Go From Nothing To Dunking In 12 Weeks!

by MaksP
18 replies
Hello my fellow Warriors and happy holidays!

I have received some amazing advice on here and would like to know what you guys think of my current sales page.

In the past month I changed the text, header and raised the price from $17 to $27.

I feel like I should charge higher because everyone has seen results and its by far the best program out in its market.

So far I have seen great progress but I am always looking to improve my page so please feel free to give me constructive criticism
#dunking #weeks
  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Gawd...you're not listening. It's still a dud headline. And the subhead "The proven system to adding inches to your vertical jump" reads like a penis enlargement site.

    I give up.
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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      Gawd...you're not listening. It's still a dud headline. And the subhead "The proven system to adding inches to your vertical jump" reads like a penis enlargement site.

      I give up.
      Am I missing something here? Why such a curt response ?
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      • Profile picture of the author enger
        MaksP, if you just want feedback on the page itself, I would stick to the basics.

        1. Proof will affect your conversions most.

        a. Give me a powerful demonstration of the benefits. Tell me a story of someone who wanted to dunk but couldn't until the tried your program. Then go on about all the attention they got from fellow basketballers and scouts.

        b. Admit faults. The great Eugene Schwartz once wrote an ad for a book teaching people how to fix cars. The headline he first used was "how to fix any car" (or similar). It bombed and the feedback they got was that no-one believed one book could teach you how to fix every single car because they were all,different. So they ran the ad again with the headline "how to fix almost any car" and it was a run away winner. I don't believe everyone will be able to dunk in 12 weeks if they try your program so try to make your claim more believable. Alternately, you could ask a question " Can You Really Dunk in Just 12 Weeks?" (Or similar)

        c. Put your google logos etc above the headline, not under your video and beneath the fold.

        d. Can you sell your credibility as a trainer or sports scientist?

        2. Proposition

        a. Uniqueness, I see you have a comparative table... But what is really unique about this product? What is the "secret sauce" or training mechanism you use that is different and better than everyone else's? Maybe I missed it, but it didn't jump out at me.

        3. Attention

        a. Joe Sugarman once said he never had a losing headline when he used the word "breakthrough"... What new information can your sell to get people's attention and interest in reading your letter.

        Anyway, they are just a few tips... I am working on a similar letter for a sprint training product, so I understand your issues a little.

        Otherwise, a good effort mate. Best of luck with it...
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  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Maks, now you will get the biggest gains
    from creating a whole funnel.

    Here's a brief overview how it will look like.

    The reader gets a free offer in exchange for his email.

    On the thank you page, he gets an offer for a $7 training.

    On the Thank You page he gets your present product offer.

    If he doesn't take up any of the offers,
    he gets 5 days of follow up emails to see what he is missing out on.

    If he still doesn't buy after 5 days, he is shown another $7 offer.

    At any stage he doesn't buy, he gets a 5 day series of emails getting him go buy that offer.

    At no point is he shown Ghe main product Untill he buy's
    the lower price point offer.

    Why do all this?

    Because, $30,000,000 of annual revenue
    can be credited to this bare bones marketing
    funnel structure.

    Take a little piece of the training and use that as the free offer.

    The $7 training is about how he can achieve 1 piece of training he can implement and reach his goal faster.

    Your existing product is the final pieces needed to
    achieve the reader's goal.

    Your main product will sell many times more when it's presented as an upsell on a low price purchase...no matter how good the copy is for this training.

    Best
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author MaksP
      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Maks, now you will get the biggest gains
      from creating a whole funnel.

      Here's a brief overview how it will look like.

      The reader gets a free offer in exchange for his email.

      On the thank you page, he gets an offer for a $7 training.

      On the Thank You page he gets your present product offer.

      If he doesn't take up any of the offers,
      he gets 5 days of follow up emails to see what he is missing out on.

      If he still doesn't buy after 5 days, he is shown another $7 offer.

      At any stage he doesn't buy, he gets a 5 day series of emails getting him go buy that offer.

      At no point is he shown Ghe main product Untill he buy's
      the lower price point offer.

      Why do all this?

      Because, $30,000,000 of annual revenue
      can be credited to this bare bones marketing
      funnel structure.

      Take a little piece of the training and use that as the free offer.

      The $7 training is about how he can achieve 1 piece of training he can implement and reach his goal faster.

      Your existing product is the final pieces needed to
      achieve the reader's goal.

      Your main product will sell many times more when it's presented as an upsell on a low price purchase...no matter how good the copy is for this training.

      Best
      Ewen
      Wow, thank you for your constructive response

      So you are saying that I should send them to an email squeeze page and get their emails.

      Then the reader gets the free offer in his email which he signed up for.

      On the bottom of that first email with the free offer there will be a link to the $7 offer.

