feedback please

18 years ago

hey shlomi
Not bad name squeeze page I suppose. I give CONSTRUSTIVE critisism so please don't be offended. You could probably get a higher converting page if everything is above the fold. There really is no need for all the bullets (although IM's LOVVVE bullets) If this was my squeeze page I would design a nice modern page (web 2.0 feel to it) with the squeeze on the right. Good design could get 80% of your content onto one screen. I may be wrong but did you make this page with name squeeze generater?
Anyway above everything I have said you should still convert with this page but I would be working on the other in the mean time.

good luck dude

rich

Thanks

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elsvirtual

18 years ago

Hey Shlomi,

I think you hit the colors right. Blue tends to pull better for self-help. But...

Your bullets are weak. They're too feature oriented and they don't entice me to sign-up.

Like "How to look good and feel better." That's so generic. What benefits does looking better have? What are the benefits to feeling better?

Who is your target market? Young, old? Because the benefits for each age group would be vastly different. Feeling better for someone older might mean being able to keep up with the grandkids or being able to enjoy travel in retirement. Can you see how those benefits would speak directly to someone in that particular target market?

So I would:

1. Create different landing pages for smaller niches
2. Use less bullets but make them more benefit-oriented

Good luck!

Evy

Thanks

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travlinguy

18 years ago

I like the layout a lot. Unlike a previous comment, I don't care much for web 2.0 style but your page is very appealing to me.

You have some relatively minor issues with grammar and wording. You might consider paying someone to proofread your stuff before uploading. You might also consider having your diet offer on a landing page designed to come up after submitting the email info. Good Luck

Thanks

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Bruce NewMedia

18 years ago

What I notice immediately:

Issues with grammar in Headline and also in Graphic Header.
"Discover The Way of Living..." does not read right.
in Header: "How should a woman take care of herself" is a question the way you have it worded.

In Subhead: Spelling ('learn' is spelled wrong) ('healthy' is spelled wrong) for example.

Opt-in box is way too far down page.

way too many bullets - come up with stronger ones but fewer.
hope that helps.
______
Bruce

Thanks

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Nick Doyle

18 years ago

Hey there

Your squeeze page is way too big, Keep everything as much "above the fold" as possible and make it as simple as you can. Use simple bullet points of 6-8, that will do. Also get a stronger headline. This will increase your signup rate

Thanks

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Michael G Perry

18 years ago

I like the flow but I do have some comments on the main tag:

You say: "Discover The Way Of Living a Happier, Healthier And More Successful Life With This Totally Free Email Course"

I encourage you consider the following: Perhaps you can run one for 1 month, then another 1 the next month..

Here is my rewrite:

Also.. You say How Should a Woman Take Care of Herself...
Think about making this more YOU centric
************************************************** *************
Suggested masthead change:
Healthier For Life
How You Can Improve Your Quality of Life One Step at a Time
************************************************** ***********
Suggested main headline
Learn Simple Steps You Can Follow To Achieve a Happier, Healthier And
More Successful Life With This Free 30 Day-Email Course
************************************************** ***********************
Notice how with this slight change the picture of the runner blends more inline with the copy..
Again, I am only one Senior Copy Writer.. Get input from others..
Best,

Thanks
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Shlomi Khutoretsky 18 years ago

Thank you all for your help

i decided to totally change the style of my squeeze page
i will post again with the finished page to hear all of you again

thanks a lot

shlomi
- Thanks
- 2 replies
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- oboi2121 18 years ago
  
  Hello Omari Taylor here,
  
  Well one thing you could do is make a better title. You title is very important when it come so people visiting you capture page and opting in. I would have made a better title that catches people's attention. Has this course helped you or anyone else? If so, you can say something like,
  
  "Discover How a Unemployed 25 Year Went From $12,546 Dollars in Debt to a Happier and Healthier Life and Earned $10,458 dollars in just 3 Weeks!"
  
  In this course you get Free instant access to:
  
  Something like that. That was just off the top of my head. You can use your own story or some else's who is in your organization.You could also shorten your list a little bit and leave thing that you think are most important.
  
  Also videos are very power and giving your own personal message to visitor is something I recommend and is a big part of "Attraction Marketing." Hope some of these tips are useful.
  
  Omari
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Omari Taylor
  
  Learn How To Realistically Make $15,000 Per Month (or more) In Your Business, In Your First 90 Days With No Experience, Without Picking Up The Phone, Or Making A List Of Your Friends And Family...EVER Again**FREE** ==> http://www.InstantRoad2Riches.com
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[264294].message }}
- oboi2121 18 years ago
  
  Hello Omari Taylor here,
  
  Well one thing you could do is make a better title. You title is very important when it come so people visiting you capture page and opting in. I would have made a better title that catches people's attention. Has this course helped you or anyone else? If so, you can say something like,
  
  "Discover How a Unemployed 25 Year Went From $12,546 Dollars in Debt to a Happier and Healthier Life and Earned $10,458 dollars in just 3 Weeks!"
  
  In this course you get Free instant access to:
  
  Something like that. That was just off the top of my head. You can use your own story or someone else's who is in your organization.You could also shorten your list a little bit and leave thing that you think are most important.
  
  Also videos are very power and giving your own personal message to visitor is something I recommend and is a big part of "Attraction Marketing." Hope some of these tips are useful.
  
  Omari
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Omari Taylor
  
  Learn How To Realistically Make $15,000 Per Month (or more) In Your Business, In Your First 90 Days With No Experience, Without Picking Up The Phone, Or Making A List Of Your Friends And Family...EVER Again**FREE** ==> http://www.InstantRoad2Riches.com
  
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poweremploy

18 years ago

You should be more specific as to who your target audience is and be very specific with the benefits. That is what people look for- what can this product do for me. But, it looks great. Move your opt-in box further up, in case your reader doens't read the whole page.

Thanks

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momsadvice

18 years ago

Hello,
I like the colors you choose. It looks very professional clean and easy to read. The graphics are great.

The headline needs to be stronger and more attention grabbing. The copy didn't give me a strong enough reason to opt in.

Give a more defined struggle,problem with your more powerful solutions. Paint a strong word picture.

I do agree with the other responses, you need to zero in on a specific target audience, its too broad.
Maria

Thanks

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Abigail Beal

18 years ago

Hi Shlomi

I think you've got some great ideas.

I would suggest running your copy through spell check and grammar check. I can see a couple of spelling errors at the top of your copy.

Bullets are always so easy to read and are very popular. You've got one bullet in there "Why Weight Watchers doesn't work" and you've actually got it in there twice, once capitalized and once not capitalized. I don't know if you are talking about watching your weight or the actual commercial program. You may want to remove one of those.

The bullets could be worded a bit tighter to make them sound more catchy. So instead of "How to get....." Try something like "Get....." It sounds more fast paced and action oriented. That seems to be the language tone you want for this copy.

Great ideas! Good luck with your project!

Abby

Thanks

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