42 replies
If it doesn't grow you or make you happy let it go. All you have to do is build that courage. Share your story about what is not easy to let go, you may find an answer in here.
#happiness #personal
  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    Originally Posted by Agatha Seboka View Post

    If it doesn't grow you or make you happy let it go. All you have to do is build that courage. Share your story about what is not easy to let go, you may find an answer in here.
    well the first step or the major thing to let go of is the need to talk about the things not making you happy. And when people start telling you their problems ..be that annoying person who offers things they can try to do to solve the problem..

    then there is when you feel good avoid watching the news or looking online and reading things that get you on the tract thinking about things that make you feel worse
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    • Profile picture of the author Agatha Seboka
      Some people don't know how to handle such things. To someone when you say they shouldn't talk about them, they bottle them up and don't know what to do and when they do that they end up being depressed.
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      • Profile picture of the author Odahh
        Originally Posted by Agatha Seboka View Post

        Some people don't know how to handle such things. To someone when you say they shouldn't talk about them, they bottle them up and don't know what to do and when they do that they end up being depressed.
        i would have far different advice for that person.. than someone reading a post on personal happiness ..who has stopped doing things that get in the way of being happy ..

        a large number of things that make people less happy in a day .. are far away from real problems .. and more along the lines of the annoying things that happen in the course of a day the things that happen that are not personal but people take personal .. and when someone asks how you day is .. you list this long list of thing ..to describe why you are in the mood you are in now ..

        then if that is not enough you jump on line watch the news .. look at your social media.. and add to the list .. and on those days you do feel good and do not have a chain of bad thing going on.. all those people you tend to happily dump your list on.. back their dumptruck up to you and dump their lists onto you .. untill your back into the world sucks mood and.. how can you be happy in such a miserable world ..

        i have rapid sycling bi polar disorder .. something the day doesn't matter .. my mood just changes every few hours .. unless im in a depression that last 4-6 weeks .. and just started last week ..
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        • Profile picture of the author Matthew Stanley
          well the first step or the major thing to let go of is the need to talk about the things not making you happy. And when people start telling you their problems ..be that annoying person who offers things they can try to do to solve the problem..

          then there is when you feel good avoid watching the news or looking online and reading things that get you on the tract thinking about things that make you feel worse
          Love this guidance. It reminds me of Nassim Taleb's "Via Negativa" principle - which holds that knowledge is grown by *subtraction*, and that we're clearer on what is wrong than on what is right. Eliminating things that don't work = a very efficient/productive path to what does.
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          • Profile picture of the author Odahh
            Originally Posted by Matthew Stanley View Post

            Love this guidance. It reminds me of Nassim Taleb's "Via Negativa" principle - which holds that knowledge is grown by *subtraction*, and that we're clearer on what is wrong than on what is right. Eliminating things that don't work = a very efficient/productive path to what does.
            i actually am starting to wonder.. if people want to really be happy.. or are they just after that feeling of relief from suffering they mistake from happiness .. so that only way they know to be happy is to plunge into suffering .. then find relief .. rather than eliminate stress and suffering ..from ones life. And avoid replacing it with another source of suffering and stress ..

            i think my advice is not applicable to everyone .. but to those who no longer see a point to suffering and any level of stress ...
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            • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
              Interesting point Odahh.

              I can't speak for everyone, however without suffering I wouldn't have evolved Personally, Emotionally, and Spiritually. Something I learned from The Bible is: "Suffering creates hope, and hope creates character."
              I have learned how to experience more empathy and compassion because of my suffering.

              I think part of happiness is doing something you love. For me it's my Website. However it could be anything from Carpentry to Philanthropy ― whatever makes People feel good/happy/alive. Hey ― if the pizza delivery boy enjoys his little job and that makes him happy ― then that's great. : )
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              "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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              • Profile picture of the author Odahh
                Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

                Interesting point Odahh.

