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Can you give me some pointers? Electronics course copywriting

by oyvdahl
24 replies
Hi everyone!

I have created a sales page: How to create whatever electronics project you want, FAST!

My experience with copywriting is limited, but I've realized that it is one of the most important skills I can learn when doing online business.

Could you have a look at it and give me some pointers?

Am I onto something and just need to fix a few sentences and headlines here and there? Or am I waaaay off I need to throw everything away and start over?

Thanks!
Oyvind
#copywriting #electronics #give #pointers
  • Profile picture of the author Langeani
    Look, man, i'm no expert at copywriting, but I do have a little experience.

    Here's what I can tell you, from a quick glance:

    1st - headline

    Your headline is missing something... It's not coming out too strong, do you see? Maybe you should focus more on benefits your products have.. You could actually work with pre headlines and sub headlines to give more power

    something like:

    Are you tired and frustated from trying to build electronics on your own and not succeeding? then...

    Become A Proficient "Electronic-er (what the word for it would be?" In X Days/Weeks, Impressing Your Friends And Family With Your Amazing Skills!

    Follow the easy methods and techniques in this step-by-step guide and become a respected "electronic ...." in the blink of an eye!


    Now, this is just some rambling from myself... Have you researched your public?
    If you know what they're struggling with, then you can make it even more personal. Try to get exactly to the point where they would be DYING to know what this is all about.

    Use this through out the whole sales letter. Be clear and readable.

    ALWAYS focus on benefits. If you can use benefits where you would talk features.
    Example, instead of saying "how to build protoboards for $1", go for something like "learn how to get the best bang for your buck" or something like that.

    Highlight some powerful words... like "awesome", "invaluable" and so on... make 'em pop.

    One thing that you might wanna do... offer a no risk guarantee... 30, 60 days money back guarantee..

    Will you have refunds? Sure. But the trust that you build from offering this will result in more sales, which will cover and more the losses from refunds.

    This is just some quick tips, man, I'm kinda in the middle of something, here... But if you have any other doubts, hit me with a PM, ok?

    Best of luck! This looks like a very cool products

    Cheers

    Lee
    Signature

    Facebook ads from the start! Check out this free course here

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  • Profile picture of the author marc@clickbitz
    Is impressing friends the real reason people want to learn electronics?
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  • Profile picture of the author oyvdahl
    Lee: Thanks a lot man!

    marc: I think that the reason people want to learn electronics is that it enables them to realize their ideas. And when you have created a project, it's really cool to show it off to your friends. That's how I landed at that reason.
    But when I think about it, maybe the desire to show it off comes later..
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    • Profile picture of the author marc@clickbitz
      So... why do they want to realize their ideas?
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      • Profile picture of the author oyvdahl
        Originally Posted by marc@clickbitz View Post

        So... why do they want to realize their ideas?
        I have been focusing on people who want to build electronics as a hobby. They want to realize their ideas because
        -it's fun!
        -they can make stuff for their home (and save money)
        -they can build gadgets that are not available in stores (and have whatever they can think of)
        -they can learn how gadgets work (and become smarter)
        -they can repair broken gadgets (and save money)

        But I also have quite a few students who visit my page. They might want to learn electronics to:
        -get a better understanding than the University gives
        -increase their chances of getting the dream job

        And some entrepreneurs want to learn electronics to:
        -get a better understanding of what it takes to make the product they are developing
        -build product prototypes themselves (to save money)


        Do I need to dig even deeper here?
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Are there specific plans to make working electronics,
          that would be cool to own?

          Best,
          Ewen
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          • Profile picture of the author oyvdahl
            Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

            Are there specific plans to make working electronics,
            that would be cool to own?

            Best,
            Ewen
            Yes. For example in the course I have included detailed plans on how to build your own audio amplifier. Including a written guide, a video guide and the files needed to manufacture a prototype of this.