      If the reader gets the $7 offer than I send them a thank you page email with a link to the $27 offer (my current offer) in that thank you for your $7 purchase email.

      And if they don't purchase after 5 email I should send them a different $7 offer or the same one as the first time?

      What if they don't purchase the $27 offer after the $7? Than should I send another 5 email and a different $7 offer or just pitch the $27 offer over and over?
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        "So you are saying that I should send them to an email squeeze page and get their emails."

        Yes.

        "Then the reader gets the free offer in his email which he signed up for.

        On the bottom of that first email with the free offer there will be a link to the $7 offer."

        The $7 offer is on the Thank You page.

        "If the reader gets the $7 offer than I send them a thank you page email with a link to the $27 offer (my current offer) in that thank you for your $7 purchase email."

        Yes.

        "And if they don't purchase after 5 email I should send them a different $7 offer or the same one as the first time?"

        Yes send them another $7 offer.

        "What if they don't purchase the $27 offer after the $7? Than should I send another 5 email and a different $7 offer or just pitch the $27 offer over and over?"

        Send 5 emails promoting the $27 offer. If they don't buy, then start over with another $7 offer with the same $27 offer on the Thank You page.

        "So you are saying that I should send them to an email squeeze page and get their emails."

        Yes.

        "Then the reader gets the free offer in his email which he signed up for.
        On the bottom of that first email with the free offer there will be a link to the $7 offer."

        The $7 offer is on the Thank You page.

        "If the reader gets the $7 offer than I send them a thank you page email with a link to the $27 offer (my current offer) in that thank you for your $7 purchase email."

        Yes.

        "And if they don't purchase after 5 email I should send them a different $7 offer or the same one as the first time?"

        Yes send them another $7 offer.

        "What if they don't purchase the $27 offer after the $7? Than should I send another 5 email and a different $7 offer or just pitch the $27 offer over and over?"

        Send 5 emails promoting the $27 offer. If they don't buy, then start over with another $7 offer with the same $27 offer on the Thank You page.

        Best,
        Ewen
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  • from my experience in this market, people want to learn how to do this so they can show off, get noticed by peers, scouts, girls. and stand out on the team.

    i would show right from the headline, how your method is different, get a decent hook in the there and weave the copy around the relevant emotion
    Signature
    "Peter Brennan is the real deal, In the first 12 hours we did $80k...and over $125k in the first week...if you want to be successful online, outsource your copywriting to Peter"
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    For 12 ways to sell more stuff to more people today...go to...www.peterbrennan.net
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Go From Nothing To Dunking In 12 Weeks!
      12 Weeks???

      No way.

      How many kids will buy an e-book on dunking that makes it sound like "forever" before they'll be able to do it?

      Very few.

      Take Peter's advice and build your headline around one of the hooks he mentioned.

      Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Maks, putting a time frame on the wanted outcome
        can lead to problems.

        There's the believability if too short a time.

        If too long, it kills desire.

        A way around it is by saying X times faster.

        An example...

        ---------------------------------------------------
        New Vertical Jump Training Speeds Up Results By 10X
        ---------------------------------------------------

        You will then need to lead in by expanding on the speed idea.

        Best,
        Ewen
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        • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
          In this case, quoting any period of time in any format is counter productive.

          If the OP can't promise instant results, touching an emotion is better.

          "Impress the other guys on your team" is way better than "Dunk in 7 days".

          Alex
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          • Profile picture of the author MaksP
            Thanks you very much for the feedback on the title.

            Previously I was told that hitting them with a feature of the program right away would help.

            What is your opinion on this title:

            Here's How You Can Increase Your Vertical Jump By Using The SPECIAL Training Methods That Professional Athletes Have Been Doing For Years. "Go From NOTHING TO DUNKING"

            Or this title:

            Learn The Secret Vertical Jump Training Methods That Professional Athletes Have Been Using For Years To Increase Their Vertical Jump. "Go From NOTHING TO DUNKING"

            Or this title:

            Learn The Secret Vertical Jump Training Methods That Coaches And Trainers Don't Want You You To Know About. "Go From NOTHING TO DUNKING"
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            • Profile picture of the author Raymond Duke
              They're all too long in my opinion. You don't need to say "Here's How". Just say "How".

              "How to Increase your Vertical Jump"

              > Learn The Secret Vertical Jump Training Methods That Coaches And Trainers Don't Want You You To Know About. "Go From NOTHING TO DUNKING"

              Why would they not want me to know about it?
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              • Profile picture of the author DanSharp
                I'm not so convinced that "Go From Nothing To Dunking In 12 Weeks" is a bad headline. It's not the most attractive possible way of saying it, but it tells your prospect exactly what you offer. It's also believable -- sure, there's work involved, but they know and expect that. Anyone for whom 12 weeks is unacceptable is not a very good prospect for a course that takes 12 weeks. But yes, as a headline it is "basic," with plenty of room to do better.

