22 replies
Hi,

I recently started my first squeeze page and I wanted to get some critique on it before I start a solo ad to get more subscribers.

It's my first one, so any kind of feedback would be much appreciated. Specifically whether you find it compelling or how I can change it to really grab people's attention.

From Simple Eating Habits to Life Changing Results
#critque #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author sk8tavou
    Ok its simple but seriously the signature got my eye! Its better to get a professional one!
    Use a nice font at photoshop and you will have much better results!
    Signature
    SocialWarrior - Cheapest Social Marketing Services
    Just message me for greater discounts :)
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Geovanni, your whole premise for the market is wrong.

      People don't want to change.

      They've been told to change in the past and
      still don't.

      Having somebody else come in and tell them to change is
      going to switch them off.

      However demonstrating some of the yummy food they will be eating,
      then you'll get a good hearing.

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        Geovanni, your whole premise for the market is wrong.

        People don't want to change.

        They've been told to change in the past and
        still don't.

        Having somebody else come in and tell them to change is
        going to switch them off.

        However demonstrating some of the yummy food they will be eating,
        then you'll get a good hearing.

        Best,
        Ewen
        This is spot on ^.

        I write several pieces a month for this niche and have found it to be the only one where people's expectations are more ridiculous than they are in the "make money from home" niche.

        Picture your client as an overweight, self-indulgent slob sitting in a lazy boy with a remote in both hands, a bag of chips on their lap and a two liter of soda on the table beside them. He/she doesn't want to exercise, give up the foods they love or eat only healthy foods.

        They don't want to "change their life" either. They want to look hot in their bathing suit and get oodles of attention from the opposite sex and do double takes when they look in the mirror...all with as little lifestyle change as possible.

        I'd suggest rewriting this with that in mind.
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        • Profile picture of the author Thomas Michal
          Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post


          Picture your client as an overweight, self-indulgent slob sitting in a lazy boy with a remote in both hands, a bag of chips on their lap and a two liter of soda on the table beside them. He/she doesn't want to exercise, give up the foods they love or eat only healthy foods.
          You could have just said picture the typical American.
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      • Profile picture of the author Thomas Michal
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        Geovanni, your whole premise for the market is wrong.

        People don't want to change.

        They've been told to change in the past and
        still don't.

        This is so true.

        When it come to writing copy, your job is to sell them what they want but give them what they need.

        Sell me six pack abs that get women breaking their necks when I walk past them on the beach, not a diet plan and work out regimen.

        You could try - "The Most Delicious Way To Burn Fat!" or something of the sorts.

        Or... CHOCOLATE CAKE -"The New Weight Loss Breakthrough?"
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  • Profile picture of the author kairu
    There is lots of room to improve.

    Like ewenmack said, the "change" approach is not good. You need to tackle your visitors problem. So think of the problem your visitors might have and offer them a FREE solution. The first thing they should see when entering your site is a big headline that nails their problem and offers a FREE solution for it.

    You should also create a nice colorful yummy looking cover for your report and upload it. Give your visitors some visual candy. Shorten your bullet points. What are the main benefits of your report? 3 or 4 short and straight to the point sentences will do. People don't want to read so much, so make it short and precise.

    I think there is no need for a signature... I never use a signature on my squeeze pages...only on sales pages. So you can leave that. Instead, you might want to create "disclaimer" & "privacy" links in the footer.

    I'd also change the "Get My Free Report today" into "Get Your Free Report today".

    Hope this helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
    Also I don't know if its just me, but your site font size is very big. You should lower it to try and fit as much as you can above the fold.
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    • Profile picture of the author wootimosee
      Originally Posted by aiaiai View Post

      A short review:
      • people want images

      I also found out that the "freebies" you give people who subscribe are just two ezinesarticles which I find is pretty lame. And it's not very wise because you're linking to your competitors before your subscribers even saw the first mail from you...
      What kind of images do you suggest?