            I have been thinking about releasing such guides as individual products in addition to the course, but at the moment I thought I'd try to get sales of the course rolling first.
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            • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
              Originally Posted by oyvdahl View Post

              Yes. For example in the course I have included detailed plans on how to build your own audio amplifier. Including a written guide, a video guide and the files needed to manufacture a prototype of this.

              I have been thinking about releasing such guides as individual products in addition to the course, but at the moment I thought I'd try to get sales of the course rolling first.
              The hobbyist market, beyond electronics, want new plans
              so they can build their own things.

              Tell them what they are able to build, their level of experience needed,
              material requirements, where to get them, tools needed,
              the costs and time to make.

              Show pictures of finished projects.

              Point out these plans can't be found anywhere else.

              Let them know why you are expertly qualified to show them
              how to create their own working electronics.

              Those are a few essentials.

              Best,
              Ewen
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        • Profile picture of the author marc@clickbitz
          OK, now you are getting somewhere... thinking of why the customers might want an electronics guide. You'll need several pieces of advertising that address each market and the reasons they want to learn electronics.

          There are many electronics books on the market that are pretty good at teaching the basics. You need to promise to solve a specific problem that people face and that they are very hungry to solve.

          I would aim the message at people who have an electronics idea and want to learn how to prototype it themselves. These people are dreaming of hitting the jackpot with their prototype and are eager to make it happen without actually spending money on an engineer. If you tell them they can do it with your guide, that's what they want to hear.

          The headline of "creating any electronic project" is less likely to work than saying "novices can quickly learn to prototype their electronics invention on a budget".

          You will have to give them proof that you really can show them what they need to know. They will need lots of assurances that it is possible for them to make a prototype because they may lack confidence. They want to know what equipment they'll need and how much it will cost. They probably fear math too. Think of the types of projects an amateur is likely to dream up and what components and software it would use.

          You need more details - show exactly what they will learn and what the examples are. Your course overview is way too general.
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          • Profile picture of the author taffiliae
            Are you board of studying electronics Theory out of books?

            Warning: In This NEW Practical Guide You Will Discover....

            How to Design & Create Your Own Fully Functioning Super Electronic Circuit Board, In 28 Days Or LESS.....

            Following a simple proven step by step system, even if you are a beginner...

            Yes, here's your chance to DISCOVER....

            * Biggest Benefit

            * Benefit

            * Benefit

            Shut your eyes right now: And imagine your friend's faces when you show them your FINISHED project, UP and WORKING.... just 28 Days from now or less...

            Do you think they'll be impressed?

            But before I reveal to you --------

            picture

            Let me tell you a little about myself -------------

            xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
            OK

            This is just me having some fun with one of of your sales angles...

            But

            I hope that it helps you out a little..

            Taffiliae
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  • Profile picture of the author rbates
    I know something of electronics as I have an engineering degree in this field.

    There are a couple of questions that come to my mind. Are you teaching a design process,
    or simply how to build a project from schematics that you or others provide?
    If you are teaching people to design their own projects, then my hat is off to you.
    I know the math that is usually involved in doing design work.

    Secondly, do you have a good attorney? This is really a practical question.
    There are a lot of people with no common sense, and then these same people you are
    going to trust around electricity? Also, when I etch boards I use a
    pretty caustic chemical. I would have a really good disclaimer
    included with your course.

    As far as the copy goes, your page looks pretty bland. Nothing stands out on the page.
    As has been mentioned, you need to emphasize your benefits better.
    You do offer a bonus, but that even gets a little lost. As a design consideration you may
    want to think about putting your ebook graphics more to the center. Even better,
    use a table and put the book image on one side and the benefits on the other.
    You also need to clean up some of the grammatical mistakes.

    Do you have any testimonials from people who have reviewed your material?
    I think that a few reviews would go a long way toward promoting this product.

    In general, I think that your ideas are sound, you just need some work at putting everything together.
    Signature
    >>> Perform and stay focused! - Make cents with your business. <<<
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  • Profile picture of the author oyvdahl
    Ewen: Thanks alot. I'll definitely use your input to create sales pages for specific plans later on.

    rbates: I'm teaching the process of how to build a project from any schematic. But I'm not teaching how to design schematics from scratch. A disclaimer is a good idea. Thanks for you input on the copy. I'll do some more work on it and try to get some reviews as well.

