Take Two on First Squeeze Page - May I Ask For Feedback?

31 replies
Hi Everyone,
This is my second take on my first squeeze page (first audio was 8 minutes, this one is 4). Before I launch I would love some feedback from you all.

Does what I say make sense? Would it compel you to sign up?

1- Squeeze Page

Thank you all!
#feedback #page #review #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author Stuart Walker
    It looks very amateur. Your page is too big for my netbook screen, I can't see the end part of your headline. There's too many different font sizes, colours and highlighted words for my liking, it just doesn't look professional to me. I wouldn't sign up.
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  • Profile picture of the author Core Freedom
    Thank you! This is great feedback! Will make more changes. :-)
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  • Profile picture of the author dylan4f
    my first impression:
    your squeeze page template does not look good..I would suggest you to use totally different squeeze page..
    Your Headline is blury, it's not eye catching..also bullet points are not visible good..

    I didn't even listen to an audio, design just turned me off..

    Don't take this personaly, I'm just trying to be being honest and helpful here
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  • Profile picture of the author Jesus Perez
    Originally Posted by Blueprint4Love View Post

    Hi Everyone,
    This is my second take on my first squeeze page (first audio was 8 minutes, this one is 4). Before I launch I would love some feedback from you all.

    Does what I say make sense? Would it compel you to sign up?

    1- Squeeze Page

    Thank you all!
    From the great Daegan Smith, never "thank" people for finding your video, squeeze page etc. It's very common for people to do this...but you shouldn't. Just go right into the hook. Thanking people doesn't work psychologically in your favor.

    I would test this page with and without the "imagine this" headline.
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  • Profile picture of the author napoleonfirst
    Well, the first words of the squeeze page cannot be seen at all. Second, you should talk yourself live in the video and not just use a photo. It seems like a newbie made it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Core Freedom
    Okay, removed the "header" thingy and made the page narrower. I didn't want to get in front of the camera for this one but what I could do is do a split test going right into the hook and do one with me in front of the camera and measure it against this one.

    Thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author Sue McDonald
    Thought the headline was very difficult to read. Don't like the colors you have used there.
    It looks rather plain and I would prefer a different template to the one you have used. Also get rid of those dollars images - you don't need them.
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    • Profile picture of the author brentb
      I would not host the video on youtube. I know many do because its easy but seeing the banner ads pop up in your video looks amateur and makes it look cheap. Its very suspect that you know how to make $250,000+ a year, or you would know how or just pay someone to do the video right. Just host the video on your site instead.
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  • Profile picture of the author drewfioravanti
    I like it. I think the design is fine and you come across as genuine in the video.
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  • Profile picture of the author manicmethods
    OK. Here goes:

    It looks like it was put together using Profits Theme in a matter of minutes - No offence!

    When it comes to squeeze pages, this is roughly how I want my visitors to act:

    1. They visit the squeeze page and are automatically drawn to the header which tells them what they can get "FOR FREE" which is what draws them in.

    2. They see the sign up form because it is prominent and clearly defined.

    3. They enter their details as it's quick to do so and VOILA!

    So what would I do on your squeeze page?

    I would look to remove the video - Perhaps to other's surprise.

    I'm also, after testing, more convinced that this layout is a little too old hat. The whole headline, video to the left, optin form to the right.

    I actually think having it laid out in the order you want it performed is great.

    So BIG headline at the top, maybe a smaller subheadline.

    A small sentence or two.

    Then the optin form which is JUST the email address - Again, this is what converts high for me.

    At the moment, I visit your squeeze page and the LAST thing I notice is the optin form.

    I don't want to share the link but one of my squeeze pages is set up like this:

    HEADLINE (BIG)
    SUB HEADLINE (SMALLER)
    2 SENTENCES
    BULLET LIST
    1 SENTENCE
    HEADLINE (BIGGEST SAYING: SIGN UP BELOW FOR FREE INSTANT ACCESS)
    OPTIN FORM
    COMMENTS (In the follow up series, I ask people to return to the squeeze page to leave comments about the free guide they received etc (not in the IM niche).

    Anyways, this current layout is converting at AROUND 60% - Not as good as others I'm sure, but I'm happy with 60%!
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    • Profile picture of the author Core Freedom
      Originally Posted by manicmethods View Post

      OK. Here goes:

      It looks like it was put together using Profits Theme in a matter of minutes - No offence!

      When it comes to squeeze pages, this is roughly how I want my visitors to act:

      1. They visit the squeeze page and are automatically drawn to the header which tells them what they can get "FOR FREE" which is what draws them in.

      2. They see the sign up form because it is prominent and clearly defined.

      3. They enter their details as it's quick to do so and VOILA!

      So what would I do on your squeeze page?

