Keep You're Goals to you're self

46 replies
Hey Warrior's, I just watched an Interresting video at Ted about Goals and keeping them to you'reself.
There have been studies, that people who tell there goals are less likely to achieve them. They get approval socially from people arrround them and allready feel good and loose motivation fore actualy taking the steps to achieve it.
The people, that kept there goals to themself are much more likely to achieve them because they get there satisfaction from actualy doing the steps not from talking about it.

So warriors next time you have a big goal keep you're mouth shut and tell everybody after you have made it


What do you think about that and could you tell about you're experience in keeping you're mouth shut vs telling everybody about it.



PS here is a link to the video
Derek Sivers: Keep your goals to yourself | Video on TED.com
#goals
  • I would disagree with that idea.

    I have always found that by telling people about your goals, it brings surprising opportunities your way which you may not have thought of or planned.
    People will also give you advice which may be superb.

    What I have also found though, is that when you tell people and they are negative, don't talk to them about it further. Don't try to convince them, stick to the postivity.

    'Talk and Grow Rich' is a great book on the subject.
    Cheers,
    Gordon
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    • Profile picture of the author MarkMOZ
      Originally Posted by The Great Gordino View Post

      I would disagree with that idea.

      I have always found that by telling people about your goals, it brings surprising opportunities your way which you may not have thought of or planned.
      People will also give you advice which may be superb.

      What I have also found though, is that when you tell people and they are negative, don't talk to them about it further. Don't try to convince them, stick to the postivity.

      'Talk and Grow Rich' is a great book on the subject.
      Cheers,
      Gordon
      Not only that, but even if you didn't completely believe in achieving them - Now that you've made them official, you are going to start feeling a lot more responsible towards turning them to reality.
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    • Profile picture of the author ada
      Originally Posted by dawnday View Post

      I'm guessing my some of the responses here that many have not watched the video Eric posted. There is a way to have someone hold you accountable without making your subconscious think the goal is already in the bag. Check the video out - I certainly learned something. Thanks for posting, Eric! Extremely useful and timely.
      I agree with you here. If you had watched the video you would find that Derek Silvers states that there is a way to talk about the goal without tricking your mind that you have already achieved that goal.

      Originally Posted by The Great Gordino View Post

      I actually think it's best at first to *not* be selective. I agree there is something to the angle he mentions, i.e. do not use setting/talking about a goal as a substitute for taking action. However, I don't think that possible downside is enough to outweigh the positives of talking about it.
      I disagree with you on that point. You need to be "selective" in who you tell the goal to. There are some people that will immediately negate your goals on their own perspective/outlook in life. I have found them to usually be family members, in my experience, or those that have a negative outlook on life in general. These are the types of people that you do not want to say anything to. It just brings a negative aspect into your life and makes it harder to achieve the goal.

      Originally Posted by ThomScott View Post

      Interesting. I'd love to see the research on that one.
      So would I. It seems that there is a whole slew of research on the subject from what I have Googled.

      Originally Posted by Carol_A View Post

      accountability is key.
      I would completely agree with you. You need to tell people that will hold you accountable and have a positive outlook on what you are trying to achieve.

      Originally Posted by naruq View Post

      I believe it is okay to share your goals with Like Minded Goal Oriented people like yourself. These people may be able to help you achieve your goals.
      I would agree with this also.

      Originally Posted by cashonly View Post

      Only partially agree... share your goals only with people you respect AND actively update them on your progress so that you'll feel accountable to them.
      I do not entirely agree with you on this. Just because you respect them, doesn't mean that they are going to respect what you are trying to achieve. As I said before, you want people who are going to hold you accountable and have a positive outlook on what you are trying to achieve. It doesn't help you to have someone who is negatively holding you accountable.

      Originally Posted by The Great Gordino View Post

      I would disagree with that idea. 'Talk and Grow Rich' is a great book on the subject.
      I agree that this book holds true to it's ideas on this subject, but I honestly feel that the idea presented by Derek Silvers is true. You just need other factors involved, like the ones I mentioned above.
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      • Profile picture of the author AnitaCross
        I had an opinion on this before watching the video. I then went and watched the video, but it did not sway my opinion.

