My first ever Squeeze Page

10 replies
Hi guys,

I've actually posted this is in the main forum too but I wanted to get some advice from copywriters to try and up my conversions.

I'm pretty pleased with it but i just wanted to know what other people can find it here:

Any comments are gratefully received.

#page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author bigredrassler
    This copy is very technically sound in my opinion. You did an excellent job using the the risky open-with-a-question technique so I wouldn't change that. I would, for aesthetic purposes, increase the size of your sub headline. I would also include some more urgency by putting an "act now, don't miss out on this great oppurtunity" type phrase somewhere in there, but excellent work.

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  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    Eh. It's OK. People will optin the way you have it as is.

    IMO the optin form at the top is in the wrong place - either you have to do a better job selling me on why I should optin at the top or you need to just leave the one working at the bottom.
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  • ^^^ Agreed. Shove over the opt-in at the top, and throw a bulleted list beside it. (Opt-in on the right, of course.) People will skim your bullets, so be sure to put the most important words (i.e. the biggest benefits) at the very beginning of each bullet. You should see in increase then. Improve the copy below that a little bit, and you should do OK.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steven Downward
    I would have to agree that i didn't find a compelling enough reason to put my name in the top optin. If there were some benifets or something at the top that would improve the conversion I would think.
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  • Profile picture of the author henrychai
    i personnaly think it was abit lame.. i mean abit boring without pics and sounds...
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  • Profile picture of the author Caroline Ssamula
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    • Originally Posted by Caroline Ssamula View Post


      Hi! Your Webpage is quite cool, professional too! You have availed to your customers what they could be wanting without the hussle of looking to much.
      It is a good page.

      Would like to view my very first sales page too?, here in the bio box.

      Listen i like your ebbok covers tey are so reasonable, the colours are well cordinated. Would you help me with this? Its my missing piece.

      It isn't polite to hijack other people's threads, but for the sake of helping you, do NOT promote your page like that... It'll bomb big time. You're promoting an ebook about communication skills, but the page selling the ebook doesn't demonstrate your excellent communication skills (to put it nicely).

      Please, either hire a professional, hire a proofreader at the bare minimum, or at least open your own thread for critique here in the forum to get some helpful suggestions.

      Take this sentence, for example - "You will know exactly what things are where they are and how to go out there and get them."

      Huh? I can tell that English isn't your first language (forgive me if, by an off chance, it is - but I'm willing to bet it is not.) It isn't a bad thing to admit you need help with English, it is a tough language (especially the cliches and colloquialisms) - but it might really, really help you here.


      - Cherilyn
      The Canadian Copywriter
      Take your product from idea to profit in less than 90 days! Work with me to develop and implement a step-by-step plan for success!
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  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould

    Want to turn this squeeze page
    into something that converts a
    whole lot better?

    Here's how...

    1- Drastically reduce the length
    of the page. Make it so that it
    all fits in without scrolling down.

    2- Put an opt in box on the right,
    3-5 bullet points on the left, and
    a killer headline at the top. You
    could spice the current headline up
    a lot by putting a value to all this
    stuff. "Who Else Wants $5277 Worth
    Of Ebooks, Articles..." etc

    3- Drive targeted traffic.

    And that's how it's done...

    Good luck

    -David Raybould
    Killer Emails. Cash-spewing VSLs. Turbocharged Landing Pages.

    Whatever you need, my high converting copy puts more money in your pocket. PM for details. 10 years experience and 9 figure revenues.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ron Herman
      I am with everyone else for the most part, but I would bag the "Who Else Wants" jazz, it has been extremely over used.

      Also, if there are any trust symbols (hint: you can use the circle-slash NO SPAM symbol even) put them to the left, a clear call to action in the center (bullets) and the optin to the right. If its only a squeeze page I would keep everything above the fold.

      "Pros are not born, they are created. Every successful person
      I know has at least one coach or mentor who has guided their
      journey from amateur dabbler to expert-level pro..." ~ Ron Herman

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