Is my squeeze page really terrible?

38 replies
Hey guys

First of, I hope this is the right section to post this kind of thread. (I made a brief research, and saw a few similar posts who haven't been deleted, so I guess the copywriting forum is the right place)

Ok, so I created this squeeze page:

www.letmeloseweight.com

I bought a solo ad from this website:

Weight Loss Solo Ads | Health Solo Ads | Fitness Solo Ads | Forex Solo Ads

I sent a couple of emails and the person was pretty professional, answering most of my questions very fast, so I decided to give it a go and bought 500 clicks for $200.

I received 568 clicks (so she over delivered pretty nicely) but I had only 5 people who opted in! (1 unsubscribed and the other one didn't confirm his subscription)

I red everywhere that even the crappiest squeeze pages have an optin rate of at least 20%.

What do you think is wrong with my squeeze page? How do you like the wording? Does this look too amateurish?

For my headline, sub headline and pre headline, I tried to get ideas from magazines.com.

I know it misses a couple of things such as a picture of my free report, or a free stamp and I have no idea how to include that in optimize press..

Why do you think I got so little subscribers? What do you think should be my true optin rate percentage? What should I modify?

I appreciate all feedback.

Thank you very much
#page #squeeze #terrible
  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Your page could be improved but it's not so bad that your
    optin should be so low. I think that you got ripped off.

    40 cents per click should give you better results for a
    free offer. I can never understand how a list owner
    could promise a certain number of clicks. Something
    has to be fishy there. That's a $200 loss. I'm sure
    Facebook would have given you better results.

    -Ray Edwards
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    • Profile picture of the author Infopreneurqueen
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

      Your page could be improved but it's not so bad that your
      optin should be so low. I think that you got ripped off.

      40 cents per click should give you better results for a
      free offer. I can never understand how a list owner
      could promise a certain number of clicks. Something
      has to be fishy there. That's a $200 loss. I'm sure
      Facebook would have given you better results.

      -Ray Edwards
      Thank you, I was just about saying exactly this. If I pay the same amount for a facebook ad, I'll get a 10,000 clicks instead and I'm sure at least 500 people would optin. I pay as low as $0.02 per click on Facebook ads. Please, that optin page isn't so bad if you asked me. Try facebook ad instead...
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  • Profile picture of the author Aaron Autrey
    Nice capture page... Maybe too much information... But wow you got totally ripped off. Sorry to hear this my friend. Live and learn maybe but wow, that stinks.
    Signature

    The good thing about this business is that "People don't succeed cause they aim too high and miss, no, they aim too low... and hit. Most people don't aim at all." (Les Brown)

    Not us... Not marketers. We live far above mediocrity. Always keep this in mind at all times..

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  • Profile picture of the author Juicyyy
    Thanks a lot guys.

    It was my feeling as well. But since I am fairly new in this IM thing ( few months experience) I didn't want to accuse the person or anything like that.
    What is your guess on the optin rate for the current squeeze page? 30%? Less? More?

    It is super hard to find good quality solo ads in the weight loss market (at least for 200 bucks).

    Raydal, thanks a lot. How my page could be improved? Wording? Adding more pictures?
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    I agree with Ray, I've seen better squeeze pages and I've seen worse.

    Yours could be improved by being more specific... adding specific time frames or
    other specifics.. but even with what you have, that's a horrible optin rate.

    By the way, this is the exact reason why I'm a big believer in going after traffic sources in which THEY are actively searching for you.

    For me, Google Adwords has given me the best results, by far, out of any online traffic source I've ever used. But with Adwords, you've got prospects who are actively searching for the kind of information you have... people are sitting down and typing into Google what they're searching for.

    I've heard horror story after horror story about solo ads... and honestly, about the only people who make money with solo ads are the ones selling them.

    Because most of the lists have been marketed to death.

    Facebook is a much better use of marketing dollars... in fact, the only traffic sources I even use these days are Adwords, organic Google, Facebook, and media buys that allow you to target demographics.
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  • Profile picture of the author AnabelleFlorida
    I would imagine by just looking at it real quick, that your headline might not drawing people in as well as it should.

