion

And then you can tie it in by talking about building up stamina slowly or whatever. Doesn't need to be *extremely* logical, it just needs to make enough sense to not be totally ridiculous.

Get my drift? You'll need to look at yourself, the product creator, and basically come up with some "human interest" tidbit that's special about you... and that can be tied in with the product.

Hopefully that's helpful. Unless, of course, you were actually looking for a USP, in which case I would go with the look-over-my-shoulder, myself.

Gil-Ad

Sara,

I gotta be honest... none of those headlines grab me.

If you're making a decent income, why not hire a professional... like Ross?

I guarantee he'd absolutely nail this project... and he's probably still charging less than he should.

Not sure how booked out he is... but you could always ask him.

Seems to me it'd be smarter to stick to what you know best and let the pros handle the rest of it.

-Dan

Sara,
I am on a "testing" kick today. All of the suggestions you've received are excellent. Tons of wisdom here. However, you should plan on testing multiple headlines. Don't expect to nail the exact headline right out of the gate.

Select 3-4 of the best and then load them up for testing via Google Website Optimizer. Review each one to see how they perform. Let your market tell you which ones work.

Also consider running a quick Adwords campaign with short versions of these headlines to see which ones get clickthroughs.

I enjoy trying to pick the winner without testing. However, it usually loses me money. I much rather test to be certain.

Stan

Thanks everyone. You've definitely given me food for though.

I appreciate your honesty - I know copywriting is not my strong point.

And Metronicity - LOL, but I'd rather keep both my legs...

Here's my idea:

How a Mom Of 6 Hyperactive Kids Finally Cracked the Code to Article Marketing Riches and How You Can Use the Same Proven Blueprint to Multiply Your Sales/Commissions!


I like Ross the best though. It's a great headline.

If you're selling video training - why not just do a video sales page
and include a few clips of the course?

The "Hands Off" Money-Making Secret of a Full-Time Diaper Changer