        For one thing, the research that was done was broad in nature. It was done in a controlled environment, so the subjects who talked about their goal weren't necessarily talking with someone they knew, or who could help them with that goal. There was only one such study and only 160 subjects. And as far as we were told, a number of other factors that could influence an individual's response weren't taken into consideration: age, education, gender, personality types, etc., not to mention the social environment the subject would be returning to. Additionally, there was no mention of a follow up, so we don't know how many of either group actually attained the goal.

        Think about it. Imagine yourself in a room with ten of your closest relatives. What will be their reaction to your goal? Will it be negative, or positive? Will it help you to get closer to that goal by telling them?

        Then imagine yourself in the same situation with your ten closest friends. Ask and answer the same questions.

        Now, imagine yourself in a room of your internet marketing peers. Without even asking yourself the questions, you should already feel the difference. These are like minded people who share similar goals. Some of them have already reached the goal you are striving for, and can help you learn from their mistakes. Because they have already attained that goal, their success, in and of itself, is encouraging: the goal can be attained! As you discuss your goal, you will not only receive encouragement, but new ideas on how to achieve the goal that you hadn't even thought of.

        Mastermind groups, not unlike the scenario above, have proven to be highly productive for the members. Marketing chats, like LMC or TMN, have also proven to be supportive environments where IM peers discuss their goals with each other. Accountability really does makes a difference. If you know someone is going to ask how your project is going, when you step into the room, you have that extra bit of incentive to have progress to report.

        So while the information provided in the video was interesting, as far as it went, I didn't find it conclusive.

        I won't be talking about my goals with my mother-in-law, trust me, that's a really bad idea. But I have, do and will again, discuss my goals with my IM peers. I've found their feedback and encouragement invaluable.

        Respectfully,
        -Anita
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        • Profile picture of the author DawnMarie
          Originally Posted by AnitaCross View Post

          There was only one such study and only 160 subjects.
          Actually, I believe he said, "...repeated psychology tests have proven that telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen." Then he went on to cite dates of research - 1926, 1933, 1982, 2009.

          I suspect there simply is not enough time in 3 minutes to give us details on all the studies done, so he went with one recent study to illustrate the findings.

          Bottom line: Do what works best for you. How do we know what works best? Perhaps if we try it several times both ways and keep a journal to track results.

          I find it fascinating that "conventional wisdom" is often wrong, yet we prefer to cling to it rather than try something knew. And yes, I'm as guilty of this as anyone else.
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          • This is a great topic because when you really
            get down to the heart of it, the entire concept
            will help you to get a clear picture of the type
            of people you surround yourself with.

            You may find that you simply can't share your
            goals with certain friends or family members
            because they will shoot it down every single time.

            I write out my goals and keep a journal. And
            to tell you the truth, I only share my goals with
            my Master Mind Group.

            I'm blessed to a have a circle of friends in this
            group who are honest, positive, confident, intuitive,
            and creative thinkers.

            Now, IF I had a husband, I would discuss it
            with him, but I'm a single lady and the only
            man in my life is my 6 year old son...and he
            thinks I'm the greatest and that all my ideas
            are worth their weight in gold...yep, he's a
            Mama's boy!
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          • Profile picture of the author mackyinc
            Originally Posted by dawnday View Post

            Actually, I believe he said, "...repeated psychology tests have proven that telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen." Then he went on to cite dates of research - 1926, 1933, 1982, 2009.

            I suspect there simply is not enough time in 3 minutes to give us details on all the studies done, so he went with one recent study to illustrate the findings.

            Bottom line: Do what works best for you. How do we know what works best? Perhaps if we try it several times both ways and keep a journal to track results.

            I find it fascinating that "conventional wisdom" is often wrong, yet we prefer to cling to it rather than try something knew. And yes, I'm as guilty of this as anyone else.
            I agree just like with IM you have to find a method that works for you. I have tried both ways now I keep my goals to myself.

