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Please help with my headline!

by kswr123
34 replies
I have a product about the recession coming out soon, and I need to know which of these titles are better, and if you can suggest any more that's be great Thanks!

1:

Revealed: The Best methods to help you survive the worst financial crisis since the Wall Street Crash

2:

"Who Else Wants To Make More Money And Hold Up A Big Middle Finger To All The Recession Naysayers?!"



Here's How You Can Not Only Survive But Thrive During The Current Financial Crisis...

Thanks for your input!





#headline
  • Profile picture of the author write-stuff
    I'd pick #1 out of the two. Is this a product you're creating yourself?
    - Russ
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  • Profile picture of the author kswr123
    yes. Well, Actually it is a compiled list of plr recession articles that I have reworked.
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  • Profile picture of the author stanwyck
    Discover the secret to surviving the worst financial crisis since the crash of '29!
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  • Profile picture of the author RedPhoenix
    How about
    "Discover The Secrets To Prospering While The Recession Rages"
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    http://www.23rdwave.com/

    "Excellence is not an event it's a habit" - Aristotle 384 BC
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  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    #2,

    It's more emotionally charged I think, but the first part of it (Who else wants to make more money...) is pretty weak.

    Colm
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  • Profile picture of the author FitJerk
    Use history facts dude... the tried and true

    "Did You Know That The Recession Of '29 Created More Millionaires Than Ever Before In The History Of The Country?"


    Here's How You Can Follow In Their Footsteps And Not Only Survive, But Thrive During The Current Recession Period

    Something along those lines... get what I'm saying? =)
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    • Profile picture of the author AnarchyAds
      Banned
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author Lavinco
        Are you familure with what a Topic sentence is? Learning this may help you in the future.
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      • Profile picture of the author UnityinAustralia
        Originally Posted by AnarchyAds View Post

        He's got the right idea, above.
        This is about OPPORTUNITY, not gloom & doom.

        ===================
        How The Average Joe With No Dough Can Profit From The Current Financial Crisis


        The Great Depression
        Created More Millionaires
        Than Any Other Time In History.

        Once again, Opportunity Knocks!!!

        Sign-Up To Get
        THE FREE REPORT:

        How The Average Joe With No Dough
        Can Profit From
        The Current Financial Cri$i$


        ACT NOW - ONLY 1,000 COPIES AVALIABLE !!!
        ONCE THEY ARE GONE, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN

        This headline worked the most on me out of all the headlines shown.

        At least, the Great Depression sentence did. The rest I phased out as uninteresting, or just hype (ie, not specific, quantified, backed up with 'proof', etc)
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      • Profile picture of the author cd928
        Originally Posted by AnarchyAds View Post

        He's got the right idea, above.
        This is about OPPORTUNITY, not gloom & doom.

        ===================
        How The Average Joe With No Dough Can Profit From The Current Financial Crisis


        The Great Depression
        Created More Millionaires
        Than Any Other Time In History.

        Once again, Opportunity Knocks!!!

        Sign-Up To Get
        THE FREE REPORT:

        How The Average Joe With No Dough
        Can Profit From
        The Current Financial Cri$i$


        ACT NOW - ONLY 1,000 COPIES AVALIABLE !!!
        ONCE THEY ARE GONE, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN
        This headline wins in my book because it's timely. There's the current economic crisis and people would want to earn more money amid the fears of losing jobs, rising costs, etc.
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    • Profile picture of the author Zachary R. Skinner
      Originally Posted by metalslug View Post

      Use history facts dude... the tried and true

      "Did You Know That The Recession Of '29 Created More Millionaires Than Ever Before In The History Of The Country?"


      Here's How You Can Follow In Their Footsteps And Not Only Survive, But Thrive During The Current Recession Period


      Something along those lines... get what I'm saying? =)
      This headline and sub-headline are excellent!

      Hell, this headline would make me very, very interested in your product.

      Nice Job!
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      "The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do"
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      • Profile picture of the author Lavinco
        Originally Posted by Zachary R. Skinner View Post

        This headline and sub-headline are excellent!

        Hell, this headline would make me very, very interested in your product.