    I also think a quick story would work nicely up top, something to reel people in and trust a little more. The page is a bit bland (to me), it doesn't tug at me emotionally in a any way. People have seen these types of ads a million times and I guess they've become a bit immune to them.

    Here's a headline wording option ...


    Finally Revealed!
    4 Proven Steps To Lose Weight Fast!
    FREE Report!
    --> Shed Extra Pounds Naturally <--


    In This FREE Report, You'll Discover ...


    How To Incinerate Stubborn Fat FAST!
    Signature
    “It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you came from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” ~Oprah Winfrey

    “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” ~Ayn Rand
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    • Profile picture of the author rosalin herrera
      Originally Posted by AnabelleFlorida View Post

      I would imagine by just looking at it real quick, that your headline might not drawing people in as well as it should.

      I also think a quick story would work nicely up top, something to reel people in and trust a little more. The page is a bit bland (to me), it doesn't tug at me emotionally in a any way. People have seen these types of ads a million times and I guess they've become a bit immune to them.

      Here's a headline wording option ...


      Finally Revealed!
      4 Proven Steps To Lose Weight Fast!
      FREE Report!
      --> Shed Extra Pounds Naturally <--


      In This FREE Report, You'll Discover ...


      How To Incinerate Stubborn Fat FAST!

      i love the headline wording!
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by AnabelleFlorida View Post

      I would imagine by just looking at it real quick, that your headline might not drawing people in as well as it should.

      I also think a quick story would work nicely up top, something to reel people in and trust a little more. The page is a bit bland (to me), it doesn't tug at me emotionally in a any way. People have seen these types of ads a million times and I guess they've become a bit immune to them.

      Here's a headline wording option ...


      Finally Revealed!
      4 Proven Steps To Lose Weight Fast!
      FREE Report!
      --> Shed Extra Pounds Naturally <--


      In This FREE Report, You'll Discover ...


      How To Incinerate Stubborn Fat FAST!
      That head is as boring as batshit. Take a look at what Shawn recommends in his post. But all this stuff has been flogged to death and - as you say - people are immune to them. "Finally revealed"(exclamation mark) - yawn. "4 Proven steps to lose weight fast" (exclamation mark) - double yawn. "FREE Report (allcaps on "free" and yet another exclamation mark to get me so excited I could just shit. ) And then the triple whammy at the end - "Shed extra pounds naturally"..."FREE report"..."Incinerate stubborn fat" - boring, boring, boring.

      I'm not trying to be a smartarse here... well I am... but you need to lift your game. Keep this in mind - DBBB - "Don't Be Bloody Boring".

      I had a quick look at that squeeze - that looks like a swipe of all the other weightloss stuff out there. No wonder it didn't work.

      So let's presume the target audience is female.

      "Babe - That Big Fat Belly is a Bitch. Wanna Lose it? Like - Fast?"

      or

      "Honey...he aint gonna stick around as long as you have that verandah over the playroom. Know what I'm saying? Wanna lose it? Like in 3 weeks. Without exercise or weird diets

      or

      "I bet you've tried and failed to lose your belly fat. Am I right? Honey... you just got lucky. Here's how to lose belly fat in 3 weeks - without weird diets or horrible exercises

      or

      "Bust your gut. Now. Lose your belly fat in 3 weeks - without those stupid ab machines or those stomach-exercises-from-hell

      or

      "My man said if I didn't lose my fat belly he'd leave me. "See you later" I replied. But I lost the belly anyway. You should see the Badass I'm with now... and how I lost 10 pounds of flabby stomach in 3 weeks... without dieting/without exercise
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        You gotta cut to core hurt, as Mal has been showing you.

        Here's examples to get your heading in the right direction...

        My Little Girl Said, "Oh Mummy, You've Got
        A Jelly Belly!"



        "I Didn't Want Family And My Ex Thinking I'm A Slummy Mommy At My Brother's Wedding"


        "I Was Never Able To Undress In Front Of Hubby With The Lights On...Until..."


        Those last 2 came from the mouths of women when asked what was the tipping point
        to shed their excess weight.

        Not from a ad writer's hand.

        Best,
        Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author AnabelleFlorida
        Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

        So let's presume the target audience is female.

