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Copy fumbling fumbling

by Steven W Johnson
11 replies
I have a few hills to climb on this one, and feeling BELOW base camp right about now (sigh)

Site is a marketing portal - Internet Marketing, social marketing, network development teaching, Joint Venturing, Viral Weapons development, socializing with other marketers, masterminding, listbuilding, SEO, advanced advertising tactics, guest lecturers, link exchanges, traffic exchanges, private article directory development, wiki farming, forum farming, live webinars, RAVAD sessions (rapid aggregated virtual asset dev - read: large-scale mass builds), yada yada - advanced stuff.

Monetized two ways: one-time lifetime fee to belong and instantly become a 100% reseller to others of the lifetime membership (no other option at this point) - second, third, fourth and fifth revenue streams are all networking companies with very distinct purposes and reasons for being in there. (note: this is a SOIL structure - aka Sphere Of Influence Leverage) NONE of the network oppties are required to remain a lifetime member in the portal (they'll get 60 days to sip on the koolaid, use the place, learn, meet others, listen, and then decide if it's for them.) However, if they want to walk away with the ENTIRE CODEBASE of the portal, they must join at least one opp, or they can't have it to establish their very own portal however THEY see fit, and with our support and blessing. If they still aren't a member at the end of 60 days, they'll be politely shown the door with an open offer extended to return anytime should they change their mind.

The industry (professional direct networking) is a monster

The portal I've constructed, which is a true S.O.I.L. structure is a potential monster as well (will turn heads in the industry)

The Challenge:

How to say all that in the proper WIIFM / NLP - laden fashion such that prospective members sign up (not pay money, just sign up for the 60 days of "tailgate party" access - lurking and listening and grokking the ropes - oh, and if they choose, RECRUITING before they have to pay - sorta like the prelaunch downline builders do)

I started out with a series of YouTube videos trying to spell it out. GAWD what a mess - 25 of them, I believe it was! hahaha - core team members laughed those out of the room! So, I got busy and reduced some 200+ pages of writing (20hrs a day for the past 3+ months) into 8 videos, and shoved them aboard the front of the site.

My hair is long-haired hippies radical sixties crap. It's just me and a stupid white board - HARDLY professional. ZERO social proof of any sort (even though I could drop some MONSTER names in my decade-long marketing career that has grossed millions)

I'm prepared at this point to hawk some spare tires in order to pay for a copywriter - or take some direction from the sage wizards of the WF and have at it myself (I'm a hardcore tech editor with some pretty decent copywriting experience myself) - just never tackled a project this big and important - at least to me and my team - yet.

Any and all thoughts, constructive, destructive, derisive, whatever - GO AT IT! (laughing)

http://pawmarks.directnetworker.com

Thanks in advance!
#copy #fumbling
  • Profile picture of the author Cherilyn Woodhouse
    Alexa is right, you do need to simplify the language quite a bit. I gleaned from this that when you refer to networking, you're actually referring to network MARKETING (please do correct me if I'm wrong there, that is just my impression) and if you want to catch people at all phases of their business, all of this technical stuff is just going to scare them away.

    I've written a lot of different stuff for the biz opp and network marketing markets, maybe I could be of some help in simplying the language. Send me a PM and we can get on a text chat on Skype, MSN, or even just email and we'll see if we can help "tone it down" a bit.

    Just as an aside, a great tip for video creation - if you're like anybody who has made more than $5k total in their lifetime, I'm guessing you have a nice TV in your house somewhere. Plasmas work great for this, but LCDs or even CRT TVs work if you can get the right connections setup. Even easier if you have a laptop.

    This is how I do it, you'll have to modify this for your setup. I create a powerpoint presentation, and load it onto my laptop. I'm lucky enough to have an HDMI output on the laptop and a 42" plasma to connect it to, but whatever setup you can use to get your computer hooked up to a half decent sized TV will work.

    The powerpoint slides should be just like in a presentation, with "key points" in text. Grab a wireless mouse, and hold it in your hand like a "clicker" (unless you actually have a clicker, of course!) Then stand next to the TV, record you talking with your powerpoint slides, use your improvised clicker to scroll through them.

