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Cheryl.

by Claude Whitacre
26 replies
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Well guys...


About an hour ago, I left the Hospice Care Center here in Wooster Ohio.

My dear wife Cheryl passed away today after a 2 year long bout with cancer. (corrected)

I have to say, I wouldn't wish this trauma on my worst enemy.

She was the most decent and kindest person I've ever known, and it as a real privilege to have her as my wife these past 37 years.

Anyway, I thought I would post this. I wish you all well. I'll come back when I'm, more myself.
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  • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
    So sorry to hear this, Claude. My thoughts are with you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Truly terrible, dreadful, awful news. Prayers for you and your family.
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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      Claude my heart truly breaks for you. I know how special she was just you talking about her!!

      My prayers and thoughts go out to you my friend
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Singletary
    Claude, I am so sorry. I hope that you can find peace in this time of sorrow. Make sure you take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you.

    Mark
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  • Profile picture of the author DWolfe
    Claude, so sorry she passed away. Please take care of yourself. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Condolences, to your family.
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  • Profile picture of the author Monetize
    Dear Claude,

    You have my deepest condolences.

    To Cheryl, Rest in Peace.

    Having lost my husband a little over four years ago,
    I can tell you that you will never get over this loss,
    but you will get used to it.

    You will need time to recover from the stress of the
    past few years, in addition to the major loss, so try
    to eat well and stay hydrated, sleep will be difficult,
    so sleep whenever you can even if it's just a nap.

    Stay close to your family and friends.

    Let us know if you need anything.

    Or just to chat.

    We are here for you.
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    Monetization Skool
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Monetize View Post

      Dear Claude,

      You have my deepest condolences.

      To Cheryl, Rest in Peace.

      Having lost my husband a little over four years ago,
      I can tell you that you will never get over this loss,
      but you will get used to it.
      I'm so sorry you went through that. It's a pain I wouldn't want anyone to go through.

      It was about a year ago that the oncologist told us that she wasn't going to get better.

      So for the past year I cared for her. She was concerned that she was a burden on me. I often told her that I loved taking care of her, and that I would never stop loving her.

      Earlier today, I needed to take a taxi to pick up my car (for service) at the dealership.

      The driver told me he took the job just to get away from his wife.

      I felt bad that he didn't want to spend as much time with her as possible.

      Cheryl and I worked together all day at our store (and other businesses), And then spent all evening together. I don't remember once raising my voice to her in anger.

      She cared about me more than herself, and I cared more about her than myself.

      The joke is that I did something wonderful in a previous life or she did something terrible in a previous life, and either she's my reward, or I'm her punishment.

      I've never met anyone like her. I'm a lucky lucky man.
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      • Profile picture of the author discrat
        wow, never raising your voice in anger in 37 years is a rarity these days!! It's truly a testament that you two were destined for each other , and you were and are a truly lucky man to have had the privilege in being a part of Cheryl's life
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by discrat View Post

          wow, never raising your voice in anger in 37 years is a rarity these days!! It's truly a testament that you two were destined for each other , and you were and are a truly lucky man to have had the privilege in being a part of Cheryl's life
          That doesn't mean she never raised her voice in anger at me.

          Maybe every few years, I'd say something that just hit her the wrong way, and she's get mad. But it never lasted the day, and .....upon reflection....I'd know what I said that angered her.

          But we had something in common. We both hated drama. I can't remember an argument we ever had. If we didn't like the same thing, or believed a different way, we just talked through it.

          For example, she believed in ghosts, and I don't. But I never teased her about it, or tried to convince her otherwise.. I think I asked her about it once or twice. And then let it go.

          Hurting her feelings was the last thing I wanted to do.

          And I once told her this....if there is a multiverse, and there are thousands of me running around on different Earths...some got married, some didn't. Some are rich, some are poor, and a few are in jail. I really believe I am in the best of all the worlds, because I met and married her.

          I know I'm grieving, and you may think I'm saying these things because I miss her, and I do. But I've thought this way for decades.

          I still find myself, several times a day, starting to talk to her, and then realizing, mid sentence, that she's gone. It's going to take a while to get used to this.

          And her family, and you guys, are making it more tolerable.