    Cheers!
    Øyvind
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  • Profile picture of the author oyvdahl
    Thank you Marc and Taffiliae! Your input is really valuable for me. Now I have lots of stuff to work on to improve the copy.

    And that template is awesome! It will make it much easier for me to get started on the next improved version of the copy.

    I'm really excited to get an improved version and see how it converts. Already I've had a few sales with the old copy. With some improved copy, I might actually get the ball rolling =)
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    • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
      I agree with Mr. Marc. You first need to find out WHY someone will want to learn how to build gadgets. Personally I cannot imagine anyone standing around and going , oh wow you built that? ( The only time in my life I recall ever saying that was when I met a retired guy in Florida and he showed me a full sized airplane he had built inside his apartment. No freakin' lie. He was even in the local newspaper with it. Don't ask me how he got it out of there!)

      You need to hang out with a bunch of electronics geeks and learn all about their passions and desires. I would venture a guess that they are probably interested in making money doing something they enjoyed more than anything else. Not to say part of it would not be ego, but I think making money may be a better motivator.

      Another thing that I would do, would be to go online and request more information be sent to you in the mail about home study courses. There are some companies that still teach this stuff through the mail and some of them probably send out highly researched sales letters which will give you great ideas on how you could approach this. So, get on their mailing lists pronto. If most of them are talking about how you could be making more money doing this, then they probably are on the right track.

      Also, you may find another niche from all of this. There are companies that sell spy devices, and I think a course that sells info on how to save money and build your own spy devices would be really cool!!!!

      I hope this helps you, my friend!

      God Bless!
      ELMO
      Signature
      Mark "Elmo" Ellis
      "When It Comes To High Response Copy - I've Got Your Back!"
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  • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
    By the way, this school will send you an entire info package on their course if you give them your mailing address: Electronics Training
    Signature
    Mark "Elmo" Ellis
    "When It Comes To High Response Copy - I've Got Your Back!"
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  • Profile picture of the author d3communications
    Have you studied what your potential clients are already thinking/wondering/needing? Check our forums, google keywords, yahoo answers, etc. I checked on Google keywords quickly for electronics hobby...only 4,400 local searches/14k global, so the market is a bit marginal based on just those. However, as mentioned above, if there are home study courses, then someone is buying. I guess the electronics kit toys are still pretty popular, too.

    Anyway, find out the questions people are asking, and if relevant, tailor your copy to answering them. For example, each question can be a clue to your headlines, subheadlines, section headings, etc. A great chance to show what benefits you offer that respond to the questions out there.

    (disclaimer--I have no knowledge of this niche)

    Headline:
    Attention: Electronics Hobbyists
    Discover the Three Secrets to Building Any Home Electronics Project, and Never Spend Money on Confusing, Half-Baked Plans Again

    text text text

    Question 1? [in big red letters]
    Answer (with benefit

    text text text

    Question 2?
    Answer

    etc.
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  • Profile picture of the author DanSharp
    I know just enough about this niche to know that "How to create whatever electronics project you want, FAST!"

    ...is not a believable headline. There are a lot of projects out there, and many of them would take a beginner months or years.

    imagine getting ready to switch on the power of the electronics project of your dreams. All your friends are gathered around and wondering what you are up to. A bright light is thrown upon you as you flip the power switch. The project works!!
    I really think you should do some more research on this... I don't know anyone who acts like this. Most people in this niche seem driven by promise and possibility (turn your clothes into a computer controlled display! print your own teacup! make your imagination into reality!) instead of peer acceptance/recognition.
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    • Profile picture of the author marc@clickbitz
      Yes, whenever you make a marketing claim, always assume that it will be met with skepticism and think about what you'd need to say to turn a doubter into a believer.
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  • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
    Now, you have been given a ton of good advice here, however, don,'t waste too much time wondering whether or not you are doing it right or wrong too much or you won't get too much done. you may want to take some of this info and take a major dive into working and using these ideas. I have found that' like Facebook, you need to limit the time you spend here. Information overload can be a real productivity killer.
    Signature
    Mark "Elmo" Ellis
    "When It Comes To High Response Copy - I've Got Your Back!"
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  • Profile picture of the author oyvdahl
    Good tips Elmo, thanks! I have lots of information now, that I can use to improve my copy. Thank you everybody for your suggestions! I am really grateful,

