Deallig with Negative or Difficult People?

30 replies
How do you handle negative people, especially when they criticize your dreams?

It can be hard to not let their toxic attitudes rub off on you (especially if they are a parent or relative) and get to you. It's sad a lot of people have such negative attitudes and a bad outlook on life but trying to change their outlook can really exhaust you.
#deallig #difficult #negative #people
  • Profile picture of the author Lazy
    You hit the nail on the head with the word toxic.

    Cut out the negativity ASAP. Those people will only make you doubt yourself and hold you back.

    As long as you believe in yourself, this business is easy.
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    • Originally Posted by Ehanson View Post

      How do you handle negative people, especially when they criticize your dreams?

      It can be hard to not let their toxic attitudes rub off on you (especially if they are a parent or relative) and get to you. It's sad a lot of people have such negative attitudes and a bad outlook on life but trying to change their outlook can really exhaust you.

      We are more or less in the same situation. My mother is extremely negative about this whole mind training and internet marketing thing. It really hurts me when my dream gets criticized by her. My father on the other hand is really cool with it. I guess the saying "Men have dreams that women will never understand" is true.

      Originally Posted by Lazy View Post

      You hit the nail on the head with the word toxic.

      Cut out the negativity ASAP. Those people will only make you doubt yourself and hold you back.

      As long as you believe in yourself, this business is easy.

      Exactly Lazy. That's why I'm saving up to move out. Really... I need to get focused on this business.
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  • Profile picture of the author astnpwrz
    Whenever great minds begin to separate from the herd minds, they are ALWAYS met with opposition and resistance. @Alfonso, Moving out is a good decision. But a better one would be to find like minded people no matter what it takes!! If you cant find them in person, hang out on the WF. Do NOT quit. My father told me to quit and I let him have it (verbally of course) so dont let anyone stand in your way. IF I would have let his words get to me, I would still be broke and unhappy. Just fight through it.
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  • Profile picture of the author rcritchett
    I'm with Lazy - quick and simple, cut them out.

    Seems a bit heartless but the truth is, they're not on your level. If you've got dreams, particularly to do super huge stuff, they're obviously not on your level of thinking if they're being that way.

    Here, where you're around entrepreneurs and serial creators, we know the deal, we support your stuff.
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  • Profile picture of the author Lazy
    My parents were skeptics too. But then I showed them my paypal account, and they quickly changed their tune.

    Then I bought my mom a painting she had her eye on for some time, and now she can't stop bragging to her friends about how I "basically print money" from my desk.

    The proof is in the pudding, folks.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ehanson
      Thanks for the advice.

      It helps to have a support base even if there aren't positive supportive people who see the long term potential of IM.

      I think this thread also helps a lot of others who have toxic people in their life or are in similar situations, especially younger entrepreneurs.
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    • Profile picture of the author ninjawarrior
      Originally Posted by Lazy View Post

      My parents were skeptics too. But then I showed them my paypal account, and they quickly changed their tune.

      Then I bought my mom a painting she had her eye on for some time, and now she can't stop bragging to her friends about how I "basically print money" from my desk.

      The proof is in the pudding, folks.
      True, but there are people who remain skeptical despite proof, and often get downright suspicious. My mother actually thinks I run a scam of some sort - and I'm not even earning *that* much!
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  • Profile picture of the author jborjaperez
    Hey Ehanson

    I've dealt with negative parents a lot, and what I have learned from some mentors of mine is that words alone cannot change their outlook. For instance, if I claim I am going to be successful (most don't believe me) but I don't wash my own dishes there will always be negative things to say. Instead of worrying about how negative they are, think about your goals and why you must achieve it. (To prove to yourself and to the world that you CAN and WILL be successful)

    Push forward my friend like there is no other option and you'll make it.

    -J
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    • Profile picture of the author Lazy
      Originally Posted by jborjaperez View Post

      Hey Ehanson

      I've dealt with negative parents a lot, and what I have learned from some mentors of mine is that words alone cannot change their outlook. For instance, if I claim I am going to be successful (most don't believe me) but I don't wash my own dishes there will always be negative things to say. Instead of worrying about how negative they are, think about your goals and why you must achieve it. (To prove to yourself and to the world that you CAN and WILL be successful)

      Push forward my friend like there is no other option and you'll make it.

