Let me know what you think about my Sale Page

16 years ago

More use of color and highlighting in the sales copy might be helpful. And rather than put all the reviews at the end spread them out over the page.

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"The business that considers itself immune to the necessity for advertising sooner or later finds itself immune to business."
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cmo140 16 years ago

What do you mean more use of color?

Originally Posted by Groovy99

More use of color and highlighting in the sales copy might be helpful. And rather than put all the reviews at the end spread them out over the page.
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- Groovy99 16 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by cmo140
  
  What do you mean more use of color?
  
  use it to emphasis important points within the sales copy. selling phrases. same thing goes for italics, blood, font sizes, etc.
  
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  Patrick
  "The business that considers itself immune to the necessity for advertising sooner or later finds itself immune to business."
  connecticut internet marketing - Get in, TAKE OFF!
  business card printing
  
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Collette

16 years ago

Originally Posted by cmo140

I am looking to see if I need to change anything in my sales page.

Why are you asking people to sign up for 3 chapters of the ebook, if the purpose of the page is to BUY the ebook? Plus, you have no "Buy" button, so even if they wanted to buy the book, they couldn't.

That would certainly be the first thing I would change about this page...

Thanks
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cmo140

16 years ago

The bottom of the page is the add to cart where you buy it. I could give the whole ebook away for free without the chart. The whole book is about the chart and without the chart of the brands you will have no idea what to buy.

Originally Posted by Collette

Why are you asking people to sign up for 3 chapters of the ebook, if the purpose of the page is to BUY the ebook? Plus, you have no "Buy" button, so even if they wanted to buy the book, they couldn't.

That would certainly be the first thing I would change about this page...

Thanks
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Justin Quick

16 years ago

Hey CMO.

First...I'd create a more robust headline. Maybe a "Who Else Wants To..." instead of the current How To Turn Clothes Into Cash. Be elaborate. "Who Else Wants To Make An Extra $423.12 Per Week By Selling Clothes Bought From Thrift Stores On Ebay?" Be specific. You don't have to use that one - I'm just trying to give you an example.

Second...bring Nicole Palmer's testimonial up to the top and put it right under the first graphic of the ebook. Gets proof in the mind immediately. Scatter testimonials b/c many readers may exit off the page before giving you a chance and reading the whole thing.

Third...decide one way or the other. Do lead generation or make an offer. I wouldn't do both on the same page. Either get their info for the first three chapters for free to make the sale later or try to make the sale right away. Having both is confusing.

Fourth, even though you're asking for $19.95, say that was reduced from $29.95. "$19.95. Reduced from $29.95. Buy today before I change my mind."

That sort of thing. Once again, you word it however you want.

Hope that helps. Have a great day.

Thanks
1 reply

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MarkAndrews IMCopywriting

16 years ago

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Ashley Gable

16 years ago

Originally Posted by MarkAndrews IMCopywriting

Definitely not, please don't listen to this advice,
it's been absolutely flogged to death that intro,
it's an appalling way to start a headline.

Sorry Justin.

Welcome to the Warrior Forum btw.

Hey Mark,

Do you find this is true even in the non-im niches out there? I can see how it is overdone in IM niches.

Ashley
btw is your copywriting critique wso still open? The $50 one?

Thanks

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MarkAndrews IMCopywriting

16 years ago

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Keeslover 16 years ago

Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan

I knew you were talking about me, my ass was itching.

Thanks for the biggest laugh I've had all week!
- Thanks
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Ashley Gable

16 years ago

Originally Posted by MarkAndrews IMCopywriting

The $50 critique? Sorry mate nope, not available I'm
afraid. $150 might tempt me a little bit but not fifty
bucks.

Mark

P.S. Ask Paul, I think he might now be up in that
league, he's made some good progress lately.

lol yeah thats why I asked, I had it in my subscribed threads, $50 didnt seem like a lot but then again the last time you posted, in response to an order, was 2 months ago.

You might want to go close it.

All the details are up, even the paypal email to send the money to!