        Nice Job!
        Too Long. Personally, I would only use;

        ""Did You Know That The Recession Of '29 Created More Millionaires Than Ever Before?"

        less redundant.
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    • Profile picture of the author Raydal
      Originally Posted by metalslug View Post

      Use history facts dude... the tried and true

      "Did You Know That The Recession Of '29 Created More Millionaires Than Ever Before In The History Of The Country?"


      Here's How You Can Follow In Their Footsteps And Not Only Survive, But Thrive During The Current Recession Period

      Something along those lines... get what I'm saying? =)
      This is a great example of the PARADOXICAL headline. Interestingly, my latest
      blog post was on headline writing ...

      Copywriting Tips And Tricks 10 Ways To Writing Better Headlines

      Here's what I included about this type of headline:

      "Make a paradoxical claim. Consider these headlines: "How to lose weight while eating more!" "How to make money online without a website!" All these claims state a contradiction and build a tension in the reader's mind that can only be resolved when he reads the rest of the copy, which is the main purpose of any headline--to get the rest of the sales letter read. Brainstorm and see if you can come up with a paradoxical headline for your product and tell another 'David beating Goliath' story with your sales copy."

      This headline wins for me as well.

      -Ray L.,
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      The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author kswr123
    wow thyere all so good.

    "Want to know The Best methods to help you survive the worst financial crisis since the Wall Street Crash?

    Here's How You Can Not Only Survive But Thrive During The Current Financial Crisis..."

    What do you think of that?
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  • Profile picture of the author Stephen Dean
    I like AnarchyAds copy the most.

    In the first headline. "The best" won't cut it. It doesn't mean anything because it's not specific. And that helps to make it less believable.

    What will the methods help you do? Or how can you describe them so they're specific.

    In the second headline, I think you could drop the "Who Else" part too. In the latter half, what's a recession naysayer exactly? It sounds a little confusing to me. Is it someone who denies that we're in a recession? I'd make it more clear.

    Cheers,
    Stephen Dean
    stephensblog.com
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  • Profile picture of the author kswr123
    The headline that I am going with at the moment is:

    Revealed: The simple and easy-to-follow information which will let you watch your financial wories melt away.

    Turn the Recession into a Goldmine! Find out how you can not only survive, but THRIVE during the current economic crisis!

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    • Profile picture of the author areyouelite
      Originally Posted by AnarchyAds View Post

      He's got the right idea, above.
      This is about OPPORTUNITY, not gloom & doom.

      ===================
      How The Average Joe With No Dough Can Profit From The Current Financial Crisis


      The Great Depression
      Created More Millionaires
      Than Any Other Time In History.

      Once again, Opportunity Knocks!!!

      Sign-Up To Get
      THE FREE REPORT:

      How The Average Joe With No Dough
      Can Profit From
      The Current Financial Cri$i$


      ACT NOW - ONLY 1,000 COPIES AVALIABLE !!!
      ONCE THEY ARE GONE, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN
      Originally Posted by saq3m View Post

      The headline that I am going with at the moment is:

      Revealed: The simple and easy-to-follow information which will let you watch your financial wories melt away.

      Turn the Recession into a Goldmine! Find out how you can not only survive, but THRIVE during the current economic crisis!

      IMO - this is way to soft. Financial situations are often the most emotional and you need to play into that emotion. Remember to enter the conversation in the prospects mind. I doubt anyone is thinking "Man, I wish there was information that would melt my financial worries away" plus you have couple grammatical errors (loss of credibility).

      Anarchy's ad SCREAMS at you - the right way and answers the question in my mind...how the hell to I take advantage of this situation to make more money right now.....emotions are pulled and he even put a limit on the number of reports (scarcity)...nice job.
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  • Profile picture of the author kswr123
    Heh! Ok thanks. I am just going through deciding now!
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  • Profile picture of the author kswr123
    Yeah I think I'll go withb the millionaires one, as that ties in with the Buffett Case study that will be in the eBook.
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    • Profile picture of the author warriorkevin
      I was all about filling in the form after I read AnarchyAds rework.