      I would look to remove the video - Perhaps to other's surprise.

      I'm also, after testing, more convinced that this layout is a little too old hat. The whole headline, video to the left, optin form to the right.

      I actually think having it laid out in the order you want it performed is great.

      So BIG headline at the top, maybe a smaller subheadline.

      A small sentence or two.

      Then the optin form which is JUST the email address - Again, this is what converts high for me.

      At the moment, I visit your squeeze page and the LAST thing I notice is the optin form.

      I don't want to share the link but one of my squeeze pages is set up like this:

      HEADLINE (BIG)
      SUB HEADLINE (SMALLER)
      2 SENTENCES
      BULLET LIST
      1 SENTENCE
      HEADLINE (BIGGEST SAYING: SIGN UP BELOW FOR FREE INSTANT ACCESS)
      OPTIN FORM
      COMMENTS (In the follow up series, I ask people to return to the squeeze page to leave comments about the free guide they received etc (not in the IM niche).

      Anyways, this current layout is converting at AROUND 60% - Not as good as others I'm sure, but I'm happy with 60%!
      Thank you for your in depth instructions - will give this a try. Would love to see your squeeze page though. Can you PM it to me?
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  • Profile picture of the author Dustin Lyle
    1-Personally, would ditch the yellow highlight on the text... Only because it makes the copy seem dated so to speak. <<---- only my opinion

    2-I know the video probably took a great deal of work, again personally, I would maybe use the 4 minute video on youtube and my main website to capture that traffic. <<----AGAIN, only my opinion

    For my squeeze page, I would use a 30 second video max. A person is already apprehensive when they land on a page asking for an e-mail, now I have to wait 4 minutes to find out completely why you need it? BUT WAIT!! There is a simple solution to that! If you added an exit popup with capture, I would be forced to rethink my leaving without your ultra exclusive offer.
    Look at how this exit popup works.. List Mayhem PRO™

    This page converts at 40% ish, about 1/3 comes from the exit pop... not my best, but nowhere near my worst

    Remember, your audience is really unique to you... And every combination of audience responds differently to varying offers/text/sales copy. Your squeeze page might be right up their ally... If your targeting customers/clients with similar interests as you, and the page looks effective to you, test it out and you might be surprised. You'd be amazed at whats worked, and what hasn't


    Dustin Lyle
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  • Profile picture of the author Randall Magwood
    I think you can benefit from a better headline. Try testing a bullet point style squeeze page as opposed to your video squeeze page.
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  • Profile picture of the author trendier
    You should probably autoplay that video, and don't wait for the user to hit the play button. I always like that when I go to a squeeze page to check out a potential product to promote. Also, I would make that form better looking, it looks too plain.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sarevok
    Headline is too big.

    Make it so I can read it in 5 seconds.



    I would make the headline this:


    INSTANT ACCESS: WATCH ME INCREASE MY INCOME FROM $25K TO $250K INSTANTLY

    Also, video is a tad big for my taste, I would shrink it, (or get rid of it)

    You want the opt-in box to stand out more than the video
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  • Profile picture of the author Robin Blinds
    I Understand Starting Every Word With A Capital In The Headline, But It Sort Of Irritates Me When You Keep The Same Format With The Next Line Underneath.

    Also The Main Headline In Red Looks Funny In My Browser. It Looks Like You've Tried To Fit The Whole Sentence Except The Last Word On One Line.
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  • Profile picture of the author Core Freedom
    Wow, I opened Pandora's box - great feedback everyone, I so appreciate it (and I'm feeling totally overwhelmed). :-)

    I think I will figure out how to get a professional squeeze page created and uploaded. Great call about creating a professional video (and perhaps with me in front of the camera, urgh).


    I'm not in the slightest bit technical, this will take me a few days. Will keep you posted.
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  • Profile picture of the author drewfioravanti
    That's the same layout everyone else uses. Don't have another me too page. Be different.
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    • Profile picture of the author rohm007
      You are making a statement that is almost unbelievable 25 - 250k
      People are becoming Numb and skeptical to Marketers throwing out Big Incomes

      Who is Sandy anyways, you could just be making her up.:confused:

      If you get Sandy to give a testimonial, by video, or at least a letter with her pic and signature. Now that would make your statement more believable and build authority and trust from the get go.

      That would get my attention.

      Also, you said "sign up at the bottom" when your optin box is to my right. You don't want to confuse people.

      Okay, those are my thoughts. Hope that helps you a bit.

      Good Luck and Great Effort ,
      Rohm
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  • Profile picture of the author AndrewStark
    As others have said it looks like a newbie made this, so with that in mind it doesn't fill me with confidence that the claim you're making is true.