            I also agree that conventional wisdom is often wrong, and many times when it is challenged great innovation occurs.
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  • Profile picture of the author AEC
    That is an interesting observation. I have been told often "to tell someone your goals so you will feel bad if you do not keep your word..." but the psychological effect mentioned in the video makes sense to me.
    And... now that I think about it, some of my bigger successes in the past are things I never talked about much to others till after it was done. Hmmmm.
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  • Profile picture of the author naruq
    I believe it is okay to share your goals with Like Minded Goal Oriented people like yourself. These people may be able to help you achieve your goals.
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  • Profile picture of the author cashonly
    Only partially agree... share your goals only with people you respect AND actively update them on your progress so that you'll feel accountable to them.
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    • Profile picture of the author enSo
      Like with anything it's probably best to do it selectively and tell people for the right reasons. Only share your goals with people who might be able to help you or who are already on a higher level than you are.
      The flipside of that is bragging to your friends about it and all that'll do is possibly make them jealous or make them think you're a schmuck. I think that's the situation this theory is referring to.
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    • Profile picture of the author rickcast66
      Originally Posted by cashonly View Post

      Only partially agree... share your goals only with people you respect AND actively update them on your progress so that you'll feel accountable to them.
      This one ^. I think this one sounds good
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  • Profile picture of the author PaulMark
    Yeah. It's a personal thing. Who do you have around you? Supportive people? Tell 'em! Ask for accountability. Got stupid & unsupportive people around you? Highly recommended to NOT tell them. There will be no accountability. They'll just nag you and bring you down.

    Either way, shoot for the stars!
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    • Profile picture of the author Carol_A
      accountability is key

      .
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      • Profile picture of the author DawnMarie
        I'm guessing my some of the responses here that many have not watched the video Eric posted. There is a way to have someone hold you accountable without making your subconscious think the goal is already in the bag.

        And these are scientific studies. True, the result is not what we've been conditioned/brainwashed to expect, but that makes it no less true.

        Check the video out - I certainly learned something. Thanks for posting, Eric! Extremely useful and timely.
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        • Originally Posted by Lex Blaze View Post

          Like with anything it's probably best to do it selectively and tell people for the right reasons. Only share your goals with people who might be able to help you or who are already on a higher level than you are.
          I actually think it's best at first to *not* be selective. On the basis of not judging a book by its cover, you shouldn't judge that someone won't be able to help you.
          Yes, some people you know who will help you, by all means tell them, and yes you can steer clear of telling people whoh are always negative, we know the type. People who you don't know though? Don't guess what they may be able to offer - find out!

          Originally Posted by dawnday View Post

          Check the video out - I certainly learned something. Thanks for posting, Eric! Extremely useful and timely.
          I watched the video - interesting. I agree there is something to the angle he mentions, i.e. do not use setting/talking about a goal as a substitute for taking action.
          However, I don't think that possible downside is enough to outweigh the positives of talking about it.
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  • Profile picture of the author scortillion
    Personally I believe in keeping them to yourself because far too many people are nay-sayers and will just at the chance to tell you that you cannot do it. To many times I've told someone of my plans only to be put down or "in my place" by having to listen to why it cannot be done.

    So most of the time I keep it to myself and only tell those that will be supportive and encourage me.
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomScott
    Interesting. I'd love to see the research on that one.

    On one hand, it does make sense. On the other hand, I don't believe it has to be a big either/or scenario.

    I'd probably suggest not telling everyone - wholesale - your goals. But, at the same time - having an accountability buddy ... someone you share your goals with AND share your struggles and challenges with that you've given permission to lovingly kick your butt when needed.
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  • Profile picture of the author MrMoore
    In that case you will never be able to tell anyone . Because once you reach your goal you should set higher ones for yourself. I share my goals with my wife !
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  • Profile picture of the author Tam Chancellor
    I found this video a few weeks ago. It has been on my mind ever since.
    Even though I did believe the convention wisdom, I've found a lot of evidence to
    support this view in this videos in my own life. Whenever keep my goals
    to myself, I accomplish more.

    He does state at the end that if you are the type that likes to share, state your goals in a way that doesn't give you satisfaction.
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    "What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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  • Profile picture of the author kianhowe
    I totally disagree with that. I've been a self development junkie for years now and from all the books and seminars I've read. Most of them would tell you that letting people know about your goals especially those you are very close to will more likely end up in you taking action.

