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Question about Hoarding

by DJL
8 replies
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I know a lady who is a hoarder.
She seems to be normal otherwise.
I wonder if this should be consider a harmless eccentricity, or is it more likely a disorder that can and should be treated professionally?
  • Profile picture of the author Cali16
    It depends on the severity of the hoarding, and whether or not it's interfering with her life. Hoarding disorder is a very real psychiatric disorder. It used to be diagnosed as OCD, but now it's a separate disorder. However, it's not uncommon for hoarders to also meet the criteria for OCD.

    But not everyone who hoards meets the criteria for the disorder. Some people just collect or accumulate a lot of junk, and then never get around to going through it and getting rid of some of it.

    Hoarding disorder is an especially difficult disorder to treat successfully, and many (if not most) mental health professionals lack the expertise to treat it (and can sometimes do more harm than good if they go about it the wrong way - I've seen it happen). Ideally, someone with this disorder should work with a psychologist or psychiatrist who either specializes in treating it, or who at least has a lot of experience in treating it. Even then, treatment isn't always successful.

    If her hoarding seems pretty serious, encouraging her to at least have an evaluation would be the place to start (if you have some clout with her, but don't expect her to be receptive to the idea). Many (if not most) hoarders don't seek treatment, and they tend to be defensive about and resistant to anyone getting in their "stuff" (even if they know their behavior is abnormal). They can be fiercely protective of the things they are hoarding, as they have a very strong emotional / psychological attachment to their stuff. And some feel ashamed or embarrassed and will avoid seeking help as a result.

    If there's a safety issue (hoarding can be a fire hazard as well as a potential health hazard) then the authorities may need to be contacted to do a welfare check (especially if there are minors, elderly, or other vulnerable individuals living in the home, or if the person is hoarding animals).
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      An excellent post Cali and I'm glad you don't keep these things to yourself.
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    • Profile picture of the author DJL
      Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post

      ...
      If there's a safety issue (hoarding can be a fire hazard as well as a potential health hazard) then the authorities may need to be contacted to do a welfare check (especially if there are minors, elderly, or other vulnerable individuals living in the home, or if the person is hoarding animals).
      I really appreciate your very thoughtful response.

      The lady's husband, being partially disabled (recovering from a stroke), is, I believe, somewhat endangered by her hoarding. However, he is rather cowed by his dependence on her, and unwilling to "rock the boat".

      They have several adult children who live nearby, but who apparently take little interest in their welfare.

      My dilemma, as an outsider, is that I would be very reluctant to embroil them (or anybody) into the clutches of any government agency except in a case of immediate, dire emergency.
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      • Profile picture of the author Cali16
        Originally Posted by DJL View Post

        I really appreciate your very thoughtful response.

        The lady's husband, being partially disabled (recovering from a stroke), is, I believe, somewhat endangered by her hoarding. However, he is rather cowed by his dependence on her, and unwilling to "rock the boat".

        They have several adult children who live nearby, but who apparently take little interest in their welfare.

        My dilemma, as an outsider, is that I would be very reluctant to embroil them (or anybody) into the clutches of any government agency except in a case of immediate, dire emergency.
        DJL, I completely understand the dilemma in this type of situation. The sad thing is, when the "authorities" get involved, they don't always handle these situations very well and it can be very traumatic for the individuals involved.

        One thing you could do (considering her husband's welfare may be at stake) is contact a local mental health agency to see if there is a mobile mental health team (or person) who can come out and assess the situation. Some larger metro areas have a mental health mobile assessment team (it's usually affiliated with a county agency).

        That would be ideal in this situation, if such an option is available (a lot of places simply don't have the budget). If not, then you could express your concerns (which are certainly legit) and see if they have any suggestions in terms of helping this couple.

        Unfortunately, there may be no way around the Department of Human Services (DHS - that's what it's called here in Oregon; it might be called something else where you live) getting involved in this situation because of the husband's health issues and her potentially endangering his welfare. And sadly, that could get ugly and traumatic, similar to when children have to be removed from an unsafe living situation.

        The woman's husband is certainly in a catch22, and I wouldn't be surprised if the adult children stay away because of their mother's issues (and likely years of conflict over her hoarding).

        It's one of those things where nothing tragic may happen, or something tragic could happen and you'd wished you had contacted someone (I'm not saying that to pressure you; rather out of understanding your dilemma). That's a tough situation for you, and only you can decide if you want to get involved or not, knowing there could be a bad outcome if you do, and a potentially worse outcome if you don't. It says a lot about you that you're concerned and want to do something to help.
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  • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
    I am not sure whether you can do much.

    I have a similar situation with a relative who hoarded so much stuff in her apartment that she started sleeping in the streets (probably a 24hr McDonalds). We called the police who broke into her apartment. They were concerned that there was so many stuff that someone could be trapped in there. They got the fire services and environmental protection agency to take a look. Eventually, they cleared out most of the stuff.

    When the relative found out about it, she was livid and refused to talk to us again. In fact, she disappeared completely. The police knew where she was but didn't tell us. They contacted a psychiatric hospital but they refused to take her in because they haven't seen her. This was not what we expected as there was clearly something wrong with her. But we can't help but to think that our intervention made things worse.

    I don't know what the Government services are like in the US. But the fact is that she has her husband and children around and that might make them less likely to intervene.
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    • Profile picture of the author Cali16
      Originally Posted by derekwong28 View Post

      This was not what we expected as there was clearly something wrong with her. But we can't help but to think that our intervention made things worse.
      I'm so sorry that happened, Derek. Unfortunately, these types of situations are often a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" try to help. I wish it wasn't like that. But please don't blame yourself; you couldn't possibly have predicted how things would turn out (no one ever can).
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Originally Posted by DJL View Post

    I know a lady who is a hoarder.
    She seems to be normal otherwise.
    I wonder if this should be consider a harmless eccentricity, or is it more likely a disorder that can and should be treated professionally?
    Good stuff from Cali and Derek as usual, and what they posted do give you
    forewarning about what might happen.

    It seems like it's something you want to talk about with a local professional as
    well as her husband. Husband first so he knows what might happen.

    Maybe nothing you can do, and/or maybe it's not technically
    hoarding. We don't know how much stuff and what kind of stuff
    you're talking about.
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    • Profile picture of the author DJL
      I will try to enlist her husband and one of her sons to confront her about the problem.

      They are the two people with whom she has the strongest relationship, and would probably be most likely to influence her.

      I have heard too many horror stories about how Adult Protective Services, and Child Protective Services likewise here in Texas, blunder into family situations and make things worse for all concerned.

      My approach will be that of dripping water onto a rock. I know it will take time, but I think it may work better in the end than knocking heads together.
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