        "Babe - That Big Fat Belly is a Bitch. Wanna Lose it? Like - Fast?"

        or

        "Honey...he aint gonna stick around as long as you have that verandah over the playroom. Know what I'm saying? Wanna lose it? Like in 3 weeks. Without exercise or weird diets

        or

        "I bet you've tried and failed to lose your belly fat. Am I right? Honey... you just got lucky. Here's how to lose belly fat in 3 weeks - without weird diets or horrible exercises

        or

        "My man said if I didn't lose my fat belly he'd leave me. "See you later" I replied. But I lost the belly anyway. You should see the Badass I'm with now... and how I lost 10 pounds of flabby stomach in 3 weeks... without dieting/without exercise

        "Babe"?

        "Honey"?

        Honestly, this is some of the most sexist copywriting I have ever seen. This is a joke, right?

        Who is this audience? I don't know anyone who would be pulled in by this.

        Is this what copywriting has come to?

        Guys ... Seriously???

        Presuming the audience is female, Juicyyy ... you will lose.
        Signature
        “It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you came from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” ~Oprah Winfrey

        “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” ~Ayn Rand
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  • Profile picture of the author rosalin herrera
    Originally Posted by Juicyyy View Post

    Hey guys

    First of, I hope this is the right section to post this kind of thread. (I made a brief research, and saw a few similar posts who haven't been deleted, so I guess the copywriting forum is the right place)

    Ok, so I created this squeeze page:

    www.letmeloseweight.com

    I bought a solo ad from this website:

    Weight Loss Solo Ads | Health Solo Ads | Fitness Solo Ads | Forex Solo Ads

    I sent a couple of emails and the person was pretty professional, answering most of my questions very fast, so I decided to give it a go and bought 500 clicks for $200.

    I received 568 clicks (so she over delivered pretty nicely) but I had only 5 people who opted in! (1 unsubscribed and the other one didn't confirm his subscription)

    I red everywhere that even the crappiest squeeze pages have an optin rate of at least 20%.

    What do you think is wrong with my squeeze page? How do you like the wording? Does this look too amateurish?

    For my headline, sub headline and pre headline, I tried to get ideas from magazines.com.

    I know it misses a couple of things such as a picture of my free report, or a free stamp and I have no idea how to include that in optimize press..

    Why do you think I got so little subscribers? What do you think should be my true optin rate percentage? What should I modify?

    I appreciate all feedback.

    Thank you very much

    i saw your squeeze page. well what i can say is, it has too many wordings. and for that i suggest you to either convert all the words and make a video of it subscribers always attracted to videos . trust me

    p/s : you can take a look at my squeezepage as an example :p no hard selling though, just trying to give you the rough idea how it is
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  • Profile picture of the author Juicyyy
    Thanks a lot guys!

    Shaun, I will give facebook (although I heard FB doesn't like squeeze pages) and google adwords a try then, thanks a lot for your very useful post.
    Anabelle, I am going to steal that headline! It looks great
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    • Profile picture of the author Sean Fry
      Originally Posted by Juicyyy View Post

      Thanks a lot guys!

      Shaun, I will give facebook (although I heard FB doesn't like squeeze pages) and google adwords a try then, thanks a lot for your very useful post.
      Anabelle, I am going to steal that headline! It looks great
      Do NOT send adwords traffic to that squeeze page. Ignore this warning at your own risk.

      I can't believe anyone actually suggested that here...Jesus. This place is something else.
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Originally Posted by Juicyyy View Post

    Hey guys

    www.letmeloseweight.com

    I bought a solo ad from this website:

    I sent a couple of emails and the person was pretty professional, answering most of my questions very fast, so I decided to give it a go and bought 500 clicks for $200.
    Before buying a solo ad, I'd suggest opting in for yourself and watching the emails for about 6 to 12 weeks. Too many people buy solo ads simply because the niche works and the list is big. But it's the owner's relationship with the list that counts.

    The page isn't that bad, so the low conversion rate could only be explained by list quality.

