Feedback on a Press Release

Missing the press release.

Best,
Ewen

It's okay. Better than some I've seen. Still don't entirely understand what fasTrax is or does. Seems like an image coach or stylist for musicians.

What I don't see are services like taking advantage of industry trends, like not being the fifteen hudredth Lady Gaga clone, but seeing the trajectory from Madonna, going past Gaga, to where a new act has to be to make it today.

Bands are notorious for setting themselves on a path to self destruct ...in pretty much all they do. From marketing and developing visual identity to absolutely awful website design, not to mention legal and basic business administration. There is no mention of any of this.

You list no background. No track record. No industry contacts. Nothing which might lend credibility to your claims you prepare people for success -- American Idol level success. You can do this by "interviewing" recording industry folk and having them tell your story (because you work together all the time).


Related:

Radiohead’s In Rainbows – Good Album, Terrible User Experience A band like Radiohead has the luxury of driving people to better designed torrents, the struggling band does not.

In terms of credibility, what they have is a vision. Without any practical examples, I had to write the piece with their highest-minded intentions at heart.

Yeah, they do everything from personal branding (deliberate identity creation) to getting artists gigs and contracts - through extensive marketing.

Nice thing to put into a release. Sorry, but nobody cares about intentions. Intentions aren't news worthy. Nobody is going to give you free ad space for intentions.

They just might if you ran a contest, tied into the local nightclub circuit, with the winning bands getting a makeover.

This gives urgency to running your release. You use the reputation and credibility of participants (dare I say sponsors) thereby demonstrating your client's acumen doing just exactly what they say they do for bands.

Now, if they can't do something like this; I'd take that as a sign to cash your check real fast.

Nice... Some great feedback. Yeah, I can include their auditions coming up in July, which was supposed to be a separate piece, but obviously gives the press release news worthiness.

Hi there,

The tone is all wrong. You've written it in a salesy way that goes straight to the wastebasket (or delete button these days).

To be taken seriously, a press release has to be written in the same style as a newspaper news story. Factual and objective. You can use dramatic language, but it still has to be grounded in facts.

I have taught a lot of beginning copywriters and experienced journalists how to write great press releases. It is much harder to teach this to experienced copywriters because it requires them to unlearn many of their habits.

Good luck,
Marcia Yudkin
(Author of two books on publicity & author of press releases that have landed me or clients on page 1 of the Wall St. Journal, the New York Times business section, on CNN and much more - just so you know I am not making up my advice)

Maybe you didn't have a lot to work with so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. But I see a lot of hype and no news. It's all features, all about the company, and no benefits for the reporter or other person receiving it.

There's no real news hook here, just another company saying "look how great we are."
Let's say I'm an editor for a Houston publication, either a newspaper or alternative rag. It's slow because it's the Memorial Day weekend and I'm looking for a story. What I see here wouldn't make it past the first paragraph before I hit the delete button.

Now what if I get a release from the same company but with an actual hook. They tell me they're having a Lady Gaga look alike contest, either at a local mall or a hot bar. And there's a charity angle too because somehow they're raising money for kids with cancer. That would at least have a chance. What you've written is just hype.

Tell whoever gave you the facts you need something to work with.