      -J
      Great advice. How's the weather in Monterey? I'm guessing cloudy. I miss it there.
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  • Criticism is a cry for help. The way we talk to others is often a reflection of our own self talk. When you hear people say, "You can't, you shouldn't, what's wrong with you," generally what they really mean is "I can't, I shouldn't, and since I can't why should you? You're making me feel bad by having the courage to do the things that I won't or are afraid of doing."

    Get the picture? I once had a passive aggressive co-worker who tried to sabotage my success. I spent the better part of 6 years being angry at this guy. At some point I realized that his actions are a reflection of his own self-loathing. So, I asked myself, why I was getting myself worked up over his own poor perception of himself. Now, I just feel sorry for him.
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  • Profile picture of the author cookingdiva
    I can understand this well, I have friends who do not get it that what I am trying to do (ie. building a website to make passive money) is a real, they think I am wasting time on internet and should get a job. Although I have a job as part time teacher as well, that does not pay much.

    Luckily, I tend to tell people that I am freelance writer instead and it sounds better to them. In a way, I am not lying as I do small freelance work until my site makes money.

    It is tough, I do not have solutions but wanted to tell you, you are not alone.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ian Varnava
    Before we go talking all this s**t about the "negative" people in one's life, whether it be your parents, family, friends, whatever... remember, they're still your people. Especially parents & family. Just because your parents, who did not grow up in the age of the internet like some of you are now, and they don't fully understand why you spend all this time on your "computer" doing "nothing", doesn't mean that you completely "cut them off" or that "they're below your level" or many of the other horendous things which were said above. They're still your parents.

    Now, I'm not speaking for everybody. I know some people actually have parents/family who are a "problem" in general, and that's none of my business and an entirely different subject. However, if Internet Marketing is the only thing they give you resistance on.. then you can't just call them dumbasses and walk away. Look at it from their point of view... Guessing by the way many newbies talk here... if someone has been "sitting on their computer" for months, and even years it seems like in some cases, and talking about how they're gonna "make money online", refused to get a job to support themselves, or have refused to take steps to improve their life/career if it doesn't involve IM, then you tell me? Wouldn't you also think "this is a waste of time" if you were in their shoes, and in their demographic where they may not be as familiar as what's possible on the internet these days as you are?

    So, that being said, what I did way back in the day, when I was young and in similar situations, was to shut up, let people say what they wanted, and just quietly tell myself; "wait until they get proven wrong". Once you start rolling in some $$ and show them your paypal/clickbank accounts or checks you get in the mail... believe me, they will shut up.

    Until then, use the "negativity" as motivation to work even harder and prove them wrong!
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  • Profile picture of the author DIGITALCHAMELEON
    Just ignore what they tell and always positive, let them be influenced by you and don't allow them to influenced you.
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    • Profile picture of the author sappacis13
      Yeah just ignore them..

      I've come to realize it's just a trick! They try to pissed you off just to
      gain traffic to their website.

      That way if you start to hate him you will sneak and look at his profile.

      And look for aways that you can take revenge. But I just have to lower my pride.

      Those are some desperate tricks just to gain more backlinks to their site.

      Lol... Kinda funny but pretty much critical way they did because it might lead you to account termination.

      Better to ignore them. Because they are a type of person who wasn't grown up yet!

      Lol!

      Take care. Just never mind them.. What the f....

      Here's a challenge:

      We love to watch actor and actresses. We like an action star who beat the bad guys. And we hate so much about the bad guys what they do. Come to think ohhh How I wish I could lay a hands on him. But the truth of the matter is... why they were the villain of the story?

      get that?
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      • Profile picture of the author Brian Douglas
        Like Lazy already said, harsh as it sounds, negative people are a big no-no, so you just need to cut them out of your life wherever you can.

        Easier said than done, I know, but just try not to hang out with them, if a conversation takes a turn for the negative, change the subject and if you live with negative people, move out if you can! Being in a negative environment 24/7 is bad news, completely exhausting and will do you no good at all.

        Let them say and think what they like - don't waste your energy on arguing or trying to explain. Just smile sweetly, take no notice and carry on following your dreams.

        Good luck!

        Brian
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        • Profile picture of the author Rentamentor
          Hi,

          Great Thread.

          My mentors used to tell me to STAY AWAY from Poison People.

          Now Scientific studies show that Toxic People Literally SUCK energy out of you.

          YUCK.

          Anyway.

          I used to Test My new Ezine readers - I'd send them some F-r-e-e E-books.

          The Ones Who came back to me and said, "Thanks."

          Or Best of all sent me something BACK.

          I'd work with directly.

          NOW...

