Whatever Happened to...

I am never surprised, but it still irritates me...

I know three people in the exact same boat, who all turned to me to help them out of their mess...

But when it came time for the "rubber to hit the road", all three believed that I should do all the work, and give them half the money!!!

They remain unemployed and broke, and I have been painted as an asshole who would not help "friends AND family" in times of need...

Go figure...

Ah... I see. Kinda close to home. Ok, it's home. Sure, that would probably
piss me off.

I wrote a piece of copy a while back and needed to research info about
people who won the lottery; what happened, etc. Oh man, you want to
talk about screwed up.

Something happens to (many, most?) people when it involves money or
perhaps anything related to it.

People win millions. Their "friends" think, well the guy's got millions, so it
should be no sweat to lend me 10 grand. When that didn't happen, the
friendships ended. When it did happen - money never paid back.

You can see it here, too. Tons of people asking for help. Some say thanks,
many do not. People ask for help and it is given. Then the person doesn't
even write another thing in the thread. Maybe they read it, but who knows.

Years ago I stopped helping people in the copywriting forum because it
seemed they don't appreciate it. So screw 'em. I stopped going in there.
Not everyone was like that, but very many were. Don't know if it's still like
that.


Ken

Yes, right on. The only thing worse than the Entitlement mindset is not realizing that it is the new ethos in our land. Well, one thing may be worse... someone taking it personally.

My own sister is like this. It's ridiculous. She is 27 and still lives under my parent's roof and expects handouts and free rides. My parents are suckers. She is probably the best case of self entitlement I've ever seen. It irritates me to no end.

What did you tell your friend? I must know

I believe the amusement I provide and the smiles I put on peoples faces is priceless.

Actually, I know exactly what you are talking about. I have a friend who kinda sorta really hates his job and I've offered to give him a hand. I tell him Dude, you watch porn online, I can set you up with a nice passive income that involves your favorite pass time., but for some reason he doesn't want to do it. He would rather get drunk and complain about his crappy job. What can I say, some people just don't have the drive to end their own misery.

Actually, that has nothing to do with entitlement and more to do with lazy. Oh well, it was a fun story. Amusement? Smiles? Anyone? ... chirp... chirp... (crickets)

I guess not everybody is cut out to sit around the house all day in their PJ's chatin' it up on the WF. To each their own.

I feel for you, mostly because the person is your friend.

Several years ago I had a friend that was out of work and offered to help him get started making money online. He was all for that. Great, so I thought. It turned out he wanted the income, but he wanted me to do the work for him, make the money, then pay him.

Sadly, that (among other things) ruined what had once been a wonderful friendship.

I can totally understand that there are people out there who don't know how to use a computer or build a website, etc. But I dont get why, when they have people that are willing to help, some expect it done for them.

There's a four letter word for how I got to where I am today.... w o r k. If I can do it, anyone can.




Cindy

tpw,

As the old saying goes "No good deed goes unpunished."

I think if you are generous enough to try to help a friend out again you need to do more to handle their expectations, and to slap down any sense of entitlement they might have.

Tell them you are a tough boss, that during work the relationship is Boss, Employee not buddies. Tell them exactly what you expect of them and that if they try to take advantage of your friendship they are gone. If that doesn't put them off, then put them to work. Don't give them ways out of not performing the role.

An alternative I prefer would be to avoid turning yourself into your friend's boss and act as a mentor instead. You could have given your friend tasks to do to help himself . You mentioned he is computer illiterate - tell him to learn about computers and web browsing then come back. If he doesn't then you know you don't have a self starter, you've tried to help and probably wont lose a friendship over it. If they do come back give them the next bit of learning (or tell them to offer a service online if they need money now, whilst learning).

Ultimately though - if a friend treated me the way you've been treated they would be an ex-friend and I wouldn't mourn the loss as they've shown how little regard they have for you.

I have had this issue with friends as well. Seeing that I do IM full-time successfully, they seem to have this same mindset of entitlement, thinking that I can somehow magically short-cut their way to IM success, bypassing pretty much all trial and error and hard work on their part - essentially handing them a free ticket to internet riches.

We all know that it doesn't work this way. If we end up doing all or the majority of the work for them, then why on earth should they be entitled to make any money at all? LOL.

We can only point them in the right direction, after which the ball is in their court and they need to take action based on the advice that we've given them.

If you're having them generate leads for you, then obviously they'd have to do the legwork in contacting and qualifying prospects for you. I still can't believe what your friend was doing - it sounds like he was just looking for a free handout, without having to do anything except open up a phone book and write down some phone numbers!

You were perfectly justified in getting rid of him. I see this being somewhat of an issue with people who work regular 9-5 jobs and barely do anything at work while still being paid. In many cases, they've become redundant because they're not even generating enough value for the business to continue paying them a monthly salary. It's hard for salaried workers to grasp this concept though, and this is why it is likely you'll encounter issues when hiring them on a performance basis like what you did with your friend.

Imagine this...

