Help With Landing Page

15 replies

I'm creating a landing page for a free trial of our service HERE. Thing is, there's not very much writing and the words that are there are... bland.

Wondering if anyone has any advice for things to say/mention.

Any critiques and general comments will be greatly appreciated.

#landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author JonathenBrown
    "Give your business plan a toll-free support from Us, Apply your luck today" !! - This type of slogans may attract visitors.

    I get affordable offshore software development services.

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    • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
      It's clean and neat looking, which is already leagues ahead of a lot of other landing pages out there. The title is a bit wordy for my tastes, but I prefer short, snappy language to the typical sales diatribes.

      Without knowing exactly who you're going for and what your own goals are as far as branding/differentiation are concerned, it's hard for me to make a judgment call on what will work for your target audience.

      Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

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  • Profile picture of the author TheeBook
    I don't think you need help with this. You have a great landing page.
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  • Profile picture of the author JerryKuzma
    I agree that the landing page is good, in that it is clear, informative and clean.

    The one BIG thing that needs changed is the design of the first four items.....if you move these into different positions, you will have a great page. It is basically upside-down.

    When I, as a potential client, open your page, I am hit with "I want my free number", and I never read the biz name and number, the opening text, or the 120 day free trial header. The black button is shouting, and my eyes can't 'hear' your other, very important text.

    Here's what I suggest:

    --move phone number to bottom of is not necessary up top

    --move big header to the top, and add the thing that you are trying to sell, ie 'toll-free number' -- you have to tell them what it is that you are promoting!
    I recommend this header:
    Get a Toll-Free Number FREE for 4 Months! (Largest point size)

    --I like your 'expand your customer base...' text. Put it next, with a slighly smaller point size

    --next, put an 'I want my free number' button on the page, but with a MUCH more subdued design.... don't overpower the two items above!

    --the items below the button are great....concise and segmented well.

    --one other minor change.....change the bottom sub-header to "Some" of our happy that we don't think that you only have 6 clients so far LOL! Also, add a short instruction "(click the images to hear what they think of us...)"--because I only discovered that the photos were clickable by accident. It is a GREAT selling feature, so we want your prospect to DEFINITELY click the images... You might even change the sub-head to "Click on these happy customers...."

    Hope this helps. It was great fun writing all this.....

    Jerry K

    ***********GRAB THIS FREE REPORT! *******
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    This is better in layout and content than many attempts that appear on this forum.

    I'd change the "Easy on the Pockets" to "Easy on the Pocketbook"...unless people actually say "Pockets" where you're from.

    The copy is "nice," but also bland.

    120-day free trial is in my sales mind too long and too good an offer...that's 4 months until you start making money...can your business model support that wait?

    What's missing is a strong reason to go ahead and get your service. The only draw you have is the 120 days free, and that's not taking your service out of the commodity realm. "It's easy to use, cheap and supported by friendly people" are so basic that they are ground-floor expectations.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    1. I was confused the instant I landed. What am I supposed to read? My eyes were bouncing all over the page. I should see a headline when I land. Remember this rule: When you emphasize everything, you emphasize nothing.

    2. 6 months or even "1/2 a year" sounds longer than 120 days.

    3. Why is your email link not clickable?

    4. Don't use the word "benefits" to describe your benefits. Just say "Here's what you get"

    5. This color on white is terrible. There's not near enough contrast.
    I suggest working with your fonts and colors to help eliminate this but the layout needs some changes too.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Horror-show. Too much going on. My eyes were bugging out. This page needs to be a lot cleaner than this. All it needs is a short paragraph of copy in the middle of the page (above the fold) and an opt-in to get the Free Trial.

    Plug your site into ClickTale, The leader in Heatmaps, Usability & Web Analytics and you'll see exactly how you're freaking your visitors out.

    Then go and find a Ryan Deiss or a Frank Kern landing page.

    Like this - The Anatomy of a Perfect Squeeze Page Template | Digital Marketer

    He even gives you an html squeeze page template on that page.
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  • Profile picture of the author KevinW
    I don't like that Chat With Us popup coming up immediately. I can't even read the header and that thing is there. Delay the pop up more.
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  • Profile picture of the author alfid
    It's simple, effective, and straight to the point. I think this should work great. I don't think you need help with this. Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    you need more details about the offer... how much, what it is.. what they get... why they should chose you etc.

    if you need an FAQ page, i think the sales copy is lacking... the copy should address all those questions in the FAQ

    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • Profile picture of the author knish
    You should try to improve the graphics. The characters are very simple and childlike, they seem to be designed by children.
    Prospects might think that it is not a professional service.
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  • Profile picture of the author TollFreeService
    Thank you all very much for your feedback. I started a new PPC campaign today using the current layout of the landing page. It's still too early to tell if it's working (only 29 clicks) but I did get a conversion for a year subscription of fax-to-email service on my main website homepage. Not at all what I am trying to get but I'll take a conversion any day, no matter how strange

    Obviously much more testing and optimizing that needs done. Thank you all again for your feedback.
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