Low on self confidence

31 replies
Its easier to speak!

I ve lost self confidence for a few reasons. Continuous failures, health issues, family problems, lost my dad.

I don't feel confident about things the way I was use to, on top of that all my kith n kin oppose me for doing online work etc.

What would be a practical tip from you that wud help me get out of this..
#confidence #low
  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Something you always have control over is how you respond to life's situations. Failure, especially, is something you can create a positive response to.

    I know it's difficult, however you can choose to look at failure as something that helps you succeed in life. Choose to look on the positive side of life. There is always a positive, you just have to find it.

    I once read that success is to be measured by the obstacles that one overcomes in life, rather than the result/achievement. Look at this time in your life as an opportunity to practice thinking like a "winner." Someone who simply will not accept defeat, and will keep thinking positively and will keep taking positive action no matter what is happening.

    Doing this should help your "opinion" of yourself.
    : )
    Signature
    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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    • Profile picture of the author brute77
      I'm sorry to hear about your loss buddy! Hope you are coping well.. it must be terribly hard to concentrate on work in such a situation. I'm sure you will fight back and get control of your life again - the question is how soon.

      and Jonathan said it best .. I wud probably say the same.

      Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

      Something you always have control over is how you respond to life's situations. Failure, especially, is something you can create a positive response to.

      I know it's difficult, however you can choose to look at failure as something that helps you succeed in life. Choose to look on the positive side of life. There is always a positive, you just have to find it.

      I once read that success is to be measured by the obstacles that one overcomes in life, rather than the result/achievement. Look at this time in your life as an opportunity to practice thinking like a "winner." Someone who simply will not accept defeat, and will keep thinking positively and will keep taking positive action no matter what is happening.

      Doing this should help your "opinion" of yourself.
      : )
      Nothing can fill the void of your loss, it's only natural to break down - Give yourself time.. read books, biographies,audios if you can't gather the energy to work. There will be a time when you'll somewhat get used to the void and start working and living life normally again.

      I only hope it is sooner than later.

      But when you do decide to get back up, use the following tips..


      .. Just remember, everyone goes through tough times ..losers give in and winners keep pushing.

      You can either sit and feel sorry for yourself or stand straight and declare to the world you're going to make things happen - no matter what it takes. and start working harder than what you did earlier.

      - Take massive action, 10 times more than what you usually do.

      - Take control of your mind before you proceed. - Load your iPod with some good audio programs and continuously listen to them. (Business,marketing, motivation.. any u like). If you're lazy, watch motivational videos on youtube atlst.

      - Make a list of all your accomplishments,assets,skill sets,contacts,projects - start exploring these list for new opportunities.

      - Declare your outcome loudly/write it down 10-20 times - then make goals backed with task list and start working on them immediately with all the energy at your command.

      - Look for new ways to make money - try 10 different things. Scale the one that makes some money. Abondon old strategies that made u money a year back, try new things - internet is evolving rapidly so should you.

      - In business you're going to make more bad decisions than right ones. But you only have to be right a few times to be successful. But those grandslams are placed far apart with a lot failures, adversities, learning & struggle in between. You can decide to quit,rest or keep walking depending on how bad you want your dream.

      Remember every project you're failing at, you are actually getting closer to your next grandslam victory. However if you quit or waste time - you're only Dalying your arrival at success. Losers quit during tough times and winner fight back and run harder

      - The most important key to success is "FOCUS". If you focus on your outcome hard enough, and put in everything you have got - you're going to get results without a doubt. Explore many things, but settle down with only one project and set a grandeous goal for it- a goal that you get Super enthusiasictic to work for. Then FOCUS ON IT and put all your energy,time,blood,sweat n resources into it - like it's your last chance to win in life. You either succeed or perish, You MUST MUST MUST succeed!

      - Forget complaining of low-confidence. Acting confident is your hand. Start acting confident and once things start rolling - you'll regain your confidence.. till then fake it if you have to.