    Originally Posted by Juicyyy View Post

    Hey guys

    I red everywhere that even the crappiest squeeze pages have an optin rate of at least 20%.
    You might want to reconsider your sources on this statistic. There's a TON of BS and exaggeration out there. One person makes an overoptimistic claim like this just to get you to buy their "how to build a list" product, next thing you know someone repeats it, then another person, and another.

    Dan Kennedy calls this "marketing incest," and it's damn common in the IM niche. Crap gets spread around so much that the "everybody's saying it so it must be true" mentality replaces reasonable judgement. Crappy squeeze pages get crappy results, 1% or less, good ones get 10 to 20%. Anything more than that is friggin' amazing.

    And, since I'm sure there will be some overhyped objections to my response, there is a way to find out what the average opt in rates really are for an industry. If you use mail chimp, you'll get a industry average click through and open rate report right next to your own report for your list. Use this, and your own experiences, as your standard of measurement. Don't trust what you read.
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    The squeeze page and the whole concept is junk.

    If someone finally reveals one more thing...well, I won't be surprised. Seems to be a lot of revelations and secrets being exposed.

    4 proven steps to lose weight fast? Yawn.

    There are people spending thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in the weight loss niche on infomercials, creating supplements, ads...

    Here you go and put up a ho hum squeeze page claiming you're gonna reveal something nobody knows.

    You're gonna have to come up with something a whole lot better - then again I don't know what you consider successful.

    What you have now wouldn't get anywhere near what I would consider successful.

    If you don't have the money to compete with the big players, you're going to have to get original...you're gonna need the biggest "wow" anybody has ever seen...something that when they read your message they put down the gallon of ice cream and start typing their email in with their stubby fat little fingers.

    Best wishes.
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    • Profile picture of the author AnabelleFlorida
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      4 proven steps to lose weight fast? Yawn.
      Hi Max.

      Do you know what the 4 proven steps are?
      Signature
      “It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you came from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” ~Oprah Winfrey

      “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” ~Ayn Rand
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      • Profile picture of the author max5ty
        Originally Posted by AnabelleFlorida View Post

        Hi Max.

        Do you know what the 4 proven steps are?
        No.

        Bout 3 months ago I weighed 472 pounds and 8 ounces.

        I was driving my old Pontiac down the Garden State Parkway when I fell through the floorboard.

        Don't know if you've ever seen the old Pontiac commercials where they say "We build excitement", but I can verify the fact they're telling the truth.

        Knew I had to get serious, so when I saw an ad that said "Row Your Way To Skinny"...I jumped.

        I'm thinking I'd have to get a rowing machine...wasn't the weird trick they had in mind.

        They blindfolded me, strapped a parachute to my back and kicked me out of a chopper somewhere in the Atlantic beside a row boat with a fishing pole and a solar powered lap top.

        Been bout 3 months of rowing now and If all goes according to google...I should be making landfall in a couple days. Should come ashore somewhere in Asia or South America or Greenland.

        The weight has really dropped off...but I'm still a little miffed.

        So please excuse me if I find most of the diet hype a little misleading.
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  • Profile picture of the author Juicyyy
    So for you it justifies the poor optin rate?

    I find it hard to believe that 500+ persons clicked on a link in a solo ad (where I basically said they will discover 4 essential weight loss tips, which healthy foods make them fatter etc in a free report) and have only 1pct of them opting in!

    In your opinion, what action step could I take right now to make my squeeze page (and the "whole concept") less "junky"?

    I am in this niche because I like this topic, and I want to help and give people solid and proven advice while making money at the same time.
    I am not trying to reinvent the wheel.

    I take your post as " if you don't have loads of cash to invest, or don't offer something that no one else knows, you are doomed and you should quit this niche"

    Well what I know about weight loss, fitness and bodybuilding in general is enough I think to help the average person who struggle to lose weight.

    I am interested in your opinion.
    Thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author jcruz1234
    the Name email and phone should be on the top right.
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  • Profile picture of the author Clayton Collins
    I'd say it's too wordy. the opening of "are you willing to follow..." sounds bad to me and I stopped right there. I'd agree with most of the other people on being more succinct on each point.
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Juicyy,

    I think we all agree on 2 things.

    1. you bought a poor service that didn't live up to claims
    2. your squeeze page can be improved.

