Living Alone, Being Single :(

I love living alone - and when a relationship is in my life it's because I value that person....not because I don't want to be alone.

I think part of the relationship problems people get into are because they never learned to be alone comfortably. Once you are happy alone - you'll realize it's lonelier to be with someone that isn't right for you.

Many folks I know see "being alone" as the worst thing that can happen to them and they will stay in boring, contentious relationships or keep someone around that treats them like a doormat rather than "be alone".

There is nothing wrong with living alone. You can do what you want ...when you want. You can pursue activities that interest you and not have to support someone else's wants or moods.

If you learn to live alone - when you have a relationship it will be better because you won't settle for less than you want from another person.

Spinx is a great cat - intelligent and loving. Looks funny - but one can't have everything, can one?

kay

P.S. If you are bored alone - do something about it. Learn something new, volunteer on a project you care about, explore new places you've never been, meet people without an expectation of "relationship". If you allow yourself to be bored....you'll quickly become boring.

I cannot believe how much sense that just made. You are right, and you've answered the questions I didn't even ask.

I think I spend to much time working. From the moment I wake up, until I am asleep, I am working. It's time to change the way I live my life.

I was once told that girls find guys with hobbies, and a healthy social/lifestyle attractive. Whether this is true for the majority I don't know, but it certainly makes sense.

Well said, Kay...
I am one of those odd ones that honestly doesn't relate to the notion of 'being alone' with being 'lonely' at all. I blame it on childhood issues -- with 3 older brothers/being the only girl -- any alone time was (and still is) much appreciated!! I suppose I view it more as being independent than 'not' having something.
Give me a good book or a chance to work on something without interruption (kids will grow up and move out some day I hope) and I'm perfectly happy for the day or days on end really. I've learned to not like 'needy' people and while it is great to be wanted, I don't want someone who is threatened by my not being 'needy'.
(one insecure ex helped me learn that one LOL)

Haven't found them, not looking either, so chances are I won't - but I'm okay with that.

If you can't be by yourself and believe you are in good company and are okay, I wonder what the driving force is to be with someone else (said I was odd).
That's just me.

I agree with the hobby activities - it is a two way street...you find someone who has an interest of their own as well. I actually love to check out the dudes that hang at the library with their laptops...just being there tells me they have some 'interest' in books/knowledge and don't mind quiet places.
I'm jealous of the sphynx baby -- she looks sooo cute and they are fabulous felines so she will provide you with great company and unconditional love so enjoy the moments with her!!

Andie

James,
Oddly enough, they are the one breed you will need to plan on weekly (or so) bathing!
That'll give you some entertainment in itself~

Funny on the anxiety, it goes both ways -- I get nervous around too many people, especially if I don't feel I have a painless 'exit' available whenever I want. It's all a matter of what your 'comfort' zone is and we all have to battle ourselves when we are out of our own zone.
Try doing something you'd normally have done 'with' a date/girlfriend for entertainment, just do it alone.
Baby steps, and one day at a time
The right people come along when you least 'expect' it, in the last place you're looking.
what 'activities' would you do with the significant other for fun/getting out?

I'm probably not the best to make suggestions being the anti-social type I am...

BUT...if you look - I'd bet there is a motorbike 'group' that has reg. get togethers...so don't count it out.
Obviously you like your computer, so maybe go hang at a 'wifi' hotspot or an internet cafe for a meal here and there. I'll mention public libraries again - ours here has wifi and numerous internet computers and/or laptops for free use. They also have free 'chess' classes/meetups.

Sounds like you need to take time to 'meet yourself' (oh to be that young again LOL)

You could cruise through the 'Meet-up' sub-forum and see if there are even some WF members getting together somewhere around you - similar interests are already established, and that might lead to other common grounds.

Learn to people watch (I find that quite interesting) and can be done anywhere.
I'll take a good book out to eat alone, and I used to LOVE to just go bowling as a way to blow off energy. (bad back counts that out these days).
Didn't have to be good but was fun, had music food/drinks and people around..

Focus on yourself for awhile and like Kay said -- don't look at meeting people as the means to a 'relationship' because you'll be much better off in that area when you have taken the time to have figured out your own interests/life to be 'okay alone' and THEN you have a better chance of making a good choice of someone to share it with that isn't a blood-sucker or you depend on to fill your time/life with.

Just give yourself time, know that 'This too, shall pass' and just like in 'work', make the steps achievable for yourself.
Self-change is not easy and some of us simply refuse to and some of us truly can't even when we think we want to.
There is a Dr. David Burns that writes some really wonderful stuff about Self-esteem and Feeling good about yourself and if you are interested, I highly recommend the reading of his things. May help you clarify for yourself what you're interested in and what drives you.

Andie

Here's one more of us that LOVES to live alone. Your time is YOURS. Which means when you WANT to share it with someone else, you are free to do so, but there is no obligation to cut parts of your day out when you are really swamped.

My "meeting people" time this weekend included a rock and gem show where I met one of my website members and some of his friends. It was awesome fun and I will meet up with a few of those people again later.

Once you get the hang of being alone, it won't be "alone" that makes you stop and think - it will be "is this really the person I want to see every morning when I wake up, and every night as I shut my eyes?"

I think you should go to the FunFair more often. When you're bored, go out! No point staying indoors. I just purchased a season pass to the fair for the summer so when I'm mentally exhuasted from work, I'll go ride a rollercoaster.

It may be hard to be single for a while, but you will adapt. We as human beings are very adaptable. Keep a smile on your face and do something for yourself.

i am living alone for last one year..

initially it was a bit difficult but now i feel it is a lot better this way...

my suggestion is find some skill you want to learn and practice .. like i have music and IM.. i just don't get time to feel that i am alone..

second .. find some friends whom you can spend time with.. friendship is the best relation out there.. and people are most happy when they are with friends..

Hi James,
I've lived on my own for most of the last 10 years!
As others have said you get used to life on your own and enjoy it. I do think it's better to be happy with you before you find someone else.

Rich

I lived alone for a year. It's boring for sure, but I have freedom. I can do what I want, I can go where I want and decide whatever. But, coming home from work is boring, especially when no one's at home to say hi or hello. Most of my free time, I spent watching films or surfing the net. Even tried chatting with random people. But I think a year of being alone is enough...

Invite some friends or relatives to your place at least once a month...you'll be fine.

Since my Aunt passed away last November, I've been living alone myself.

I already had a dog (Hansel), but decided he needed a new friend (he not only lost my Aunt, but his sidekick Baby died last summer), so I picked out a very special kitten at Petsmart....Magnolia. Right now, they are cuddled together on the couch sleeping.

I also work part time at a grocery store. Keeps me busy, keeps the bills paid, and the work keeps me in shape.

I'm at the stage where I'm trying to (as others above said) get to enjoy my own company... and find out more about myself... before venturing out into another relationship.

Hope it all goes well for you :-)