      - Don't complain and ponder about all the sh**ty stuff happening to you. If you look close enough, you'll still find a lot of you things to be thankful for. Start practicing 'Gratitude' - it does help 'scientifically'.

      - Lastly, be a man. It's upto you. Talk yourself out of your situation - remind yourself that things are not as bad as they look.. it could have been MUCH MUCH worse.. Many people have lost all their weath,lost their limbs, imprisoned for no reason,born with severe conditions, become homeless,met with natural calamities .. things that would be impossible for us to even comprehend. They are also fighting life - so can you. Make best use of what you have, there is always a way.

      My wishes are with you.
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  • Profile picture of the author denharsh
    @Priyankeshu
    The good thing here is you are acknowledging your problem and now you facing low confidence because of the things/actions happened in the past...!!

    You have to keep your mindset clear that you can't change things which happened, but you can certainly decide how you want your future to be. What ever actions you will take now will define your future...

    I suggest you to start by making a small-list of problems which you are facing and start working on them one by one. There are many good motivational posts and stuff which you can read online and best place to start is lifehack.org or story written by people who were in your similar situation and overcome it....!!

    It's not going to be easy ride, but it's something which can easily be fixed by working towards it..

    You can't change things around you immediately, but you can improve the situation by focusing on what could be done and acknowledging stuff which is not in your control..!!

    Best of luck!!
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  • Profile picture of the author priyankeshu
    yea i know being persistent is the key. but i just wonder whoever who becomes susccesful do they cheer up all the times? I sometimes feel a lil low.. and fear a bit.

    im not very pessimistic or hopeless.. just a lil tired..
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Yeah I agree with Nic. Sometimes taking a break can be beneficial.

      I can only speak from personal experience, however as my self-esteem increased I stopped being worried and fearful as much. (And am happier generally.)
      Signature
      "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Profile picture of the author Nic Oliver
    I know that tired feeling - I'm now committed to spending most of my weekends away from the internet and from my online business, just to recharge my batteries.

    It took me a while to learn that happiness is an inside job - it's not what happens that matters but how we respond to what happens.
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  • Profile picture of the author bnorton2010
    It's likely that you have some nutritional deficiencies. You feel tired and you are having health issues? Well, it's pretty obvious then.

    I can tell you from personal experience that getting healthier will increase your confidence dramatically. It's one thing that so many people overlook, but it's absolutely essential if you want to be really happy and successful.

    Your attitude towards things is important also, but honestly, it's extremely difficult to think positively about things when your body is not healthy. If you're not eating healthy, your hormones and neurotransmitters will be way out of balance and you'll feel tired and depressed simply because you are not getting the vitamins and minerals that are essential for maintenance, repair, and normal functioning.

    I can't stress it enough. Get healthy and you will feel 100X better. That's no exaggeration either. Eat raw, whole fruits and vegetables. Get a juicer and start drinking green juice every day. Drink as much juice as possible. It will change your life.
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  • Seriously question your thoughts about all this stuff you described. Go to TheWork.com and answer the four questions with one of their facilitators. It's free and incredibly helpful.

    LLS
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  • Profile picture of the author Jeffery Moss
    Everyone has low points in life. Unfortunately, these things can build up to what seems like insurmountable odds. You need to chronicle every minor or major success you have from here on out. Start building yourself and your confidence back up by celebrating and enjoying the wins in your life. Also, list down what you think of as a failure. Are these situations something which you could have really controlled, such as losing a loved one or family troubles? Most likely, you would not have been able to stop these events, so now you are simply dealing with the fall out. Find ways to channel your stress so that you can cope and move on with life. If these ideas don't help, please consider talking with a registered counselor who can help you work through grief and stress issues.
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    • Profile picture of the author sitback
      I think most people can go through a low time in their lives, but you are already taking action to change by sharing on here, that is a big step.