                I can't speak for everyone, however without suffering I wouldn't have evolved Personally, Emotionally, and Spiritually. Something I learned from The Bible is: "Suffering creates hope, and hope creates character."
                I have learned how to experience more empathy and compassion because of my suffering.
                you missed a few steps .. suffering develops perseverance and i will bring this out of the realm of religion ..if you are suffering because you want to drink alcohol,,or smoke a cigarette or because you are trying to remain faithful to one person. But still have other options on the table so you have this internal battle ..so the suffering to abstain from the self destructive hapbit .. builds endurance and then in that endurance one has hope to conquer other temptations of the world ..

                how much long term growth did you manage while your life was a mess from your conditions. You had to go through a period of suffering you put your life together ..

                i have no compassion for people who are suffering for years or decades ..and making their situation worse .. because they are avoiding a few weeks or months of the suffering they would have to go through to fix the cause of their suffering ,, and surrounding themselves with people doing the same thing ..
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                • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
                  Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

                  How much long term growth did you manage while your life was a mess from your conditions. You had to go through a period of suffering you put your life together.
                  Absolutely: And from what I understand, that's the process for many People.
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            • Profile picture of the author Matthew Stanley
              i actually am starting to wonder.. if people want to really be happy
              Could part of it be tied to the idea that choosing happiness is akin to developing a "skill" that requires consistent work? (versus just popping one emotional analgesic after another and conflating that for happiness?)
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              • Profile picture of the author Odahh
                Originally Posted by Matthew Stanley View Post

                Could part of it be tied to the idea that choosing happiness is akin to developing a "skill" that requires consistent work? (versus just popping one emotional analgesic after another and conflating that for happiness?)
                well this is not my definition but it is close ..how happy you are is based on how satisfied you ear with your life and the future potential of your life ..and on the current quality of relationships in your life and your ability to get out of bad relationships. And form new more satisfying relationships ..

                humans being human ..boredom is actually our worst enemy .. so what satisfied you yesterday may not satisfy you as much today or tomorrow ..but smal changes can keep the satisfaction going.. or you can just build a list of why you are not as satisfied .. and start building resentment and telling anyone who will listen about the growing numbers of flaws that are making you un happy ..and spread the dread ..

                i think divorce attorneys can explain this process ..why marriages fal .. and why other stage good for many decade and loving
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                • Profile picture of the author Matthew Stanley
                  Off topic, but "spread the dread" should really be a slogan for something (be it a WWE character, an athlete, something or someone should use it

                  Somewhat more related: I always wondered about whether divorce attorneys themselves - with much more insight into the nature of relationships than the average person gets - have longer/better personal relationships. Haven't seen any studies on this, but imo would be an interesting data point and insight into the extent to which some of this is just hardwired into people, irrespective of the advantages they might have...
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                  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
                    Originally Posted by Matthew Stanley View Post

                    Off topic, but "spread the dread" should really be a slogan for something (be it a WWE character, an athlete, something or someone should use it

                    Somewhat more related: I always wondered about whether divorce attorneys themselves - with much more insight into the nature of relationships than the average person gets - have longer/better personal relationships. Haven't seen any studies on this, but imo would be an interesting data point and insight into the extent to which some of this is just hardwired into people, irrespective of the advantages they might have...
                    well i did look into a few sites with advice .. and i really don't care to repeat it here ..because it suggest their is a point where above a certain amount of money there is a far better chance of having a longer happier marriage .. as long as one of the spouses isn't in a career with high divorce rates .. so the top three worst where dancers ,bartenders and massage therapists

                    when you get into well educated professionals the rates of divorce go way down . the better put together both are the more likly the marriage will last .. and the more both parties work to nurture the relationship the more happy it will be ..
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      well the first step or the major thing to let go of is the need to talk about the things not making you happy. And when people start telling you their problems ..be that annoying person who offers things they can try to do to solve the problem..

      then there is when you feel good avoid watching the news or looking online and reading things that get you on the tract thinking about things that make you feel worse
      Made me laugh.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    And when people start telling you their problems ..be that annoying person who offers things they can try to do to solve the problem..
    Problem with your horse, your dog - or something in your house, garden, etc....I'll listen and try to help.

    Problem with your 'feelings' or your 'relationship' -I'll tell you I'm not interested and to get a therapist....they have to listen because you pay them.

    In my experience, people who talk constantly about their problems and their issues and their dissatisfaction are very boring to be around. I had a man (first date) once tell me "I had a great time"...glad he did. He spent the entire evening talking about his feelings, his ex-wife (divorced for years), his goals, his problems at work....I was to the 'please, just kill me now' point by the time the dinner was over.
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    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world will change forever for that one dog.

    My mind still thinks I'm 25.
    My body thinks my mind is an idiot.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Problem with your horse, your dog - or something in your house, garden, etc....I'll listen and try to help.

