Please critic my video script and help me improve it

Hi copywriters,

I'm writing script for my video squeeze page. This is the first time I wrote script myself. Please help me improve it to it best.

Here is my script:
"Hi, My name is Keng Perapol, and I made this short video to tell you how you can burn Fat Without Dieting or Working Out!
If you're having problem with burning fat..I know how frustrating it can be.


You try dieting very hard but what you face every day is your chubby belly.
You don't even want to go to beaches or swimming pools because you're afraid that every person in the beach is just gonna stare at you and think that you look like a pig. It affects your self-esteem, your confidence and it can wreck your whole entire day!


I've been there before. I've spent years struggling with getting ripped..but it was a nightmare.. no matter what I did, my weight always seemed to strike back.


Worse yet..You've probably spent thousands of dollars on Dangerous Pills, weight loss supplements and expensive exercise machine, that don't work. In fact, I tried stuff like Hoodia and other supplements and they made my shape got worse.


It's not your fault! The truth is a lot of companies in this industry actually want you to staying fat because you will be their customers FOREVER. So no wonder why it's so hard for you to have a lean body!
NO MORE!! That's what I said. I was frustrated with having bad shape. I want a REAL solution and after month of trial and error..I finally stumbled upon powerful secret fat burning techniques. That gave me a lean body in just 2 months.



And I revealed the SECRET techniques In My Top Secret 7 Days Fat Burning Report. In 7 Days Fat Burning Report I revealed that Why Your Body is a Fat Loving Machine and What You Can Do About it. How to Literally Eat All Day Without Having to Worry About Getting Fat Ever! In 7 Days Fat Burning Report, I also revealed the shocking truth that You don't have to try extreme dieting again because Diets Fail to Reduce Fat and Virtually Guaranteed to Fail. And not only that, I'm also gonna revealed Why Do You Want to Eat Cake, Cookies, and Ice Cream Often if You Plan On Losing Weight Forever and How you can get away from it.


To claim your top secret free report...All you gotta do is insert email address to the box on the right and I will send it to you instantly!
So go ahead, Insert Your Email Address right now to the box on the right and I'll send you your free report called 7 Days Fat Burning."

Please don't be too harsh on me.
I'm really appreciate every body help.

Thanks,

Keng Perapol