Why Do Men Cheat In Their Marriages???

Be careful up on that high horse, its a long way to the ground.

According to many, men aren't wired for a single partner lifetime relationship like a marriage. Some men are able to align themselves with what society dictates, some can't.

Ain't that the truth.

I get that people change. That still doesn't mean they have to cheat.

To some degree, except even when I'm not there they don't eat shoes, poo in the house or fight...not confident about the butt licking and toilet fountain.

The expectation remains whether I am there or gone. Even a dog gets that. Shouldn't be that hard for a married man to remember his marriage vows.

I did and did so willingly and quite happily.

Sometimes it's nice to have a few folks close that you trust. It's also nice to be able to share life with others. Sex is about 5% of marriage yet it can overshadow the other 95% if people let it. I'm not saying it isn't important, but intimacy can and does occur without sex. Likewise you can have sex with absolutely zero intimacy.

Marriage can be a gamble. That's why it's so important to choose a partner wisely and nurture that relationship every day.

My marriage is an equal partnership. I think all that survive the difficulties life can present have to be. I don't know if it will survive the rest of our lives, but I have no regrets if it doesn't. I've gotten out of it exactly what I've put into it.

I would and did! Works well for me!

MissTerraK

lol, who said I was leaving?

I'm not sure where the other stuff is coming from. If she wanted out of our marriage and I had done nothing wrong, she would not be entitled to any more of our collective wealth than she would normally be entitled to. Custody of the children would also be shared equally. Men only get hosed in a divorce if they screwed up. If the woman screwed up, her hosing will be less...I will grant you that only, but she will still be treated in some form of a punitive manner.

As for the ring, it wasn't that big. It's the rings that follow that get progressively larger so starting small is my best advice.

Sorry, Michael, that is just BS. My mother married her second husband when I was 30. They were married just over 10 years. He was self-employed and worked "off the books" for his entire adult life. Claimed a loss, or barely any gain on his taxes every year. My mom worked hard, provided him with insurance, and built up her 401k from work.

When they divorced, he took half her savings, half her 401k, and their house had to be sold to pay for HIS debts, and his tax penalties when the state came after him for sales taxes. He kept his rolls of cash that he had stashed everywhere, and his house that he had before they married.

Mom bankrolled him for 10 years, and then had to pay him to get rid of him.

Getting screwed is not restricted to husbands.

Well I've never cheated in a marriage or relationship so I guess I don't know the answer to the question.
I had many chances (wish I had them now) but when I commit to a relationship that's it.

Things are very different these days:

We split those pretty evenly - especially when you include cutting the grass, shoveling the snow, trimming the hedges...my wife hasn't picked up a lawn and garden tool in the 11 years we've been together

She actually does all of it. But before she wrestled mine away from me (and she did) I did my own from the time I was 11 until we moved in together at 35. In my first marriage, I did my own there too.

I am lucky - I get to work from home. But even that's more evenly split these days considering the amount of women/mothers inn the workplace today.

I'm afraid men have no say in that one.

Sorry, not sure i understand this one. I am as concerned about pleasing her as she is about pleasing me.

Actually, pretty evenly split there two in my house.

Not nearly as many palimony as there are alimony. And if the divorce % numbers are skewed, what ARE they? You didn't mention... I can tell you that in my family, I was married twice - divorced one (50%), my wife was married twice, divorced once (50%), my father was married twice, divorced once (50%)...

And before you call us dysfunctional (which I am sure we are ) most of the people I know and have met in life have similar history somewhere in their families. In fact, these days it's getting fewer and further between seeing people celebrating 20 years, 30 years, etc. Sad, but that's what I have seen.

I think that was meant to say that infidelity CAUSES a lot in divorce. It was one of the causes in my first marriage.

She cheated. I didn't.

Thanks Michael. I wish I could say I was that good of a wife... But unfortunately since I work so much, my wonderful husband ends up doing 80% of the cooking and laundry. I feel terrible about it but no matter how much I plead, he wont wait till Im home to let me do some chores

Brilliant Heysal!

We are programmed from birth to behave in a certain way.
"To thine ownself be true" is preached but not practiced.