    That might help. Just try and remove all distractions AROUND the TV. All you really want to see is you, your slides, and a neutral backdrop.

    Hope that helps!

    - Cherilyn
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    • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
      My thought is you aren't ready to write a salesletter for this.

      Your ideas need to be wrangled into selfish (for the prospect)
      easy to grasp buying advantage.

      I've written for the bizop market quite a lot. My mean
      opinion is there are a lot of people in it with double-digit IQs.
      My sunnier view of the market is that most people don't like
      to think and prefer the illusion of "push button riches" to
      the real nitty-gritty of business success. While this is changing
      and network marketing enthusiasts are getting more savvy
      about real business practices they still are most vulnerable
      to buy (like most mass-market consumers) perceived solutions
      that will appear to do everything for them automatically -
      hence the current blight of phone-spamming operations
      (soon to be illegal, or so I've read).

      You won't sell a technical solution to non-technical people
      (which is most) - you need to identify or develop "memes"
      which express what your product does for buyers. You
      can read about memes at the end of the free report given
      away at the top of my copywriting site, below - but the
      real authority is Geoff Ayling:
      Amazon.com: Used and New: Rapid Response Advertising
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  • Profile picture of the author AnneE
    Originally Posted by Steven W Johnson View Post

    ...
    Site is a marketing portal - Internet Marketing, social marketing, network development teaching, Joint Venturing, Viral Weapons development, socializing with other marketers, masterminding, listbuilding, SEO, advanced advertising tactics, guest lecturers, link exchanges, traffic exchanges, private article directory development, wiki farming, forum farming, live webinars, RAVAD sessions (rapid aggregated virtual asset dev - read: large-scale mass builds), yada yada - advanced stuff.
    I know this isn't your sales speech... but every product, offer, etc... needs the 20 words or less statement... Try using this fill-in-the-blank

    This website is for people who ____________________ and allows them to __________________________ by _____________________________

    So for my eboo.... er.... my special report, on How to Self-Publish Children's Books -- I can think of what I'm offering as:

    My product is for children's book writers who are frustrated with their publishing options and allows them to decide whether and how to self-publish by explaining how to find an illustrator, a printer and create a budget. -- okay, I broke my own rule, it's 37 words. And it won't be your final sales pitch, but it's a start at clarifying what exactly you offer.

    I've heard other people talk in terms of you needing an 'elevator speech' -- a statement that explains your business in the time it takes to ride the elevator (and we are NOT talking Empire State Building)

    One thing I love about writing is, more than talking, it becomes apparent when you need to sort out and organize your thoughts. Often this helps you to just plain function better. While you are frustrated, this writing down what you offer people is going to help you clarify what you offer people which will help you create a more appealing and marketable product.

    Keep taking action! As you can see, you can get a lot of support and assistance here.
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
      Banned
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author Steven W Johnson
        Thanks SOOO much everyone for the feedback! This is PRECISELY what I needed to move forward. I will post thoughts and PM some of you who requested that I do so to begin moving in the right direction. REALLY USEFUL INFO (as per standard with WF members) all I can say is AWESOME! This site won't look anything like the amateurish bumbling that is does now, once the professional copywriters get their mitts into it. I'm so-so at FIXING copy (usually technical but sometimes even pointing out active vs passive voice issues and such or when there is insufficient WIIFM going on), but starting from scratch? ha!! maybe once I've done about a HUNDRED copywriting projects, I might stand a chance (laughing)
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    • Profile picture of the author Steven W Johnson
      Originally Posted by AnneE View Post

      needs the 20 words or less statement...
      argh! here's my problem with the "elevator speech" approach.

      There may be SOME GENIUS who can reduce this whole business model down to 20 words or less. I have yet to find them, and I am CERTAINLY NOT that person (sigh)

      I think that therein lies the rub, however. IF this WERE SIMPLE ENOUGH to, in fact, REDUCE in such a fashion, then it WOULD NOT BE A VIABLE MODEL AT ALL! Because everyone would be doing it. EVERYONE! But they are not. Only a tiny fraction of clever marketers have seized on this approach and are quietly GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER, making absolutely OBSCENE amounts of money because of what they know.