Ashley

Thanks
1 reply

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cmo140 16 years ago

I updated my site, please check it out, I also added a blog. Let me know what you guys think.
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Ross Bowring

16 years ago

Originally Posted by Justin Quick

Hey CMO.

First...I'd create a more robust headline. Maybe a "Who Else Wants To..." instead of the current How To Turn Clothes Into Cash. Be elaborate. "Who Else Wants To Make An Extra $423.12 Per Week By Selling Clothes Bought From Thrift Stores On Ebay?" Be specific. You don't have to use that one - I'm just trying to give you an example.

Second...bring Nicole Palmer's testimonial up to the top and put it right under the first graphic of the ebook. Gets proof in the mind immediately. Scatter testimonials b/c many readers may exit off the page before giving you a chance and reading the whole thing.

Third...decide one way or the other. Do lead generation or make an offer. I wouldn't do both on the same page. Either get their info for the first three chapters for free to make the sale later or try to make the sale right away. Having both is confusing.

Fourth, even though you're asking for $19.95, say that was reduced from $29.95. "$19.95. Reduced from $29.95. Buy today before I change my mind."

That sort of thing. Once again, you word it however you want.

Hope that helps. Have a great day.

I'm pretty sure non-IM niches are not as tired of "Who Else..." headlines as some might think they are. As folk who critique and give a lot of thought to advertising it's bound to grate on our creative conscience. But for regular folk out there, I don't think they give a you know what and I think it can be an effective headline.

So, Justin. Welcome to the forum. I hope this post is the first of many.

Ross

Thanks

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Collette

16 years ago

Originally Posted by cmo140

The bottom of the page is the add to cart where you buy it. I could give the whole ebook away for free without the chart. The whole book is about the chart and without the chart of the brands you will have no idea what to buy.

My bad. I never got to the bottom of the page. I stopped at what seemed to be the action you wanted me to take. Which is about halfway down. And here's the thing...

You typical reader (who is not critiquing the page because you asked them to) will do the same. They'll stop right there.

So, why interrupt the prospect's progress to the "Buy" click? Take them from the headline all the way to the "Buy" without diversion. Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING on the page should pull them away from the purchase.

If you want to build your list, put up a separate squeeze page. Or give the reader a pop-up opt-in if they're leaving the page without buying. Either is preferable to what you have now.

Because asking them to sign up (and therefore leave the sales page) is completely counterproductive to your goal of getting them to buy.

If you ask your prospect to choose between (a) getting something for free, or (b) paying for an unseen product, and you have no relationship with them (and therefore no credibility), they're going to choose (a) every time.

[ 1 ] Thanks

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MarkAndrews IMCopywriting 16 years ago

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- RickDuris 16 years ago
  
  Collette's coaching is so accurate in this matter, it isn't funny. She has shared with you the keys to the kingdom. - Rick Duris
  
  PS: Nice going, Collette.
  
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HelponTap

16 years ago

I am not a copywriter, so would not be able to give you any advice on the wording but have noticed a couple of typos.

They are:

Most people of heard (have)
off of them (I don't like the wording - just my personal preference

)
You not making enough (missing are)
they reaping the benefits (missing are)
This is not of of

I personally think you have done a really good job and am tempted to buy your book

Best regards
Chris

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Christina Beamish
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Daniel Scott

16 years ago

What kind of reading have you done on writing a good sales page?

I looked at your page, noticed there was no headline... and stopped there.

Problem #1... and I'm 2 seconds in.

-Dan

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Moolah_Copywriting

16 years ago

CMO,
I'll just focus on the Headline...
There's good advice here. The one thing you are missing is a "You" focus in the headline. People really don't care about what you have - they care about what you will give them.

2nd.
Hit the reader with 3-4 benefits that speaks to: 1) Making More Money, 2) Saving Time, and 3) Having Fun.

3rd.
Start your lead quickly with a story about making crazy cash selling clothes. Be personable and most of all speak as if your customer is sitting across from you with a skeptical look on their face.

Stan!