    So, instead of beating you up over it, here's what I do when I market in the fitness niche.

    And by the way, it's a niche I've been in since 2001 and have done quite well.

    1. Try to find traffic you can target as much as possible

    This is why I like Google Adwords the best... it's tough to get more targeted than bidding on the keywords your prospects will be typing into the search bar.

    Facebook, for me, is a distant second.

    But try to think of ways to get traffic that consists of people actually SEARCHING for what you sell.

    Often times, that will eliminate a lot of traffic sources out there... since they are more of a shotgun, scattered approach.

    you want a rifle, sharpshooter approach where you can zero in on your ideal target.

    That's why it's so much easier to sell to people who are actively searching for what you offer... instead of just showing your ad to those who didn't.

    But also, your squeeze page needs work.

    Some of my best performing ones (over 45% optin and higher) follow a certain formula.

    1. they instantly identify my target market by calling out their problem

    One ad I had running used the headline "Tired of your Beer Belly?" or something like that.

    That ad had a click through rate of over 15% on adwords where my next closest was 5%.

    But on your squeeze page/optin, try using a prehead that calls out their big problem... then have your headline offer up the end result solution... and add in a specific period of time and also throw in something that counters an objection.

    So, "How to Get Washboard Abs in just 30 Days without Doing Situps"
    is an example of an end result, specific period of time, and addresses objections.

    You always want to be ultra specific when it comes to your headlines and copy.

    "Losing weight" isn't specific.... but melting off 8 pounds of fat in 4 weeks and showing off abs that look like they were carved out of stone" is more specific.

    Also, some of my best performing squeeze pages offer up just one killer tip/technique that's so intriguing... people are dying to know what it is.

    They think to themselves... I just GOT to find out what that is. And make it a really good, solid secret that's something MANY people want to know about.

    Because if you offer a really kick ass "secret" or technique with your opt in, and it's really good... people will start thinking to themselves... "if she's giving this stuff away... I can't IMAGINE how good her paid stuff is"

    That's why these ads and headlines like "1 Weird Trick for Losing Belly Fat" or "Weird Food Burns Fat"

    these work because they're specific and offer up curiosity... people want to know what it is.

    Try to offer up one killer tip or technique... and make it VERY desirable for your market... something your market wants to do.

    I had a free report years ago that was "how to Add 20 Pounds to your Bench Press in Just One Day" and that optin got me over 50% regularly.

    Give them too many choices or options and they won't do anything. But tempt them with a really killer technique and they'll opt in.

    So, the way it can be strengthened is by having a more specific and benefit-driven headline... as well as more benefit-driven and specific bullets...which really spell out what you can do for them.

    So, again, stuff like "How to Lose weight" is not going to be as hard-hitting as "How To Lose Ugly Belly Fat and Get Six Pack Abs in Just 30 Days... So You Look Good On The Beach"

    see how that's more specific and it starts to paint a more specific image in the readers mind... as opposed to "lose weight" doesn't really form a clear image in your mind.

    Your prospect can picture "lean, ripped, six pack abs".... its much harder to picture "losing weight"

    Throw in a time frame and the prospect starts to see how they can have what they want in X amount of days.

    The time frame makes it seem doable and realistic... and the benefit paints the pleasing "before and after" in their minds.

    So, just make the opt in contain a secret or tip that's so powerful, they'd feel foolish if they didn't sign up.

    I think your opt in would do much better with a more specific and benefit driven headline and benefits...
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    • Profile picture of the author Juicyyy
      All,

      Thanks a lot for your insights. Much, much appreciated.

      Shawn,

      Incredibly good post, thank you so much.
      Originally Posted by shawnlebrun View Post

      "melting off 8 pounds of fat in 4 weeks and showing off abs that look like they were carved out of stone"
      I love that, will keep that in mind.
      Maybe I will add an article on how to get abs in 4 weeks.

      For now, I made those changes:

      www.letmeloseweight.com

      I took Shawn's advice for the headline. I really like the pattern 1)call out the big problem 2)offer a solution and 3)throw in something that counters an objection.

      I also made my bullet points shorter and more specific.
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  • Profile picture of the author James Fame
    I think you're lacking specificity in a lot of things.

