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Bash My Site

by nicholasb
7 replies
I want this site to be close to perfect so please critique lab sapphire
#bash #site
  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    You have a bit of a USP, but need to be a little more informative with it. Check out The Natural Sapphire Company.

    There is too much going on, with too many gimmick boxes and stuff. Try for a simpler look, tell your full story. Develop a layout which leads the reader's eye, without the visual "speed bumps."
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    • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
      I think you should try long copy. Gemstones have been
      successfully sold with long copy for years.
      '
      Your website is short of compelling information on
      page 1 - -just puffery about your 25% discount.

      NEWSFLASH - everybody knows prices on stones
      are inflated. It's generally a mistake to have your
      USP be cheap prices - attracts the wrong people.
      And if they shop around to see if you really do have
      the best prices what will they find?

      Low-price chest-beating encourages comparison
      shopping. Can you sell in that environment?

      All in all "we specialize in top quality sapphires so
      we can give them to you at the lowest possible
      prices" is just puffery. Any sapphire merchant
      can claim the same.
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      • Profile picture of the author procopywriter
        Keep in mind your home page, no matter what business you're in, has two main functions:

        1. To communicate your Core Marketing Message, which consists of 3 elements...
        • Who you are and what you do. (The most basic element.)
        • What benefits you provide to WHOM. (Flag your target audience and communicate what you can do for them.)
        • Why a member of your target audience should do business with you. (Your unique selling proposition, or USP)
        2. To engage your visitors and point them to an opt-in page so you can collect their contact information and continue to market to them. (See how I did it for one of my clients here: www.WildfireFX.com )

        You definitely need a stronger USP. There are 17 other ways to differentiate yourself other than price. (I'm working on a course right now--which I'll finish up soon--on how to create a strategic Core Marketing Message, which will include a step-by-step process on how to do it.)

        I agree with Loren partly on selling with long copy. It's an effective way to sell just about anything--as long as you understand that you wouldn't do that on the home page of your store... you'd create a separate landing page for a long copy sales letter and send your database to that landing page. Your home page should communicate the things I mentioned above.

        Here are a few non-copywriting comments that will help increase conversions...
        • Your "contact us" page should be easier to find. If I ever land on a web store I've never been to before, I check and see where they are before I buy. If I can't find a "contact us" page, I don't buy. Period.
        • You need more "credibility" elements on the page like a "Trust-E" certificate, a "BBB Online" logo, and other elements that help build trust.
        • You need a "branded" graphic banner across the top with the name and logo of your store. This helps build an identity.
        • Your site a bit "pale" (all the colors are light and low contrast) making it somewhat unattractive. I don't want to spend a lot of time there. Look at the colors on the big stores like Amazon.com or Ebay.com or Shop.com. Notice the high-contrast color schemes. I believe there's a reason for that.
        Good luck!

        Aaron
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        Joshua Aaron Stanley, The 'Spiritual' Copywriter:
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  • Profile picture of the author Craig Fenton
    Hi Nicholasb:

    Hope the weekend is going well. Best of luck with the site. If you have a section of Product Reviews it should not be empty. You have a couple of options. Until you get at least two either don't show that on the site or get articulate reviews that give credibility and don't seem insincere.

    It looks like you thought out the look rather well. It isn't overblown with nonsense and you kept it professional.

    May the results be all you seek and more!
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  • Profile picture of the author nicholasb
    made some changes to the site, it is also listed number 5 on google for a competitive keyword
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Too much Jargon - your copy is technical, not benefit-oriented.

    Go read Drew Eric Whitman's stuff. He explains this issue and
    how to fix it well in his book Ca$hvertising - and also articles
    I've seen online.
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  • Profile picture of the author procopywriter
    Much better than the original, but Loren has a good point. It's also a bit "wordy" and repetitive. I'm not objecting to the amount of copy. I'm objecting the nature of it.

    You've done a much better job communicating what you do. I believe I'd make the headline say something along the lines of "Our Lab-Grown Sapphires Are Identical To Mother Nature's... Guaranteed Or Your Money Back!"

    Or something along those lines. That would be pretty powerful and really communicate the "reason why" your sapphires are less expensive than what they could get elsewhere.

    Also... when you say a generic phrase like "top quality", be sure and explain exactly what you mean by that. "Top quality" doesn't mean anything. But something along the lines of "identical hardness, color, and composition to the best Mother Nature provides" communicates more specificity.

    Finally, I'd look for a way to send visitors to an opt-in form. Create a report... offer a free sample... offer something of value to begin building a database of interested prospects. Not everyone will buy the first time they visit your site.
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