      And I agree with you on the articles part, but how should I change it? Would you suggest me writing my own free product by using different articles to come up with something?
      What I was thinking with the linking to them was to give them credit for it, but I can see how it can be linking to my competitors.
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  • Profile picture of the author SeekingRevenge
    Man, lowering the font size is the first thing you should do..
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  • Profile picture of the author mrdomains
    1) Never ever make a squeeze page like this one that is bigger than a normal screen. Never. Ever.

    2) Read ewenmack's post.
    Signature

    Free action plan : Think less. Do more.

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  • Profile picture of the author wootimosee
    Thanks for all the criticism guys! Looks like I've got a lot to work on.
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  • Profile picture of the author wootimosee
    I do have one question regarding the size of the font/page:

    What kind of size should I use? Currently, it's at 14, and I'm going to change that to around 11-12.

    And if it's answer-able, how wide should the page be?
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    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
      Originally Posted by wootimosee View Post

      What kind of size should I use? Currently, it's at 14, and I'm going to change that to around 11-12.

      And if it's answer-able, how wide should the page be?
      For Verdana I use 16px.

      In terms of width I'd make the copy column 600-700px and the opt-in column 250-350px.
      Signature

      Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author AnthonyBand
    I would get optimizepress.com for $97 bucks you'll get a slick theme, easily editable squeeze pages and it will look a hell of a lot better!

    Good luck!
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    • Profile picture of the author Yonathan
      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Geovanni, your whole premise for the market is wrong.

      People don't want to change.

      They've been told to change in the past and
      still don't.

      Having somebody else come in and tell them to change is
      going to switch them off.

      However demonstrating some of the yummy food they will be eating,
      then you'll get a good hearing.

      Best,
      Ewen
      Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

      This is spot on ^.

      I write several pieces a month for this niche and have found it to be the only one where people's expectations are more ridiculous than they are in the "make money from home" niche.

      Picture your client as an overweight, self-indulgent slob sitting in a lazy boy with a remote in both hands, a bag of chips on their lap and a two liter of soda on the table beside them. He/she doesn't want to exercise, give up the foods they love or eat only healthy foods.

      They don't want to "change their life" either. They want to look hot in their bathing suit and get oodles of attention from the opposite sex and do double takes when they look in the mirror...all with as little lifestyle change as possible.

      I'd suggest rewriting this with that in mind.
      all the advice you need.
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Now if you had a book with a title like this,
        it'll draw e'm in like moths to a night lamp...

        Food For Fat Loss: Pigout On 27 Foods To
        A Skinnier You

        Best,
        Ewen
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  • Here is my honest opinion. I find better results with a quick paragraph or two, down to earth of what is in it for them, and a bit about you, like why they should care about what you have to say.

    Hey, I lost 30 pounds in three weeks, and I have the secrets to help you do it too. You do it without any diet pills, exercise, or giving up what you eat. Here is one secret right now. Eating habits that get rid of cravings, so you stop eating crap that makes you gain weight.

    It's free. So fill in your email and get started. I'm only offering this free for a limited time as a test run. Get in free now while you can.

    Something like that I think would be more effective.
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  • Profile picture of the author JackTheFrost
    To much writing, remember your squeeze page is only to get their email, it shouldn't be treated as a sales page.
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  • Profile picture of the author mhdeaton
    "Change Your Eating Change Your Life" - Is that the BIG benefit?
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Take a clue from Cosmopolitan cover headlines
      which sell the mag through the power of their headlines.

      I've taken 3 which have a common theme, food.

      "Lose Weight While You Eat- 9 Belly Shrinking Foods"

      "Yummy Fat-Melting Foods"

      "Lose Weight While You Eat- 10 Foods That Actually Burn Calories"

      Search Google for Cosmopolitan under images
      and you'll get to see some of the best consumer headlines around.

      Best,
      Ewen
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  • Magazine headline formulas will not always yield the same results on a squeeze page.
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