30 Most Humorous & Profound Quotes on 'Money'..

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“Money can’t buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.”

“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” – Albert Einstein

“Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” – Oscar Wilde

“It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.” – Jerome K. Jerome

“When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Behind every successful man you’ll find a woman who has nothing to wear.” – Harold Coffin

“Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.” – Al Bernstein.

“Every successful enterprise requires three men – a dreamer, a businessman, and a son-of-a-bitch.” – Peter McArthur

“The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.” – Johnny Carson

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” – Bo Derek

“If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.” – H. L.Mencken

“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.” – J. Paul Getty

“I was so poor growing up … if I wasn’t a boy …I’d have nothing to play with.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.” – James Baldwin

“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you’re being miserable.” – Clare Boothe Luce

“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” – J. Paul Getty

“Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.” – George Burns

“Money won’t make you happy... but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” – Zig Ziglar

“When a person with money meets a person with experience, the person with the experience winds up with the money and the person with the money winds up with the experience.” – Harvey MacKay

“In order to get a loan you must first prove you don’t need it.” – Murphy’s Law:

“Making money is a hobby that will complement any other hobbies you have, beautifully.” – Scott Alexander

“An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.” – Oscar Wilde

“If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.” – Albert Einstein

“All great discoveries are made by mistake.” – Young’s Law

“We all agree our theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?” – Niels Bohr

“The way to succeed is to double your failure rate.” – Thomas J. Watson

“Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.” – Howard Aiken

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.

“Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.” — James Gilmore Backus

“”Success produces success, just as money produces money.” — Diane Ackerman
#humorous #money #quotes
  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    I have seen some of these before but they are still all good, some funny and some profound.
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    • Profile picture of the author brute77
      Originally Posted by laurencewins View Post

      I have seen some of these before but they are still all good, some funny and some profound.
      You are right, they are more Profound than funny..

      thnx
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    the republican jesus thing is rather offensive..democrats are generous with other people money and stingy with their own..

    And jesus had no problem paying taxes

    anyway as for the quote .. very good

    when i get famous and get quoted

    "money may not buy happiness , but it does buy relief from the misery of having no money"

    " money might not buy you love ..but very few women will leave a many stricly because he has too much money"

    "there is only one way to get rich ..get richer. and one way to be porr get poorer ."

    the quote explanation it doesn't matter how much money or wealth you have ..if the amount is going up you might look poor but you are getting richer ..if the amount is going down you can look rich ..but your getting poorer .
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    • Profile picture of the author master reseller
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      "money may not buy happiness , but it does buy relief from the misery of having no money"
      Money is good for the practical things in life as it can buy you things to make your life more comfortable. Also, it hurts to be hungry.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
        Originally Posted by master reseller View Post

        Money is good for the practical things in life as it can buy you things to make your life more comfortable. Also, it hurts to be hungry.
        True. Good point. You can also do amazing things with money. (Like helping people less fortunate than yourself or setting up a Foundation/Organization.)
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        "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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    • Profile picture of the author JessUBotNinja
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      "Money won't make you happy... but everybody wants to find out for themselves." - Zig Ziglar.
      This may be my favorite one, as it is so irrevocably true. How often we see people with all the riches they can dream of, but there is something very serious missing from them.

      Find your own happiness without the money and when you get it, it will just be an amazing added bonus.
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  • Profile picture of the author damiensuccess
    I'll be honest,,, a few I kinda like..
    By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
    In many cases this is true,,, not all of course.. I feel this would apply more on a supervisor or management level.
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Those are good...made this one for my new book the other day...

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  • Profile picture of the author copymyideas
    Thank you for spending the time to compile these.
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  • Profile picture of the author Trey Morgan
    Thanks for sharing. The majority of those quotes are new to me.
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  • Profile picture of the author brute77
    Not funny but a great quote..

    "You always know how much money you have,but you never know how much time you have. Always Value your Time" ~ Anonymous
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    • Profile picture of the author kris01
      Originally Posted by brute77 View Post

      Not funny but a great quote..

      "You always know how much money you have,but you never know how much time you have. Always Value your Time" ~ Anonymous

      I'd say I liked this one best...it is good people remember time is our most valued asset...
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  • Profile picture of the author MarshaWheeler
    Here are some that I absolutely love:

    "Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so" — Josh Billings LOL!!!!!!

    "This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt" — Earl Wilson

    “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope

    I despise the Lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit on the head by a passing asteroid — Brian May

    "I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died" — Malcolm Forbes

    “If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” — J Paul Getty

    I TOTALLY DIG THIS ONE:
    "Hobbies cost money but interests are free" — George Carlin
    RIP CARLIN. You were the best hands down.

    “It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle

    I am so sure all the ladies will agree with this one:
    From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash — Sophie Tucker

    “We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.” — Keith Davis

    This one rings true:
    “If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.” — Katherine Hepburn

    “What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain LOLLLLL!

