Husband doesn't want a cat

11 years ago

This won't end well.

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MissTerraK 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

This won't end well.

For her, her husband, or the poor cat.

Terra
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- Dan Riffle 11 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by MissTerraK
  
  For her, her husband, or the poor cat.
  
  Terra
  
  All three and this thread.
  
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  1 reply
  
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  Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.
  
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  Cali16 11 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  All three and this thread.
  
  Not to mention the child they're planning to adopt in a year.
  
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  If you don't face your fears, the only thing you'll ever see is what's in your comfort zone. ~Anne McClain, astronaut
  
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butters

11 years ago

I assumed when you got married that you kinda agreed to talk about big decisions in each others life instead of doing what ever you want knowing that it won't exactly make your other half happy?

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Cali16

11 years ago

Originally Posted by PinkVelvet

What do you guys think?

Lying to your husband and going behind his back isn't a solution. It also strongly suggests that you have far more serious problems in your marriage than you're willing to admit. You seem to be far more interested in what you want than treating your husband with respect by being open and honest with him. That's a huge red flag in any marriage.

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marketingva

11 years ago

Have you lost your mind? You're clearly having marriage problems hence the lying and disregarding the needs of your husband and you're trying to adopt a baby. This has nothing to do with a cat (and don't get a Sphinx unless it can live in the house... they cannot stay warm themselves and need frequent bathing).

This has everything to do with your emotional problems and you need to see a therapist before you get a cat or baby and disregard their needs like you do to your husband.

Bonnie

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Kay King 11 years ago

Never mind the marriage - what a miserable existence for a cat. Do animals a favor - and don't get one.

I feel like there is something missing in my life and have had 2 miscarriages - we won't adopt until next year but in the mean time, a cat would make me so happy.

No, it wouldn't. No person or animal can MAKE YOU happy - that comes from within. With this kind of "all about me" attitude - you may not be married by this time next year.

Or maybe you are just full of it and putting us on?
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MissTerraK

11 years ago

Originally Posted by PinkVelvet

What do you guys think?

Quite honestly, I think you are selfish and immature.

My husband loves cats also. I had a very slight allergy to them but we had two cats anyway because I love them too. But my allergy kept getting worse and worse until one day, I had a severe anaphlyactic allergic reaction and almost died.

Needless to say, both his cat and my kitty were gone by the time I got home from the hospital, the ducts in the house were cleaned and the whole house professionally cleaned. My husband did that because he loves me. We both still miss our cats.

He would never risk my life by getting one anyway. I can't believe you love cats more than your husband and would jeopardize his life for your selfish wants and quite frankly, I feel sorry for him!

Terra

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PinkVelvet

11 years ago

Thanks for all the advice everyone, it has helped me a lot.

Well, when I first started dating my husband, I made it clear to him that I was looking for someone who could tolerate a cat in the future and he said it wouldn't bother him. He was even in my house, in the same room as my kitten without any allergy issues. Now I don't understand why he say's no. I'm not sure if you can develop allergies or or born with them so not sure if he is just saying that...

As far as our relationship goes, we've been together for six years now and get along great. He's a wonderful man but I feel that someone else deserves to be with him.

I just sat down with him and had a long discussion. I've made a choice that I prefer to be with someone who can tolerate a single cat- it's not like I'm asking for multiple. I don't want him to be miserable if I have a cat in the house so I told him that I plan for divorce. We have a few other differences going, cultural wise and it is something I didn't think about when I was younger. We've already seen a marriage therapist with no luck - the lady is wonderful but I just can't get him to open up. My husband doesn't want me to leave but it's something I feel I need to do. It seems like we are falling out of love but this will be for the best.

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MissTerraK 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

This won't end well.

Originally Posted by MissTerraK

For her, her husband, or the poor cat.

Terra

Told ya!

Terra
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Cali16

11 years ago

Originally Posted by PinkVelvet

I'm not sure if you can develop allergies or or born with them so not sure if he is just saying that...

People can develop an allergy to something at any point in their life. It happens all the time, and has a lot to do with immune functioning, gut health, and other issues. That doesn't mean he's being honest, but it's certainly possible.

Originally Posted by PinkVelvet

As far as our relationship goes, we've been together for six years now and get along great. He's a wonderful man but I feel that someone else deserves to be with him.

