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Salescopy Review

by André Silverspoon
7 replies
Hey fella!

Ok - so I've done my copy...

Usually I have outsouced my copy, but this time I wanted to make it myself and test my skills.

So if you want to review it and tell me your thoughts, it would be awesome!

Here it is:
http://fromdatetobed.com/easy_dating_formula.htm

Looking forward to your critique.

-A
#review #salescopy
  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    Where it says "here are the biggest myths about what women want," bring that up to the top.

    You need to immediately start giving the guys you're talking to something of substance. Right now, it's not there.

    Save your introduction for after you've really hooked them.

    Rewrite your introduction too.

    The "humbly" line made me cringe.

    What is the biggest reason people should listen to you? Start with that!

    Get rid of the stuff before your headline.

    Your headline will convert better with something that doesn't make guys think: "Former Security Manager Reveals An Exclusive, Tried & True, Easy-to-Follow Method That Gets YOU Laid!"
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  • Profile picture of the author Gdetonator
    The copy is very cool... I'm almost sold
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    The Next BIG Thing is Already Here!
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    • Profile picture of the author KingOfContentMarketing
      Some of your sentences seem awkward to me:

      "And the once I have not been talking with in about 2 months are deleted, this way I´m keeping the list of hot girls fresh and clean."

      I would change that to something like:

      "And the ones I haven't talked to in 2 months? Gone. I delete them to keep my list of hot girls fresh and clean."
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      Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
      - Jack Trout
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      • Profile picture of the author AndrĂ© Silverspoon
        Thanks!

        I´ve changed what you guys have suggested.
        One of my concerns is that the story is kind of boring and not enough related, but at the same time, I think it is something that many guys can relate to.
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      • Profile picture of the author Gdetonator
        Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel View Post

        Some of your sentences seem awkward to me:

        "And the once I have not been talking with in about 2 months are deleted, this way I´m keeping the list of hot girls fresh and clean."

        I would change that to something like:

        "And the ones I haven't talked to in 2 months? Gone. I delete them to keep my list of hot girls fresh and clean."
        I didn't even see that one, maybe your eyes are sharper... haha
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    Quick thoughts...

    1. There are a thousand seduction products. What makes yours better or different?

    2. Are you teaching guys to pick up girls or be good in bed? Although they're related, I don't think they belong in the same product.

    3. The story comes across as overwritten and melodramatic... and also as complete bull****. It also misses the point of what a good story does (makes you relatable, proves your experience, etc).

    There's tons of other stuff wrong... but those three will get you started.

    -Daniel
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    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author RRMarketing
    Quick critique:

    -> The truth is promoted by every other product out there. All products say the same thing. You don't need cars, looks, money. So it's not really a new truth, especially since the market is experienced.

    -> It would be better to actually say women want guys with cars, looks and money and then build a logical case why. Based on that logical case, you would show that these things can be replaced by something the prospect already owns / is.

    -> You are going against the guru but you are saying about the same thing. When you position yourself against the competition and determine your USP, you need to do this with your entire message, not only with your headline.

    Razvan
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