    This happens because you do not want to let them down. And also because you do not want to be embarrassed when you don't achieve your goals. I remember 2 years ago I told my dad that I was going to make $100,000 that year. A year went by and I barely made $10,000. I felt so bad it prompted me to work harder and now I am very close to that goal! Try it, it worked for me.
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    • Profile picture of the author DawnMarie
      Originally Posted by kianhowe View Post

      I remember 2 years ago I told my dad that I was going to make $100,000 that year. A year went by and I barely made $10,000. I felt so bad it prompted me to work harder and now I am very close to that goal! Try it, it worked for me.
      But it didn't work for you - you said $100,000, you made $10,000. Which proves the point of the video - telling others can give you a feeling of instant accomplishment that in turn delays your action towards achieving the goal.

      And in this case, the delay was a whole year.
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      • Profile picture of the author wonderd
        I algree with the idea. Its so easy talk about what could be done then actually doing it.
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  • Profile picture of the author jushuaburnham
    If you tell your goals then people object or ignore you perhaps they perceive that you don't have the capacity to do it. Show them that have something to say and can do to achieve the goal.
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  • Profile picture of the author DLMedia03
    This sounds right to me. Telling others your goals, in theory should motivate you because you don't want to be viewed as a failure or a flake, but I think in practice it just creates undue stress and makes it more difficult to achieve.

    I do think telling others your goals can work really well, provided it's a part of a buddy-system where you're on the same track. The obvious example would be working out with a close friend as you both try to meet a weight goal.
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  • Profile picture of the author echin
    I believe the problem is people try to generalise this goal setting technique. Everyone is different. Some people get good outcome by doing this way and and others may not. The main thing is you have to find out which one is for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author dwakeman
    I would have to say that it's not about keeping your goals to yourself, but more about being committed to your goals.

    The best thing to do is:

    1.) Decide on what your goals are for short term, medium term and long term. I like to set 30 day, 90 day, 6 month, 1 year, 3 year and 5 year goals. This way I have a game plan of expectations for myself.

    2.) WRITE THEM DOWN!!!!! If you don't put your goals to paper, you might as well not bother setting goals at all. One of the mistakes that I have made in the past, was setting a goal in my mind believing that I would then keep it near and dear to my heart. WRONG! After you write them down, put them someplace where you can review them on a regular basis. If you just write them down in a notebook and put it away, it is like not writing them down at all.

    3.) Don't beat yourself up if you don't hit them right away. Hold yourself accountable, but if you miss the mark, then make adjustments to ensure that you do hit the goal and learn from the experience. There are times when we will set our goals too high and that's OK. If your goal is to make $100,000 this year and you only make $92,327.83 should you be upset. I think not!!

    4.) Set new goals once you have reached the initial goals that you have set. Keep your mind thinking about new horizons.

    5.) Share your ideas with the person or persons that will support and encourage you. They are going to be the ones you will need to bounce your ideas off. And guess what, you will need to be able to have those conversations from time to time.

    Just my 2 cents.
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  • Profile picture of the author Avesel
    Most people are lazy and will mock at people that want to better themselves. After all, you are indirectly exposing how they are spending their lives poorly.

    And if you succeed, they will be forced to both admit that they envy you and that their own laziness is the reason they are not making much money.
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  • Profile picture of the author Drizlek
    I personally see both sides... Sharing your plans and goals with others can be a great way to get additional support from those around you.

    At the same token, sharing those dreams and goals with someone who does not approve can end up rather disastrously. The constant negative energy can quickly drag you down and turn your goals and your plans into missed opportunities and regrets.

    But there is a upside to this kind of support. See, if those people around you who you share your goals with choose not to support you and in fact become a distracting or negative influence then you have a few options.

    First, if they are family, depending on what your relationship with them is you can simply just not tell them. And if they are negative in general while your around them, you are going to have to find a way that you can just let what they say go and keep moving.

    Second, if it's friends then you may want to take the time and reevaluate your friends and possibly even yourself for that matter. The people you choose to keep around you are a direct reflection of yourself. This does not mean that you have to just toss them away, but you need to realize that you cannot share current or future ideas or goals with them. And if they are negative abut something, just let it go.

