Why isn't this page converting?

26 replies
Jacqueline Cassell announces her endorsement of YourMusicMuse.com.
#converting #page
  • Profile picture of the author jamesrich1
    I cannot truly know without seeing how you generate traffic. It needs to be the exact people looking for your offer. Super targeted traffic. Also I would need to see your preselling process as well as the sales page for this website. This is the final order screen.
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    • Profile picture of the author musicmuseman
      So the traffic is coming from youtube videos in particular this one:
      There is no pre selling or anything. They watch some videos on yt and see this link and then click to this page.
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by jamesrich1 View Post

      I cannot truly know without seeing how you generate traffic. It needs to be the exact people looking for your offer. Super targeted traffic. Also I would need to see your preselling process as well as the sales page for this website. This is the final order screen.
      Yep, that's right. Have to know that the overall strategy is to really give a good answer. However, it takes a few seconds for me to figure out what the page is about, so that's a problem.

      You need a headline that drills right into the experience from the start:

      For example:

      "Learn Drums While Sitting in Front of Your Computer!"

      ...or "Learn Drums in Your Underwear."

      ...Something that tells them the entire story in one sentence and that creates an experience they can see themselves. Also, being a musician myself, I think you need a kick*** video of you playing a popular cover...maybe Dream Theater or something with awesome drums.

      That'll get their attention, esp since most of them will prob think you're cute too ;-) The video you have now starts with you talking, but I think a demonstration would have a lot bigger impact.

      Overall, I think it looks pretty cool, it's well designed, you just need to get to the bottom line benefit and user experience quicker.
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      • Profile picture of the author musicmuseman
        Just wanted to say thanks for all the feedback so far. You guys are great and even tho it hurts to hear some of the things that is what honest feedback is all about.
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  • That's a busy signup page. You have the signup form up top, then more content below it. By the time I get to the bottom, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

    Have you received any conversions at all? What's the rate?

    Have you split tested this page against a simpler design?
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  • Profile picture of the author Confined To Life
    IMO, the page is too complicated.
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    • Profile picture of the author ChrisDH
      Yeah there is a lot going on. Keep it simple.

      Have you thought about getting them onto a list and promoting membership through an autoresponder sequence?

      How many visitors has this video brought you? I would say from the number of views you only have a small sample size to be going from.

      Also is the membership $19.99 every month? If so it is cheaper to buy monthly than quarterly.
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  • Profile picture of the author TomYevsikov
    How do you presell?(if at all?)

    This page needs preselling.

    the page is busy but it's ok, this is NOT the problem.

    It also depends how targeted is your traffic?

    the most targeted traffic you can have is traffic you pre conditioned to buy from you.
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    • Profile picture of the author musicmuseman
      We are going to switch out the paid signup form with a 3 day free trial. The intention is to email the people that don't convert to paid with offers down the road. Do we need to mention that they will get emails from us as trial members?
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Your page is breaking about every rule in the book of
    landing page design. You need to get rid of 90%
    of what you already have on this page. In landing
    page design less is more.

    You're asking for too much information, your page
    is far too busy, there is no obvious "trail" to follow.
    Where do I start reading? The black background
    makes the text hard to read. You are simply
    punishing the visitors who come to your page.

    -Ray Edwards
    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author jclindayag
    Hi musicmuseman!

    Are you ranking well for your major keywords or do you use pay per click ads in generating traffic? It is hard to tell when not knowing your off-page optimisation details. There seems to be a problem on how you target your keywords or market.

    In terms of off-page factors, your call to action buttons are placed way below your web page which is not a good practice for sales page marketing. My advice would be to place it on top or position it beside the video. Also take note spacing within your webpage. Too much content are distracting in the eyes of a searcher.

    Hope this helps.

    Free Twitter Drip-Feed Tool Saves Time, Increases Market Awareness and Drives Traffic. Grab Your Free Account Today: http://www.Feed140.com

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    • Profile picture of the author musicmuseman
      Thanks guys for your feedback so far...anyone want to team up with us and do our marketing? lol
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Blimey! Wow! Talk about over doing it.

        Your landing page needs to be massively

        Far too many images at the top of the
        page, get rid of the arty farty scroll work
        in the center at the top of the page, ditch
        the reverse block text throughout...

        ...then hook 'em in with a simple benefit
        driven headline, a few short paragraphs
        to compel the visitor to take your direct
        call to action, keeping your message as
        simple and as clear as possible.

        At the moment it just looks like some-
        one has puked up over the entire page.

        Sorry to put it so bluntly but in it's
        present form the design layout and
        call to action, everything about it is
        bloody awful.

        The whole thing needs a complete
        makeover from scratch

        Little point telling you otherwise.

        Smoking hot,

        Mark Andrews
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        • The main problem besides how busy it is, the approach you have taken is the approach that only a really established company, business or individual can take right out the gate.

          It looks like people are expected to pay something upfront and the 30-second video is not enough to convince people, especially if you're not well known.

          For example, places like Wal-Mart, Nike, Apple, Starbucks, etc. can make an offer like this simply because they are well established and people generally know what they are getting. For someone like you, it's usually not the best approach to take.