          Thanks, everyone.
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          “Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.” - Matsuo Basho
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          • Profile picture of the author ExRat
            Hi Claude,

            Just came across this thread and wanted to send best wishes and strength to you from the UK. Every post I've read from you on this forum over the years suggests to me that you're a lovely person. All the best mate.
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            Roger Davis
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          • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            I still find myself, several times a day, starting to talk to her, and then realizing, mid sentence, that she's gone. It's going to take a while to get used to this.

            And her family, and you guys, are making it more tolerable.

            Thanks, everyone.
            A while, yeah, to be sure.

            Meantimes, when you speak this way, she is not gone.

            & here is momentum.

            Converse freely.

            No mid sentences.

            Is this 'tolerableness'?

            I would hope so.

            Warm wishes from Moi.

            As in warm, soothin', u gonna be Ok kinda stuffs.

            You don't gotta say evrythin' here.

            Hey, but jus' keep talkin'.
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

              A while, yeah, to be sure.

              Meantimes, when you speak this way, she is not gone.
              .
              That's something I'm going to choose to believe. Thanks Guys.
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      • Profile picture of the author Monetize
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        The driver told me he took the job just to get away from his wife.

        Some people do not know what they have until it's gone.

        When I lost my husband, besides being left alone, I lost
        somebody who loved me dearly.

        I cannot compare the mental anguish and heartbreak
        that I endured with what you are going through, but I
        think that you will have a much more difficult time.

        This is because you were married for nearly forty years,
        which is a lifetime, it's hard being alone after that much
        time being married.

        I was married and divorced during my teenage years
        and after that I lived alone until I got married again at
        the age of 47. By then I was completely independent.

        I had bought a house and cars by myself, and anything
        that needed to be done I did it myself. Alone.

        I knew my husband for about 20 years before we were
        married, and we were married for 14 years. We were
        both retired and so we spent every day together.

        He was about 25 years older than me, he had multiple
        diseases and ailments from his military service years,
        and although we cannot predict the future, we both
        knew that he would likely predecease me.

        He passed away at the age of 85, which was a miracle
        that he lived so long because of his poor health.

        Those last years were weekly trips to various doctors,
        several hospital stays, nursing home/rehab facilities,
        and taking care of him was a full-time job which I did
        with pleasure.

        Knowing the inevitable outcome did not make things
        any easier when the time came.

        Anyway, I am here for you if you ever need a shoulder.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ringtones Top123
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you strength and prayers.
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  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Truly sorry to hear of your loss. You had a long and happy life together though and hope you can keep your reminiscences upper in your mind as to the great and positive times you had.
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    She was spared most of the horrible pain we were expecting.

    A week ago, we were talking like husband and wife. And then she rapidly lost her ability to speak, hold a fork, or even swallow water. The last few days, she was unconscious, and we had her transferred to a Hospice Care facility. They had 24 hour care, and I hoped, they could make her more comfortable than at home. It's a beautiful facility, and the care was excellent. I spent most of that night there, talking to her...hoping she could hear me.

    She passed the next day. Her sister and daughter were there with me all that day. We saw her pass...an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone.

    I'm grateful she wasn't in pain. And the facility and staff were professional, caring, and empathetic.

    Lots to do today. All painful, but necessary. Her family is the best, and have helped when they could. The last couple of weeks, it was obvious we didn't have much time left. And nearly every day, someone was there to help me out at least for a few hours.

    I couldn't have asked for a better wife and partner. She made me a better man. And I never knew it was possible to feel such a sense of loss. It hit me hard, as it did the rest of her family. The entire time she was suffering from this disease, her main concern was how it affected me. I've never met anyone like her.

    Anyway, I appreciate the sentiments. I know most of you have gone through something like this.
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  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    This is sad news, Claude.

    All who have lost forever feel for all who have lost.

    So you have more people with you than may speak in this forum, or meet with you in person.

    You have always spoken so fondly of Cheryl, and I believe you know she will always be with you.

    And friends and fam are especially receptive to what may be most helpful for you today.

    It may seem selfish to consider yourself in all of this, but you must.

    So take good care of yourself, Claude.

    In all that you contribute here, it is clear you are a kind and generous person.