      I have always found that reading self help books and material always lifts your spirits, and what you can learn from these can strengthen not only your confidence, but your belief in what you really can achieve in life.

      Happiness is not a result of success.
      Success is a result of happiness.
      And happiness comes from inside.

      Just remember that most people that we perceive as successful did not just have it fall in their laps, most of them had many failures before they finally saw success. So, never give up, you will make it.
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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
    Play more Duke Nukem 3d
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  • Profile picture of the author priyankeshu
    Thanks everyone for your kind inputs..
    Much appreciate it!

    Yes, reading books has helped me a lot. Also this forum and all the nice people here who come and share their experiences.

    What could I say? I just want to be persistent and hopefully come out of this mess, i don't want a lot to be happy, making small targets at the moment..

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    • Profile picture of the author wwidman
      Everyone has made some really great comments on the issue of low self confidence. We all deal with it. I've been doing a lot of self-development work and I'm coming to see that failure is not failure. It's truly an opportunity to reflect on what worked and didn't work. I'd like to suggest a site called Prolific Living. The lady that runs it gives great advice on increasing self-confidence. Good Luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author wwidman
    Everyone has made some really great comments on the issue of low self confidence. We all deal with it. I've been doing a lot of self-development work and I'm coming to see that failure is not failure. It's truly an opportunity to reflect on what worked and didn't work. I'd like to suggest a site called Prolific Living. The lady that runs it gives great advice on increasing self-confidence. Good Luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author joesfortune
    When my wife died, I went into bouts of depression that I had to see a doctor. He prescribed me anti-depression drugs which were very expensive. After taking two, I realized that my depression is caused by nothing but me. I stopped taking the drugs, and start changing me.

    I know that it may seem difficult. But it is all in the mind. Lack of self-confidence is not caused by anything external, but internal. Look inside yourself carefully and bring out the things that you are good at, that can make you feel happy and fulfilled.

    We may not possess everything, but we all possess something that is worthwhile, valuable and significant. Look for those things in you rather than the things you don't have.
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    Blogger and freelance writer. I belong to Ezine's Expert Author, Diamond, level. Visit me at
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  • Profile picture of the author bnorton2010
    Confidence does come from within. But that also means what you feed your body. When I started eating healthy, my confidence and mood skyrocketed. Do not overlook this aspect of self-improvement. Your mind can only take you so far if you are not giving it the nutrients it needs to function properly.
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    • Profile picture of the author Alchemist X
      I have confidence issues as well. I listen to motivational speakers, ministers, leadership coaches. And not the kinds you heard in high school; the world leaders. Zig Ziglar, Les Brown, Jim Rohn, Craig Groeschell, Dave Ramsey, people like that. I would start there.

      When I am having a crap day and feel like giving up, I'll look up an audio/video clip (Youtube, podcasts, their websites) and just listen to it while I'm doing something else. Often it will inspire me and I'll actually want to start doing something productive!

      Once in awhile they will say something that clicks in my brain and I have a mental paradigm change. These are those wonderful "eureka" moments where you can see your situation in a different light.

      Also, not sure if you are a man of faith, but looking for some sound and well-make spiritual content can do wonders for your life outlook. I enjoy reading Oswald Chambers and listening to people like Francis Chan.

      I hope that helps a little. Doing these things really helps me to ground myself and regroup my scattered and broken thoughts. There is no miracle or cure, but if we build momentum little by little we can get rolling again.
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    • Profile picture of the author Alchemist X
      Originally Posted by bnorton2010 View Post

      I can tell you from personal experience that getting healthier will increase your confidence dramatically. It's one thing that so many people overlook, but it's absolutely essential if you want to be really happy and successful.
      Originally Posted by bnorton2010 View Post

      Confidence does come from within. But that also means what you feed your body. When I started eating healthy, my confidence and mood skyrocketed. Do not overlook this aspect of self-improvement. Your mind can only take you so far if you are not giving it the nutrients it needs to function properly.
      This guy is absolutely right. Everything you put into your body (from food and beverage to shampoo, soap, and toothpaste) affects how you feel mentally, physically, spiritually.

