37 replies
Love is the most precious thing that happened to mankind. The best feeling is to love and be loved in return. However, the very closest people that we love the most have the capacity to hurt us the most. Sometimes, it is bad enough to cause a fall out. Divorce and breakups have become like the order of the day.

Many people nurse injuries, grudges, bitterness from the breakup and I am not an exception. So I pause to ask.

How do you get over a breakup/divorce?
#a divorce/breakup #getting over an ex
  • Profile picture of the author WhosChrisHughes
    I get over a break up by exercising, hanging out with friends, working out and meeting MORE girls.

    In the pick-up community, I know they refer to that one special girl as having "oneitis" and getting stuck on one person. They say the best way to get over it is to get with 12 other girls.

    It's really difficult, but surrounding yourself with friends and people who think the same as you will make the time pass quicker and we all know it takes a lot of time to get over tough breakups.

    I hope this helps
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  • Profile picture of the author JustinDupre
    Finding a new hobby.. hang out more with friends and learn more about yourself. Time and new love is a good way to get over a break up for me.
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  • Profile picture of the author Anish
    Let go of the past, stay in the present moment, focus on what you can control and realise that your time with ex is now over. A decision had to be made, and it has been made! Just because you're losing a lover in romantic sense, doesn't mean you're lonely now. Don't get me wrong, but I hate it when people (especially teenagers.. Or just teenagers, actually) whine saying "I'M LONELY !!!!". You are NOT lonely - you have friends who love you and support you. That's love too, and every true friendship-kind love means a LOT. And it doesn't end on friends... Then there's family who loves you. There are so many people who care about you, and if you think you're lonely, you need to wake up and count your blessings.

    As for the relationship not working out, oh what the hell.. Just like money comes, money goes... People, too, come .. and go.. We have to learn to accept change. If you think that things in your life are falling apart, it's only because Life wants you to experience something different, and something more - new good things will replace them. Hope is an amazing thing, trust me.
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  • Profile picture of the author Matthew Shelton
    Originally Posted by eddyjoy View Post

    Many people nurse injuries, grudges, bitterness from the breakup and I am not an exception. So I pause to ask.

    How do you get over a breakup/divorce?
    Focusing on forgiveness is the key to this, and here's the thing: the forgiveness doesn't matter if the person deserves to be forgiven, the forgiveness is for YOU. People talk a lot about "moving on" but along with that you have to make a decision and make a practice of every time you think on that person you consciously go through a forgiveness practice within your own mind - that will give you freedom to live in the moment. It is a process, that is for sure.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jamie Charles
    After the initial hurt, you'll be grateful for the time spent and the lessons learned. Good Luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Clara H
    I rationalise it. There was a reason you broke up, some sort of incompatibility. For example, if you argued a lot, you do not need that in your life. You are only alive once, don't waste it putting up with the things that make you unhappy. I don't think a few happy moments outweigh the frequent problems and bad moments. There IS a person better suited for you out there.

    I was engaged and a couple of months away from marrying a very abusive person. I loved him and thought that I had to marry him. And while I knew my life would be miserable, I tried to tell myself that I had got this far putting up with it and that there were so many nice things about him. How terrifying... I nearly destroyed my life because I was going to put up with something that made me very unhappy.

    How did I get over it?
    * Read self development books (can find them in the library) about getting over break ups, and also books that help you plan out what kind of relationship you want in the future and how to plan it.

    * Don't bottle up your emotions. Holding in strong emotions for a long period of time can lead to Depression. It is 100% okay to feel angry, sad, happy, scared, etc. I do strongly advise though, grudges will only hurt yourself and it is so important to learn to forgive. Both them and you (especially you)!

    * I personally had to see a psychologist since my case was extreme and I developed PTSD. But if you find the sadness is not going away, it is worth talking to someone who is objectionable, understanding, and highly trained to help you get out of that sadness. Remember, if something is making you unhappy, make serious action to eliminate it! Psychologists would get people coming in sad over their ex all the time, I bet.

    * Distract yourself by seeing friends and family, get into your hobbies, etc. Avoid harmful distractions, like getting drunk.

    * When you are ready for a new relationship, go out and find one. My method was to network with people via Facebook. Getting to know my friend's friends, finding new people who have similar interests to me, pretty much just expanding the people I knew so that eventually someone would come along that I clicked with. That's just my way of doing things, you may have other ideas.
    But while I was doing this, I also decided I was happy being single and the perks of that, and improving myself and my happiness and spirituality.

