Delayed gratification

For the most part - we aren't children. Learning to plan ahead and control your need for 'instant gratification' is part of growing up.


For example, as an adult I will not eat that marshmallow right now....I will wait until someone shows up with chocolate and graham crackers, and have a s'more.

I believe that Claude's cat's are the resident experts?

Quoting numbers found online - but you fail to mention 44% of that 80% have mortgage debt ...Or that almost 50% of the population is on some form of government assistance. (from the last census report).


Lot of generalities of what 'people do' and all you list are negatives.

The brainpower to delay gratification is one of the few real cornerstones of growing real wealth. If you can put off a night at the bar, and invest that money in education...or just any investment...a few years later, your bar friends will be calling you "Lucky". And ten years later, they won't even talk to you, because your economic positions are too different.

And it's why wealthier people earn interest...and poor people pay interest.



Yup. And here is a story that illustrates why.

I was born to a poor family. All my relatives were poor. None went to college. In fact college was considered evil. And so our family and relatives never saved any money. Never planned for years ahead.

An example of that is that we always ate everything on our plate. Always. Even if we weren't hungry. Why? Because we had it in front of us. And there was always the idea that maybe we wouldn't have as much next week..or tomorrow.

To this day, I find it difficult to not eat everything on my plate. I know..I know.

And it simply never occurred to anyone in our family (extended out to cousins and grandparents) that if we didn't spend every penny we made that week....and invested it at all...even in a savings account...that soon we wouldn't have to worry about having enough food next week.

So..we would eat the marshmallow right then, because we thought it wouldn't be there later.

We have two cats. One was adopted and one was feral and we took it in. One big difference between the cats is that the one that was feral...will eat everything in the bowl at once. In fact, it will eat all the cat food put out, until it throws up. Why? Because he's conditioned to eat while the food is there, because he had to hunt for his food as a young cat. And that conditioning is strong. The other cat always had plenty to eat, and so eats a few bites...leaves..and eats a few bites later.

It may be why obesity is more common in poor people. I don't know.

You raised some interesting points about scarcity, but yet scarcity tactics are used to drive the sale.

Going for the first marshmallow, is like having shiny object syndrome. You fear that it may be the last one, and you will not get another opportunity to have one again later.

There are large amounts of psychology used on the masses via marketing messages, to entice the receivers of the marketing message, to take a certain action.

Copy writing is a form of hypnosis. You are marketing to the unconscious mind of the reader, leading and pacing them to do what you ethically want them to do. So when you tell those who are reading your sales copy, that there are only 7 copies left, of the hottest and brightest shiny object, at that low price due to what ever ethical reason you may give them, they usually pounce at the opportunity to get your offer at that great deal, before it's too late.

Not only 'real wealth' but a requirement for those who live 'within their means'.

I would like to reply to this thread, but will wait til later.

One of the thing i am finding in my studies is that there are a bunch of learned behaviours that contribute to building wealth ..but we haven't adjusted to actually how long people live now and the technology available as well as the resources .. so the cultural thinking is that if someone doesn't learn by their early 20's they are pretty much screwed ..

there is lots of real research coming from outside the motivation industry about the effect of social and physical environments and overal behaviour patterns .. that is explaining what actually is going on and finding some of the best ways to learn new behavior .or set up reward systems .. to learn much faster ..

so instead of just saying "delayed gratification" and many people pointing to the original study as if it is something people are just born with .. ..it's a matter of looking at newer research and discovering the other social and environmental factors as well as the strategies children where already using to pass time and delay eating the marshmallow ..

rather than some mythical virtue that someone is born with .. being a learned behavior where some people learn much earlier than many other and many people never learn .. starting from the premise that it is a function of finding multiple sources or methods of gratification rather than a a small number of things that barely attain gratification ..

Hey Odahh

I read and watched the version of the study with the kids dancing and singing as a distraction. Yes, I do think you can find and do something that is more gratifying that something else.

If someone could find an interest in a certain niche market that was profitable, then the person could find gratification in it now and build something great...

Thanks for sharing bud - Really appreciated this post. When I use to do PUA (Picking up girls, etc), I remember if I didn't get a call back from someone or something, I would just move on to the next one instead of holding the phone and praying for a reply lol My mind would be shifted to another girl and while I'm having fun there, I would usually get a text or call back something like "Oh I was working or was in the shower, etc).

Thanks for reminding me of this.

Do something, desire something and move on. If it's meant to be it will be yours. Thank u sir!

I didn't read all the answers, but my friends dad told me: You don't need money 20 years later, you need money now to survive...

He also told me: you need to sell good stuff to successful people so they would be more successful. You don't have to give away free stuff for losers who have no money.

I've been delaying my gratification for ages, but I don't seem to go anywhere my goal.

Branding myself as an comedy author, philosopher was so ******* hard and I have an audience of 100-1000 people who don't pay me a cent for my craft.

If it weren't for the need of money I would be so freaking happy to do what I do today, but I have no clue how I'm going to survive here in Lithuania. People like my stuff when I give it away for free, but people don't understand I need money to do what I do.

People don't need to understand your needs - you need to do something people are willing to pay for. You've started several posts with "I didn't read all the answers, but..."....maybe you should take the time to read those answers to see if there is advice that will help you.

I'm always interested when people talk about only doing what they enjoy and at the same time complain they have no money. There are hobbies and there is work. A few very fortunate people are able to combine the two and earn a living.

Another reality is that it may be possible to earn a living WITH your 'hobby' if you are willing to work at them hard enough. Most people aren't willing to do that - they will tell you the hobby 'isn't fun any more' ....

Most standup comics in the US have 'day jobs' and do comedy at night....same with many musicians who play gigs on weekends and work 9-5 during the week.

Your friend's dad was wrong - you do need money now - but you'll also need it in 20 years. Whether you survive well then....may depend on what you do now.

I believe delayed gratification definitely defines how successful a person will be. If an individual is used to not getting what they want right away, then they'll learn the value of patience during difficult times and working towards reaching a goal. Delayed gratification improves self-control. Buying branded, expensive shoes every month when you only have a measly salary won't get you the savings that you want if you're deciding to buy that car or get married.

For me, it was not delaying gratification. I learned to turn expectation into appreciation. Or, instead of expecting anything or wanting something, to fill a void, I appreciated what I had, and more sweetness flowed into my experience.

I felt good with my life however it was. Then I created and connected, and worried little of outcomes because I appreciated helping folks and that was enough.....then over time, success found me. Like a journey from wanting desperately to fill some fear-created void, toward not expecting anything, to feeling good in the moment, loving everything the way it was.

Ryan

I think there's a lot to be said about the original test. But as mentioned, as adults we don't necessarily behave the same way (for the most part!) and will learn to deal with things differently.


Using the tree analogy, if you are constantly focusing on the fruit, wanting the fruit, waiting for the fruit to appear, without EVER looking after the roots, then unfortunately you're never going to bite into that fruit.


Focus on the roots and you'll never have to worry about the fruit. It will always be there when you want it.