"Selfishness" in a negative context, is in direct contrast to any living creatures instincts.
If a marriage takes work, then it should not be.

"I want something else" or "I'm not happy where I am" to work at living up to a "vow"
is lying to yourself and your spouse.
If you truly love someone then you must be honest with them.

I don't believe in cheating for the simple fact that if I want someone else then it's time for a divorce.
Get out, and get in on the hunt.

Ex Rat, there's no other way to say it but that sucks. I think it's horrible when anyone uses their children against the other person. I had similar difficulties when my ex had my son living with him and his new girlfriend screwed with my life. I didn't even know where my son was for almost a year because they left state without telling me. Took me a long time to track them down.

Tina

Just wondering, how do you prove this either way? Hmm?

Gee, even DOGS suspect, analyze, expect, assume, etc...

So the garbage that you CLAIM people have, animals certainly have to the SAME degree!

Of course, people DON'T really know what another is thinking. HECK, I LONG felt this one guy was just a greedy JERK! I thought that based on a few things I heard. It turns out he was FAR worse. What I thought he was guilty of was merely the first crowbar, but MAN what he pried off. OK, maybe you say I am jealous, and OTHERS knew better. Well, he didn't get one penny directly from me, but MANY people paid him their life savings! Companies paid him to advertise. Banks paid him HUNDREDS of millions!

In case you haven't heard of him: Lou Pearlman - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Of course, he is one of MILLIONS! Many wars are FOUGHT on misunderstandings, or failure to know what one is thinking.

Steve

Any woman that has been married 3 times definitely knows by now to snoop on her husband. So anyways, you had better prepare for number 4 after she finds this post.

Hi thebraceygroup,
And if she IS snooping, you better hope she sees that last word as a typo

Hi skyfox7,

I don't know if that is really gender specific, but I do think that it's a fine balance for a woman. I'm sure you'd agree that the opposite is also true - if a woman doesn't deny their partner ever, then the man will possibly assume that she has low self-worth and therefore he will not appreciate it. Personally, I need a woman to make me 'earn it' in order to nudge me to do the little, but important things that make the experience worthwhile for them.

Without the nudging, I probably wouldn't bother, as I am a man. Why bother with a candlelit dinner when one isn't required?

Hi Patrician,

Don't women sometimes do the same to get what they want, too?

Honesty prevents the situation which is the subject of this thread.

If people were true to their feelings instead of trying to deny them(Religion) or make apologies for being what they are and their desires(apologizing for the fact that they find women attractive) the world would be a much happier place.

Most guys are desperate and come from a scarcity mentality so indeed they will try and lie to get a woman into bed. I have always been a natural with women and have never felt the need to lie, I am a very open person and besides, I will not waste my time on women who are afraid of their sexuality or who have low self esteem.

Except for the last part about bets are all off, this is actually quite a accurate statement, indeed supplication is a very big turn off for both men and women and this is what will ultimately destroy a relationship and lead to cheating because the other partner loses respect for the one supplicating and refuses to have sex with them.

I always get asked if I am a player because I do not supplicate to women as they naturally expect that because every other guy in the club tries to buy them a drink and bowl to their every whim that I am going to as well.

Gold diggers do the same thing only they are doing it in the hopes of monetary return.


I never say "I love you" because it is selfish, or at least not in that context, plus it sub-communicates that she has my testicles which will kill her attraction for me. Incidentally, when guys say this stuff, drama and testing and bullsh*t from the woman usually follow.

Women also have a habit of saying 1 thing and then doing something completely different as well. Hence I do not treat what women say when they are in an emotional state with any seriousness as I know that 10 mins later she will be saying something else or happy again.


Again, your ignorance shows, you assume it is impossible to love more than 1 person. And your assertion that I see women meat is completely unfounded and wrong, again your ignorance talking.

I encourage female sexuality, not oppress it which is typically what alot of desperate dateless guys do even other women such as yourself who assume that women who are involved in open relationships are sluts and hookers.

I pity you

If one of my girls finds a really nice guy who turns her crank and she wishes to become exclusive with him, I am happy for her, I'l even perform the wedding.

