Squeeze page comments please

Not going to dissect the entire page bro, but as for the headline...yawn...

Just a suggestion here, do with it what you will:

Discover My 10 Unbeatable Methods For Becoming An Irresistible Friends Magnet...
Warning: You May Have To Get a Bigger Patio For This Summer's Parties!

Maco,

Personally I think you've got some work to do. With people being asked everywhere on the web for their contact info they are being a lot more reluctant to give it without a GOOD reason.

I agree the headline is weak - even if well intended. Invest some quality time on it - some great copywriters would spend a week to come up with their best headline - so invest a couple of hours on it - perhaps post your list of possible headlines and let the people in the forum vote to choose their favorite.

I would also say you're going to need to 'stir up' your visitors 'pain' more to motivate them into action. I'm recalling a TV advert for some anti-depresent which said "Depression hurts everybody" and showed sad people who looked like they were hurting emotionally. What does loniness/no friends look like?, feel like? - state that in very raw literal terms and people will get stirred up imho.

I would consider adding a story about how you were once suffering from this problem and after looking high and low you've come across the type of info that has made a big difference in your life (ie lots more friends).

Consider adding a picture (you can buy one super cheap) of a group of friends together looking like their having a great time.

Consider inviting people from the forum here to review your report, collect testimonials from them and post them as a part of your page.

Good luck,
John

Hi Maco,
I agree with all of the posts - you certainly could improve the headline.

Also your copy is too short. You've defined the problem, so now "agitate" the problem using anecdotal stories of people not having friends, and then tell how you can help them solve it.

I'd also suggest explaining what having friends would mean to them (benefits). Use emotion. And if you have any testimonials, do add them for some social proof that it works.

Some good points here already.

Make sure you finish your thoughts in a sentence. Your headline says "Learn The 10 Tips And Start." Okay, the 10 tips to what? You see, you forgot to complete this. Now as a reader I'm already struggling with the copy.

A couple other things.

We're creatures that love order, continuity and visual stimulus. Your page is lacking some of this. At the very minimum, try to add at least a picture (that's on topic). Another idea is to add one main focus point (what you want them to do). Right now your visual presentation is conflicting. As a result, you're splitting your audience before the party even gets started.

I know for a fact that the copy isn't really too short for a squeeze page. It's just not punchy/concise enough.

The writing needs work from an English standpoint too.

BTW, halfway into your copy you have the start of a good headline idea:

"Imagine what would it be like to be able to make friends with all types of personalities."

(That sentence needs English help too)

Last tip: Don't waste words, especially if you're trying to fit copy into a defined space.

For instance, you don't need to tell the reader to "insert their e-mail address correctly." If I wanted what you had, would I normally do it incorrectly? Simply telling them that their report is being rushed to their email gets this message across without the added text.

Anyway, good luck with it!

- Jason

The headline could be stronger and more alive...

Hi All,
Thanks for all your unique and creative comments. I have implemented all of them and soon I will offer the report for review. Thanks again for your time to review my squeez page and post comments.

Kind regards,
Maco

spelling errors, sounds dry, headline not as powerful...

just speak natural - like you are speaking to your best friend about something you feel very passionately about...

HI Marco.

All the above oments are good and your site has improved a lot already.

I would suggest adding a picture or something, though...maybe you and all your friends on the patio

And if you could get some people in video telling about their great experience with your tips, I believe you would get a lot of prospects signing up


Warmest regards,

Victor A. Roestad

Header + Video + Opt-in.

Redo these and you're good to go.

I'd drop the "What if we could give you" and change it to something more along the lines of "When you sign up/order/whatever I'm going to show you 1., 2., 3., etc.".

If you're going to use that verbage, I would follow it with a second question such as 'how much would that be worth to you?', 'How would your self esteem improve?', etc.

It was ok but didn't stir my emotions at all. Maybe add some pics and bring out some words and phrases to really get people ticking! Keep working on it you'll get it