HELP Please?

Hi Robin,

There is Daniel Scott, Alex Cohen and myself who offer paid critiques on this forum.

There may be more [sorry to those names I've missed out]

You'll get more in depth help this way than what will be given on the forum.

I can see where you are going with your letter, just needs some organizing
and strengthening of existing points.

You are nearly there.

Best,
Ewen

And several others including myself Ewen.

Your post is absolutely fine Robin. Trust me.

Do you mind first of all explaining the thinking behind your main headline please?

Best,


Pete Walker

Hey. I kind of like the greens in the background. I don't usually, but here it didn't bother me.

The writing has too many run-ons. Try to be more on-point and get your message across in an easy to read manner.

Also, your blocks of text are too large. Break them up. It is too difficult for the average eye to concentrate on.

I guess that the main problem is that it is not very reader friendly, therefore will not convert very well.

So you have identified:

1. Pet owners
2. Pet shop owners/groomers
3. Pet hotels
4. Craft show, trade show, festivals

You have identified your market and now you can take some time and come up with a marketing plan. It's not a problem, it's a challenge and you can do this.

There is a ton of information on this forum about marketing. I wouldn't necessarily start with ppc. Spend some time here and learn from the people who have successfully marketed their business.

THANKS SO MUCH!

I know there are some horrible grammatical and run ons in there. I stayed up way to late trying to write this. I think I honestly need to look away from it for a minuet because when I look back is when I start fining the silly problems. I am going to take a couple of hours away from it and then come back and try and work on the things you all have suggested here. Thanks again so much.

Your target market here should be the end consumer.

Natural dog remedies is a huge market. In fact, the key term "natural dog remedies" gets Googled roughly 18,000 times a month alone in the broadest sense... (only about 170 times per month verbatim.)

If you want to appeal to entrepreneurs, you should really create some sort of track record first. However, either way, making a business opportunity out of your 100+ page report/ebook should be a separate endeavor... unless you're gonna use clickbank or some nonsense like that...

Anyway, that's my take... End consumer looking for natural, organic, homemade remedies.

List the benefits.

Compare it to taking your dog to the vet.

How much many can a person save over the life of their pet?

Cheers,

Mark

I agree with Mark... consumers is where it's at.

Talk about why regular remedies are super dangerous... and other herbal remedies incredibly expensive.

Then BAM... a solution is offered.

And $99 for an ebook? Not gonna happen - at least not if you're an "unknown". Even heavy marketers add a lot of bonuses and so forth.

Also... the design hurt my eyes. And last time I checked flat leaf parsley, thyme, rosemary, triple curled parsley and the other stuff wasn't used for dog remedies...

Unless the dog remedy happens to be a really tasty ragout.

-Daniel

P.S. I was actually pretty impressed by the effort you put in - and the skills you have - hence why I'm replying to this critique request. Seriously... it's a damn good effort.

Well, if you're speaking exclusively to entrepreneurs, whether they're stay-at-home moms or seasoned money-makers, you need to illuminate the possibilities more specifically.

If you're speaking to Law of Attraction types (since you're including books like Think & Grow Rich), explain how your ebook creates the opportunity to manifest the reality they've been envisioning more effectively...

...or even combine your affiliate page information (sans the banners and such) to make a more complete sales letter.

Either way, you need to really hone in on your audience and speak directly to them.

In my opinion, it's going to be a very specific type of entrepreneur (or hopeful entrepreneur) who would be interested in following through on making the products and selling them.

Also, break up your copy... it's hard to read.

Keep each line it at one sentence.

Don't try and bundle your thoughts together into paragraphs.

Keep moving forward!

Cheers!

Mark

This is just my opinion herbalhound...I understand you are selling a way to make money with natural pet products, but the Bonus items you have included seem to be more distracting than helpful. I get that they are in the "entrepreneurial" field but its almost too overwhelming. Add the fact that those products are easy to find for free online, and it takes away any value added by the bonuses.

Maybe most people don't know you can get those items free, and maybe I am just jaded after seeing so much of them, but I get the feeling that the bonuses overshadow the actual product...making me take my thoughts of your product.

Again, just my opinion, I hope it helps a little bit.

I ment to ask what does "Sans your Banner Ads" mean? Are you talking font?

PS The one thing I have going for me with this right now is that I am 6 months pregnant and my ankles are swollen up like softballs. All I can do is sit with my feet up and work on this site. LOL! Lucky Me. ;-)

Read all advice and criticism carefully. OK?

First thing...

I had a custom made candle business in the 70s before candles were "hot". Did very well with them. The MADE AT HOME CRAFT is always in demand.

I want you to spend a little time LOOKING and READING some other people's stuff. In particular the work of Alan Bullington. You might consider emulation of his strategy.

First, to one of his many ARTICLES on his craft:
Handmade Soap Making -- Step By Step

Alan and his family sold over 35,000 bars of soap (at an average price of 4 bux) and expanded his line until he had a catalog.