      Problem with your 'feelings' or your 'relationship' -I'll tell you I'm not interested and to get a therapist....they have to listen because you pay them.

      In my experience, people who talk constantly about their problems and their issues and their dissatisfaction are very boring to be around. I had a man (first date) once tell me "I had a great time"...glad he did. He spent the entire evening talking about his feelings, his ex-wife (divorced for years), his goals, his problems at work....I was to the 'please, just kill me now' point by the time the dinner was over.

      I remember that date. You ordered the lobster, and then pushed it away after one bite saying "I'm not really hungry". And then told me how the last 6 boyfriends you had mysteriously died after the first date.

      Wait...wait...that wasn't me.

      Anyway, on my first date with my wife, she ordered spaghetti and a side salad. I asked "Do you really like spaghetti, or are you ordering it because it's the cheapest dish on the menu?"

      She said "I stole your wallet, and know you only have enough for spaghetti. And why do you have a photo of me in your wallet?"

      I said "That photo comes with every wallet".

      Her eyes narrowed as she said "Good answer. I shall keep you".

      Yup. That happened.

      Added later;
      I'm not joking. I asked my wife to read the last few posts, and as soon as she read this post, she said...in a complete deadpan..."I remember that date. Wait. It wasn't with you"...and then she walked away. God, I love that woman.
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      "Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle".....Ian Maclaren
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    See - that's what I mean....it's all about YOU....


    he he
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    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world will change forever for that one dog.

    My mind still thinks I'm 25.
    My body thinks my mind is an idiot.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      See - that's what I mean....it's all about YOU....


      he he
      We were at a convention and we were talking to another couple. The woman asked "How can you get along so well, and work together all day?"

      Cheryl never skipped a beat. She said "We're both in love with the same person".
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      One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

      "Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle".....Ian Maclaren
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      • Profile picture of the author tnob
        She said "We're both in love with the same person".
        I wonder if my wife would say this? I'm not going to ask lol.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Originally Posted by Agatha Seboka View Post

    If it doesn't grow you or make you happy let it go. All you have to do is build that courage. Share your story about what is not easy to let go, you may find an answer in here.
    Hi Agatha.

    Yeah a Person's personal happiness is more important than several aspects of Life like "negative" relationships for example. For many People, it's difficult to let it go because they have (lower) self-esteem. Personally I don't mind listening to People's problems ― even if I can't do anything myself. However too much of it isn't great.

    And I agree, sometimes it takes courage to do something about the unwanted situation.
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    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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    • Profile picture of the author Agatha Seboka
      Yes courage is key. It's not necessarily about giving solutions to problems, its about making the other person feel that they are not alone. You may have had the same challenge and offer alternatives on how the other person can solve the problem.
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      • Profile picture of the author Odahh
        Originally Posted by Agatha Seboka View Post

        Yes courage is key. It's not necessarily about giving solutions to problems, its about making the other person feel that they are not alone. You may have had the same challenge and offer alternatives on how the other person can solve the problem.
        i actually work in the world as if the law of attraction is bringing the people i interact with to me and the problems they are talking about ..are problems i was wanting to talk about ..

        it is a fully selfish act because three are several thing the other person tends to talk about which where pieces of information i was looking for ..

        I am a creator ..inside the lessons of nearly every problem there are seed to become a better creator ..but if you only pay attention to the problems you will only end up creating more problems ..
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      • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
        Originally Posted by Agatha Seboka View Post

        Yes courage is key. It's not necessarily about giving solutions to problems, its about making the other person feel that they are not alone. You may have had the same challenge and offer alternatives on how the other person can solve the problem.
        Great point. : ) Thanks Agatha. Just knowing that a Person is there to listen to them can be beneficial.

        When I was younger, I thought that "courage" meant that a Person wasn't afraid of anything/something. However as I have learned: Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear. Essentially, the greater the fear, the greater the courage is takes to face and overcome that fear. For me, that has been somewhat empowering.

