What's wrong with my squeeze page?

by loi77
30 replies
Hi fellow warriors,

How are you today?

I really appreciate it if you could critique my squeeze page, especially the headline and the bullets:

Squeeze Page Profits Secrets |

Any suggestion for better headline and bullets? what about the layout of the squeeze page?

English is not my mother tongue so any suggestion is most welcome.

Copywriting is a skill that I must definitely learn and improve.

Thanks in advance.


Regards,
David Loi
#page #squeeze #wrong
  • Profile picture of the author Ali Anwar
    Hello David,
    Remove the last bullet "+ Much, Much More………" and just add "and lots more" at the end of the "How To Skyrocket The Conversion Of Your Squeeze Pages" bullet.

    I'm not really fond of alternately using bold for the bullets. So, rather make all bullets bold.

    Your headline is too long, shorten it. Remove "start building list like they do." That'll shorten it at least a little.
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  • Profile picture of the author IulianP
    Looks pretty nice.

    What I would change is the red arrow pointing down. I would put 2 of them instead of one or I would make the one look bigger. It gives me the impression of empty around it.

    That's all .

    Nice work
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  • Profile picture of the author Content Traders
    Seems pretty nice. Can you refer me any designer who designs professional squeeze pages here at warrior forum ?
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    • Profile picture of the author loi77
      Originally Posted by Content Traders View Post

      Seems pretty nice. Can you refer me any designer who designs professional squeeze pages here at warrior forum ?
      I built my squeeze page with OptimizePress because it is quick and easy without any technical skill.

      If you are looking for web designer in WF, check out Warriors For Hire
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Simond
    It is a nice design. it works!
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  • Profile picture of the author Benjam1n
    I thought this was interesting - The Anatomy of a Perfect Squeeze Page Template | Digital Marketer

    No affiliation at all by the way.
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    "You become what you think about most of the time" - Think BIG!!

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  • Profile picture of the author loi77
    Thanks for the great comments, I really appreciate it!

    Keep them coming.
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  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    David,

    Maybe I am a cynic but why are you asking for a critique on a squeeze page on a product that is promoting Squeeze Page Secrets?

    Di
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    • Profile picture of the author loi77
      Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

      David,

      Maybe I am a cynic but why are you asking for a critique on a squeeze page on a product that is promoting Squeeze Page Secrets?

      Di
      Thanks for your comment.

      Yes, I did spend about 2 weeks to do research and write my free eBook. English is not my fist language and that's why it was taking me so long.

      With the help of my personal coach, I do know a lot about how to create high converting squeeze pages such as:

      - less is often more when it comes to squeeze page

      - make sure everything is above the fold because 80 percent of the visitors don't scroll down

      - no header graphic because it is distracting

      - no animation, again it is distracting

      - video is good but it can be harm conversion if it takes too long to load

      - headline should be benefit oriented to lure people in. It is within the first few seconds that visitors decide to leave or stay depending on the headline. so headline is the most important factor for conversion.

      - you must split test to find the best converting squeeze page.

      - use white background because it is easier to read.

      - Use black text with the exception of the headline to make it easy for readers to read.

      - building relationship starts from the ebook that you are giving away. That's why I decided to write my ebook to connect with my subscribers instead of just using PLR. That first chapter is title "My biggest mistake" to share my failures so they don't have to make the same mistake.

      - and much, much more.

      So I do know a lot more than others. But I am constantly testing and I have a genuine desire to be better than what I am doing now.

      That's why I am asking for fellow warrior's opinion. My squeeze page is already converting quite highly, but I want to do better. Especially with headline and bullets since English is not my mother tongue.

      I believe we never stop learning and I can definitely learn more from the great people here in WF.

      Any question please feel free to ask.
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  • Profile picture of the author Cedevita
    looks normal, nothing really catchy on it but maybe its better this way simple and easy
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    • Profile picture of the author loi77
      Originally Posted by Cedevita View Post

      looks normal, nothing really catchy on it but maybe its better this way simple and easy
      You're right. A simple squeeze page often converts the best.

      I certainly hope that the headline conveys that benefits well.

      Copywriting is a skill that I definitely must learn.
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  • Profile picture of the author AndrewStark
    Hi David

    It's just another optimizepress squeezepage, and it instantly turned me off.

    To me you need to personalise the page and make it crystal clear what I'm getting in exchange for my email address. I could tell straight away it was a squeezepage, but is it a report, video, audio, who's list am I joining, is it a pre-launch?

    By being specific you may get lower conversions, but the list you build will be of better quality.