Here is his soap making KIT: Starting A Soap Business From Home

I'm using SOAP here, but the principles apply to you...homemade equals more natural and a higher quality product in many people's minds...especially when it comes to pets.

Also, take a few moments and puruse these links:

Bramble Berry®, Inc | Soap Making Supplies

Amazon.com: Soap Making Kit: Toys & Games
Trying to point out there is a LOT of competition but room for everyone.

The Original Soapmaking Kit

OK, enough about making soap. Let me address your promotion.

I agree with Rick Duris as to TARGETING the market...and if you read anything I've written on the copywriter's forum, it is my one trick pony, my MANTRA...Market ID first.

That being said. I disagree about it being a consumer product. It CAN be, but there is no reason it can't be that...and several different other products.

But, you probably will need a specific promotion for each niche or sometimes called a segment of a given market.

Pet Groomers would be a segment of the Pet Service Providers category.

The Pet Industry is a Billion Dollar a Year Business...Here's HOW You Can Get Your Share.

would be a stronger appeal to those IN the business looking to add a profit center to their grooming business or pet store or other marketing programs...they don't have to be in the PET business. Your appeal would be to the Entrepreneur and all the better if you can target that (oh, by the way, I'm one of those guys who doesn't think writing good copy that pulls in dollars is easy...it is HARD to get people to part with their money...BUT, if you start with the right TARGET and offer up a Message which is in synch with what they are already thinking...you stand a much better chance).

So a promotion to someone seeking a Money Making or Biz Op would have more appeals to things a future Entrepreneur would look for. MAKING money in an established market.

They don't need to be pet lovers, owners or anything else. The APPEAL is to give them a relative "ground floor" opportunity of working from home and building a nice little sideline income or trying to grow a big business.

An appeal to fellow groomers, well, you don't have to tell them HOW big the market is...tell them how quickly and easily they can add a profit center their customers will love.

Just a personal thing, but I hate the "My friends laughed" approach...you are using valuable space. Better is something like "Here's how I added an extra $12,674.52 last year to my Pet Grooming Business by simply making NATURAL PET PRODUCTS in my spare time."

I can show you how to quickly and easily create an additional profit center to your pet business because I have done exactly that.

Again, the APPEAL is going to differ from TARGET to TARGET.

So, here is my FREE critique, take it for what it is worth...fair enough?

Write several different headlines. IF you are pitching a MONEY making method, focus on the reader making money...quickly, easily, FUN, spare time, much in demand, pet lovers spend money, etc. etc.

I think you did good, but there is a lot of HYPE in the beginning...and you mix messages. WHO says it is priceless? Who says it is THE ONLY guide? They raise questions.
Who says it is spectacular?

I don't like the title. You could actually have several different titles...pick one to match your TARGET audience.

Keep it simple. How to Make Natural Pet Products People Want to Buy. Something like that.

I don't want to operate a pet spa. Your title is too clever. Essentials for the herbal hound? Do hounds WANT herbal or do their "Owners"?

Here is my bottom line opinion...no need to critique the promotion as it is...

What I THINK might work is YOUR story.

A picture of YOU in the upper left corner. A HEADLINE to match the TARGET, be they people already in the pet business or those looking for a money making opportunity or CONSUMERS...could be all three and more.

But they all should have a PICTURE of you, maybe a picture of you grooming a pet or two.

If MONEY MAKING, put dollars and cents in, tell them you only work ONE day a week to make products, how easy it is, how quickly it can be done and how, IF they follow your lead, they should be able to make quick sales too.

IF to Pet Groomers, or those in the Pet Industry, tell them your story. But leave out all the hyperbole.

Something along the lines of

Hi,

My name is Robin Kasper, I'm a real person with a pet grooming business in Austin, TX.

My salon and pet boutique has been successfully doing business for over 15 years and I cater to those people who treat their pets as family members. They want the very best for their beloved friend.

Many of my clients asked about NATURAL products, such as a gentle shampoo, and honestly, when I started, they were hard to find.

So I started researching and soon developed my own line of NATURAL, Pet Friendly and safe products.

SEE? Tell YOUR story. Let other Pet Groomers know they can add a simple PROFIT center to their business just by carrying your product line.

LET the Wholesale Entrepreneur know they can make money by servicing their own "Route" in their hometown, and offer products to pet salons, pet stores, retail stores, health food stores, vets, pet hospitals...and directly to consumers.

LET the consumer know how to order and give them good reasons for doing so...and each would require it's own TARGETED PROMOTION...

but each one would have YOUR story as the centerpiece...just dress it with different appeals according to the market.

IF you decide to give it another go...I'll be glad to give you a fuller critique, for FREE, and I'll do my best to help you out.

I am ALSO involved in marketing a natural PET PRODUCT, and at one time helped develop pet supplements too.

Just so you know, I have a little experience in your market and a little bit of copywriting experience to boot.

Good luck, let us know what you do next.

gjabiz

PM me. I would like to help.