I do not believe that you own another persons body which is one of the many reasons why I choose not to engage in monogamous relationships because that is what it implies and the selfish and often times unrealistic expectations it sets.

I said there are always exceptions but in my experience and that of alot of other naturals I know, more often than not, the reason for not having sex is complete BS and a manipulation attempt.

Hence if a guy has any self respect he will kick that woman to the curb and find another more worthy of his time if he perceives it as a manipulation attempt.

I do not put up with BS from women and I live a much happier life because of it and so do the girls I see.

The problem for most guys is, they don't know the difference.

Despite my age, 21, I have been around the block a fair few times, played into the little mind games women play with men to turn them into pussy little b*tche's and I refuse to play ball.

This was the point I was trying to make above, evidently I did not word it correctly.

Though to make it clear, if you enter a monogamous relationship and you go behind a persons back and lie and deceive them about it then you deserve what happens to you. And as the male of the relationship, it is your responsibility to lead by example and end the relationship.

Also, you would have to be the first woman I have ever heard that actually agreed that if a woman intentionally holds out that she wares part of the blame for the breaking down of the relationship.

Indeed, but that depends on what you are sacrificing, again self respect is not something I will give up no matter how pretty the woman may be or how much she believes she is gods gift to men.

Isn't that the truth. And it takes mature people to have such a relationship.

I've seen the following quote used to define maturity & self discipline...

"Doing what you're supposed to do, when you're supposed to do it, regardless of how you feel"

I don't know who said it originally, but it sure makes sense.

Because when it comes to relationships, women live in a fantasy world.

A world where:
Marriages just work themselves out
Wife beaters really do change
Druggies/alkies clean up for love/marriage
Cheaters are always 'the other guy'

I disagree with cheating on someone you love. I have a '68 Ferrari that was my brother's. I take great care of it and drive it with extreme care. As sick as it sounds, I love my dead brother's car.

There is nothing on Earth that would make me drive it into a brick wall at 120 mph and it's just a car. If necessary, I could probably replace it.

I could never replace my family and that's pretty much what you're driving into a wall at 120mph when you cheat on your spouse.

Not to be too graphic, but I've had some pretty good nookie in my day and even a few since. Know what I have to show for it?

nothing

"Sex" between two humans is no more significant than sex between two whales, two donkeys or two mice.

It has no worth

This is my last post on this thread.

I never said it was the woman's job, again poor wording by me if that is your interpretation, obviously if you are completely disgusting, unclean, ungratefull etc, as iv pointed out earlier, you cave in to the usual relationship BS from women and show a complete lack of self respect and you don't make any effort to keep her attracted, then good luck having intimate relationship with any woman.

also, if you don't take some time to invest money into yourself to learn to be a good lover in the first place, most guys don't, then that will kill your partners will to have intimate relations with you as well. But that is nor representative of the majority.

In response to your question about this manipulative behavior being common, yeah, in fact its quite rampant even outside of marriage. I'm not going to go into a psychoanalysis of positive and negative re-enforcement which is what this behavior is.

sex is usually the first thing to go in marriage, its been well reported and documented, I only have to look at some of my older friends marriages, even my parents to see it happening, its really quite sad.

But hey, if you are a male with a low sexual drive, then obviously this behavior wont bother you. Just remember she will get Bord of you sexually very quickly and eventually and start getting some on the side, assuming she doesn't divorce you beforehand.

Theres an old saying we have in the poker world: Its cheaper to learn from other peoples mistakes.

Hi,

The same point I commented on and disagreed with previously from post# 35 -

From today's news

Summary -

Admittedly, the original husband was wealthy. But still, his ex-wife lies about her co-habiting and he gets taxed for life by them as long as she refuses to marry her new partner.

From page 1 of this thread -

Getting on an airplane flown by people we've never met kind of flies in the face of every human instinct yet we do it every day. From a biological perspective, it makes no sense at all. "Here is my life bad hair guy in a bus driver uniform. I trust you fully since I've never met you and it's possible you have narcolepsy and drank a fifth of something for breakfast."

Do you chase your dinner? Do you kill your male offspring? Where's your biology?

I don't know why everyone gets married, but I doubt it's a single collective reason and hence your argument is 100% dookie.

