Website isn't converting. What copy mistakes am I making?

Here is my feedback:

- Maybe the traffic you are getting is not targeted.
- Your opt-in needs more visibility. Use graphics to make it eye-grabbing. You can also try to place it above the folder (maybe first thing in the top of the side bar or even bellow the header).
- Facilitate the contact. Don't just write your telephone. Place a contact form and call to action. Again, make it visible.

Hope it helps.

that layout needs to remodeled to be centered around your copy, there is just so many places for them to look right now.. i dont know rather to look at the video or the optin box or the copy lol.. just tweak that layout a lil and you should be fine.

I would switch to a one column layout and put the optin box through out the copy, and the video at the top of the copy

Some great tips here so far.

I'd change the banner to say... Chew Comfortably and Smile Confidently Again

Shortening the sentence and adding again will bring back a nastalgic happy time in their life and start them off with a positive happy outlook on the web page.

Then I'd go single column, get a video of the actual dentist himself if you can talking about .. himself and his practice.. where he's located, how long he's been in business, a quick tour of the office or at least a view of the outside to help people recognize it when they come to visit. (seeing it will help them remember it... maybe they have already seen the building 30,000 times and seeing it in the video will add more "social proof" for them)

Have the dentist present a call to action at the end of the video to either stop in, give us a call, or send an email through the sign up form to get a special coupon/discount/free check up type thing... there needs to be something to make them want it.

Increase the font size to at least 14... if you can't read it standing 6 feet from your computer... they probably can't either.

If shooting a video doesn't work, you could swith to a picture of the staff followed by some info about them, how long they've been there etc.

How about: "Rediscover Your Smile!" "We Can Help." in your banner.

Being a senior myself, but internet savvy, I find the presentation intimidating. Too much work to get to what I really want to know:

1) How do implants work?
2) How long does the procedure take?
3) Is it painful? How long to recover?
4) What are the options? (different types of implant, for example)
5) Is it covered by health insurance? (probably more a Canadian question)
6) Is anaesthesia involved?
7) Is it done in the doctor's office or in a surgery?
8) What makes them better than regular dentures?
9) Does the denturist need special training for this procedure?
10) Does it work for everyone?
11) How do I tell if I'm a good candidate?
12) How are they cared for in comparison to dentures or real teeth?

It needs more punch to get your visitors involved right away. Rather than starting with a list of questions that THEY have to answer, offer a list of benefits or how quick and easily a person can get relief from missing teeth and be able to eat comfortably and smile confidently again.

I'd also go with a bit larger font. It's small in Firefox for me. Also make it a black font. It looks grey to me, which makes it a bit more difficult to read.

Entice them with the punchiest benefits in point form, and then send them to download the report to get more details (perhaps answering the questions I noted above). Put an image of the report next to the opt-in box. Move the box from the side and put it smack dab under your opening points.

This would all be above the fold (the first screen they see without scrolling down).

I think that should help to boost your opt-ins.

You might even consider making this just a squeeze page and send people to it, rather than to the main page of the site.

The bullet points that you do have seem lengthy. They'd be more effective if you can shorten them by at least 1/4 or more.

Sylvia

Rick and Adwords Mogul make great points. Seriously - there be gold in them there posts.

But I've seen sites a lot worse generate at least SOME interest.

My gut tells me either:

1) your traffic is craptacular (very likely), or

2) the calls the site is generating aren't being tracked. How would the dentist know people are calling from the site? Is there a special offer I missed only for web customers? Do the receptionists ask how the people heard about the practice?

Though Rick and AM's points will certainly help increase conversions significantly, IMHO you have a bottleneck earlier in the process.

-Daniel

A huge thanks to all of you... it means a lot. Excellent advice. Rick, I think you are spot on.

I am looking forward to get cracking on this and to test new versions.

Have a great weekend!

Gabriel

The advice from others here re copy, video, layout etc. is right on...what I'll do is talk a bit about your headline...Headline is the BIGGEST thing affecting whether people stay on your site more than 3 seconds. Your headline is a good start in that it's targeting BENEFITS which is something a lot of people miss.

HOWEVER...as I see it, the headline has 2 problems...1) It portrays the benefits in a clinical way rather than an emotional way and 2) It leaves one confused as to how they realize the benefit unless they read further - because there is no 'feature' attached to the benfit(s).

A headline needs to convey a strong benefit in a powerfully emotional way and at the same time make very clear what the feature is that creates the benefit.

Ok that all sounds complicated but it isn't...here's a suggested tweaked headline.

With Our New Painless Technology, You Can Once Again Get Your Teeth Back, Comfortably Chew The Delicious Foods You So Love, and Get Your Winning Smile Back.