          It's sort of like how many marketers rush off and buy expensive online marketing trainings from "gurus" just because they have established themselves as gurus, therefore, their name and reputation will do a lot of the convincing.
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  • Profile picture of the author Johnny12345
    In a nutshell...

    You have a 33 second video that says little more than "buy me" and then you're taking the viewer directly to an order page.

    That simply won't work.

    You need to lead prospects to:

    1) A sales page to explain WHY they should buy.

    2) A squeeze page to get them signed up for a pre-sell autoresponder sequence. Or...

    3) BOTH... a sales page that also has an opt-in box built in.

    Any of those 3 options will improve your conversions.

    Once you get to that point, you need to test, track, and tweak for optimal results.

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  • Profile picture of the author RedShifted
    Fully agree with Raydal.

    First I will criticize the sales page, then I will criticize your positioning which is the real issue here.

    WAY TOO MUCH TEXT. It is literally everywhere. There is no flow or balance. To me it looks like you took a "text machine gun" and started firing off everywhere.

    Also, I found this one part specifically horrendous.

    The part about "Drum Instructor Fail", that completely obliterates your credibility.
    Take all that garbage out. You have no idea where that guy bought his Berkeley shirt and even if you did, it still makes you look bad. Thats not how a competent saleswoman/musician makes sales (by any means neccessary that is). So first and foremost, learn some sales etiquette.

    Furthermore, I hate to sound so sexist, but the music industry is a male dominated industry. I've been in it for 12 years. There are a lot of men with big egos in this industry. So much so that I can't imagine any of them wanting to take lessons from a female. Especially when they have no idea who that female is. From what I can see, she's never played in a band, and all she does is covers on youtube. Kinda like every other starving artist I've ever known before.

    I was also taken to this page, which basically proves that she has no real credibility:

    Vater Artist // Jacqueline Cassell

    Read - "all while seeking her next big break". I'm sorry, but I seemed to have missed her FIRST big break lol. Was her endorsement of a drum set a "big break"? Most musicians wouldn't consider that a "big break". I have no idea if you wrote that page too, but its far better to not even frame that as a break of any sort. Humility will take your mission a lot farther than fake credibility will. It may seem picky that I'm going around trying to find out who this girl is, but I imagine a lot of your traffic doing the same thing once they leave your page.

    I also see videos on youtube where she's missing beats. I'd delete those top ranking comments that are criticizing her for that reason.

    I feel the real issue here is you didn't test your market enough to realize that there is very little demand for drumming lessons from a female. Since 98% of drummers are male. Seeing it from a realistic perspective, traffic is going to be highly critical of this woman when coming to the page. And thats important considering your entire page is positioned like a fake celebrity endorsement.

    If you want my real opinion. I'd take out everything. I would stop trying to position this girl like some famous drummer. Position her as a normal, passionate girl who's been playing drums her whole life. AKA raise the humility factor X1000 here. I would do 1 video, a lot longer, and have her show some drumming tricks. Like how to do a flam, how to mix a flam into a loop, how to add tension and groove to that loop.

    Something needs to be shown to the traffic that conveys undisputable value. Give a lesson away for free if you need. Talk about how ORGANIZED everything is and how it will save people lots of time.

    My main overall criticism is that the current positioning is not going to work. Drumming lessons are available for FREE ALL OVER YOUTUBE. And many people realize intuitively, that drumming is less about lessons, and more about practice. So you have A LOT to overcome here.

    Knowing this beforehand, while you're trying to sell drumming lessons based on the recommendation a young female college student... who noone knows... well no wonder you're not getting conversions. From what I can see, she has no credibility. So either build that credibility for HER, or build the credibility for what she has to OFFER. Real celebrity endorsements work because they have "presold" credibility. If that was a real famous drummer on that page, you'd definitely be getting conversions. But they still wouldn't be impressive based on the design of the page.

    I hate to sound so critical about this but the music industry is the HARDEST INDUSTRY to profit in. This is why investors rarely invest in bands or musicians. They know they're better off just burning their money.

    So if you want any real chance here, create an IRRESISTABLE OFFER. Instead of trying to get money up front, you might be better off giving away 1 high quality lesson for free. Get people on a list, build a relationship, then sell them a full set.

    Focus more on the value thats being offered here, less on the girl, and make the entire sales page look more like a real business.

    Good luck -Red

    ps. One more thing about proper flow. You offer a free assessment, then directly afterwards you attempt to get peoples credit card information for a $19.99/month trial. Thats bad form imo. If you want to put a small red sign up button in that area, go ahead. Then move the credit card form much lower. You need to explain in full what you're offering people FIRST (thats why its called the "offer" and it needs to be the strongest part of your page), BEFORE you ask for credit card information. The video does NOT do that. She basically just says, "we're offering lessons for x & y genres, and as a college student I know what its like to be broke, so buy my shit because I really need the $$". lol. You can pitch some type of offer in the video, or write the offer out in text and move the credit form lower.
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    • Profile picture of the author OutOfThisWord
      Because you hired a designer who grew up playing video games.

      You need to hire a grown up copywriter.
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  • Yes, I agree with everybody else.