          I've discovered Xtranormal.com

          And am working with a few of my VIP Group to turn some of my Collection of Money Making Case Studies into "AVATAR Animated Movies."

          Only 2 Minutes long.

          But they GRAB attention better than my former GIFT of written books.

          Here's one on YouTube...

          This woman in the Bikini is a multi-millionaire I met...at a Texas Ranch.

          PART #1 -

          "Bikini Lady Breaks GirlScout Cookie Sales REcord"


          Thanks,
          Glenn

          P.S. - If a prospect doesn't Email me back - with a Question like, "Where is part II?

          OR What did she do to sell 2700.00 of cookies?

          They are Too Dead Btwn the ears and Poisoned to be worth my time.

          It works.

          P.P.S. - I'm not trying to Torture you - we just don't have part II done yet. Discovered we can Replace the Green Bikini Avatar girl - with a STARLET. So we're re-doing both parts.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jay Johnson
    great post..negativity can be a disease that will spread if you don't contain it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Lee
    Originally Posted by Ehanson View Post

    How do you handle negative people, especially when they criticize your dreams?

    It can be hard to not let their toxic attitudes rub off on you (especially if they are a parent or relative) and get to you. It's sad a lot of people have such negative attitudes and a bad outlook on life but trying to change their outlook can really exhaust you.
    Here's my 3-step process to deal with negative or difficult people:

    Step 1: Focus On Their Positive Traits.

    Not all difficult people lack positive characteristics. Even though your co-worker is the most stubborn person you've ever met, maybe they can come up with good ideas from time to time.

    On your next group meeting, why don't you encourage your co-worker's positive side? Get them to talk about what they would like to do for the next project. If said co-worker's stubborn side flares up, don't react like anyone else might. Don't get angry or challenge them in a way that might not end up well. Keep being encouraging.

    Do this for a while and even your co-worker will realize that they need not let stubbornness get in the way of getting the job done.

    Step 2: Be The First To Convey Niceness.

    Difficult people are tough to change. However, that doesn't mean you can't be the one to change. Sometimes, being the first to exude niceness can make it easier for you to get along with difficult people.

    Let's say you and your sister don't really get along well. Even if there's no special occasion, why don't you buy her something nice on the way home? If you feel iffy about buying something especially for her, you can start by buying a cake that you can share with the whole family.

    Step 3: Don't Let Them Get To You.

    If you want to know how to get along with difficult people, you must never ever let them get to you.

    For example, if the shopkeeper next door is always grouchy at people, don't take it personally. Instead, smile and maybe even buy something from his store. Don't be intimidated by how bad-tempered he is.

    There might be underlying reasons for his behavior. Maybe he's just growing old and has not seen his family for years. Maybe he has a bad back that has been bothering him since forever.

    No matter how difficult a person is, you won't be able to get along with them unless you know how to shield yourself from their negative influence.
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  • Profile picture of the author brent360
    You have to accept that there will be people in life with negative outlooks. If these people are not dear to you, it's often best to simply accept that they have a bad outlook and move on. In some cases, you might just have to put up with someone's crap in order to get where you want to be in life, at which point you can call the shots. Try surrounding yourself with nice, positive people in the future.

    Anyway, good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    If i can express some law of attraction mubo jumbo. Effort to try and run away from or change the negative people around you will fail. Because you are attracting the current batch of people or those attitudes from the people. If you leave you may only find yourself aroudn more negative people.

    It is more productive to work on yourself and change your attitude to be more positive. that way these people don't want to be around you anymore. Say you have friends that come to you with problems . Or they constantly complain. Don't offer sympathy to them.. throw out posible solution they can use to fix the problem. Most people will eventually get annoyed with you and find someone else to dump their problems on. In doing this you also train yourself to look to the solution instead of the problem.

    a statement i have used for a long while about complaining. i may have gotten it from someone else but i don't remember. Is the only people willing to listen to you complain. are the ones waiting their turn" Respond to negativity in a positive way. Then be thankfull your current conditions give you tons of practice.
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    • Profile picture of the author Neoglitch
      Originally Posted by Ehanson View Post

      How do you handle negative people, especially when they criticize your dreams?.
      Originally Posted by Lazy View Post

      You hit the nail on the head with the word toxic.

      Cut out the negativity ASAP. Those people will only make you doubt yourself and hold you back.

      As long as you believe in yourself, this business is easy.
      Warning: Too Long; Didn't Read ahead!