        Welcome to The Forum, by the way.
        : )
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        "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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        • Profile picture of the author Agatha Seboka
          Thanks. Courage builds confidence. The reason i brought this topic is because people who are depressed think they are alone, they suffer in silence afraid to talk about what's eating them up as they are afraid of being judged. Giving someone your ear can be of great help. You can give that person a reason to live in some cases. You may have went through the same challenge and overcame it, by listening to that person you can say "i went through the same thing and did this and that"
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          • Profile picture of the author Odahh
            Originally Posted by Agatha Seboka View Post

            Thanks. Courage builds confidence. The reason i brought this topic is because people who are depressed think they are alone, they suffer in silence afraid to talk about what's eating them up as they are afraid of being judged. Giving someone your ear can be of great help. You can give that person a reason to live in some cases. You may have went through the same challenge and overcame it, by listening to that person you can say "i went through the same thing and did this and that"
            there is a type of depression everyone goes through. And then the is cronic depression or bi polar disrder ..that is a far different animal. That is from one or a combination of things. Chronic physical pain, emotional pain ..lack of purpose and a general sense of being worthless. Or a complete lack of control over ones life

            ih hard to give any patent advice because ..how to help a person out of deep chronic depression ..the causes need to be addressed and taken care of over time ..action plans base on the individual

            but we live in an industrial standardized world. that make pople feel broken if the standard answers do not work

            ..
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Claude -


    Cheryl and I would get along great...
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    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world will change forever for that one dog.

    My mind still thinks I'm 25.
    My body thinks my mind is an idiot.
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  • Profile picture of the author tnob
    If it doesn't grow you or make you happy let it go. All you have to do is build that courage. Share your story about what is not easy to let go, you may find an answer in here.
    I find that it is very easy for me to read that statement and look at people I know and think "yes they should do this!"

    It is much harder to look within self and do the same.
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  • Profile picture of the author Agatha Seboka
    Sometimes just being alone and evaluating yourself is necessary. You are the only one who knows what makes you happy, just take yourself to a date and relax.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Agatha Seboka View Post

      Sometimes just being alone and evaluating yourself is necessary. You are the only one who knows what makes you happy, just take yourself to a date and relax.
      i agree ..if you can be alone with your thoughts for a length of time ..it is far more easy to maintain a pleasant mood
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    • Originally Posted by Agatha Seboka View Post

      Sometimes just being alone and evaluating yourself is necessary.

      Uh huh -- I get that one.
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      Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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  • Mebbe it is time to summon the specter of nekkid dancin'.

    Natchrlly, you can't jus' walk out into the mall an' do this (bcs it is naht yet the 2030s), but while you gaht apparel to toss, music you love, an' zero conspiracy theory neighbors wastin' their lives soorveilin' your ass ..

    it is surely time to drahp them undergarments an' selfishly happy on out.

    BUT ... HOW CAN NARCISSISM POSSIBLY FUNCTION SUCCESSFULLY WITHOUT AN AUDIENCE, O PRINCESS?

    You askin' whethah you can dance nekkid alongside Moi in the candlelit Mwahmwahmwah of my poisonal boudwah?

    Natchrlly, I gotta figure you ain't seen the point here.

    Like Emerson said, "happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting some on yourself" -- an' you only gaht the one lifetime gusset.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    It is amazing that with all the accurate info available regarding clinical depression...so many people will still say "WHY are you depressed"?


    You can have a great life - and suffer from depression. It's not a 'feeling' - or an 'emotion' - it's a disease. Trying to 'help' can be harmful as much as it might be helpful.
    Signature
    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world will change forever for that one dog.

    My mind still thinks I'm 25.
    My body thinks my mind is an idiot.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      It is amazing that with all the accurate info available regarding clinical depression...so many people will still say "WHY are you depressed"?


      You can have a great life - and suffer from depression. It's not a 'feeling' - or an 'emotion' - it's a disease. Trying to 'help' can be harmful as much as it might be helpful.
      the answer i have for that question is " the last thing my psychiatrists told me was there was nothing more he could do for me "..which was the opening line of the last visit after 2 years of counseling it was a much more positive thing than i make it sound when i use that quote ..

      i have a list of conditions that if i manage right i can feel really good ..if i manage wrong...i slip into morbid depression ..
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      It is amazing that with all the accurate info available regarding clinical depression...so many people will still say "WHY are you depressed"?

      You can have a great life - and suffer from depression. It's not a 'feeling' - or an 'emotion' - it's a disease. Trying to 'help' can be harmful as much as it might be helpful.
      Hi Kay.