You can further work the headline as needed but it gives you the idea...if the proceedure isn't painless, perhaps you can say virtually painless or the like. With the dentist, PAIN is the number ONE fear by far and needs to be addressed upfront. Also by linking the Feature (New Painless Technology to the Benefits, the prospect immediately understands what's being offered, what problem it solves for them, and it motivates them to read further - "what IS this wonderful new technology of which they speak??)

A pic of two very professional looking yet caring middle aged dentists with soft reassuring smiles near the headline (as if they were the ones saying it) would be a good addition.

You can then extend the emotion forward in your stories of other patients...many feel badly about their teeth situation but think they are the ONLY ones that feel that way...seeing that many others feel as they do (that they're NOT alone) is of great reassurance (thus why group therapy is so popular and successful!).

Also with any headline you should consider a preheadline and / or a subheadline...a good subheadline would be "click on the arrow to play the short informative video below right"..see how the subheadline draws then into the page...traditionally the subheadline draws them from headline to the copy but with new technology, you draw them to the video instead.

For a pre headline you might actually use the feature (New Painless Technology) and the headline itself being the benefits...OR you can take the emotion UP a notch and use a news headline approach as your prehedline... something emotional like...

"4 Year Old Timmy Says Grandma Smiles Again Like She Used To!"

So preheadline/headline/subheadline becomes...
==================================
"4 Year Old Timmy Says Grandma Smiles Again Like She Used To!"

With Our New Painless Technology, You Can Once Again Get Your Teeth Back, Comfortably Chew The Delicious Foods You So Love, and Get Your Winning Smile Back.

Click on the arrow to play the short informative video below right
=================================

Ultimately this is all aimed at getting the prospect to take an action (the so called "call to action"...take a lesson from all the drug pharmeceutical companies advertising on TV...they encourage you to "discuss with your doctor"..that's a nice soft approach more effective than a hard sell which would scare prospects off...on your opt in page you might have them enter email (to get a free informative ebook or such) but also their 1st name and ph number..a few days later they get a gentle caring phone call..."did you have a chance to read the info? I'm not calling to try to "sell" you on the idea..I just wanted to answer any questions that you have"...see?

Better, have them enter their SNAIL MAIL address (& ph number) to be mailed a FREE boolklet that explains all (don't say brochure...they thing 'sales brochure' ..."booklet" sounds more 'objective' and has a higher percieved value.

In both cases have it set up so the ph# is not compulsary so you don't lose people afraid to leave it.

Hope this helps.

Rick,

One of the most useful and enlightening posts I've ever read on this or any other forum.

Seriously... thank you.

-Daniel

If you're ranking for implants + city... that might be the reason your traffic isn't converting. Your traffic is probably looking for a different kind of implant!

Overall, I think it's a professional site. Just taking a quick look, I noticed a few things.
Your opt-in form doesn't say anything about why I would want the newsletter or report. What are they about? Why do I need them?

Rather than just a phone number, why not offer a way to fill in info and get a call back? Why leave the call up to the customer? You can link the free report to a call back. This may be a part of the autoresponder or a larger contact page.

You may want to work on the fonts a bit, and embolden the benefits.

I hope this helps, and if you want to go more in depth, let me know how I can assist.

I won't waste your time echoing the suggestions above, most of which are excellent. Personally, I viewed the page quickly and immediately bounced away. Why? You didn't ask me to do anything...all I could focus on was that enormous banner directly in the middle of the screen.

But more importantly (if I stayed on the page):

On the homepage, this is the first time you ask for the sale:

"If you have been seeking the best solution to missing teeth and unsightly, uncomfortable dentures, please read on."

It's below the fold, and all you did is ask me to read on. Not very compelling.

Based on your copy, this is your chance to sell!

You don't ever need to say things like "keep reading" or "read on" anyway- the reader can clearly see there's additional text, unless you're on a blog page and using the More tag.

I would get everything up until the end of that first call to action above the fold. Your copy is already good; it's compelling for certain because I was actually mortified at the list of things that can happen if you don't have the right dentures and was ready to convert at the end of that bullet list. All you need to change is what you actually ask for in that sales line:

"If you have been seeking the best solution to missing teeth and unsightly, uncomfortable dentures, then click here to take action right now."

Or

"......uncomfortable dentures, then click here to get help right now."

Or whatever SPECIFIC call to action you prefer.

Then continue as you have already done. You're almost there; some tweaking that shouldn't take very long at all is all that's required.

On a final note, I wonder if that Captcha is a wise idea. I assume most of your demographic might have difficulty reading/seeing/deciphering that or understanding what to do. Considering that the contact form is where your conversions are, this could be a problem. I feel a little lame because I don't have a suggestion to correct the problem, but maybe some others do....?

A few thoughts . . .

* If you have Google Analytics account, do an A/B Split Copy Test to see if people respond better to a different version of the copy. If you see the bounce rate decrease, for example, you'll know that you're getting people more interested in your new copy tweaks.