      Hurry up so I can get your report
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  • Profile picture of the author kswr123
    don't worry. Ill sign you up for a review! It's almost done, but making the final touches on a report this big takes a while. also, I've had to re-do the beginning two chapters, as on proof reading I found that they 'didn't fit'
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  • Profile picture of the author kswr123
    Yeas thanks a lot. I will be using a slight modification of that ad. But I was just wondering. If you say only 1000 copies, does it mean you have to stop at 1000?
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Miedema
    If I may content, being the copywriting enthusiast that I am: everybody wants a simple, easy and quick solution to their problems...so EVERYBODY is SAYING simple, quick and easy in their headlines too!

    If I read whatever headline that says simple, easy and quick I just yawn and the average prospect also yawns because he has seen it all before. The best way to use the "simple, quick and easy motivator" as I'd like to call it is to be specific...

    HOW quick?
    HOW simple?
    HOW easy?

    Let me take your headline, give it a more specific spin and you end up with: Revealed: An insider's shortcut roadmap with instant action improvements that'll let you watch your financial worries melt away...almost overnight.

    How quick? Almost overnight
    How simple? Instant action simple!
    How easy? Follow the shortcut roadmap easy...

    Here are some other "quic, simple and easy motivator" ways of thinking you can use for your headline and yes...you can steal them from me:

    - (It's quick, easy and simple because...) no matter how crappy your results were before, it still does X
    - (It's quick, easy and simple because...) no matter how broke you are, it still does X
    - (It's quick, easy and simple because...) no matter how strong the competition is (+ imagery example), it still does X
    - (It's quick, easy and simple because...) no matter HOW you're doing or WERE doing with the skill this product teaches before (whether it's example A, B, C or D), it still does X


    P.S: why not check out John Carlton? I learned my copywriting from him, and he has a killer blog about it
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    • Profile picture of the author mechaet
      Hi, I am new to the FORUM, but I can't resist to put my 2 cents in for a headline:

      IT'S TRUE! THE WALL STREET CRASH IS COMING.
      IF YOU'RE NOT PREPARED, YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE. HERE ARE PROVEN METHODS TO SHOVEL SNOW AT ECONOMIC POISON. PREVENT PAIN AND DISASTER NOW!
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      Regards, Jim Young
      ***Free Businesses That Are Right For You***

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  • Profile picture of the author RareGoodStuff
    "Revealed" has lost it charm. It has come to be associated with scams and fast buck peddlers. "How to" is coming back as necessary tool for a good copy. If you really like "Revealed", add "how to" to your headline.
    Try this title: Revealed: How to survive the worst financial crisis and earn money at the expense of Wall Street.
    Your title should always intrigue your reader to take the next step.
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    High Performance Coupons For Wellness Conscious People
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  • Profile picture of the author kswr123
    Thanks really good advice there!
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  • Profile picture of the author artwebster
    What wordy attempts!

    Do you want to survive this recession?
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    You might not like what I say - but I believe it.
    Build it, make money, then build some more
    Some old school smarts would help - and here's to Rob Toth for his help. Bloody good stuff, even the freebies!

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  • Profile picture of the author justsomeone
    Secrets of Surviving the Worst Financial Crisis of the Century
    & Gaining from it!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author imamrktr
    "Learn to Thrive Instead of Fighting to Survive During The Current Financial Crisis With These Easy Applied Methods"
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  • Profile picture of the author kswr123
    yes i like that one too!
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  • Profile picture of the author write-stuff
    I vote for anarchyads version, at least, the first two lines of it.
    - Russ
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  • Profile picture of the author Lavinco
    What ever happened to short and sweet. It's a headline. Not en entire excerpt. A title. Something catchy, not so long at first site, that there's no motivation to even read the title.

    Think of it as a google search. When sifting through results, do you read the titles or descriptions first? Do you read the descriptions at all. A title in a google search is only about 70 characters long. Aim for the length and people may actually read the entire headline.
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    • Profile picture of the author Magic Johnson
      Take It Or Leave It!

      "I Will Hand Out More Money
      Now Than In The Dusty 1929 Recession"

      Read on and I explain why 2009 could make you fortunes...
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