It's interesting that you say you "get along great", and that he's a "wonderful man", but prefer a cat over him - especially when it sounded like what you really wanted was a child... I'd say count your blessings if you have a spouse you can say those things about. But, it's your life and your decision.

As for marriage therapy - a lot of men find it difficult to open up in couple's therapy, especially if they feel "pushed" to go (I'm speaking from years of training and experience in clinical psychology). What I highly recommend, for what it's worth, is that you work with a therapist one on one before going through with divorcing your husband. I suspect there are underlying issues that you're not dealing with (based on what you've said here), as well as unrealistic expectations regarding marriage and love.

You can get a cat any day of the year. Finding another spouse you can describe as "wonderful" and with whom you "get along great" is not such an easy task.

Whatever you decide, I sincerely wish you the best.

Edited to add one more thing: If you do get a cat, please be prepared to make a long-term commitment. I've had two cats live to 18 years, and the cat that's still with me just passed the 19.5 year mark. Too many people think pets are a "fun for now" thing and don't realize that these precious animals deserve a big commitment in terms of loving and taking care of them (and yes, they're totally worth it!)

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Kay King

11 years ago

we've been together for six years now and get along great. He's a wonderful man but I feel that someone else deserves to be with him.

Or maybe he deserves to be with someone else?

I'm not sure if you can develop allergies or or born with them so not sure if he is just saying that...

And you haven't bothered to find out? It's easy information to find if you wanted to know about it.

Adult onset allergies:
Why can you suddenly become allergic to, say, cat dander? Because if you have a genetic predisposition to this allergy, it can take years of exposure before your body starts making IgE antibodies.

One thing is clear: Unlike children, who sometimes outgrow allergies, "if you develop one as an adult, chances are you will have it for the rest of your life," says Beth Corn, MD, chief of the Allergy/Asthma Clinic at New York City's Mount Sinai School of Medicine. No one knows why.

This isn't about a cat. It's not about your husband 'opening up'.

It's about you and what you want. You are splitting up because you don't want to be there any more. Own it - but don't count on a poor little cat to fix your life for you. That's asking too much of any pet.

Good luck to you - to your husband - and, please, stick to stuffed animals till you get your life together.

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sbucciarel

Banned 11 years ago

Originally Posted by PinkVelvet

Thanks for all the advice everyone, it has helped me a lot.

Well, when I first started dating my husband, I made it clear to him that I was looking for someone who could tolerate a cat in the future and he said it wouldn't bother him. He was even in my house, in the same room as my kitten without any allergy issues. Now I don't understand why he say's no. I'm not sure if you can develop allergies or or born with them so not sure if he is just saying that...

As far as our relationship goes, we've been together for six years now and get along great. He's a wonderful man but I feel that someone else deserves to be with him.

I just sat down with him and had a long discussion. I've made a choice that I prefer to be with someone who can tolerate a single cat- it's not like I'm asking for multiple. I don't want him to be miserable if I have a cat in the house so I told him that I plan for divorce. We have a few other differences going, cultural wise and it is something I didn't think about when I was younger. We've already seen a marriage therapist with no luck - the lady is wonderful but I just can't get him to open up. My husband doesn't want me to leave but it's something I feel I need to do. It seems like we are falling out of love but this will be for the best.

Good grief. You went from wanting to sneak a cat in and adopting a poor child in the future to dumping your husband because he doesn't want a cat.

He would do well to kiss you goodbye as quickly as possible so that he can find that "someone else who deserves him more."

Thank goodness you didn't adopt yet or have a child.

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Richard Van

11 years ago

I'd love to be in the courtroom when the reason for the divorce after 6 years is the husbands unwillingness to have a cat when the poor blighter can't park his equivalent of a cat, his car, in the building that specifically designed to hold a car.

I'm joking, I'm joking.

Out of interest, was a discussion ever had to have a cat and a dog?

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Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

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HN

Banned 11 years ago

[DELETED]

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Richard Van

11 years ago

Originally Posted by HN

Hm, low IQ jokes still common here? I'm out ...

Please try harder HN, you're such a bad troll.

I'd love to see what you consider a high IQ joke too, in fact I'd love to see you even attempt to tell a joke.

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Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

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WalkingCarpet

Banned 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Richard Van

Please try harder HN, you're such a bad troll.

I'd love to see what you consider a high IQ joke too, in fact I'd love to see you even attempt to tell a joke.

Why did the chicken jump into da wormhole?

Thanks
1 reply

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Richard Van

11 years ago

Originally Posted by WalkingCarpet

Why did the chicken jump into da wormhole?

