My first squeeze page - What do you think ?

Pretty good for your first draft.

However there are some pretty glaring mistakes that are certainly losing viewers (I hope you're not spending money to drive traffic yet).

First of all

Certain aspects of the page are confusing.

The picture doesn't do anything. The text under the photo resembles a caption. A large number of your readers will assume it is a caption and thus think that the text directly applies to the image. When the image doesn't do anything interactive (i.e. has nothing to do with the first lesson), then you are leaving your readers out to dry.

the video in the upper right hand corner is very confusing.

As a copywriter who was seen countless squeeze pages, I know what you're trying to do with that video. But the average joe who has never even heard of an opt-in list or a product launch will likely be confuddled.

Having the video just turn into arrows that leads into more arrows doesn't clearly communicate exactly what you want them to do.

You could solve this by having the video start and then pause 3 seconds in with a pop up saying "Please enter your email in the box below for your free blahblahbalbhkasda"


It is not exactly clear what you want the prospect to do and your wording in the headline doesn't help.

For example you say

"Get on my list for..."

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

The reader doesn't want on your list. It's possible the reader doesn't even know what getting on your list means.
From a writing perspective it is clear you are writing this with the needs and wants of the writer in mind, not the reader. Which is bad.
The prospect doesn't think "I want to get on a list"
Only the writer does. This is bad. Fix this mentality.

Furthermore

Your bullets are terrible.
They are, they really are.
In fact those bullets are so far off the mark that they aren't even readily fixable.

I don't say this to be mean. I say this because this page is actually close to hitting the mark, which is WAY more than I can say for 99% of the copy submitted here.

The fact that I suspect you will be able to actually put this advice into use is one of the reasons I am taking the time to write this "mini-critique"

Also your language is broken when you say
"If you follow the instructions you will learn to play the song like it sounds on the recording."
What instructions?
Are you talking about the vague "4-step" process?
Are you talking about what's "inside"
Are you talking about the instructions to put the email into the box?
What recording are you talking about?

What are you talking about?
I have no idea and neither does your reader.

"Watch the video, practice, put you heart and soul to it and let me know how you are progressing. See you on the other end"

First fix the typo. You tell them to do way to much here.
First of all the video is confusing and you hardly show them how the get access. Instead you spend way to much stuff filling the page with irrelevent words.

Also what do you mean "let me know how you are progressing?"
Isn't this supposed to be easy?

What does "See you on the other end" mean?
Remember the average person has 0% understanding of lists, opt-in's, or anything that has ANYTHING to do with IM AT ALL.

Also
the signature is confusing, it's not placed well, and you haven't introduced yourself or attached an actual entity to the signature.

The P.S. isn't even a P.S. and isn't even fixable.

Also the note chart is damaging this page by a big margin. Why are you offering different things and trying to get them to take two different actions on the same squeeze page?

Anyways that's all I got for now and that should keep you busy for a while.

You may be able to fix up the squeeze page to where it is "good enough".

But I predict you will have a very hard time putting together a "good enough" long form sales letter, and successful autoresponder sequence.

As those are much larger, and MUCH more intricate endeavors.


IF you need help or want more.

PM me.

-Andy