    I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you well -- always well.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post


      It may seem selfish to consider yourself in all of this, but you must.

      So take good care of yourself, Claude.
      So that's what you really sound like.

      I've had several people (mostly her family) tell me the same thing.

      But I'm fine. Heartbroken, but functional. There are so many things to take care of; Where do I donate her clothes, glasses, and tons of care items we had to buy (or were provided as part of her treatment.).

      I have to cancel credit cards, transfer automatic deductions to a different checking account, call lots of friends, and more.

      Her sister and daughter are selflessly helping me out with the details, and much of the real labor. But I know this has hit them hard as well, and they have their own families to think about.

      Her whole family (5 brothers and sisters) are decent, kind, generous people. I'm a very lucky man. But many of them live out of state, or are too disabled (nearly all are in their late 70s or 80s).

      I know I come off as gregarious, but I'm really a very private person. Cheryl was my whole world. And I keep catching myself talking to her,(as though she is in another room) forgetting for a second, that she isn't here anymore.

      But worry not, I'm eating and am getting some sleep. Believe it or not, it helps that we have two cats. Someone to take care of.

      It's weird. The last couple of months, I had to do everything for her. Cook, clean, shop, serve meals, take her to bed and help her get dressed and bath.

      But she was still my wife. We still had each other, and I would have been happy like that for 20 more years, and told her so often.

      But now the home is quiet. No laughter from her or myself. No smiles from her to make me happy. I'll still be here. It just won't be much fun. I'm not interested in dating. It wouldn't be fair to her, and It would never be as good as what Cheryl and I had. We just wouldn't have the time to build that relationship. And....I'm an acquired taste. So no dating sites for me.


      Anyone who has been happily married a long time would know how this feels. I've met several (being an old fart myself), and now I know how they felt.
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  • Profile picture of the author art72
    Sorry for your loss Claude. 37 years together is an amazing achievement, as I am sure you both built a ton of experiences and memories together! May she now rest in peace. Be strong and cherish all that you both shared. Godspeed!
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Sorry for your loss Claude,

    I have been lurking here more often recently to see if Mark showed up and figure out what is going on with Discrat?

    We are all more or less in the same boat or my Mother is getting on in years also, but l am hoping l can buy her a country estate with cleaners, cooks and a gardener, etc in the coming years.

    Take care.
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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
    I'm sorry to hear this Claude. You have my sincere condolences.
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  • Profile picture of the author misterme
    I haven't been on this forum for years. Only just now checked in because my password was breached and wanted to change it. And I'm so sorry to hear the sad news, Claude. You have my deepest sympathies.
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Well, in case someone here ever goes through this...
    Here is what has to be done. Or rather, here is what I had to do.

    Take her off my auto insurance.

    Put her car title in my name.

    Cancel several of her credit cards. In my case, also cancel her checking account.

    Cancel her health insurance.

    Social Security already knows about her death. But you need to contact them to arrange any benefits or changes in you own account.

    Arrange cremation (if you don't use a funeral home), buy monument. arrange details with cemetery..

    In my case, I also had to arrange donating her clothes( her sisters and daughter weren't her size), donate her art supplies, donate her medical supplies and equipment.

    And in my case, also arrange for her one sister and daughter to come over and decide who gets which painting from Cheryl. Cheryl was an accomplished artist.

    And...I have to submit her life insurance forms. I've already cancelled my own life insurance.

    I was surprised at how easy this all was.

    A pleasant surprise this morning was getting a mailbox full of cards from our customers here locally.

    Thanks for all your comments guys.
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    “Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.” - Matsuo Basho
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  • Profile picture of the author NelsonKriegTravel
    Sorry to hear. We've been down that road before. Prayers for you and your family!
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  • Profile picture of the author Elliothayes
    I'm really sorry for your loss. No one is ever ready for something like this, and a long battle with cancer takes such a huge emotional and financial toll. When my uncle went through hospice care, I remember being shocked at how much the insurance covered in some areas and then barely covered in others. It's one of those things you don't really understand until you're forced into it.

    Please take all the time you need. Wishing you strength in the days ahead.
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  • Profile picture of the author Hayordeyji
    So sorry Claude, my prayers are with you
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