    (1) Your customer profile: Who exactly are you targeting? Rather than targeting a bulk of them, take one common persona, and target that one person.

    (2) Your copy lacks specificity. Instead of "losing weight", try things like "shed 12 inches off your waist" or "drop a dress size", etc. It's all about being so specific and personal that you're using the jargon of the market you're targeting.

    (3) Qualification of prospects... Do they want a gym? Do they want a diet solution? Both? Or none of them?

    That's why step #1 is so important. If you don't know where the archery target is, why bother even shooting?

    *

    And then there's the problem with the choice of words in your copy.

    Try not to ask binary-form questions, where prospects can reply a "yes or no" (unless, it's really presumed, researched and split-tested to work). Questions that work are tough to get... So far, the few questions that actually work, are questions that leverage on "wonder". For example... "How does....?"

    Your bullets aren't dimensionalized enough. There aren't emotions attached to them. There's little imagery or few conditioned anchors.

    Don't tell... show. Convince.

    James Fame
    Signature

    Fire me a pm if you have a question. I build businesses and provide consulting. I do not do finance/money/internet marketing niches. Fitness, self-improvement and various others are welcome.

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  • Profile picture of the author svedski
    Remember this rule in the future:

    Always use your own ad server when buying clicks directly from a website. Otherwise, you're bound the get ripped off!

    You had less than 1% opt-in rate. Trust me, you got scammed.
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    • Profile picture of the author EricRand
      I counted more than 200 words used in your squeeze page.

      Serious studies indicate that the longer a squeeze page goes over 80 words, optin rates tend to go down severely. I couldn't believe it myself, but with 9 personal tests later..., I do now. My best converting squeeze page is only 21 words long and looks very similar the one above by rosalin herrera.

      Even with bad leads from the solo I think you could have done at least 25% with a more concise squeeze page.

      That is what testing is all about.

      Best wishes on your next one.

      Eric Rand
      Signature

      Watch this spot for something COOL....

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      • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
        Originally Posted by EricRand View Post

        I counted more than 200 words used in your squeeze page.

        Serious studies indicate that the longer a squeeze page goes over 80 words, optin rates tend to go down severely. I couldn't believe it myself, but with 9 personal tests later..., I do now. My best converting squeeze page is only 21 words long and looks very similar the one above by rosalin herrera.

        Even with bad leads from the solo I think you could have done at least 25% with a more concise squeeze page.

        That is what testing is all about.

        Best wishes on your next one.

        Eric Rand
        I've not seen these studies, but I've found this to be true. This is the format I've been using. Tested and proven (no affiliate association):

        Why Your Conversion Rate Is a Liar & a Thief
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Hey Juicyyy,


    You're welcome... but just be aware of your target market and who is going to see this page.

    If there will be women seeing it, you don't want to use the "Beer Belly" angle so much, because women don't really resonate with that.

    Muffin top, maybe... but not so much Beer Belly.

    The "beer belly" ad I used on Plenty of Fish, a dating site, and it was targeted ONLY to men who wanted to get abs to impress women.

    so, since I knew that 100% of the ad visitors would be male... because I had complete control over it, I went with Beer Belly and it crushed all others.

    BUT... if your site will be seen by women and men, I would skip Beer Belly because it doesn't do much for women seeing your ad... think of terms that would resonate more with women.

    Losing fat on the hips, belly, buns, and thighs? Make your backside your "best side"... I don't know, play around with it.

    With guys, losing the love handles always worked, beer belly worked well, etc...

    but women, you gotta use different terms, or you can try to make it appeal more to both by saying "lose belly fat, get a flat stomach, etc..."

    Check out Mike Geary's Truth about abs home page and see how he uses different terminology for the different sexes. Do that.

    Heck, just model what Mike uses, put it in your own words, and you'll be doing better than the optin rate you had... provided you get an honest traffic source :-)
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Annabelle... you're missing the point. OK the language may be "off". It's off the top of my head. I'm not writing the damn thing. Point is... it's more compelling than your trite offering. All those hackneyed words and clichéd expressions. "Finally revealed!"... "FREE report!" - give me a break.