    So even the downside has a upside. In the end it comes down to just believing in yourself and surrounding yourself with as much support and positive energy as you can. You cant always stay away from negative energy (especially with family) but you can choose what to do with it and how it affects you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tony Edwards
    I have read viewpoints on both sides of this discussion. And from my experience thus far always has been/would have been better to not say anything.

    I can feel a certain amount of energy leave my goal/drive/project as I tell the person. It's as if I was not really looking to achieve the goal. I was only looking for admiration and attention from the other person, almost like a child does.

    The goal just does not feel the same or as strong after you tell/share it with someone. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sam Thompson
    Thanks alot for the vid on my way to watch it now

    Sam
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  • Profile picture of the author Fred1
    Interesting video... I can see how talking about it can be a payoff for some, but it really depends on the individual. People are wired differently so it really all depends...

    For me, keeping it to myself doesn't work! It's like after I finish writing them down & getting things together I experience a type of payoff and slowly I veer away from my goals & plan. But, once I announce a thing, it pushes me, plus I see the value in having an accountability partner.
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  • Profile picture of the author HaydenR
    Hmmm.. I would rather tell them to people but only to close friends.. that way you have some form of accountability and you can't afford to fail at least for pride reasons..
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  • Profile picture of the author Mike McAleer
    That is counter intuitive. I thought it was the other way around. Anyway, I think I tell my goals to others too much and must stop now I guess?
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  • Profile picture of the author Ernie Lo
    How about just DOING your goal.

    That way you can tell others if you wish, or not and it won't make any difference.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tony Tikos
    When you tell people your goals they bring you down and talk you out of them. People tend to gravitate away from people who are ambitious, your friends and family will do the same. No one will believe in you until you finally become successful.
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    • Profile picture of the author Fred1
      Originally Posted by liveforeverfoods View Post

      When you tell people your goals they bring you down and talk you out of them. People tend to gravitate away from people who are ambitious, your friends and family will do the same. No one will believe in you until you finally become successful.
      True. Which is why I think you have to be selective about who you share your goals with. I have a very supportive wife who I share them with, but I'd NEVER share them with my parents, because they would tear then down.
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  • Profile picture of the author paulie888
    I don't think the answer is as cut and dried as you might initially think, as a lot would depend on your immediate circle of friends/relatives, and how receptive they are to your overall mindset and goals.

    It'd make sense to withhold your goals if your environment is "toxic" and negative, and you get nothing but criticism and derision whenever you reveal something. On the other hand, if you're surrounded by a positive and nurturing group, revealing your innermost goals could actually help to accelerate your progress, as you'd become accountable and also be encouraged every step of the way by your group of friends and/or relatives.

    I'd caution against making generalizations like this - take a look at your present circumstances first to determine your best course of action, and don't jump the gun!
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  • Profile picture of the author Tam Chancellor
    I also agree that conventional wisdom is often wrong, and many times when it is challenged great innovation occurs
    Love this quote! The substance of it is definitely sig worthy.
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    "Talking ain't doing." --Zoe Washburne

    "What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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  • Profile picture of the author ngywng
    I choose keep the goals yourself. everyday speak out the goals to yourself and TAKE ACTION consistently.
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  • Profile picture of the author isaacsmithjones
    Yeah... It depends on the kind of person you are, and the kinds of people who you tell.

    If you tell a pessimist, they might damage the 'realism' of your goals to you. By this, I mean that they may damage your optimism.

    But if you tell positive, optimistic people, it can attract positive energy, and open you up to many opportunities. Not only that, but they will encourage you, and help you to achieve your goals.

    I tell people about some of my goals, but I don't tell everyone about all of my goals, and if someone is negative about a goal that I share with them, I just don't speak to them about it again. It's really no big deal.
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    • Profile picture of the author Karen Blundell
      I agree. I've learned to keep my big mouth shut.

      I now share my goals only with like-minded people and only if I feel the need to. I have to feel like I really trust the person in order to discuss my most important goals.
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      • Profile picture of the author CAllenMartinson
        I watched the video and I know personally that I do get those feelings from sharing my goals with people. I am going to give this a shot and see if it makes a difference in my productivity and quality of life. In 90 days I will write an article based on my personal findings.
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