    And... the only benefits that seized me (the others are hidden away and difficult to read) - are drummers will be "assessed and improved" get a $10.00 discount and there's a "community" they can join. To be fair it's an "inspirational*" community - * good word.

    But it's not exactly enticingly enthralling is it? (and do people really want 100's of lessons? - I did manage to see that "benefit" lurking much further down the page).


    What is the major USP you can highlight?

    What is so utterly irresistible?

    How good a drummer will they be?

    How quickly will they achieve it?

    What makes your course leagues better than anyone else's?

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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    Lacks clarity. Just write a simple message that is in tune with your market.

    xResponsive Advertising Agency | Direct Marketing | Online Advertising | Create Breakthrough Campaigns for Your Business http://xresponsive.com

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  • Profile picture of the author RyanLB
    Hard to say. Off the top,if I were to start optimizing the page I would look to move the signup to the very center of the page. My eyes certainly did not get drawn to the signup. First the top banner of pictures of Jacqueline caught my eye. Then the video. THEN I saw the arrow.

    Also, the way that you have the "Email" "Username" "Password" and "Confirm Password" faded into the back of the text boxes is hard to read. It took me a minute to even notice there was writing in there. Market to the lowest common denominator. Make it very, very easy to understand where people need to be putting their information.

    I'm a Freelance Copywriter that helps Agencies, Startups and Businesses Educate Their Audience and Grow Sales
    Skype Me: r.boze
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Your giving the traffic 3 options above the fold (Youtube/Facebook/Optin), what the heck is the goal?

    Pick one.

    The entire page needs an overhaul.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jeremey
      Honestly, it's just a mess, bro.

      What are you offering? I can't tell at all from the page. Are you offering drum lessons from Jacqueline Cassell? Never heard of her...Drum lessons with the drummer from Breaking Benjamin? Okay, sounds interesting but why is the BB drummer giving lessons through your site?

      You ask a question "What is YourMusicMuse.com?" and then you don't answer the question...You offer a list of benefits...but what is the actual service? How does it work? You need to tell your prospects exactly what it is they are buying before you can even begin to sell the benefits.

      The listing of "bad" drum lesson experiences is not a good idea, especially when your own site is all over the place. And then you close with a ringing endorsement from...Jacqueline Cassell again....Again, no idea who she is. But in her endorsement she claims to be a college student. So why should I be impressed by anything she has to say?

      Here's what you should do. Write a page that describes exactly what your service does, what the benefits of your service are, and why your prospects can't go anywhere else for a better experience. Then hand that all over to a copywriter and let them put it together for you...So you can start getting people signed up for drum lessons.

      Hope that wasn't too harsh, I know it's both exciting and frustrating to get something like this off the ground, but you're doing the right thing by asking for help.
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  • Profile picture of the author aroth
    I agree with a lot of the assessments in this thread. I'll take it further. You need either a simple video sales letter or a simple short copy sales letter with a strong call to action. The page has too much going on, too many images, too many pictures, it comes across almost like a myspace page circa 2005. It's not going to convert. Simplify it and make everything on the simple page about the call to action and you'll see your results improve tenfold!
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    • Profile picture of the author Big Squid
      Here's a couple possibilities...

      Your headline is:
      "Save Time. Learn More. Play Better."

      Those aren't real clear benefits...You're assuming too much in between. I'd think it'd be better to play upon the obvious fact that nearly everybody dreams of being adored as a rockstar.
      "Become a Kick-Ass Rockstar in 90 Days! Guaranteed!"

      Don't use this exact one, but I think you're being too subtle in your approach. Nobody wants to learn the drums. People want to be in bands. Be adored by fans. Be identified as a music legend (even if in their small home town). That's where I'd go with it.

      Also, your call to action is so flat. Why would I care how excited Jacqueline is to share anything with me? Eliminate it. Move the 3 day all access pass up in it's place, but change it to something like:
      Test Drive All Our Drumming Lessons FREE Right Now!
      FREE Membership Grants You Complete Access To All Our Drum Lessons. Sign Up Now.

      Also, I'd eliminate most of the pictures up top...and move the entire content higher so you're sure to be above the fold on nearly any screen size. Also, it's a confusing message with these images of the girl. One image..okay...but the site crosses between drum lessons, and some teen clothing retail outlet.

      Just my thoughts...
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    • Profile picture of the author edaesq
      Originally Posted by aroth View Post

      I agree with a lot of the assessments in this thread. I'll take it further. You need either a simple video sales letter or a simple short copy sales letter with a strong call to action. The page has too much going on, too many images, too many pictures, it comes across almost like a myspace page circa 2005. It's not going to convert. Simplify it and make everything on the simple page about the call to action and you'll see your results improve tenfold!
      This is advice I think I'll print out and put on my office wall. It applies to so much of what we do.
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  • I do believe Big whacked the nail right on the head.

    The big dream is, "I Wanna Be A Rock Star!"

    That's the promise you want to make.*


    P.S. * terms, conditions and disclaimers may apply (lol) but you get the idea.

    So, maybe don't promise but you can infer it could well happen.
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