Bull****. That's just one of several pseudo-intellectual evolutionary garbage born out of opinionated framework that fits within an ideological paradigm.

Do men get tired out of ejaculation? Sometimes.

Is that so the woman can escape and get another partner?

Not unless you like making up bull****.

In most cases, the FEMALE puts the responsibility on the male, or the MALE leaves. In SOME cases, the female even KILLS the male. If the females needed a device to leave the male, I think it would be a FIRST. And WHY would men evolve such a thing? Wouldn't darwin argue that such people would not be appreciated(WOMEN today ARGUE ABOUT IT!) and thus women would search out others and THEY, maintaining such a hold, would continue to have kids? Human cultures, they have had almost every variant. All the way from people that bought or stole women and basically raped them, to the amazons that supposedly killed men.

BTW, it isn't like men are going to force a woman to have sex with them and then just SLEEP, EVEN if they wanted to hold the woman against her will.

Steve

^^^what he said^^^

"Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around"


Don't ever forget your head

I know that now.


TL

Unless you're the one stuck w/ the laundry

You can always move to Utah join the group, and if you can take care of all of them you can have you dream life..


TL

I suggested this to my wife once... didn't go over to well


LOL.

Cheating is more of a character issue than a biological one.

The thing about using "hard wiring" as a sole way of explaining specific behaviors (as opposed to just observing it as a set of tendencies) is that unlike other animals, we have the ability to do things that go against our hard wiring. We have the ability to proactively choose our course of action rather than just respond to stuff in the environment.

In the same way that we can be internally motivated to delay the instant gratification of watching TV or youtube videos and choose to work on our business instead, we can be internally motivated to turn down sex with someone. That decision may not benefit us biologically, but it can benefit us on a personal level.

This is where things like your integrity and goals and personal standards for yourself come into play.

Yes, we have certain animalistic drives that motivate us, but we have the power to choose. Biology need not be destiny.

People cheat either because they don't have a clear system of values, or because they have a values system where they don't see cheating as a bad thing, or because they've rationalized to themselves that it's okay to cheat, even though it goes against their system of values. Or they cheat because they're unhappy with their marriage or they don't find their partner attractive anymore, yet they don't want to end the relationship.

Other people just have poor impulse control in general, and cheating is just another manifestation of that. Some cheat because they're narccicists with a bloated sense of entitlement that doesn't take the feelings of others into consideration.

Simply put, there's a lot of reasons that people cheat, and they vary from individual to individual and situation to situation.

Totally agree with this. It's always a choice between giving in to temptation and not.

Wrong - most of the recent studies show that women now cheat even more than men do. I don't know if it's because of the internet, or because there are more women now in the workplace or what.

I think that most people cheat, because they feel that the pleasure at the time out-weighs any guilt they are feeling at the time. So a man (or woman) that has a great relationship and loves their partner will feel extreme guilt. Enough so that it will outweigh any pleasure that they can foresee happening.

So if you can cheat, then there are some definite problems in your relationship to begin with. Or you just haven't built up a great enough love for your partner. And by the way, true love is not something that you just fall into. True Love is something that must be constantly maintained and worked on.

I'm sorry, I have to disagree with that. I'm a very sexual person. Not to the point where I sleep around or whatever, but I mean when it comes to the person I'm in a relationship with. I LOVE experimenting and trying new things in the bedroom, and I have still been cheated on in the past. So you can't necessarily say that repressed sexual attitudes are always to blame for cheating, because as you can see, there are people like me who are FAR from repressed and STILL get screwed over.

Men AND women cheat due to a lack of integrity. We can talk about biology and evolution and differences between the sexes forever, but at the end of the day, a person who truly has integrity will not cheat. Period. They either won't get into a relationship if they're not ready to commit to one person, or they'll end the relationship if it's not working for them.

Feeling attracted to someone may stem from biology, but choosing whether or not to ACT on that attraction comes down to your personal integrity.

If you want to know why people cheat, start by asking yourself this:

"Why do so many people lack integrity?"

Just as a person who has integrity in business won't screw over their business partners, a man or woman who truly has integrity in their relationships won't cheat on their partner.