First, imagine you're a woman and you get mad at your boyfriend. You throw your fountain drink in his face. Then, you slip on puddle on the floor that you created and break your tailbone. You then turn around and sue the restaurant for negligence. And win.

Or, you're in a store and you trip over a kid running wild in the store. You fall and break something. You sue the store and you win, despite the fact it was your own kid you tripped over.

Or, you go to McDonald's. You get a hot coffee. You spill it on yourself. And you sue McDonald's for serving you hot coffee. You sue the car manufacturer for not making a good enough cup holder. You sue your mother who let you take her car to McDonald's. And you win.

That's where personal responsibility went.

Bill, I am so sorry your friendship got damaged through this experience. Money changes everything, doesn't it! Who sang those lines? Cyndi Lauper?

The irony...

"Help me MAKE MONEY for FREE."

looks like he was a acquaintance more than a best friend buddy / as a best friend will have your back regardless of how deep your in or what ever problems you have and sometimes people need that strength when there is nothing else.

your true buddy's are those left helping when all the chips are down, they don't ask questions or seek validation, a true buddy is there when all the pretenders have gone home.

It's a bond tighter than marriage in many ways, you do not judge, you forgive you understand even when it does not make any sense, you support when all else have given up, you never leave a true buddy, you always have their back, always.

It is often said you can count your true friends on one hand.

This post should be framed. Nicely done Bill.

To answer the question in your headline...

<BEGIN Sarcasm>

Why take any personal responsibility? I'm sure someone will certainly take responsibility for me...now off to finding those shortcuts again...

<END Sarcasm>

Amen brother...I swear I have the same issue with my mom. I told her that I'd help her get some cash in her pocket to help me with a lead generation/preselling part of an offline business I wanted to start.

What I couldn't realize is that when I gave her the information in a step by step format...she didn't do anything.

She's in school to become a paralegal since she got laid off and is graduating in May. What I don't understand is why she doesn't have a job.

She's been unemployed for about 2 years and I don't understand why people can sit back and collect unemployment without putting in 10 resumes a day.

People don't want to move.
They have a house they can't sell.
They have kids and don't want to remove them from school.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I hear it all the time and it's embarrasing. A grown adult who won't move their kids from school? Seriously? How good of an example are you setting by sitting around lazily looking for jobs that are easy for you?

Go try something new...go sign up for a job at a grocery store, call center, etc etc. It might suck horribly...OH WELL...living off the government unemployment checks for more than a year is just ridiculous.

Now I understand there are few situations like permanent disability due to injury or trauma that warrant social security. I have no problem with that. It's the least we can do in the richest country of all human existence. But Christ...look at the unemployment stats.

1. Almost 50% of people have been unemployed longer than 27 weeks.
2. About as many people are on emergency benefits as are on initial benefits...

WHAT GIVES!!!!

Does anyone check Craigslist? Or Simplyhired.com? Or look up the 10 biggest employers in their town and start beating down doors till you talk to someone?

Why the hell is it that people are so freaking lazy...

My honest belief and I'll probably get flamed for this is that these people have gotten comfy on their gov't checks and now lost the ability to work.

They say they want a job...well if you do go to McDonalds they're ALWAYS hiring.

What they want is the job they had...which in many cases won't ever exist again. GET WITH THE PICTURE.

Whew...I feel better now. Now before everyone thinks I'm an insensitive *******, I love my mother to death and would do anything I could to help her. That's proof by the many times I've helped her try to start a business.

You can't help people that don't want to be helped...or just want a hand out...you have to quit enabling them and force them to do something to help themselves...that's evolution and natural selection...

Cheers Bill and thanks for the venting...that subject is very touchy with me.

Cheers,

Brad

It is a really strange phenomenon this entitlement syndrome. I have tried to help warriors before, but I vow never to pay money into a paypal account. I will pay for a 'for hire thread' or pay for a service. Yet I am always asked for the money directly in a paypal account.

To elaborate on the teach a man to fish saying, its not the original fish that you give them that is the problem its the expectation of you being the fish provider.

And often after teaching them how to fish the only thing learned, is it is way easier to ask someone else for fish than to catch it yourself.

Very true, you have to be willing to work for what you want. I agree with some earlier posts about people being lazy, heck I am still working 2 jobs now and going after my bachelors degree in web and media design after getting tired of working 12 hour day at least once a week. I personally rather be sitting home with my wife and enjoying time with her. I know hard work will pay off i was 28 when i started my second job and that was bagging groceries at a local store making 5.65 an hour. Yea that lasted 6 months and i was bumped up to checker and to 8.00 an hour after doing my best. I am still working there but now I am an assistant service manager. I am ready to get down to one job. I just get frustrated that people are not willing to work but expect a handout. I think for me personally I would like someone more or less just to say hey take this route do the work like homework and send me your results and then that person would suggest this and say okay next step. I do not doing the work. I wish people would work hard out there and I know alot of us do or would not be successful as we are. No one needs a free ride.