    As for "babe" - I used it for the alliteration. It's hitting on "babe"... "big"..."belly..."bitch". Would have thought that obvious.
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    • Profile picture of the author AnabelleFlorida
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      Annabelle... you're missing the point. OK the language may be "off". It's off the top of my head. I'm not writing the damn thing. Point is... it's more compelling than your trite offering. All those hackneyed words and clichéd expressions. "Finally revealed!"... "FREE report!" - give me a break.

      As for "babe" - I used it for the alliteration. It's hitting on "babe"... "big"..."belly..."bitch". Would have thought that obvious.
      My "trite" offerring was a rewording of what he already had there, not an original rewrite.

      Thank you for clarifying that this was off the top of your head, I get what you're saying, though I doubt a female audience would respond positively to your choice of words, however "compelling" :confused:
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      • Profile picture of the author svedski
        Originally Posted by AnabelleFlorida View Post

        My "trite" offerring was a rewording of what he already had there, not an original rewrite.

        Thank you for clarifying that this was off the top of your head, I get what you're saying, though I doubt a female audience would respond positively to your choice of words, however "compelling" :confused:

        Mr. Anabelle, what's wrong with the word 'babe'?
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    So, Mal...

    I took what you wrote and said it verbatim to my wife... and she proceeded to kick me squarely in the meat and potatoes... so, it definitely touches a nerve!

    It just might be a Winna winna chicken dinna....
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  • Profile picture of the author Stefan King
    Three possible improvements are:

    1) the typography of "Tired Of Not Having A Flat Stomach?" and "Finally Revealed: How To Incinerate Stubborn Fat FAST!" The letters are too thick and too close together, making them hard to read.

    2) Remove the capitals of small words: "of", "a", and "to". Home builders don't paint the scaffolding, and we don't draw attention to words that have only a supporting role.

    3) Consider shortening the headline. The first three words, "Discover How To .." are not needed, and therefore weaken the message. "Lose Ugly Belly Fat in Just 4 Weeks.. so you look good at the beach!" Always try to keep the headline as short as you possibly can, while stating a full promise.
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  • Profile picture of the author ace0_0
    This thread seems to have gone quiet for a while but I was wondering...what was your actual solo ad copy like? that would have played a factor in their responsiveness
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    LOL damn

    everyone and their f'n mother is using my "WARNING" squeeze page.

    unfortunately, its missing several key things I used in it, that made it convert so well...

    the copy is ehh... so so... very average.

    you gotta test it. :-)
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    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
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  • Profile picture of the author Aaron Grant
    I know when I made one of my first squeeze pages I always tended to be more generic, kind of like the one you have up now, but once I got comfortable, and tried things out for myself (using slang, nicknames, 'lol', etc) my conversions went up a couple of percent every time.
    Shorter is sweeter always (one of my best converting ended up being about 30 words on the whole page, because lets face it, they want to read ONE sentence anyways. My intial reaction to your page is to skip over the top parts, read half of the middle, and then you lsot me. I'd cut the fat and try again.

    Also, find some solo ads you can trust, the #'s aren't making a whole lotta sense

    cheers and good luck
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    Ever purchased bullsh!t WSOs? Yeah, me too. I review these things and give you the most straight, honest opinion I can possibly muster.
    And sometimes I curse. I'm a New Yorker. Sorry in advance.

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  • Profile picture of the author Rhiannon Beckham
    Squeeze page aside, I totally think you got scammed. No doubt about it.
    That site just screams spam/scam/crap.

    Weight Loss Solo Ads | Health Solo Ads | Fitness Solo Ads | Forex Solo Ads
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    **I don't always make it back to check on threads, so if you'd like me to elaborate feel free to PM me, I try to make sure to check my inbox regularly and am happy to help..

    I wouldn't have pulled a $9k week w/Teespring etc without the help of others, so it's time to pay it forward.
    I can make a little room in my life for that. ;)

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  • Profile picture of the author thedanbrown
    Seems like that traffic was just really low quality, definitely not tier 1, so ya most likely you got ripped off because your squeeze page doesn't seem all that bad.

    BTW, some of Mal's headlines are pretty hilarious!
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