    I'm also torn between clicking start on the video and filling in the form, when you give the viewer 2 choices it results in no action other than clicking the exit button. So making the video autoplay would be a good thing.

    Now turning to the video youtube hosting is again not good, adverts appear, and if they watch to the end all sorts of things pop up distracting your visitor from filling in the form.

    Overall you need to go hire someone who knows how to create a squeezepage that will convince your reader the claim of $250,000 is real. If you are making that sort of money then $100 to get someone with access to easy video suite will be chump change.
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  • Profile picture of the author mootonandy
    Its alright, its got all the necessary bare bones but optimizepress makes really nice looking squeeze pages.
    The exclamation mark shouldn't be there because I was told full stops should not be in a squeeze page headline.
    But one thing that gets said a lot round here is the MMO niche is a bad one to be in, which looks like the one you're in.
    Also if you were making 250k per year I think you could afford a more expensive looking squeeze page.
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  • Profile picture of the author Core Freedom
    Okay, so where do I go to get a great squeeze page professionally designed and/or a video made?

    By the way, Sandy is a real client. :-)
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    • Profile picture of the author mootonandy
      Originally Posted by Blueprint4Love View Post

      Okay, so where do I go to get a great squeeze page professionally designed and/or a video made?

      By the way, Sandy is a real client. :-)
      MicheleT does decent SP's

      http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...ted-video.html
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      • Profile picture of the author Greg guitar
        I agree with a lot of the comments (not that MMO is a bad niche; it is a great niche full of rabid buyers spending money constantly; notice how the biggest traffic on this site is in the WSO section; not the free sections; every niche has winners and losers, mostly the latter, but that's just how things go; wait for a niche most people succeed in, and you'll spend your life waiting).

        I was put off by the mention of "Sandy"; I don't know her or have any reason to be interested; put all the focus on the visitor; no time for stories.

        A squeeze page is simply too short to develop a character enough for people to be invested; mentioning a stranger's name in a headline is simply distracting. Save the stories for a regular site.

        The video is also much too long, and your intro lost credibility immediately for a couple of reasons; it's jarring to realize that the person in the video isn't the same person as in the headline; as you can see from the comments, people got the wrong idea (not believing you made that much, because they didn't realize you weren't even talking about yourself).

        Then you say, "for the next 3 minutes", when it's plain to see that the video runs over 4. Small, but noticeable discrepancy right off, and it matters, since people hitting squeeze pages usually will not take 3, let alone 4 minutes to decide if they want your freebie.

        You should always lead with your best benefit; you did the opposite; answered the question "what's in it for me", with "for you to get the unknown benefit, I will be needing 75 minutes of your time".

        Get rid of any preamble; the advice "tell them what you're about to say, then say it, then tell them what you just said"; is for speeches and stories, told to audiences that are pre-sold that they want to listen.

        Just give your best benefits very quickly. If you want to expound a bit with video, for perhaps 1/2-1 minute, then sell me on watching, with 2-5 great bullets that convince me in 10 seconds that I'm interested enough to watch the video; then the video should merely amplify and deepen those benefits; get me excited.

        The words "I am about to share" aren't too good anywhere; never put them on a squeeze page.

        Another phrase that should never be used again, is "amazing income opportunity"; it's an instant turnoff, completely exhausted, and kills credibility. In fact, I'd think twice before touting any offer with the word "amazing"; it screams "hype".

        Also, I wouldn't mention the 12 years; that is light years in make money niches. People think in weeks and months, not years, let alone a decade+.

        I would completely rewrite it; spend some time honing down to your basic few benefits, and stick to those. You seem pretty new to marketing, and you don't need to talk about yourself on a squeeze page. Unless you can make your personal presence amplify the message rather than cast doubt on it, don't use it. Make it about Sandy if you want a person in it, or position yourself as a star, if you are.

        When using words onscreen as you talk, make them match; in the video, you are literally saying:

        "I needed to come up with a solution to get my message out into the world, and I wanted to be authentic; it wasn't about making money; it was about sharing...",

        while at exactly the same time, these words were going by on the screen:

        "This system is much more efficient

        It's a cookie cutter system

        Do it once-reap the benefits for life

        It's the ultimate system to leverage your time and income"

        People have to choose between listening and reading; it doesn't work; the studies on multitasking are very clear on this point.

        You need to stay on point as well; the headline is all about making money; then you're telling us it's not about money. Please don't do that.

        When you do craft your much shorter message, clean up the grammar a bit too; make it sound like a pro, and practice the phrasing so it's clean; no repeats, no stumbling. No phrases like "I wanted to be authentically...share my message", after having mentioned sharing or getting out your message several times already.