    I now have the most perfect partner for me. The most important thing? We respect each other and don't try to change each other. No possessiveness or jealously here. If you feel someone needs to be changed, they probably aren't the right person for you.

    Sorry for the wall of text, but that was what I did. I am now extremely happy with how everything turned out. I am so sorry about your break up, and hope that you feel better soon!
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  • Profile picture of the author Goldenboy
    I would admittedly say that it's not that easy to let go of something that is becoming a part of our life. But one way to do that is to keep your life occupied with things that makes you busy, like your job, sports activities, seminars, travels, hobbies and so on.. In this, it will make your mind busy and will not make you remember the sad past of your life.
    But this does not assured us that we can forget about what happened, it's just to make ourself busy for the moment. Since at the end of the day, the memories will definitely haunt us back before we sleep.
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Johnson
    I would to say the best way to get over an ex is to go out and do things that make you happy. Improve yourself physically and mentally and spiritually....go out and date or even just hang out with friends to get over the heartache
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  • Profile picture of the author Elkinton
    There is an eBook out there, in the distance, and I’m sure it will help you with your answers and more! The title alone say’s it all. All About Relationships: Keys, Styles, and Success. Check it out.

    All About Relationships Keys, Styles, and Success

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  • Profile picture of the author eddyjoy
    Thanks all for the great tips. I am sure this is what they call the wisdom of the crowd.

    In the same context, is there a chance that you may find yourself getting back to your Ex after forgiving them? What are the consequences of such a move?
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  • Profile picture of the author omoblessed
    The key to a successful marriage is tolerance. Infact, tolerance is the engine oil that keeps all relationships moving forward. There must be maturity in a relationship for it to toll the path of progress. What is maturity anyway? It means, the ability to tolerate. This is the reason why children are not encouraged to go in a marriage relationship, because they simply cannot tolerate.
    Tell yourself that you have the ability and capacity to dominate negative vices in a relationship. Once this is buit into your subconscious, then you can weather all storms in a relationship. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author magnates
    Originally Posted by eddyjoy View Post

    Love is the most precious thing that happened to mankind. The best feeling is to love and be loved in return. However, the very closest people that we love the most have the capacity to hurt us the most. Sometimes, it is bad enough to cause a fall out. Divorce and breakups have become like the order of the day.

    Many people nurse injuries, grudges, bitterness from the breakup and I am not an exception. So I pause to ask.

    How do you get over a breakup/divorce?

    Sorry about the break up but this is not the right place for this .This is not what this forum is about .
    Sorry dude
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  • Profile picture of the author Ben Armstrong
    Originally Posted by eddyjoy View Post

    Love is the most precious thing that happened to mankind. The best feeling is to love and be loved in return. However, the very closest people that we love the most have the capacity to hurt us the most. Sometimes, it is bad enough to cause a fall out. Divorce and breakups have become like the order of the day.

    Many people nurse injuries, grudges, bitterness from the breakup and I am not an exception. So I pause to ask.

    How do you get over a breakup/divorce?
    Bettering myself.

    Any major drama or loss in my life causes me to look at my shortcomings and work harder than ever on them.

    The worst break up I ever had resulted in me losing 25kg, quitting smoking, reading more, leaving a position at work I was unhappy with and finding a new one, finally buying my own house, starting IM and figuring out my purpose in life.

    Use tragedy as a trigger to dramatically improve your life and you'll never regret a moment.
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  • Profile picture of the author Joseph Robinson
    Banned
    I have to keep myself busy. As a matter of fact my first success online came because my girlfriend left me and I started working harder then ever to fill the void. Other then that I walk around a lot.

    Something to keep in mind is that its ok to let it hurt a little. That pain makes you human. Just don't take it out on the next girl.
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  • Profile picture of the author MobileNatalie
    Find a new hobby that will consume a lot of your time is my advice.

    Unfortunately the only thing which will heal this wound is time, and to pass time quicker, you need to find a hobby that you enjoy and will keep you focused on it rather than think about the pain.
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  • Profile picture of the author yushi1905
    IMO, applying no-contact rule, not through instant messages/calls/emails/Facebook/twitter/.etc helps a lot. You need to delete them and make sure that you have no way to contact them. It is not easy but it helps you a lot faster.