    Hope this make sense to you.
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    • Profile picture of the author loi77
      Originally Posted by AndrewStark View Post

      Hi David

      It's just another optimizepress squeezepage, and it instantly turned me off.

      To me you need to personalise the page and make it crystal clear what I'm getting in exchange for my email address. I could tell straight away it was a squeezepage, but is it a report, video, audio, who's list am I joining, is it a pre-launch?

      By being specific you may get lower conversions, but the list you build will be of better quality.

      Hope this make sense to you.
      Thanks Andrew.

      Yes it is OptimizePress because I don't have web design skill.

      I agree, personalization would be great. Any examples that you can show me?

      I was going to insert an image but I didn't want to have too many things on the page.

      May be I should try an image of the ebook instead of the bullets, what do you think?
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  • Profile picture of the author AndrewStark
    Here's a page I use for branding and list building
    Squeeze Page

    Even just getting adding your picture / name to the page somewhere is enough to start building trust between you and the new member of your list.
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  • Profile picture of the author paul nicholls
    rather than write down everything that i do take some tips from my squeeze page

    ive spent a long time testing and trying different headlines

    it converts at between 40% and 55% when i send targeted traffic to it

    here are a few important factors as to why

    1. use a video, most people love videos and it proves that your a real person

    2. use a few power words in the headline and use underline, quotes and capitals to highlight the important words

    3. use the word free a lot. dont over do it but if your giving away something of value for free then drive it home that its FREE

    4. i use numbers in the headline and in the bullets (numbers skyrocket your conversions)

    with your page i would add some caps, quotes or/and underlines in your headline for power words

    use the word free more

    maybe add a video

    i would not use that highlight

    make your text stand out more above your opt in box its too dull

    use numbers in your bullets they work much better

    also saying they will increase it by 67% is a very bold statement

    its not a bad squeeze page its ok but unless you send traffic to it and test it your not sure what it will convert at. It might even convert fairly well because some basic pages do better but you will have to send a few hundred peolple to it and test it

    a good way to test your page is buy a couple of cheap click solo ads and find out that way

    hope this helps and what ive mentioned above is what i recommend to change BUT... you must test otherwise you wont know where you stand

    paul
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    • Profile picture of the author loi77
      Originally Posted by paul nicholls View Post

      rather than write down everything that i do take some tips from my squeeze page

      ive spent a long time testing and trying different headlines

      it converts at between 40% and 55% when i send targeted traffic to it

      here are a few important factors as to why

      1. use a video, most people love videos and it proves that your a real person

      2. use a few power words in the headline and use underline, quotes and capitals to highlight the important words

      3. use the word free a lot. dont over do it but if your giving away something of value for free then drive it home that its FREE

      4. i use numbers in the headline and in the bullets (numbers skyrocket your conversions)

      with your page i would add some caps, quotes or/and underlines in your headline for power words

      use the word free more

      maybe add a video

      i would not use that highlight

      make your text stand out more above your opt in box its too dull

      use numbers in your bullets they work much better

      also saying they will increase it by 67% is a very bold statement

      its not a bad squeeze page its ok but unless you send traffic to it and test it your not sure what it will convert at. It might even convert fairly well because some basic pages do better but you will have to send a few hundred peolple to it and test it

      a good way to test your page is buy a couple of cheap click solo ads and find out that way

      hope this helps and what ive mentioned above is what i recommend to change BUT... you must test otherwise you wont know where you stand

      paul
      Thanks very much for your insightful suggestions. I really appreciate it.

      Good to see that you are using OptimizePress. One fellow warrior commented that OptimizePress instantly turned him off. May be not?

      I really like your squeeze page. In fact, I like it so much that I actually Opted-in. No wonder your conversion rate is so high.

      I think video is a great idea. But English is not my first language, so I might to stick to one without video at this stage.

      This squeeze page is already converting quite well with solo ad. With your help, I am sure I can make it a lot better.

      Thanks again Paul.
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  • Profile picture of the author rickyork
    All the best for your site. Start squeezing money into your pocket
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    The main thing missing is credibility. Two things. Who are you and what have you done? Some reference to your background in the field needs to be there. The second thing is in your headline. Improving conversions by 67% is a bold claim. You need to have a brief example in there to explain what you're talking about. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author ejunkie
    Hi loi77,

    You could do something like this.




    [Page begins]


    "I read it. Acted on it. And now I have my own list. I feel like a million dollar already!"


    An incredibly simple squeeze page technique
    that skyrockets your conversion by almost 67%!


    How to build a list once, and profit from it over & over again!

