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My son (11) found his great aunt (70) deceased. She is like a second (truly the only) mother figure in his life. They like to tease and scare each other, it's their "thing". He thought she was napping or playing possum so he jumped in her bed, that's when he realized something was off. He thought she was in a coma, then he realized what the truth was. I don't know if I will ever get over the noise that came out of his mouth. Within the span of five minutes, he went from weeping to rage. It's been a few days now and he seems ok. I was worried about his dreams, but so far so good. Her funeral is this Saturday and he made me promise to hold his hand and not let it go when we are there. This is not covid related at all. We have to wait for an autopsy because she was in good health and just had a check-up a few weeks ago and was told she was good. So needless to say, this is a shock to everyone.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine since childhood wrote some craziness on his Facebook page and then went down into his basement and hung himself.
His daughter just had a baby three days ago. Crazy. One of the things that got to me was that he posted that nobody knows the pain he has had to deal with for the last forty years and that he has never known a day in his life where he wasn't depressed.

We have traveled together, done business together, the godparent thing, etc, and he never once said anything. I wonder why he did not trust me enough so that I could have tried to help.

I called one of our other lifelong friends who is part of that click and he tells me that, he cant come to the funeral because he is in Pennsylvania trying to get some stuff handled, I asked him what and he starts crying and then tells me he was raped three times as a kid by a priest, so he went to go confront that priest and he died last year, so he instead tried to talk to the archdioceses and was kicked out and stonewalled. I asked him why he doesn't just sue and he said that the church declared bankruptcy a few years ago, so there is no point.

The real crazy part about that story is that he said he told four other men he trusted like me, and they all told him it happened to them too. Wow, just wow.

When it rains it pours.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jamell
    How many other people have experienced things like this and haven't mentioned it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Ken -


    I think children go through the entire grieving 'process' much more quickly than adults do...they have less baggage. I had a similar experience when I was about 9 or so - and though to this day I remember that experience clearly...it's a memory, not a trauma. No matter how hard we try to protect our children, life teaches us lessons whether we're ready or not.
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  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post

    My son (11) found his great aunt (70) deceased. She is like a second (truly the only) mother figure in his life. They like to tease and scare each other, it's their "thing". He thought she was napping or playing possum so he jumped in her bed, that's when he realized something was off. He thought she was in a coma, then he realized what the truth was. I don't know if I will ever get over the noise that came out of his mouth. Within the span of five minutes, he went from weeping to rage. It's been a few days now and he seems ok. I was worried about his dreams, but so far so good. Her funeral is this Saturday and he made me promise to hold his hand and not let it go when we are there. This is not covid related at all. We have to wait for an autopsy because she was in good health and just had a check-up a few weeks ago and was told she was good. So needless to say, this is a shock to everyone.

    Meanwhile, a friend of mine since childhood wrote some craziness on his Facebook page and then went down into his basement and hung himself.
    His daughter just had a baby three days ago. Crazy. One of the things that got to me was that he posted that nobody knows the pain he has had to deal with for the last forty years and that he has never known a day in his life where he wasn't depressed.

    We have traveled together, done business together, the godparent thing, etc, and he never once said anything. I wonder why he did not trust me enough so that I could have tried to help.

    I called one of our other lifelong friends who is part of that click and he tells me that, he cant come to the funeral because he is in Pennsylvania trying to get some stuff handled, I asked him what and he starts crying and then tells me he was raped three times as a kid by a priest, so he went to go confront that priest and he died last year, so he instead tried to talk to the archdioceses and was kicked out and stonewalled. I asked him why he doesn't just sue and he said that the church declared bankruptcy a few years ago, so there is no point.

    The real crazy part about that story is that he said he told four other men he trusted like me, and they all told him it happened to them too. Wow, just wow.

    When it rains it pours.
    Sorry to hear this. That's a big "wow" sequence of events to happen in a short space of time. Sometimes life is like that. I was divorced and my father died within 30 days for example.

    At least your great aunt died quickly and probably peacefully in her sleep. No long term suffering. Possibly a heart thing. Quite a traumatic experience for your son I can imagine. Was the second person suffering from physical pain and became depressed or was he just depressed? In which case you may never know what caused it.

    As to the third, what a thing to bottle up all these years, but at least he sorta exorcised it a bit by letting the church know.
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post

    I asked him what and he starts crying and then tells me he was raped three times as a kid by a priest, so he went to go confront that priest and he died last year, so he instead tried to talk to the archdioceses and was kicked out and stonewalled. I asked him why he doesn't just sue and he said that the church declared bankruptcy a few years ago, so there is no point.

    The real crazy part about that story is that he said he told four other men he trusted like me, and they all told him it happened to them too. Wow, just wow.

    When it rains it pours.
    This will sound cold. I don't mean it to.
    I think most everyone goes through these same traumas.

    My sister was raped at 16. i was raped at 12. My brother was murdered. Several relatives have committed suicide, one murder-suicide, a couple of relatives died in their sleep in their fifties. My parents, aunts, uncles, sister and brothers are all dead.

    I think most people have stories like that. In fact, these stories are inevitable.

    And like Mark said, your aunt sounds like she led a good life and brought joy to others. Dying peacefully in your sleep at 70 isn't the worst way to go. If your son seems over it, he's probably just about over it.

    My guess is that just about every person in their 50s has had enough trauma and death in their lives to write a book.

    We are all just affected by it to varying depths and durations.
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  • Profile picture of the author Serene Carmen
    Sorry Ken, individually these are traumatic experiences, it is a lot to go through all of them at once.

    We have traveled together, done business together, the godparent thing, etc, and he never once said anything. I wonder why he did not trust me enough so that I could have tried to help.
    You should not blame yourself for not being able to help, no good can come of wondering what if.

    All you can really do is be there for those that need you right now (your son, the family of your friend and your friend who just opened up to you about his traumatizing experience).
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  • Profile picture of the author Diego Aguirre
    I sincerely hope thing will get better because these are very heavy subjects, coming your way all at once.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ession Vision
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    • Profile picture of the author Grexo
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      • Profile picture of the author Serene Carmen
        Wow thats bad. Best not to click on any links!
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        • Profile picture of the author Grexo
          Agreed. And I usually don't. In hindsight, I'd say my guard slipped after reading this thread. Take care.
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