      Lazy is right: The number one thing you should do when a negative person is trying to rub his/her toxicity into you is to cut that person out of your life as soon as possible...

      HOWEVER, there are cases where this is just not possible. For instance, if you live with people that maintain you financially (maybe your parents, a relative, your wife/husband, etc), which is, give you food, shelter, clothing, money, etc., and you do not have enough income to take care of your own (because you are studying full time, are unemployed or have a mediocre job), THEN you are at the mercy of whoever maintains you. THUS, no matter how negative, toxic and mean your mom, aunt or husband/wife is... you can't just go buy a new house and move out.

      If you have none or not enough income, you either HAVE to live under that person(s) terms and toxicity, OR ask your friends for mercy (they will get fed up of taking care of you in less than a week), OR finally, living on the streets (and you would have to literally start applying some Bum Marketing right away!! ).

      SO: What to do if you are "forced" to live with a toxic person? How do you avoid getting your energy and positive mindset sucked away by these people, while still maintaining your sane mind and your trust in yourself?

      First: Recognize the person is toxic. If this person is wiling to, and activately makes you feel down, implant doubt in your mind, mock you, compromises your self esteem, is being sarcastic with you, or even insults you... then stop trusting this person. Don't tell this person about your plans, goals and dreams. Don't try to impress that person, don't try to prove him/her nothing. Don't try to "shut him up". Keep your plans to yourself; only share them with trusty people that actually care about you and love you, if you really feel like it. I personally prefer to keep my biggest projects as a secret, so I can give a big "surprise!!" to my loved ones if I succeed!

      Second: If the toxic person draws his/her own conclusions of what you are doing by watching you and what you do, and tells you stuff like:

      - "What are you doing with your eyes glued to the computer screen all day, huh? Only stupid things, that's all you do!"
      - "Heh, no wonder why you have no job/have a mediocre job/have sucking grades! What a loser!!"
      - "Hehe... you're gonna get faaaaaaar in life playing on the computer all day!!" </sarcasm>

      And other spiritual goodies you guys must all be familiar with, even when you have not tell this person about your project, then...

      What I learned is best to do in this situation after my (toxic) cousin almost broke my face and glasses throwing a shoe at me on xmas day 2010 is: (dun dun duuuuuuuuuun)

      Tell them they are right.

      No, it's not a typo. And I haven't gone crazy (YET :3)

      Just face the person, and with kindness and without sarcasm say:

      - "Yes, you are right. I only do stupid things on the computer all day long."
      - "Yes, I'm a complete loser. You are totally right."
      - "hehe, I know, like I'm going to get anywhere playing on the computer all day."
      - "Yes mom/dad/darling/insert-toxic-person-here, I'll never be successful with this and I'll never get anywhere. You are absolutely right on everything you think about me!

      I think you get the idea... tell them exactly what they want to hear, give them a kiss in the cheek if you feel like it, and then keep working on your IM project (or any one of your projects for that matter).

      Now, does it mean you actually have to think of yourself as a loser, slacker, mediocre human being, etc? Haha, fat chance! NO. NUNCA. You KNOW you are winner, an smart worker, a great human being... and very handsome by the way ;D

      You just tell the toxic person what the person wants to hear. No screams, no fighting, not trying to change the negative person, no jaw-breaker flying shoes. Just tell them they are right. Just be diplomatic.

      Are you being honest with the toxic people? No, given that you are telling them they are right on something you KNOW they are not. However... people like this, do not deserve your honesty. People like this do not deserve your truth, your trust, or anything from the real you from that matter. They don't deserve YOU, and many times they don't care crap about you anyways, so... why open your heart and be honest with such mean, toxic people? Don't. Save your heart for people that actually care about you.

      Now, onto something different!!

      If a person that actually cares about you is just being skeptical, just tell him/her: "Come on! Have some trust in me, buddy!!" or "Well, I'll never know unless I try enough!" You know, let her know you know what you are doing. If this person actually appreciates you, she will listen to you and will take seriously what you tell her.

      So, en conclusión: Stop caring about what toxic people tells you! Don't try to reason with them, don't justify yourself to them, don't start a flaming discussion, and NEVER try to cure/convert them. Just be diplomatic, tell them what they want to hear, and keep going on with your life. Stop giving your energy and mental health to them in the form of flamming, insults galore or even physical aggression. You are more worth than that

      Awwwwite, that's my $0.02 on the subject. Thanks for getting this far!! Here, have a quote as prize:

      "If you want to avoid criticism in your life: Say nothing, do nothing, BE nothing."
      - No recuerdo quien lo dijo :B

      EOP (End Of Post)

      P.S.: In other news: Ehanson, I believe were are 'Deallig' with a problem on the topic title <_<
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      • "If you want to avoid criticism in your life: Say nothing, do nothing, BE nothing."
        - No recuerdo quien lo dijo :B
        "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing."
        Elbert Hubbard
        lo tienes aquí:
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  • Profile picture of the author Giftys
    Originally Posted by Ehanson View Post

    How do you handle negative people, especially when they criticize your dreams?