    To all of us internet marketers:
    “Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.” — George Burns
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    • Profile picture of the author terrabethbytes
      Originally Posted by osamaye360 View Post

      Money is a spirit; not the cash in your hands.
      Spirit? Don't you mean "energy? I have heard of money being energy that you vibrate alike to. You have to be on the same frequency as money to attract more of it rather than repel it.

      Anyway this might not be funny but it rings so true to my ears ""Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time." - Jim Rohn

      Here is another gem, "If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to." - Dorothy Parker

      And this is how you get more and more money into your life - "What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us." - Julia Cameron
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  • Profile picture of the author oceania
    "A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." - Bob Hope

    "Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money." - Robin Williams (hahahha....Robin Williams is so hilarious!)

    I love the TRUMP, here is what he says...."Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game." - Donald Trump
    That man is a legend!!!

    "Money is the best deodorant." - Elizabeth Taylor :-))
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  • Profile picture of the author FrasserBeecroft
    Great post. Made me laugh and is a good way to end the week :-)
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  • I find these money quotes inspirational. They might not be a laugh out loud type but they are worth remembering:

    "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work." - Robert Orben

    "Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one." - Benjamin Franklin

    "Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail" - Richard Friedman

    "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." - Earl Wilson

    Enjoy!
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  • Profile picture of the author magnoliap
    James W. Frick said it best, "Don't tell me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money and I'll tell you what they are."
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  • Profile picture of the author kourtney1987
    What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us
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  • Profile picture of the author Clyde Dennis
    One of my favorites:
    Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. –Jim Rohn
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  • Profile picture of the author MrTwoFister
    Quite a few of these were new to me, Thanks for sharing.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    i have a new perspective on the money buying love and happiness

    as the money i have gotten just a few weeks ago even though it was not a lot of money was enough to get me and the women i will most likely marry together with no money worries for six month at least .
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    • Profile picture of the author brute77
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      i have a new perspective on the money buying love and happiness

      as the money i have gotten just a few weeks ago even though it was not a lot of money was enough to get me and the women i will most likely marry together with no money worries for six month at least .
      Glad to know.. Money is Freedom, isn't it?
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  • Profile picture of the author loftloft
    I love finding money in my clothes, it's like a gift to me....from me...

    Borrow money from pessimists, they don’t expect it back.

    There are people who have money and people who are rich. ~Coco Chanel

    And here's a little joke... An oil sheik says in a gallery: I really admire Picasso. There is nobody who was able to sell oil so expensive.

    Finally, here is a good money quote...We may see the small value God has for riches, by the people he gives them to. ~Alexander Pope
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  • Profile picture of the author Noctilus
    Originally Posted by loftloft View Post


    And here's a little joke... An oil sheik says in a gallery: I really admire Picasso. There is nobody who was able to sell oil so expensive.

    That cracked me up...totally made my day! hahahha...
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  • Profile picture of the author GloriasRosse
    Wonderful list though, I want to add one here.

    “Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.”
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    • Profile picture of the author micalo
      My favorite is
      “No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.”
      ― Margaret Thatcher
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  • Profile picture of the author Imfactsandsecrets
    Banned
    That's awesome. I will format it properly, take a print and keep on my desk. I especially loved the second one - I guess we'll never know how "theory of relativity was born". LOL
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  • Profile picture of the author RVS3
    "Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity" hahahah
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  • Profile picture of the author Pilotben
    Originally Posted by brute77 View Post

    "Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it."

    "Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination." - Oscar Wilde

    "It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do." - Jerome K. Jerome

    "When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth." - George Bernard Shaw

    "The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money." - Johnny Carson

    "Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." - Bo Derek

    "If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some." - Benjamin Franklin

    "Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one's wife's sister's husband." - H. L.Mencken

    "Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did." - James Baldwin

    "Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable." - Clare Boothe Luce

    "If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem." - J. Paul Getty

    "Money won't make you happy... but everybody wants to find out for themselves." - Zig Ziglar

    "In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it." - Murphy's Law:

    "Making money is a hobby that will complement any other hobbies you have, beautifully." - Scott Alexander

    "An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all." - Oscar Wilde

    "If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." - Albert Einstein

    "All great discoveries are made by mistake." - Young's Law

    "The way to succeed is to double your failure rate." - Thomas J. Watson

    "Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats." - Howard Aiken

    By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

    Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.

    "Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success." -- James Gilmore Backus

    ""Success produces success, just as money produces money." -- Diane Ackerman

    Excellent
    These are my favorite ones, but the "Catch a man a fish" one takes the cake.

    Good one
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  • Profile picture of the author fdebvrg
    Here I would like to add some I like:

    "Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time." - Jim Rohn

    "Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves." - Albert Einstein

    "Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort." - Helen Gurley Brown

    "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." - Woody Allen

    Enjoy!
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  • Profile picture of the author Awesomeinside
    Nice collection!

    thanks for sharing them!
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    "Never, Never, Never Give Up" /Winston Churchill

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