The Inferiority of Superiority

I wrote the article below for my newsletter a few years ago. I don't archive my newsletter where the public has access to it, so if you're not a subscriber chances are you will not have seen it. By the way, it is copyright protected, so no funny business!

I don't know if you welcome writing like this, so if you'd like to see more articles like this leave a message and let me know. If you say so, I'll post up one of my articles now and then. If not, I won't. Here you go...

The Inferiority of Superiority

A while back I was standing in a checkout line when I heard a man criticizing his wife (I presume she was his wife). When she'd had enough and protested his pettiness he countered that since he was right and she was wrong, he had the right to criticize her. "Being right gives you rights," he boasted.

Whether he had the right to criticize her or not isn't really the issue. The more useful consideration is whether criticism in any given situation will be more helpful or hurtful.

There are many milestones in our evolution as individuals, but there are two related milestones that seem especially elusive for many folks. The first is when we are no longer overly intoxicated by praise nor too bothered by a lack of praise or appreciation. When praise or the lack of praise does not much sway our self-perception, we have indeed crossed an important bridge on the road to self-realization and authenticity.

The second milestone is when we no longer feel a need to criticize others, acting out a self-perceived superiority. Many who posture themselves as superior to others do so because they actually feel inferior. They may be completely unaware they do this, having been "programmed" from childhood with certain beliefs about themselves that cause them to filter their experiences in negative ways.

Even so, to be critical when criticism serves no purpose other than to feel superior is a sign of an unrestrained ego. We need to ask ourselves what purpose our criticism would serve before we criticize others. Asking this simple question of ourselves will help establish our ego as our servant rather than our master.

I find it ironic that when one uses the ego to feign superiority, it's really our own conscious mind that becomes inferior to our own ego! I believe if that man had stopped to consider how his public criticism would make his wife feel rather than how it might make him feel, he would have behaved quite differently.

By reducing the ego's control over our thought processes we are able to grow in healthy, lasting ways rather than in ego-driven, temporary ways--and that's another interesting irony--growth by reduction.

That's not to say there is never a time when criticism is appropriate, but it's best if it's not reactionary or spoken in anger. It's even less appropriate when it's used as a method of ego gratification. Because our words can do as much or more harm than physical abuse, criticism should be well thought out and used sparingly, and it should always have good purpose. If possible, it should be balanced with a positive comment or two so it doesn't wound too deeply.

Faultfinding is a common malady. In many cases those who routinely find fault with others do so because they themselves suffer from low self-esteem, and hence, try to feel better about themselves by picking on others. In yet another ironic twist, one cannot elevate his or her own self-esteem by belittling others. Their criticism only affirms, intensifies, and perpetuates their existing self-esteem problems, though they aren't likely to realize it on their own or they would modify their behavior so it was more beneficial to themselves.

One of the dangers of being a faultfinder is that we tend to find what we look for. If we are looking for reasons to be unhappy with others we will find them, whether real or imagined. When we find reasons to be unhappy with others we tend to express our dissatisfaction, often inappropriately. This, in turn, negatively effects other people's perception about us. Sooner or later the constant complainer finds himself or herself with very few close friends, and those who do still associate with the overly critical often choose their words so carefully they cannot enjoy simply being themselves in the critic's presence.

For all the faultfinders' efforts at projecting superiority, many people will see them as having an underdeveloped--if not inferior--character. Through their harsh words they constantly demonstrate a lack of compassion and understanding toward their fellow human beings. Those who have progressed a little farther in their personal evolution see through the bluster.

Make no mistake about it, one of the main reasons people like us or dislike us is because of how we make them feel about themselves! What the faultfinder generally fails to realize is that their negative perceptions and experiences are more a result of their internal approach to life as they are to any external circumstances.

It's human nature to make observations that allow us to see how we'd have made better decisions or performed better than others in certain situations, we needn't feel bad about that. However, what we do about our observations is what helps or hinders our own personal evolution. I believe you are someone who cares about your own progress or you wouldn't have read this far, so my message to you is simple--be gentle with those who haven't progressed as far as you have. You may be the only light someone has to help them through their dark journey.