                You will probably get better results with an emotionally charged headline using one of Peter's hooks. Whether you've noticed or not, his short post is incredibly valuable to you -- use what he tells you and it could make you a LOT of money.

                Originally Posted by Raymond Duke View Post

                > Learn The Secret Vertical Jump Training Methods That Coaches And Trainers Don't Want You You To Know About. "Go From NOTHING TO DUNKING"

                Why would they not want me to know about it?
                This.

                Conspiracy hooks can be tough... you better have a good answer to back up the claim. See Bencivenga's "Lies Lies Lies!"'-- that worked because investors are inherently a little paranoid about everyone else trying to "steal their chips." Because in finance, everyone is in fact trying to steal everyone else's chips.

                I'm not sure your prospects have any paranoia about their coaches. Teammates? Maybe. Other teams? Well now...

                "...The Vertical Jump Training Methods Elite Prep-School Teams Would Kill To Keep Secret!"

                sounds a heck of a lot more plausible. Replace "prep school" as appropriate, this is not my specialty.
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            • Profile picture of the author Cool Hand Luke
              Originally Posted by MaksP View Post

              Or this title:

              Learn The Secret Vertical Jump Training Methods That Professional Athletes Have Been Using For Years To Increase Their Vertical Jump. "Go From NOTHING TO DUNKING"

              Or this title:

              Learn The Secret Vertical Jump Training Methods That Coaches And Trainers Don't Want You You To Know About. "Go From NOTHING TO DUNKING"
              First off, don't use the word "learn" in your headline, and avoid it in the copy itself if you can. No one in this market wants to learn anything... they might want to discover it, they might want it to be revealed to them, but they don't want to learn it.

              Second, your top competition is what? The Jump Manual? You need to look at what they have. First off, a ton of proof elements (way more than you) so find a way to inject more proof into your copy.

              Third "Go from nothing to dunking" is weak. Scrap it completely.
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              • Profile picture of the author rimam1
                Maks,

                You're doing great. Keep up the good work and keep testing.

                I'm 32 with 2 young kids and work in IT at a hospital. But I still want to learn how to dunk.

                As a guy that doesn't play basketball, I definitely would want to learn how to dunk. I have LOTS of friends and co-workers that play and it would be awesome to show up on the court and dunk.

                There's a goldmine of information in this thread, and I'm learning a lot for my own product as well.

                I don't even play basketball, but I would definitely buy and use your product. I'm currently using Jim Wendler's 5/3/1 powerlifting weight training protocol, so that's the only reason I haven't bought your program.

                Raza
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                • Profile picture of the author MaksP
                  Originally Posted by rimam1 View Post

                  Maks,

                  You're doing great. Keep up the good work and keep testing.

                  I'm 32 with 2 young kids and work in IT at a hospital. But I still want to learn how to dunk.

                  As a guy that doesn't play basketball, I definitely would want to learn how to dunk. I have LOTS of friends and co-workers that play and it would be awesome to show up on the court and dunk.

                  There's a goldmine of information in this thread, and I'm learning a lot for my own product as well.

                  I don't even play basketball, but I would definitely buy and use your product. I'm currently using Jim Wendler's 5/3/1 powerlifting weight training protocol, so that's the only reason I haven't bought your program.

                  Raza
                  Thank you very much I really appreciate it.

                  I feel that my biggest accomplishment is that everyone who buys this program always sees an increase in their jumping ability.

                  Honestly 32 years old is very young and you definitively have the potential to still dunk.

                  The 5/3/1 program is good but the only problem is that it lacks direct transition into jumping.

                  To jump high you need 3 things.

                  1. Strength which comes from weight lifting.

                  2. Plyometric Ability which comes from doing jumps specifically for jumping.

                  3. Rate Of Fore Development. The speed at which your able to exert that strength training by using your plyometric ability into a high vertical jump.

                  My system focuses on THE BEST exercises from three of those factors.

                  If you try my system you will see results guaranteed and as a special bonus you will get free unlimited one on one email coaching.
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  • Profile picture of the author YHmuWong
    Sadly I can dunk on a lower rim.We don't have a proper court near my home.I guess going to a better court might be able to improve my jumps.I don't find it absolutely a bad marketing because of ethical reasoning you are on track with the service.You maybe able to dunk in 12 weeks but I tried for 32 weeks to just jump correctly.
    Signature

    Rock,Paper, Scissors. Always choose Rock thrice!

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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      I like the Headline. It perks my ears up. I do NOT think it is unrealistic if you put some work into it and have the right instructions do to so.

      Iam 6 foot and it has always been a dream to dunk on a 10 foot goal. I think most guys who watch any kind of B-ball can attest to this desire at one point in their Life.

      Keep up the good work.
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