Hey! I want to introduce myself

This is what I meant to attach but wasn't allowed to: It's like a test for a job. They wanted three blurbs for a deal for each company. As above, please critique me. I am a noob and need advice.



Deal One - Zale's Diamonds

a) Choose from our giant selection of styles, cuts and sizes.

b) Show the one you love how much you care. Diamonds are the perfect gift for truly special occasions. Whoever you love, our selection will ensure that your gift will reflect your true feelings.

c) Diamonds are forever, but this deal isn't. Save 20% on diamonds in every size and style under the sun.

Rating: 3. It's a nice discount, if you happen to be looking for diamonds.

Deal Two - Dick's Sporting Goods

a) Show your school spirit in style.

b) Dick's Sporting Goods has everything you need to represent your school in style. Whether you're on the field or in the stands, Dick's Sporting goods has it all

c) Get ready to cheer your team to victory in genuine NCAA apparel. Available in Men's, Women's and Kid's sizes

Rating: 3. Everyone always needs new football jerseys, but not a huge percent.

Deal Three - Madden 2009

a) The best game of the fall has arrived.

b) The new Madden is the best yet. Invite over some friends, pop out the controllers and show them they ain't got nothing. Featuring every single player in the NFL, it doesn't get more real than this.

c) Think you've got what it takes to create a football dynasty? Lead your team to victory in the all new Legacy mode and become a legend.

Rating : 2. I don't really care about game discounts. Why get a physical copy online when you can just download for less.

Deal Four - LuggageOnline.com

a) Remember when traveling was glamorous? You will.

b) Luggage online has a surprising selection this season. From the classic elegance of their Voyager line, to the sleek modern curves of the Aequinox collection, there's a style that will let everyone know what sort of traveler you are.

c)What do you look for when choosing suitcase? Style? Or Security? You don't have to compromise at LuggageOnline.com

Rating: 3. It's good, if you need luggage.

Deal Five - Dell Inspiron Mini

a) Who says bigger is always better?

b) Our customers asked for a laptop that was light enough to carry to class or work and powerful enough to get the job done. We listened. Introducing the new Dell Inspiron Mini 9. And yeah, it comes in 9 colors. Get used to it.

c) Power in a small package. Be the envy of your friends with the cute new minicomputer by Dell.

Rating: 5. What a price, that should cost a lot more than that!

Deal Six - 1800 Contacts

a) Ditch the glasses and see a new you.

b) Do you ever find that your eyes hurt after wearing contacts? Well that means you're wearing the wrong type. At 1800 Contacts we have every variety, from long-lasting hard lenses to super gentle soft-gels. Come over today and see what you've been missing.

c) Yes, you can believe your eyes. Get all the best brands including Optix, Glassex and more at 1800 Contacts.

Rating: 1. 5% is a lame discount. Especially if you have to spend $100 to get it.

Deal Seven - Vitamin World

a) Vitamins A through Z. And then some.

b) Did you know that there are 13 different vitamins the human body requires to maintain a healthy immune system? And did you know that most people don't get all of them from a normal diet? If you want to be healthy and be happy, then you need to know the facts. We're here to help.

c) Get healthy today! Like mom always said, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Well vitamins do more.

Rating: 1. If I didn't want vitamins $1 shipping doesn't make me buy. Also why not free? It's not like $1 matters.

Deal Eight - PriceLine

a) Forget staycations, with prices this low you can't afford not to travel.

b) One of the worst things about Labor Day is that it's the last chance to have fun this summer. One of the best things? Over 1500 destinations up to 60% off.

c) With over 1500 destinations to choose from, you never know what you'll discover.

Rating: 5. That's an awesome deal, so much cheaper than usual. I would fly that weekend.

Deal Nine - Kohl's

a) Totally relaxed looks at totally chill prices

b) Whether it's back to school or back to work, Kohl's has the best brands to get you there in style.
Featuring the hippest new designer labels like Urban Pipeline, our relaxed casual clothes are great for first impressions, feeling great and just having a good time.

c) The hottest new looks of the fall are in. What are you waiting for, come down to Kohl's today and see how you fit in!

Rating:5. I don't go clothes shopping and I don't like the brand, but that's pretty cheap.

Deal Ten - Nordstrom's

a) Our best designer footwear, going fast

b) Nothing says more about your style than your shoes. From cool to casual, from elegant to laid back, we can't wait for you to find out what we have in store.

c) Head on over to Nordstrom's for 40% off the coolest footwear in town. Hurry though; this deal won't stick around forever.

Rating:4. I like it, but why is it only shoes? I would buy more if they had other stuff.





Duncan Stewart

Blah blah, if I could link I could show you the website IGN paid me 20k to make. But that was through good self-promotion in person lol.

Well, at least you seem to have the attitude or mindset that
will help in your copywriting business. Sometimes that's the
one key factor between success and failure. I haven't seen
enough of your writing to give any advice.

-Ray Edwards

How can I thank you. I know you haven't seen enough, but I'm really trying to learn how much is attitude and how much is skill? I know you can't succeed without both, but what matters more?

That's the funny thing. I know I'm worth 80k a year in this field, pff at least. I mean, I did this on the side because I didn't want to hire some one skilled at the required rates.

But it's real different being the employee and not being a singular talent.

I just deleted a whole lot of text. My conclusion is that I can write what they need to sell a whole lot of ****. Hell, I just sold $500,000 worth of youtube content (lol!), I'll make them some cash they can't just give up.

But I notice that a lot of people here write those annoying long format Obey! websites. I bet that Obey! website is super famous actually. Has anyone had a more traditional marketing job, you know the type where you come up with with those gay People magazine ads?

I feel bad as I thought my site was good, but looking at Alexa stats, you guys are doing a lot better.

We didn't have text forums but we streamed like 40 million hours of video content this year. It puts us in the top 1% of videos that don't star Justin Bieber.