    Øyvind
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    • Profile picture of the author ContentPro22
      Hi there! I don't consider myself an expert but I get paid regularly to write sales/landing pages for clients. Here are a few guidelines I follow:

      #1: Use Plenty of Headings and Subheadings- make sure that you are capitalizing the first letter of each header (it looks more professional). As a general rule of thumb, main titles should have a slightly larger font then sub titles.

      #2: Ask Questions- Are you someone who needs help writing a captivating and visually attractive sales page? Bam! I just caught your attention. Ask questions that you already know the answers to. It doesn't matter that you already know, you're just trying to engage the reader.

      #3: No Fluff, Cut the Fat- Avoid too much "fluff" (i.e. irrelevant information). Nobody wants to hear about the time when you went to Nebraska for Thanksgiving and learned about blah blah blah. Get to the point. People want answers. We live in a fast paced society.

      #4: Testimonials- It's illegal to use fake reviews so make sure that you're acquiring testimonials for your product/service etc. You can either get family members or friends to do them for free or you can simply pay for them on sites like Elance or ODesk. You can easily acquire a handful of testimonials for less than $30.

      #5: Length- a good sales page doesn't need to be pages, pages, pages, and PAGES long. trust me. A 1,000 to 1,500 word sales page can work wonders and be just as effective as a 10,000 word one. Remember, trim the fat and get to the point.

      #6: Make it pretty: Writing, especially sales pages, is a lot like art. You'd be surprised by how some simple formatting (choosing the right font, font size, etc.) can make a difference in your results

      Good luck and private message me for any more questions!
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      • Profile picture of the author ScottDudley
        First off, you want to put the sales letter onto a page where there is no banner at the top or links to other pages. You don't want to give the prospect any reason to get distracted when reading the copy.

        The headline is simply not going to work. There must be thousands of books around that teach people how to create electronics projects.

        I would recommend getting clear on precisely who your specific target market is. Then research what frustrates them, and what problems they are experiencing. Jump into your prospects world, and see things from their perspective.

        From this research you come up with an appropriate hook to base your headline and body copy on. In other words, solve an existing problem.

        At a glance it appears that you are targeting an audience that is far too broad, and you need to pick out a niche market to target.
        Signature

        Scott Dudley is a direct response Copywriter from Perth, Australia, who also specializes in writing sales letters and emails for his clients. You can see samples of his portfolio at http://scottdudley.net/blog/portfolio/ or contact him on Skype by adding the username: Scott_Dudley

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  • Profile picture of the author swontario
    It looks pretty good now. You've obviously made some changes since first posting it.

    It speaks to me. I'm interested but no time. So I bookmarked it with the intention of buying it at a later date even if I have to pay "full price"

    If there was a newsletter, I definitely would have signed up for that too. That would greatly improve the odds that it's on my mind when I do have more free time.
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    • Profile picture of the author oyvdahl
      Originally Posted by swontario View Post

      It looks pretty good now. You've obviously made some changes since first posting it.

      It speaks to me. I'm interested but no time. So I bookmarked it with the intention of buying it at a later date even if I have to pay "full price"

      If there was a newsletter, I definitely would have signed up for that too. That would greatly improve the odds that it's on my mind when I do have more free time.
      Thanks, I did a lot of changes

      Actually, I do have a newsletter (you can find it on the right on my main page build-electronic-circuits.com), but I got the impression that having anything else than the sales letter on the page was not a good idea.

      Does anyone have any input on this?
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