    You will learn what top internet marketers rarely share.

    1. The Step-By-Step Secret To Setting Up A Squeeze Page That Coverts First Time Visitors Into Recurring Cash
    2. How To Write Eye-popping Headlines That Drive Readers Straight Into Your Sales Funnel
    3. Discover Which Psychological Triggers To Pull To Make Your Readers Want To Buy Rightaway
    4. How To Write Bulleted Benefits That Haunt Readers Until They Take Action
    5. Learn the Secret of Mixing The Right Elements To Convert Your Leads Like Crazy
    6. And sheeeeeeesh! One Top Ultra Secret Tip That You Would Kill To Know

    Act Now! You can finally build your own cash generating list within minutes!


    [Page ends]



    Let me know if it works.

    P.S. Don't highlight the headline. Keep it bold & simple.
    P.S.S. 67%? You would like the give a logic for it (preferably in your ebook)
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    • Profile picture of the author loi77
      Originally Posted by ejunkie View Post

      Hi loi77,

      You could do something like this.




      [Page begins]


      "I read it. Act on it. And now I have my own list. I feel like a million dollar already!"


      An incredibly simple squeeze page technique
      that skyrockets your conversion by almost 67%!


      How to build a list once, and profit from it over & over again!

      You will learn what top internet marketers rarely share.

      1. The Step-By-Step Secret of Setting Up A Squeeze Page That Coverts First Time Visitors Into Recurring Cash
      2. How To Write Eye-popping Headlines That Drive Readers Straight Into Your Sales Funnel
      3. Discover Which Psychological Triggers To Pull To Make Your Readers Want To Buy Rightaway
      4. How To Write Bulleted Benefits That Haunt Readers Until They Take Action
      5. Learn the Secret of Mixing The Right Elements To Convert Your Leads Like Crazy
      6. And sheeeeeeesh! A Top Ultra Secret Secret Tip That You Would Kill To Know

      Act Now! You can finally build your own cash generating list within minutes!


      [Page ends]



      Let me know if it works.

      P.S. Don't highlight the headline. Keep it bold & simple.
      P.S.S. 67%? You would like the give a logic for it (preferably in your ebook)
      Oh WOW, you must be a great copywriter, right?

      You creativity is amazing.

      Thanks so much for your thoughtful suggestions. You have basically re-written the whole squeeze page for me.

      I'll definitely take all your wonderful suggestions on board and implement them.

      What can I say except THANK YOU, THANK YOU and THANK YOU!
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      • Profile picture of the author ejunkie
        Thanks loi77.

        I am a copywriter :-)

        By the way, i wrote in a hurry and so there were some typos. I have edited them now.

        Also read some of the above comments. There are some nice tips there as well.
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        • Profile picture of the author loi77
          Originally Posted by ejunkie View Post

          Thanks loi77.

          I am a copywriter :-)

          By the way, i wrote in a hurry and so there were some typos. I have edited them now.

          Also read some of the above comments. There are some nice tips there as well.
          It's an honor to have a professional copywriter giving me such great advice.

          Thanks again.
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          • Profile picture of the author ejunkie
            Originally Posted by loi77 View Post

            It's an honor to have a professional copywriter giving me such great advice.

            Thanks again.
            Chill, buddy.

            You are welcome.

            And good luck with your list building effort.
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            • Profile picture of the author loi77
              Originally Posted by ejunkie View Post

              Chill, buddy.

              You are welcome.

              And good luck with your list building effort.
              Good to see your photo.

              May I know which part of the world you live in? Perhaps we can work together in the near future.

              I am in Australia.
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              • Profile picture of the author ejunkie
                Originally Posted by loi77 View Post

                Good to see your photo.

                May I know which part of the world you live in? Perhaps we can work together in the near future.

                I am in Australia.

                I am based in Bangalore, India.

                Sure, let me know how can i help.

                Take care, buddy
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                • Profile picture of the author loi77
                  Originally Posted by ejunkie View Post

                  I am based in Bangalore, India.

                  Sure, let me know how can i help.

                  Take care, buddy
                  Great! Keep in touch!
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  • Profile picture of the author loi77
    Originally Posted by gman5432 View Post

    very nice. Is it optimize press? If so how were you able to highlight text? I haven't figured out how to do that with optimize press.
    Yes, OptimizePress.

    You need to use html to highlight. Please see below:

    Want To <font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: yellow">Make Money Like The Gurus</font>? Start Building Your List Like They Do. My Simple Techniques Will Improve The Conversion Of Your Squeeze Pages By 67%!
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