      If you look at the top statement on the site - about the truck and the wall - that is a big part of the problem with developing the elevator speech - almost 100% of potential consumers of this model/tactics/strategy have NEVER THOUGHT in this way before, and somehow managing to say the right words such that they magically begin to think this way (especially within a 20-word sentence timeframe) is simply unrealistic. So, as I mentioned earlier, perhaps a totally new approach is indicated. One in which there is NO EXPECTATION that they are going to "get" this from one salesletter - just whet their appetite sufficiently to come inside (after all, it's free) and THEN the real education process can begin in earnest.

      I've had this conversation numerous times. At one point, I spent an HOUR with a VERY ADVANCED MARKETER IN PERSON, and at the end of the hour, they pretty much said "Steve, can you run that by me one more time? I don't get it!" hehehehe - and NO, I'm NOT talking 2-digit IQs here - people with a HISTORY of grokking complex ideas and strategies just scratch their heads over this one! yet, the concept is SO powerful, I persist.
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  • Profile picture of the author fancyrae
    Steve--
    When I'm stuck trying to make sense of a bunch of information, I start by jotting down bullets about the points I think are important. Then I go back and group them into categories of Who, What, Why, When, Where and How. Often I will discover I'm trying to present too many ideas at once. If I can focus on just ONE IDEA at a time, my writing becomes clearer.

    Hope that helps!
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    • Profile picture of the author Steven W Johnson
      Thanks for that, fancyrae! The videos were a (amateurish) attempt at that as you can see by the "who, what, why" etc etc. I just have to get the BIG IDEAS (that RED INK thingamagiggy text) down on paper, I think, and the "story" may just suddenly begin to flow - the whole 8 different 3-4 minute video approach may have been a noble attempt, but it was a bust (gonna save the content, however, for the INSIDE training - it's still good stuff - just poor positioning.
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  • Profile picture of the author Don Schenk
    Steve,

    I don't wish to be harsh. I watched videos #1, 2, and 4, yet I still have no idea what you are trying to market. A networking portal? Whatever that is???

    Imagine you meet someone from the year 1853 who has suddenly been sucked forward to 2009 by a time warp, and you have to explain the thing to him.

    The purpose for the keep-it-short elevator speech is to give enough information about specific benefits that the listener understands what you said and wants to know more.

    You mentioned WIIFM in the post (also called a WIIFT what's in it for them), now in three short sentences what are the primary benefits?

    1.
    2.
    3.


    :-Don
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    • Profile picture of the author Steven W Johnson
      Yes, Don - you are TOTALLY dead-on in your eval. I was building the "copy" (not even sure these videos QUALIFY for that moniker! hehe) from MY PERSPECTIVE - as best I could - trying to explain what it does, and I missed the mark of getting inside how people perceive the story I'm telling. TOTALLY MISSED IT - different GALAXY, methinks! :-)

      Working on the next iteration.

      In an effort to coin a SLOGAN for a PDN forum (professional direct networker forum), I reduced everything down to a scant few characters thusly:

      Inet Mktg Tactics Meet Net Mktg Cash Cows

      The benefits:

      - university-level cyber classrooms teaching real Internet Marketing skills
      - 100% reseller model (buy it, own it, sell it, keep 100% of the dough)
      - the OLD network mktg model (RTO - recruit to opp) replaced by the NEW paradigm - RTC (Recruit to Container) - this portal is a S.O.I.L. CONTAINER - practicing advanced Sphere Of Influence Leverage tactics - largely, thanks to state-of-art scripting technology and paying close attention to MEMBER BRANDING - largely unheard of and at best, poorly understood in this industry.
      - true codebase ownership (participate and you get to RUN OFF WITH THE CODE if you like)

      If I sit here, I'll think of 6 more goodies, but hopefully that's enough to get the gist of it.

      Now, how to SAY ALL THAT in "human speak"?? {smiling}
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