    Then of course, like others suggested, getting a new hobby, spend time with friends and others.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alfredo Carrion
    Yikes, it can be hard getting over an ex especially if you had a really deep connection with them and stuff. It also depends how well you split up - like whether it was amicable or a real cat fight. There's no hard rule on how long it takes to get over someone... everyone has their own "time".
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  • Profile picture of the author jennifermartinez
    When you are seeing someone you spend so much time with her that after it's over, you don't know what to do. The moment I had a break up I called up my friends and we hung out and had the best time. Ironically while my relationship with my ex was only 3 years, but with friends it's been 9 years already. That's why friends are forever.
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  • Profile picture of the author .
    Originally Posted by eddyjoy View Post

    Love is the most precious thing that happened to mankind. The best feeling is to love and be loved in return. However, the very closest people that we love the most have the capacity to hurt us the most. Sometimes, it is bad enough to cause a fall out. Divorce and breakups have become like the order of the day.

    Many people nurse injuries, grudges, bitterness from the breakup and I am not an exception. So I pause to ask.

    How do you get over a breakup/divorce?
    2 options

    1) Tequila

    2) a brand new Ducati 600 Motorbike

    I like more the 2nd idea.
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  • Profile picture of the author Gilearn
    One thing i learned from heart break is that most of the time we usually stop loving ourselves and love the other so when the other is not there we are not sure whom to love or even if you can love again.
    Learning to love yourself really helps a great deal because that is the only way you can love another.
    Give yourself a treat for you have neglected the YOU for a while. It is not easy and will not happen overnight but it is a discussion you will have to make.
    You also decide if you want to move on or wait and hope the other partner will come back to or fight back.

    Choose the BEST for yourself.
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    • Profile picture of the author Justin Hedge
      The fastest way to "get over" a relationship is to find someone else.
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  • Profile picture of the author etsuko23
    Learn playing an instrument you like; piano, guitar, cello..anything. or a new language? Meet new people and never think of confining yourself to your room or office itself...You have just one life..enjoy it..
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  • Profile picture of the author Susovan
    It is difficult to get over this.......a crack in mirror can never be mend...but still as life goes, time passes we tend to forget things but the under current remains somewhere deep in heart, that at times becomes active with some memories or when we visit some places or listen to a particular song..........eyes get wet...having said that there are situations where there is lack of reciprocation, one should get out of the bondage and try forgetting it so that his work and family life does not get messed up---

    Here are some simple tips.......

    1. Make a clear break-up
    2. Do not offer or accept a "friendship" after break up
    3. Keep all your temptations at bay and delete all the contact details that you had of your EX
    4. Clear off the personal things of your EX from your room, give away all the gifts that you received from your EX
    5. A divorce should not make you start believing that life has come to an end.......if your EX is not worried, sorry and emotional about it and does not show it to you and others, why should you mess up your life and other relations for a person like that??
    6. Keep your self happy--smile, forget not to laugh, listen to good quality pacifying music, attend seminars, write poems.....and do everything tha helps you to vent whatever emotions you have inside.........
    7. Spend more time with parents and old friends.......
    8. Talk about positivity of life
    9. Get involved in social work e.g. work for old age homes, street children etc.
    10. Try developing some new style and method of working in your profession.....
    11. always remember, you have to take yourself to a level where the person who, at some point in time turned his/her face from you, must have to look upward to have an eye contact with you

    I would be happy if this helps someone....
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    • Profile picture of the author jennifermartinez
      When you are seeing someone you spend so much time with her that after it's over, you don't know what to do. The moment I had a break up I called up my friends and we hung out and had the best time. Ironically while my relationship with my ex was only 3 years, but with friends it's been 9 years already. That's why friends are forever.
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  • Profile picture of the author samsmith2012
    Getting a new life and keeping myself busy. Thats what I always do every after the break up.
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  • Profile picture of the author sabreena
    Hello,

    Very nice blog...! If some wants to save from Love he has to get married...!
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  • Profile picture of the author Tessa Holmes
    Just get as busy as possible. Exercise (out of dreams about more beautiful 'You' after all that running or biking, or out of anger on your 'ex' - whatever works, use any energy that would keep your going) Just keep exercising. It gives you 'endorphins' - natural drug of happiness and source of good mood.
    Meet people - as much as possible - go out, go to movies, participate in some gatherings, invite friends over, cook some food for them, throw a party for your friends. Learn new things (lean some language, learn how to dance, learn to play guitar).
    Sign in for some college classes - this take a LOT of time and really takes away time from any grieving. I know it from experience.
    Make your life as full as possible and your will be ready to see new opportunity or new person when he or she will come into your life.
    Best wishes to you.
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  • Profile picture of the author kaidaiah
    For me, breaking up with an ex is harder than staying with an ex. Whether you realize it or not at the time, it really almost always is for the best. Forcing relationships seem easier to do for the short term, but will just prevent you from meeting the person that will truly make you happy.