        I know all that sounds harsh, but you have a good speaking voice, and you just need to take time to craft a much shorter, more focused pitch; all benefits; make it about us, not you, no rambling, no stumbling, and no stories, unless it's one you can tell in 2 sentences that perfectly illustrates a main benefit.

        You will not find too many takers in any "make money" niche that will love the benefit "it's for people that want to get their message into the world"; that's a different audience; artists, activists, writers, and such. The headline isn't aimed at them. Keep it simple. Good luck, and I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.

        PS: "The Ultimate Freedom System" needs to go as well.
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        • Profile picture of the author Core Freedom
          Greg guitar, Totally appreciate your very detailed reply and thorough analysis! Thank you so much and yes, I can totally see your points. Makes me want to start over completely and do this thing professionally. Didn't know I came across like such a newbie (lol).
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          • Profile picture of the author Greg guitar
            Originally Posted by Blueprint4Love View Post

            Greg guitar, Totally appreciate your very detailed reply and thorough analysis! Thank you so much and yes, I can totally see your points. Makes me want to start over completely and do this thing professionally. Didn't know I came across like such a newbie (lol).
            Thanks; I think whether this program is good or easy to sell or not (I have no idea), you will either do very well with it, or move on to another offer with the skills and knowledge you are developing, and do well as a marketer.

            It sounds a bit like an MLM, (sorry; I didn't make it very far in the video) and some people make lots of money with those, so good luck, but I have a few words of caution.

            Please don't limit yourself to the mindset many MLMers have; "I am an Amway [substitute whatever company] distributor", and identify so closely with that company that they find it hard to imagine marketing anything else. Your mindset should be "I am a great marketer; if there is a decent offer in a buying niche, I can sell the sh*t out of it"; you will be unstoppable!

            If you find that you digest all the things you're learning, make a dynamite squeeze, and your campaign still doesn't gain momentum, even after a reasonable amount of testing and tweaking; do not be too disheartened; you will have built an incredible skill set you can apply to many different things; you're a professional marketer, and the offer is only one of millions you can try.

            Why am I so optimistic for you, even though I criticized the page so thoroughly, and don't have any idea about the offer?

            Because you've demonstrated you have several key qualities that many lack, which are needed to succeed;

            1) You took the risk of launching something, even though it wasn't perfect yet; many people dream a lot, but never get the confidence to pull the trigger.

            2) You asked for help when you needed it, and exposed yourself to criticism in a forum where being in the hot seat can be very uncomfortable. Asking for help is something many aren't willing to do, at least not often enough; I sometimes fight to understand something for a week, then finally ask for help, get it, and figure the thing out in 10 minutes. Duh!

            3) When you got the avalanche of criticism, you didn't argue or disappear; you hung in there, thanked people, and seem to really be learning from it. That takes maturity many people never have; you came here to learn; not to have people tell you what you want to hear.

            I suspect you may have gone through a few feelings that we don't know about; perhaps you winced a bit or felt overwhelmed, which would be normal, but if so, you still hung in, let it sink in, and seem serious about applying it.

            I hope as you apply the things you're learning, you will continue to come back and ask for feedback; you're way ahead of the game if you understand that success is inevitable if you don't give up, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when you need it, apply it, and then repeat that as many times as needed.

            One more thought; even though I like your voice, I noticed you said you have a fear of public speaking. If the mistakes you made in phrasing were due to nerves and not simply a lack of preparation, and you find yourself getting hung up on the process, there is an alternative; Fiverr!

            You can find several gigs where people with awesome professional voiceover skills will record a script for you; I think the rates I've seen were around one gig per 30 second script, so a 1 minute video would only take $10 to get done! If that saves you a day of struggle doing it on your own, your time is surely worth more than that!

            Another thing you might consider is just having someone do the whole video for you; you can get awesome videos made for $100 or less, that look slick and professional, so that is another route. PM me if you want more specifics. (I am not an affiliate for any of this stuff).
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  • Profile picture of the author manicmethods
    I've sent you a PM Blueprint4Love.
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  • Profile picture of the author Gregory Campbell
    One squeeze page is never enough. You should always test several squeeze pages to find the page which converts the best.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sue McDonald
    I was also put off when I read the name Sandy but then I watched the video and heard she was a client. A lot of people who have been online for any length of time would not get involved with this product. We all know to succeed online and offline as well there are no easy legal ways to make lots of money quickly.
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  • Profile picture of the author adsassist
    I think your design is great. Very simple and to the point. You are telling people to watch your video and then sign in. Exactly what you want them to do.

    Play with the headline a little. Make it bold. You should have a header with your business logo.

    Make the video of yourself and put it right under your headline. I like the words you where saying but did not like the video it self. Get rid of the sub headline and make check points under your video reminding them the mean points of signing up.

    You are differently on the right track for design. Simple is better.
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