      When I switched to natural and organic hygiene products and cut fast food, soda, and terrible junk snacks from my diet, I felt amazing. Now if I go back to eating any of that stuff I will feel sick. Wow! How did my body ever cope with that stuff?

      This also works the other way around. One of my favorite Ziglar sayings (not a direct quote, but an abbreviated version): If I were to come into your house and dump garbage on your floor you'd be really angry and talk about it for weeks. But we neglect to think about all the garbage we put into out minds daily.

      Your physical condition and your mental condition are so closely connected. If your body feels bad, that affects your mental state. And if your mental state is crap, then your body will react negatively.

      This stuff may not seem to be linked to confidence; and maybe it isn't directly affected. But it certainly does affect how you feel overall, and when you feel better overall it's easier to feel confident.
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  • Profile picture of the author blackbodhisattva
    1 Book I highly recommend and need to read again "The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem"
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  • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
    Originally Posted by priyankeshu View Post

    Its easier to speak!

    I ve lost self confidence for a few reasons. Continuous failures, health issues, family problems, lost my dad.

    I don't feel confident about things the way I was use to, on top of that all my kith n kin oppose me for doing online work etc.

    What would be a practical tip from you that wud help me get out of this..

    I can totally relate to what you're going through, on many levels. I rarely speak to my family because they're extremely negative about everything. It's not just about IM, it's life in general. There are some people that you can love very much but have no choice but to distance yourself from them or they'll bring you down too.

    Losing my Dad was devastating because he and I were very close, but that's been 20 years ago.

    Health issues have been a factor. I've finally come to the realization that my middle-aged body won't take the pounding that it use to. I have some nagging injuries that just won't heal and they're affecting many areas of my life, especially my sleep! I have to take prescription sleep aids in order to get any rest and even then I still sometimes wake up from a sudden jolt of pain.

    I have two minor surgeries later this year (at least) that will help some, but they won't address the main problems. I'm afraid that I may be stuck with two of the main issues permanently.

    As far as confidence goes, I'm actually more confident about the things I'm doing now than I have been in years. My problem is that I'm burnt to a crisp. I really need some time off, but we simply can't afford it.

    I started my first business in 2000 and it ended badly. It was totally my fault. I made poor decisions and ended up gradually sinking.

    I started a second offline business in late 2001 that was doing very well for awhile, but it went under practically overnight when the war in Iraq began.

    I started another business doing something similar in 2004. It did alright, but was never the same as the one before. I saw the writing on the wall as the recession approached and dove headfirst into online marketing.

    I lost one of my children a couple years later. That was devastating. Unfortunately, there was no time to stop working. Bills still had to be paid.

    I wrote hundreds of articles which resulted in a steady affiliate income. I also joined Gauher Chaudhry's "Pay Per Click Formula" and was doing well with that, but Google chose to shut down my Adwords account (along with 15,000 others) and I lost around 75% of my income overnight.

    I continued writing articles and after the Google "Caffeine" update I was doing well again. Unfortunately, when they did the "Panda" update my income dropped like a rock - again.

    I managed to sell what remained of my profitable sites for a nice sum and made more by building and flipping several sites. That got me through much of 2011.

    I finally broke down and started an offline business part-time again in 2012 in order to make ends meet. Six weeks after I began I got hurt - again. Frozen shoulder syndrome. It was locked up tight and freaking excruciating! Sleep was almost impossible.

    After a few months of physical therapy I had one session to go. I thought it was finally over. Nope. I accidentally fell while walking my son to school one year ago this month and re-injured the same shoulder I'd just rehabbed. Torn labrum. Heavy sigh...

