Constructive criticism?

Here's a quick tip for you - by my count I have to click four times to place an order for the product... put the entire salesletter on one page.

Who are you marketing this product to (demographic wise), btw? This info definitely appeals to some, but you gotta get it in front of the right ones.

Gary

Well, the approach with clicking over to different sections has worked well for some people. On some level it builds anticipation and gets people actively involved. So you can try that approach and see what happens. Split test one single sales page and the way you have it now.

But to make people want to click over you should probably end each page with a cliffhanger. Maybe play up the conspiracy bit a little but don't come off as a wacko if you do, and find out what people really want, allude to it, make them salivate and want to click to the next page to find out. Figure out who would want your information. Go to them or find where they hang out and lurk there and read or listen to what they say. Look inside yourself and pretend you were someone looking for what you have - what would you be thinking? and find out the fears and wants they have. Play with those.

Look at sales pages that you know have done well and model them.

You also need another headline. It seems that each page has a new headline. Well, the first page definitely needs a new headline - "These 5 things you are doing right now are killing you... and it was your Doctor's idea!" or whatever. Not fantastic but it's better than what you have. Of course, in that example, you would want to actually have 5 things. Something along those lines.

Then, since the bottom of each page where you click to the next one should have people wanting to know more, the headline on the next page should continue the thought that was at the bottom of the previous page.

You might also do well having an opt-in list and tell people to sign up to find out what two things they are doing they think is good for that is actually killing them and what two things they think are bad for them but they should actually be doing or something like that. (Sorry. I just noticed you planned on having one - but 7 day e-course probably isn't gonna cut very well. You can still give them that but get them in by offering them something "juicy")

Make friends with a decent copywriter so that they can give you honest observations about your copy.

Get rid of the header graphic. Better to not have one than to have what's there and like I said get a good headline but keep it short or at least no longer than it needs to be. If you have to, continue the thought in a sub-headline.

If I were you I would get a domain if it is available without the - between the words.

The part where you say "Pop Quiz: What's the single biggest..." put that in another paragraph inside a box and maybe make the box a different light color since the background is already white. Maybe make it an image. Make it look like they do in books, or cartoony, etc.

There may be more things I can suggest but I have to go. Maybe I'll be back later.

You can give me a copy if you are still willing. If I like it I might consider promoting it if I think it's a good product.

Okay, as already mentioned you need to get all the copy onto one page. The pictures are good but be sure not to let the text sit too close to their borders as it does in a few.

You make some claims without backing them up. You say:

Pop quiz: what's the single biggest killer of Americans? Medical Malpractice. That means 'oops, the doctor killed you.'

A lot of people will click away because they've heard that heart disease is the number one killer and cancer recently became number two if I'm not mistaken.

I understand that the entire theme of your material is that because doctors aren't aware of the nutritional benefits and pitfalls of many foods as revealed in your book, they may be inadvertently knocking people off.

But if you're going to make a claim like the one above and several others in your letter, I'd say that you need to provide a better setup (translated as qualifying your claims with reasonable explanations related to poor nutrition) or people will click away thinking you're a whack job. I understand what you mean but you can't expect everyone to get it without laying it out plainly.

Otherwise, the page is clean and has good eye appeal. Good luck!

OK, I've noted all of your advice, and I'll be implementing most of it shortly. And travelinguy, thanks for the catch: it's supposed to be "the biggest accidental killer of Americans.

Thank you all!

Not sure if this will help, but you have seen many of the sales pages so far right? Use them as an example to create yours. Second, there are free sales page generators that can help you with writing the text in the right paragraphs, all you have to do is use their software to create your sales page. Another thing, where is your headline text, you've got 3 seconds, and you lost me, I went to the page, expected some health advice, BUT I had to navigate down to actually see some text.

Listen, English is not my first language, but I just talk to "my people" and had built sales pages that convert at 17-20%! And created OPT in that convert at 70-75%!

Like they said, you need target niche, "WHO" will the visitors, and just connect with them.

Hi I agree, get your sales part more up front on page 1