Critique of my squeeze page please

is say better to written like this " Do You Always Lack Confidence And desire
To Improve? Now,
Learn the Secrets of Self Confidence
From This Self Esteem Workbook With FREE"

do you mean "for free"?

I seriously like the page

Hi,
Get this entire page rewritten by a native English speaker. Right now this page is unintelligible because I'm tripping over the horrible sentence construction.

You can't move on until you address this

Next, the bullet-points need to heighten the readers curiosity.

Last, take a look at your book cover - The wording is wrong there as well...

Stan

Your first sentence should read: "Do you always lack confidence and not know how to improve?"

"With free" should be "for free".

"How to focus on the positive mind." should be "How to focus on a positive mind-set."

"Hidden strength" should be "Hidden strengths" (plural)

Last part should be "I hate spam just as much as you do and I will not share or sell your info to a third party."

I'm new here and won't comment on the copy itself. But I am a professional English teacher and have a lot of experience correcting non-native grammar. So you can be sure the sentences now read correctly. Please don't change anything else without a native speaker to check your work.

Hello,

I love your squeeze page, but I have a few suggestions on improving it. Hope you'll implement them soon.
1) The headline can't be seen entirely ... and the simple fact that you place it over the text in such a way will kill readership. The entire idea is to form a Z pattern of readership. You could do this by exchanging the bullets with the e-book image.
2) The bullets are feature based. Instead, go for the benefits. Also, these should be condensed statements of intrigue, which aren't in your case.
"An amazing two step technique which will crush your fear of failure ... and give you never seen momentum in your day-to-day life"
3) You could change the bonus name "30 Amazing Tips To Skyrocket Your Confidence Level In Day-To-Day Life".
4) Add a logo in the top right corner, three relevant images under the bullets (helps with SEO)

Here would be a more interesting squeeze page for you (attached).


Regards,
Razvan

PS: Replace LEAD MAGNET with your bonus name, something shorter than mine.

Hey,

Sure, consider it my gift to you.

Drop me a few lines on Skype and I'll give you the source file, so you can just plug and play.

Regards,
Razvan

PS: My skype id is razvan.rogoz

PM NOT WORKING (Reply to your PM)

Hey,

Your page is at best, okay. Here are some suggestions I have for you.

1.) Lose the bluish-green border around your table. It distracts the reader from focusing on the copy.
2.) Fix some of the grammatical errors. You have some misspellings also.
3.) Consider another background color. Maybe a light grey or blue.
4.) Change "learn" to "discover." Learning is a scary term for most people and reminds them of school.

Hope this helped.

Nice start. There's a lot to like here.

I agree that a native English proofreader is essential.

I'd prefer the title of the page to be the title of the book or the title of the site.

"30 tips" sounds like a lot of different things that will be a lot of work to figure out how to piece it together.
"improve self confidence" is not that inspiring. It's only a little change.
"self confidence" and "self esteem" in the headline are a redundant combination.

Instead of "30 tips," how about one step a day for a month?
Then you could offer
"The free guide to unstoppable self-confidence in just one month."
Now that sounds more appealing.

Instead of "from this book you'll learn" I'd have "Free workbook shows YOU the easy but little-known secrets to"

I'd take out "an amazing method" and just start with "Become an optimistic individual..." ANY method to get there would be amazing to someone with terribly low self-confidence.

"stop underestimating your worth and get..." needs punctuation. It's a confusing run-on sentence.

I'd take the whole "inner thoughts" point. Huh?

Instead of "do you have?" I'd have "Finally overcome any fear of failure."

There needs to be a verb for the last one: "DISCOVER the biggest tool..."

Instead of "this is just a sample," be specific about what people can expect. "This free book gives you a daily guide to transform your self-esteem into powerfully unstoppable confidence in just one month!"

Instead of the wordy "you can get...," just say, "Get your copy now by instant email delivery. Sign up now and you'll have your free copy within the hour."

I'd then want to test different cover pictures. Is Mister Serious really the best spokesmodel for the self-esteem workbook?

Chris

Hey Kelvin,

I took a look at your squeeze page and here are my thoughts:

- Like Mark Andrews said, add more information on how you're the authority on self improvement topic. What experiences have you had in the field? Who have you helped?

When you get testimonials that will surely help.

- Your headline may sound better like... "You're About to Discover The Life-Changing Secrets To Improving Self Confidence" or "You're About to Discover The Life-Changing Secrets To Boosting Self Confidence"

- On the bottom you could say... By filling out the form on the right you'll gain instant access to all 30 tips that'll boost your self confidence fast!