    Stuff happens, man. I apologize for the long sob story. That wasn't my intent. I'm being genuine when I say that I really do "get it". I should be working right now but I'm in here playing hooky with all of the other bad "Warriors". :-)

    I know that these are only temporary setbacks. As I said, I know exactly what I have to do now. I just need to find some balance in my life and start taking better care of myself.

    Oh, and I now send my wife ahead to check for holes when we go on walks. It's worked really well so far. :-)

    Keep your chin up, my friend. Don't allow anything to steal your dreams. The word q**t is not in my vocabulary.

    Take care,

    Joe
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  • Profile picture of the author Natasha2003
    Sorry to hear about your lost and glad to hear that your hopeful.
    Just know your not alone in this and we ALL have have ups and downs. Life is filled with temporary things, people etc. Its not about the number of downs, its about having the strength to get back up. If you believe in God, you will know that His words are real and gives us hope. Learn to love again. Learn to love life again. Learn to love yourself again. That's where it starts. *Hang in there*
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  • Profile picture of the author C G Tsang
    Grab a Tony Robbins program and take action.

    You'll learn how to control your state and respond to life's situations better.

    Cheers,

    C.G.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rigpa
    I remember when I was 6 years old and learned to ride a bike. I fell of that thing hundreds of times and hurt my self, but I didn't see that as failures - I said to my self that every time I fell off the bike I became a little better.

    And some day it actually worked. I think it is often so that success builds on a series of attempts. We have to practice before we can master.
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  • Profile picture of the author zenxseo
    G8 read , After reading all the post felling inspired.

    Thanks to Every one
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  • Profile picture of the author jburns
    Great stuff I've been there and it's easy to ignore what your body is telling you. Typically we process negative emotions as something terrible and we just say let me get re-motivated. This is only going to bring you back to that again until you address it.

    I bought tony robbins, paid a lot of money to go to an event and then was faced with same challenges and crashed and burned again. The key is to listen to what your body and mind is trying to tell you at the moment.

    Emotions communicate to us on something deeper. Listen to them...

    Get the book memory in the cells by Luis Diaz. Once you heal and remove the negative beliefs you will become empowered and it will be lasting change. hope this helps
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    Read Emmet Fox, Joel Goldsmith and especially Raymond Charles Barker's essay, You Can, in his book, How To Be Healthy, Wealthy, Happy which is available at amazon.com.
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    • Profile picture of the author robitay
      Dear Priyankeshu,

      I posted an article on my website entitled Remedies for Low Self-Esteem.

      The link to this article is as follows:
      Remedies for Low Self-Esteem5 Springs Media | 5 Springs Media

      I hope this article provides you with some helpful information that will support and guide you.

      All my best,
      Bob
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      • Profile picture of the author glenda neal
        It's soo much harder to succeed when your loved ones don't believe in you or lost respect for you because they're not seeing results while your desperately finding ways to make money online. They probably see you sitting at your computer for hours and that's all they see.
        At least your taking a chance! If your passion is to succeed online somehow but don't know where to start, well your not alone. We're all here hoping, searching, learning, failing, helping, supporting, advising even to feel some love from all the wonderful members of this forum. We can only inspire you to take action. The flesh is weak so you must push to stay strong! We ALL must leap into the unknown to find our own calling!
        You know, sex always sells & do mobile too. You'll be happy and make money, your family on the other hand... Lol
        Just keep keepin on! We're all roootin for ya!
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  • Profile picture of the author awesummer
    When everything is falling apart, the tendency is to be depressed, feel down and loose your self confidence. It's okay to feel that way, it's pretty normal. Just let yourself be depressed but you also have to know when it's time to get up and start to build your life again. Just solve your problems one problem at a time.
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  • Profile picture of the author hleun005
    Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Arun Chandran
    Priyan... self-doubt, failure, difficulties and all are the cornerstones of success. The oyster without the irritation is not the oyster that produces the pearl.

    To shine like a diamond, you gotta be willing to get cut like one. Stay strong and keep moving.
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