    It can be hard to not let their toxic attitudes rub off on you (especially if they are a parent or relative) and get to you. It's sad a lot of people have such negative attitudes and a bad outlook on life but trying to change their outlook can really exhaust you.
    I constantly read positive, motivating books. They're often called "Self-Help" books and can lead one to think that the only people that read them are "broken" in some way. Quite the contrary. Most of us are lacking in self-esteem and self-confidence anyway so we are "normal" not "broken". These motivating books help fill our minds with positive energy and you will walk away inspired and ready to conquer the world.
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  • Profile picture of the author Duy Nguyen
    My advice is simple: Just DON'T tell anybody about your dreams! Share them with like-minded people only because they will support you. And when you have some proof to show them (if you want) they will know.

    I know how bad it is to have some negative people around you, especially your relatives. But like I said before, just don't tell them, work on it silently, then show them, they will see you differently
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    Failure Is Temporary, Giving Up Makes It Permanent
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    • Profile picture of the author Rentamentor
      Hi,

      Thanks - interesting discussion.

      At a Vegas Event Bryan Tracy as featured speaker.

      I remember he said - "I've interviewed 100's of self made millionaires for my newest Audio Program.

      "All had the same Regret.

      They said - "I WISH I Got AWAY from The Negative PEople In my Life Sooner. They held me Back."

      WOW.

      There's a Blanket statement.

      Bryan Tracy went on with something that made a lot of sense.

      He said, "If you think about it - You don't need money to stop talking to The POISON People in your life."

      I started acting on that Advice.

      And it has helped a lot.

      Just don't tell that person why you don't call them back anymore. I had two men friends who would borrow stuff - then never return them.

      I tore their names out of my rolodex.

      I don't call back. Now they call once every 6 months.

      It's great.

      ONE I dubbed "The Darth Vader of Sales."

      His hobby is LAWSUITS. He doesn't pay. Then takes you to court.

      Yikes.

      I'll shut up now. Didn't realize how much he bugged me.

      Thanks,
      Glenn
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  • Profile picture of the author derrickschwan
    Just be positive when you attempt to deal with them don't let them to influenced you and try to do something to twist their thoughts from negative to positive mindset.
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  • Profile picture of the author Marcus Johnston
    I have the exact same problem. My parents are not thinking I'm doing a 'real' job here and they tell me to go find a job, just like they 'had to do' when they were young. They keep moaning and whining, without knowing what they are really talking about!

    I've learned to accept their negative attitudes and use it as a stimulant to boost my business and move out as soon as possible, I think the key here is in acceptance, you can't change the fact that they are negative all the time, so you should just accept their attitude and think of how you can profit from this.

    Some times it helps to confront the negative people with questions on, their life, their jobs etc.. Confront them with the matter if they are happy or not, it often seems they are feeling attacked and thus opens a gateway for you to talk about chasing dreams and living life as you want it.
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  • Profile picture of the author feiyin85
    Originally Posted by Ehanson View Post

    How do you handle negative people, especially when they criticize your dreams?

    It can be hard to not let their toxic attitudes rub off on you (especially if they are a parent or relative) and get to you. It's sad a lot of people have such negative attitudes and a bad outlook on life but trying to change their outlook can really exhaust you.
    If resist is hard,absorb them instead.Convert these negative comments into an energy which motivates you more.The more you absorb,the more you have to prove them wrong.And the chances of you giving up will be lower and allows you to move further than you expect.Try it.
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    • Deallig with Negative or Difficult People?
      How do you handle negative people, especially when they criticize your dreams?

      It can be hard to not let their toxic attitudes rub off on you (especially if they are a parent or relative) and get to you. It's sad a lot of people have such negative attitudes and a bad outlook on life but trying to change their outlook can really exhaust you.
      Signature
      Quick and effective life and business coaching was never that much fun.
      Get the sparkle back into your life!
      I write articles, press releases, PLRs and sales letters that have a sparkle, too
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