    I know many people will not share my sentiment and it is just my opinion. I just feel when two people break up, its almost always for the best for both parties. No point in dragging out something longer than you need to.

    If you can visualize this mentality that it's for the best, it will be so much easier to look to the future and "get over" the past.
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  • Profile picture of the author nPromote
    Getting over a breakup is not easy and moving on never happens overnight. To get into a relationship soon can not bring any solace to you. First of all get rid of all her memories by destroying cards and gifts given by your ex. Give yourself some time, hang out with your friends, cultivate new hobbies. It will take atleast 6 months to an year to actually move on. And use this period to forgive that person.
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Ten
    Lololol. I think about how there are 3.5 billion other females so one of them might seem specially, but there are probably a million others that could seem just as special. Lolol.

    But if they do seem special, that does not at all mean that they are not actually specially... just do not get stuck on one. Moving on when necessary is totally alright, for better or for worse.
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  • Profile picture of the author Lane Bowers
    There is no quick answer. Neither is there a way to make the pain any more
    bearable.

    Seems there is a bit of thought on your part that has to go toward the issue, in
    my case anyway.

    It took me a while to get to where it didn't bother me too much.

    You don't want to be bringing it up all the time as that seems to make people
    around you become distant.

    When given a promise it hurts when the trust is broken, that's for sure.

    What I had to do was find something to occupy my mind so there was no
    space for it to be controlling me and my emotions. When I did that the hurt
    didn't go away but it lessened.

    As far as other relationships, it still has an effect on them. The experience makes
    you more sensitive toward others so you don't cross a line that may create a
    similar painful situation, for either of you.

    Boiled down - time and your own thoughts - that is how to get past the experience.

    Stay well.
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  • Profile picture of the author usnio
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    • Profile picture of the author The Content King
      Stay away from the person. Out of sight, out of mind. Work on yourself. Get to know yourself again. If this has been a long relationship, you probably think of yourself as 'us' still. It's time to get to know yourself, improve yourself and, most of all, it's time to like yourself.

      Then, send your ex poop in the mail. That always seems to work.

      I'm just kidding about that last part. Sort of.
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  • Profile picture of the author focused
    Time and distraction..
    Get involved in something that can benefit others
    and that will occupy your time.
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  • Profile picture of the author Longie
    Have you read "i can mend your broken heart" by Paul Mckenna?
    It's good work
    All the best!

    Neil
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    • Profile picture of the author ArthelJoyVallon
      Getting over an Ex is not an easy and instant process. According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross,there are five stages of grieving a person would have to go through before being able to truly "move-on" from their loss. The initial, and foremost common reaction is Denial, or the famous "This can't be happening to me" line of thinking. It's a common reflex reaction of people for them to be able to fully (and slowly) allow the event to sink in. Next is the Anger stage, also known as "Why Me?!" stage. This is the stage where thoughts of "getting even" with your ex comes in. I'd say, it's pretty much normal to be acting that way. As negative as it may sound, it is a way for you to get over your grief. Third is the Bargaining stage, where your thoughts would be centered on "If only I could turn back time" or something like that. Fourth would be the Depression stage, where overwhelming feelings of frustration, loneliness, and hopelessness occurs. This is definitely the stage where you need to keep yourself occupied with other things in order to keep yourself from looming over these thoughts. Feeling depressed is common, but that doesn't mean you have to let yourself sink into it. Last and definitely the most rewarding stage is the acceptance stage, where you accept your loss and fully decide with yourself that you are fully equip to move on and once again open doors for the possibility of finding and falling for someone new. The key element here is TIME, its bad to rush things, because you may end up making the wrong decisions. Be patient, keep yourself sane, and let time do the healing.
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      • Profile picture of the author tryinhere
        Originally Posted by ArthelJoyVallon View Post

        Getting over an Ex is not an easy and instant process. According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross,there are five stages of grieving a person would have to go through before being able to truly "move-on" from their loss. .
        why post re hashed crap thats already posted all over the web ?
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