* If you test a different set of headlines, try a version that shouts-out the BENEFITS. Example: "Look Younger & Gain the Confidence to Start SMILING WIDE Again In 4 Weeks. Get PERFECT-fitting Dental Implants by Montreal's Best Oral Surgeon."

* I like your bullet-points. But also try a version that doesn't jump so quickly into the bullets. Add a *real* paragraph before the bullets, a humanized conversation such as: "I've treated hundreds of patients who came to me expecting a miracle. And that's exactly what I specialize in: giving hope to those who've lost it. I can fix your smile, too. If you've been suffering with the following challenges, I can help you... Are you: [bullet list].

* If your target is an older, senior-age person, your font is too small to read. Many vision-challenged people would click away, frustrated. Some may even think you *couldn't* be right for them, if you aren't already sensitized to the fact that they lost good vision at the same time they lost good teeth. (Note: your top competitor for that keyword has a font size that's even smaller than yours, so take advantage of now knowing how to grab some of their traffic.

* Also, on your Home page meta title, you could a) add a 2nd keyword to pull additional Google traffic and b) consider making your meta title also announce a distinction or benefit. Example: "Montreal Dental Implants by Affordable Oral Surgeon"

* Is it possible to place Before & After photos somewhere? You might not have to show patients' entire face & expose their identify. But this, in addition to some testimonials, might convince more people this dentist is worth at least a call. This could even be a rotating "Before & After" photo gallery in the sidebar.

* Consider changing your call to action. Instead of making people feel locked into an appointment, try having them "Call for a FREE Consultation." (I'm talking where you have the phone # in the upper-right.)

* The amount of traffic you're getting may not be as great as you think. Consider increasing your traffic (and hence, potential for phone calls) by:
>> Building 2 or 3 additional keywords into your site(s),
>> Implementing an article marketing campaign to overtake your top competitor,
>> Building some mini-sites (e.g., Squidoo, Weebly, Freewebs) using keywords.

* The blog isn't current. So you're missing key opportunities to draw more traffic from other, related (LSI) keywords. You're also missing lots more opportunities to "sell" the doctor's expertise when you only have about 3 blog entries since Sept. 2010.

Keep us posted on your progress. Good luck!

Hi Gabriel,

Here are the flaws in the copy:

1. Your headline isn't captivating. Try with a different PERSUASIVE headline. Also use a subheading...

2. Your copy needs to be formatted with colors, font size, etc.

3. Add PERSUASIVE postscripts... at least 3.

Hope that helps.
- amag
Professional Freelance Copywriter - Sales Copy Specialist

There may be a lot of issues. In my browser the page layout and
spacing is weak. Text is spindly and hard to read (bad if you're
targeting older people - they like big text).

What leaped out at me though is that while you tout the benefits
of the dental implants, you didn't do much to address fears and
reluctance as they come up in the reader's mind.

Without thinking too deeply I could come up with about 10 fear-based
concerns any prospect might have: pain, recovery time, cost, and
so forth - those fears would be expressed in any number of different
ways.

Lastly, you close in a way that may appeal to engineer and accountant
types (just tell me the numbers) but will likely leave the other
personalities very cold indeed. There are several personality
theories about selling but the one that types human personalities
in 4 color groups is a good one to start with learning.

This is based on a 1-minute examination of the letter. Beyond these
issues there will be room for improvement in other areas.

The key thing, most of the time, is to figure out the emotional
core of the appeal and write in such a way to intensify the feelings
of the reader and then offer relief from the anxiety you've
brought up at the end.

I see the copy is in a hard sell style-- it does not make sense and does not build enough trust immediately-- it makes me ask, " why should I continue looking at this dentist if he is going to hard sell me the entire time? Is he going to do this to me in the office?"

Put the Dentist at the top, not the bottom. You associate trust with an image, in this case, Mr. Dentist.

Do a A/B split test on the font. It is an unmarvelous thing on my screen. It comes out small, too close together, and too light to read. You feeling what I'm saying? Now imagine an older couple, 50 years of age, reading. They will not even have the patience.

Anyhow, great so far keep it up, you'll do well.

If you're target market is older people, then the light blue headers on white is a problem. It is difficult to read. Make them dark and bigger.

Hi biggoogle,

Some great suggestions already here on the copywriting front so I'm not going to go elaborate too much on this.

Overall, I just think the user is given far too much to think about and it needs to be "simplified."

I agree with what others have mentioned as well in regards to your copy but it's all about building your list right?

So in regards to your opt in form:
- I'd be inclined to install a plugin like wordpress domination. Clean, slick and it works . You give the user 2 choices - they either opt in to your very "valuable offer" or they don't (close the box).
- You could even be cheeky and get a second crack at them by installing something like ultimate footer ad (in the footer area).

Then split test your conversions!

Goodluck!

My advice is purely practical ... hire one of the copywriters above.