headline needs looking at

12 years ago

FREE! A super simple way to create over $3,000 passive income
per month by outsourcing 95% of The Work For Under $10!

Test out something like this.

Although be cautious about income claims.

[ 2 ] Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6335383].message }}

videolover7

12 years ago

Originally Posted by eSubmarine

FREE Course Reveals The Secret Behind Creating A Passive Income From Selling On Amazon Kindle AND How To Outsource 95% Of The Work For Pennies!

The headline is awkward.

I'd take out the words "Course" and "From" and make it a dual headline:

“FREE Secret Revealed: How To Create A
Passive Income Selling On Amazon Kindle!”

Outsource 95% Of The Work For Pennies

[ 1 ] Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6339250].message }}

eSubmarine

12 years ago

I have been wondering if I should include income claims or not. You cannot deny their effectiveness but it does kind of precondition people into a mindset that its going to easy to reach that figure with minimal effort. I don't want to put too many false hopes that are just going to end up distracting people from taking action like 90% of the other stuff in IM.

Thank you both for you input. It's definitely starting to flow a little better. I really like the change of under $10 to pennies. The lack of specificity is useful because it can sometime cost more than $10 to find a quality outsource. Maybe some kind of connective between the two lines suggested by videolover7 would work.

"FREE Passive Income Secret Revealed: How To Create And Sell Quality eBooks On Amazon Kindle, While Outsourcing 95% Of The Work (For Pennies!)"

I'm sensing some split testing coming up

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6339527].message }}

Joseph Robinson

Banned 12 years ago

I wouldn't include income claims. It is dangerous ground to be playing on, especially with the FTC cracking down. They are already looked down upon and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to see them outlawed completely in the near future.

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6339929].message }}

eSubmarine

12 years ago

Yeah I don't really like them on a personal level either for the reasons stated in the post above, even if you have made a good income with the system your promoting. That's in no way reflective of what a person is going to achieve with said system. The fact that the FTC are also tightening up what you can and cannot do within IM is just even more reason to stay away from these claims. Thanks for your input Joe.

Thoughts on the second edit would be nice to hear. I think it flows a lot better than the first, still not sure about the latter half after the comma. Trying to think of a different way to connect the two...

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6340218].message }}

Joseph Robinson

Banned 12 years ago

Originally Posted by eSubmarine

Thoughts on the second edit would be nice to hear. I think it flows a lot better than the first, still not sure about the latter half after the comma. Trying to think of a different way to connect the two...

I still find the flow to be pretty awkward. I'd go with something like this personally:

Free: You can create passive income by selling quality ebooks on Amazon Kindle while outsourcing 95% of the work!

Still hits all the points you want to get across and reads much better (in my opinion).

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6340858].message }}

eSubmarine

12 years ago

Yeah I really like that. I'm quite surprised how much better it flows with just a little re-jig. The personalization with 'you' at the start is a good addition too..... Was definitely missing from the first few attempts.

Sweet. Now I better get off the WF, get some split test set up and actually get on with driving traffic to my offer! Cheers for the input warriors.

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6341101].message }}

Joseph Robinson

Banned 12 years ago

Originally Posted by eSubmarine

Yeah I really like that. I'm quite surprised how much better it flows with just a little re-jig. The personalization with 'you' at the start is a good addition too..... Was definitely missing from the first few attempts.

Sweet. Now I better get off the WF, get some split test set up and actually get on with driving traffic to my offer! Cheers for the input warriors.

Cool. Glad I could help and good luck

.

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6341381].message }}

Rezbi

12 years ago

Just a quick one:

Is It Really Possible To Create A Passive Income From Selling On Amazon Kindle?

Not Only Is It Possible But This FREE Course Will Also Show You How To Get Others To Do 95% Of The Work For You

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6341232].message }}

ASCW

12 years ago

What's your pre-head?

If this is the angle you're going for - your pre-head makes a load of difference and can help tighten the headline by quite a lot...

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Site being revamped.

If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.

Cool.

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6342938].message }}

ewenmack

12 years ago

They're all dead ducks.

Why..? because they are all trying too hard and get lost in the smog of sameness.

Newspapers and tabloids still get more daily views than the info product universe.

So let's copy their formula for getting read.

One formula is...