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cmo140

16 years ago

Wow guys, thanks so much. I till work on it tonight and Sunday and let you know what I change.

Originally Posted by Moolah_Copywriting

CMO,
I'll just focus on the Headline...
There's good advice here. The one thing you are missing is a "You" focus in the headline. People really don't care about what you have - they care about what you will give them.

2nd.
Hit the reader with 3-4 benefits that speaks to: 1) Making More Money, 2) Saving Time, and 3) Having Fun.

3rd.
Start your lead quickly with a story about making crazy cash selling clothes. Be personable and most of all speak as if your customer is sitting across from you with a skeptical look on their face.

Stan!

Thanks

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ScoTech

16 years ago

See how I make $339.71 a day by only working 10 hours a week by buying clothes at Thrift Stores and reselling them on eBay's online auctions.

Personally I think your headline gives away too much. I can read this headline, and if I have ever been to the goodwill and used ebay, I don't need you anymore. Maybe create some more mystery in your copy. Hint at hidden methods or secret sources, that kind of thing. There may be people who would buy your book, but in your headline you just gave away an idea they can act on without your book.

BTW I think this is a terrific idea for an ebook especially during these economic times. I know you can be successful once you get the copy solid.

Thanks
1 reply

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cmo140

16 years ago

I changed it, let me know what you think.

Originally Posted by ScoTech

Personally I think your headline gives away too much. I can read this headline, and if I have ever been to the goodwill and used ebay, I don't need you anymore. Maybe create some more mystery in your copy. Hint at hidden methods or secret sources, that kind of thing. There may be people who would buy your book, but in your headline you just gave away an idea they can act on without your book.

BTW I think this is a terrific idea for an ebook especially during these economic times. I know you can be successful once you get the copy solid.

Thanks

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Jdnuay

16 years ago

The color blue is now the "in" thing for some reason, not the usual combination of red and black. Good luck!
JD

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jukeboxhero

16 years ago

I didn't even get beyond your headline and I see a MAJOR problem...

PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU! they care about themselves.

"Want To Get Paid Just For Shopping? It's Easy Once You Know THESE Secrets"

Not an award winner but it will definitely pull people interested in your product into your copy...

I didn't look at the rest but...Straighten that thing out first.

Why a black headline....Slightly off red outpull black in every test I've ever seen.

Wow....I just looked at the rest....

Are you trying to pioneer a new style of copywriting?

Not trying to be an a$$, but have a look at what the big dogs are using for fonts and colors...

Arial 12
Georgia 12
Tahoma Headline
Impact headline

10-20 wrap on tables

Left justified

At minimum....

It seems like a great product but would you rather have a gorgeous bikini clad model representing you at the car show.....Or Mimi from Drew Carey?

On a positive note: It's great to see you taking action!

Thanks
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cmo140

16 years ago

I am going to change the font color and I am going to change the font type. Changing the headline, I will have to change the entire site. Lets see how it does before I change it. For the entire font style , I will change that also I thought the same thing but was not sure. Who are the big dogs you talk about, I would love to see how they do it.

Thanks for the advice also.

Originally Posted by jukeboxhero

I didn't even get beyond your headline and I see a MAJOR problem...

PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU! they care about themselves.

"Want To Get Paid Just For Shopping? It's Easy Once You Know THESE Secrets"

Not an award winner but it will definitely pull people interested in your product into your copy...

I didn't look at the rest but...Straighten that thing out first.

Why a black headline....Slightly off red outpull black in every test I've ever seen.

Wow....I just looked at the rest....

Are you trying to pioneer a new style of copywriting?

Not trying to be an a$$, but have a look at what the big dogs are using for fonts and colors...

Arial 12
Georgia 12
Tahoma Headline
Impact headline

10-20 wrap on tables

Left justified

At minimum....

It seems like a great product but would you rather have a gorgeous bikini clad model representing you at the car show.....Or Mimi from Drew Carey?

On a positive note: It's great to see you taking action!

Thanks
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cmo140 16 years ago

I have changed it again. Let me know.
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Let me know what you think about my Sale Page

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