I don't know, but WC, you're far clever than HN, so I'm sure you could pull it off no worries. You have a sense of humour you see.

Now why did the chicken jump into the wormhole?

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Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

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WalkingCarpet

Banned 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Richard Van

I don't know, but WC, you're far clever than HN, so I'm sure you could pull it off no worries. You have a sense of humour you see.

Now why did the chicken jump into the wormhole?

Cos worms are mighty tasty to a chicken?
Or was it cos he wanted to really get to the other side??

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HN Banned 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Richard Van

I don't know, but WC, you're far clever than ...

That is an award winning grammatical construction. Only used 19 times in the history of man. Why should I even attempt a joke?
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- Richard Van 11 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HN
  
  That is an award winning grammatical construction. Only used 19 times in the history of man. Why should I even attempt a joke? You are a joke. i.b.u.
  
  Try harder HN. The objective of a successful troll is to annoy people, not amuse them like you do me and everyone else.
  
  Try harder and you may be successful at what you spend all your time online doing.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...
  
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  HN Banned 11 years ago
  
  [DELETED]
  
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  Richard Van 11 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HN
  
  You thought I was interested in your reply. You are so cute.
  
  I certainly am cute, I had a feeling you liked me.
  
  For the record whether you read my replies or not is irrelevant to me, as are you and if you're not interested in my replies, why have you decided to respond in you're usual socially unacceptable way to almost all of my posts today?
  
  Because you are interested. Go on, admit it, you love me.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...
  
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bizgrower

11 years ago

Wish you the best.

My sister did something similar to adopting a child to attempt to "save" her marriage.
They figured if they had a big project to work on that it might help.
It does not work that way.

If you decide to continue to make the marriage work, please don't adopt a kid or a cat
until the both of you and your relationship are on solid ground.

Dan

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"If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

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WalkingCarpet

Banned 11 years ago

Originally Posted by PinkVelvet

I've bothered my husband over and over about getting a cat. However, he says he is allergic to cats but would put up with a dog.

I've had cats all my life and prefer them because they are easy to train and aren't as jumpy as dogs are. I was actually thinking of getting a Sphynx cat which is the hairless breed so that way his allergies wouldn't bother him. I feel like there is something missing in my life and have had 2 miscarriages - we won't adopt until next year but in the mean time, a cat would make me so happy.

I told my husband that I'm in the process converting the garage into a room for myself but in reality, it will be a nice room for the cat. He thinks it's just a room for me and not for a cat. He's not allowed to park his car in there so he keeps it outside.

So next month I am going to put my Sphynx cat in there and hopefully he won't notice. The door is always going to be closed so she can't get into the house. I'm also moving my bed in there to stay with the cat for a few days. I'm sure my husband will miss me and just have to come in and get used to it.

What do you guys think?

Does he have firearms??

Thanks

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HeySal

11 years ago

What I think is that this whole situation sounds so f***ed up that I can't even consider it's real. If it is, forget couple's therapy and go get a shrink.

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WalkingCarpet Banned 11 years ago

Originally Posted by HeySal

f***ed up

Tut tut. Too much Nature there me thinks.
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alistair

11 years ago

I think you're making a mistake. I'd get two cats not one.

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johnben1444

11 years ago

Personally, i don't like cats as well and if i get to find out my wife is doing the same thing, i really don't know how i will react but i know it's not gonna end well.

I would advice you try to bring your husband into the picture and also see how if your choice of cat may be non allergic to him.

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sbucciarel

Banned 11 years ago

Originally Posted by PinkVelvet

So next month I am going to put my Sphynx cat in there and hopefully he won't notice. The door is always going to be closed so she can't get into the house. I'm also moving my bed in there to stay with the cat for a few days. I'm sure my husband will miss me and just have to come in and get used to it.

What do you guys think?

The allergies are from dander ... not fur, so a Sphynx wouldn't necessarily be any less allergenic.

In addition, I think it's really unfair to bring a cat to a home to be a pet and leave it in the garage. Cats deserve to be around the people in the household and loved and socialized by all in the home. You can't really think that your husband won't notice at some time.

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graeme_pc

11 years ago

Your crackers!

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travlinguy

11 years ago

I think you got things backwards. Build a nice little space in the garage (or the yard, perhaps) for your husband and then have the cat indoors with you.

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Husband doesn't want a cat

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