-----------------
what/who...done
-----------------
--------------------------------------------
Lazy Beach Bum Swears His Money Isn't Made
From Slave Labor
--------------------------------------------

Now let's put this under the microscope...

"Lazy Beach Bum" is the who which has a certain amount of
emotional charge to it.

"Swears" is the action word which transitions into the news story.
Need action words to get the reader to take action. Passive words get no action.

"His Money Isn't Made From Slave Labor"
Slave labor has a controversial edge to it which draws readers in.
This leads nicely into the author telling his story what he does
without sounding like an ad, therefore draws in more readers.

A headline and a lesson all gift wrapped for ya!

Best,
Ewen

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6343135].message }}

eSubmarine

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Rezbi

Just a quick one:

Is It Really Possible To Create A Passive Income From Selling On Amazon Kindle?

Not Only Is It Possible But This FREE Course Will Also Show You How To Get Others To Do 95% Of The Work For You

This is a really nice lead in. I'd like to see something grab you more at the start and get you really focused on reading. Definetly more ideas into the boiling pot.

Originally Posted by ASCW

What's your pre-head?

If this is the angle you're going for - your pre-head makes a load of difference and can help tighten the headline by quite a lot...

I don't actually have a pre-head line, I can see this would add value in this situation however. You raise a good point, think it would be nice to include the outsourcing part of the headline into the pre-headline as that what seems to limit the flow of the text later on. "URGENT MESSAGE: Simple Kindle Outsourcing Strategy Reviled."

Originally Posted by ewenmack

They're all dead ducks.

Why..? because they are all trying too hard and get lost in the smog of sameness.

Newspapers and tabloids still get more daily views than the info product universe.

So let's copy their formula for getting read.

One formula is...

-----------------
what/who...done
-----------------
--------------------------------------------
Lazy Beach Bum Swears His Money Isn't Made
From Slave Labor
--------------------------------------------

Now let's put this under the microscope...

"Lazy Beach Bum" is the who which has a certain amount of
emotional charge to it.

"Swears" is the action word which transitions into the news story.
Need action words to get the reader to take action. Passive words get no action.

"His Money Isn't Made From Slave Labor"
Slave labor has a controversial edge to it which draws readers in.
This leads nicely into the author telling his story what he does
without sounding like an ad, therefore draws in more readers.

A headline and a lesson all gift wrapped for ya!

Best,
Ewen

Thanks for you input Ewen, this seems like a completely different angle for me to take things from. I can clearly see how this title incites emotion, then puts reader into a mind state ready for action then perks their curiosity to give them that extra nudge. Going to take me a little while to construct a title that would suit the product lets have a think.... Incite emotion, action... curiosity. "Over Stressed Kindle Marketer Cuts Out Workload Almost Instantly" Could do with a bit of work again, sounds a bit too much like an ad to me...I think, but I do like where its going.

Great input everyone am getting a serious crash course in headlines!

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6347383].message }}

eSubmarine 12 years ago

Just noticed this recent thread title by WF legend Willie Crawford. Thought it illustrated Ewen's point about headlines quite well so I'd post it here....

Selfish Greedy *******s who Would Sell Their Own Grandmothers...

Selfish (great emotion word)
Greedy *******s (the who)
Sell (the action)
Their Own Grandmothers... (im pretty curious to find out why they'd sell their grandma!!)
- [ 1 ] Thanks
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6347451].message }}

The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

Opt-In to Vin Montello's list and get a free copy of his "Head-libs"

Bit too Clickbanky for my tastes but you might get some ideas.

And here's Halbert on Headlines.

[ 1 ] Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6349136].message }}

eSubmarine

12 years ago

Ok so I've been driving traffic to my offers (4 pages on a mulit split test).

I used the original title I created with some small edits (first post), one in the style that Ewen suggested, one duel headline and finally one with a short pre-headline focused on urgency/limited offer.

The difference so far is huge, my first title is converting at just below 20%
Whereas the best is hitting just under 40%.

Right now Ewen's style headline is destroying it with the highest conversion rate, but I am only about half done with traffic generation.

[ 1 ] Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6365263].message }}

headline needs looking at

Trending Topics

Model Collapse

How to improve site position to top 1 of google?

Apple Vision Pro

Meta description tags not showing on Google

I have built 2 Saas projects, I don't have money to promote.