      Yeah, great point about People asking why the Person is depressed. Personally I don't like the term "disease" and prefer "condition" or "illness." However that could just be me.

      Anyway, I think People can experience the symptoms of Clinical Depression without having being diagnosed as such. The dictionary defines "depressed" as: "In a state of unhappiness or despondency." Hey ― we're all Human and most of us experience mild cases of that occasionally. For me depression included low self-esteem, low self-worth, and negative self-talk etc.

      Thankfully, I'm a fully-functioning happy Person these days.
      : )
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      "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Personal Happiness.
    Hearsinal Pappiness.
    Funeral Services
    for big time gals wanna lift the lid on life
    even after they dead.
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    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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  • Profile picture of the author Master Blake
    Peace with oneself leads to happiness.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    There are reasons for the difference in rates that make sense.


    Those with higher education marry more often as opposed to living togehter but not married.


    Those with higher education marry later than those who don't pursue higher education.


    A study I'd like to see - but probalby won't - is whether people who live together stay together longer than couples who marry... I haven't seen much written about it but there has been a huge societal shift that has changed the status of 'engaged'. "Fiance" now often means 'we live together and have children' rather than 'person I plan to marry and have a family with'.



    Seriously, I have wondered if a crisis such as a war might bring that 'engaged' status into the spotlight. It's not a legal status and death of a 'fiance' would not automatically make the remaining partner/family the heir.
    Signature
    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world will change forever for that one dog.

    My mind still thinks I'm 25.
    My body thinks my mind is an idiot.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      There are reasons for the difference in rates that make sense.


      Those with higher education marry more often as opposed to living togehter but not married.


      Those with higher education marry later than those who don't pursue higher education



      Seriously, I have wondered if a crisis such as a war might bring that 'engaged' status into the spotlight. It's not a legal status and death of a 'fiance' would not automatically make the remaining partner/family the heir.
      a war is not needed ..the problem is financial and economic men get the basic benefits of marriage without the long term risks ..and woman can dream and plan the perfect wedding. While they can still keep their options open if a better man comes along ..with better economic potential..


      i tend to disagree with the people who disconnect money and happiness.. because so many problem people deal with are because of a lack of money and poor future prospects ..for earning more money and partners

      where i am kind of failing on the whole how to be happier message i will describe the fastest path to being totaly miserable in every part of your life ..

      first step find a job you hate going to ..but the money is good ..make sure the hours you work mean you are commuting during the absolute worste traffic of the day ..and have on your social media a hundred people who post serveral times a day looking like they are more happy with their life and job than you ..

      yeah number two after terrible jobs .. is setting up your social media so it looks like everyone in the world has a better life than you ..or if you are in a relationship reading the 20 signs they are not really into you or 20 sign they are cheating ..and take them not responding to your texts while they are at work .. as one of those signs ..


      food .. eat only stuff that tastes really good while you eat it and then and hour or two later .. makes you feel lethargic and bloated ..and makes it hard to pay attention to the work you need to get done because you want a nap ..

      now after a period of time living this life .. make sure you get on perscibed medications ..that most of the time have the side effect of weight gain .. because the 10 20 or 40 pounds you put on after a year of takeing those will make you feel so much better about yourself you will need stronger meds ..

      now call in sick to work some day and go out and haave a good time and take several happy photos of yourself .. untill your boos calls you to complement you on the great day you are have ..and who the decsion has been made to free your days up and reieve you of the burden of the job .. so you can have many more fun days ..
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    • Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Those with higher education marry more often as opposed to living togehter but not married.

      Those with higher education marry later than those who don't pursue higher education.

      You sayin' I doomed?


      "Just another few hard years before you reach the wrong decision ... over and over?"


      As a gal twangin' out in the flesh & blud twilight, prolly I gotta think this through.
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      Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
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  • Profile picture of the author DorrySS
    Happiness - It is the relationship with satisfaction, pleasure, and appreciation of the current situation and accomplishments. i can say that i am happy no matter good or bad i just never give up , and wish to be happy to all no matter what .
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  • Profile picture of the author Just Curious 66
    I reached happiness that is here to stay with masterful mind programming.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sandycmy
    Personal Happiness ?



    I read somewhere,
    1) A pediatric cardiac surgeon can't go pumped and happy to work everyday. Work? Do it anyway

    2) If you have a relationship with person just like you, you can't bare it. Celebrate the differences.
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